Give a DU'er a Darwin Award....

[mcctatas]

mine

Dr. Strange met an untimely demise when he inflated his blow up doll with hydrogen and accidentally dropped his post-coital cigarette on her knee.

[Midlodemocrat]

1. mcctatas

No matter how often she had heard 'don't tutch the but', she refused to believe it would end badly.

[Dr. Strange]

2. Oh no you didn't!

Our dear mcctatas was found lying in a garbage can this morning. Standing next to the can was a child, who only identified himself as "the but-tutcher." When asked what happened, his only response was, "I SAID I didn't want to wear that Captain Underpants costume!"

[mcctatas]

10. I would laugh...

but I am too scared that your idea is foreshadowing :P

[lost-in-nj]

3. BeachBaby met an untimely death

when she looked into her Kit car gas tank, to see if it was full,

with a cigarette lighter



:nuke:




:*

:hi:


lost

[Ava]

4. .

:spray:

this is going to be the best thread ever.. i'm bookmarking this one :rofl:

[AlCzervik]

5. Bi-Baby, she was warned against over sharpening her knitting needles.

the results were tragic and fluffy.

[LeftyFingerPop]

6. Taterguy suffered severe testicular crushing as he slid off his bike seat...

onto the crossbar after hitting a fire-hydrant because he was distracted by trying to light a cigarette with a cheap lighter while riding drunk.

[taterguy]

57. Thanks for dredging up painful memories

I miss those testicles.

:asshole:

:asshole:

:asshole:

[LynneSin]

7. I'd give mine to Matcom for almost killing Mike Malloy back in October 2002

Not kidding!

[JVS]

8. I'm not going to say who, but it happened in a traffic jam caused by the closure of all of..

the tollbooths on a Delaware expressway. There had been accidents as multiple cars tried to squeeze into single spots. As the cars sat there, some of the people began getting out and talking to their neighbors. Conversation turned to how this could have been avoided if Delaware were to drop its predatory toll policies. One driver of a minivan in the crowd was especially vocal on the issue, possibly because of the boxed wine she had been drinking from occasionally. Finally the dear departed, after enduring much criticism of Delaware, snapped and started wailing on the people she described as "fucking village idiots". The police arrived to the scene of the disturbance and drew their tazers. Ultimately these tazers lit her up like a Christmas tree.

[flvegan]

9. The Aristocrats!

[Midlodemocrat]

21. Occasionally? JVS, you don't know me at all, do you?

:eyes:


:rofl:

[TZ]

11. madinmaryland

Was in DC one day and he saw the new President..He caused a massive traffic pileup after the Secret Service shot the "madman" as he ran out in the street yelling "Mr. President how much is a brazillion?"
:rofl:

[mcctatas]

12. pssssstttt....

maidinmaryland is a she :evilgrin:

[TZ]

14. heh.

But for the purpose of this story he has to be "mad"..:)

[jobycom]

15. Huh.

Must have been WillPitt, then.

[jobycom]

13. Poor Rabrrrrrr.

While fleeing an angry mob of teenagers who had invaded his lawn, he tried to crawl through a painting, mistaking in his haste the eerily life-like entryway to a small, well-lit pastoral cottage in a Thomas Kincaide painting for the real thing. Driven to sheer terror by the mob, who by now were chanting "Womanizer" (for reasons noone has fully explained), Rabrrrrr clawed through the gallery's plaster wall into a neighboring club and was electrocuted when he grabbed the exposed wires at the back of a Rush Tribute Karoake Machine. He would have survived, but when he realized he was stuck between the a capella Britney Spears chant behind him and the redneck crowd's off-key twang-infused rendition of "Free Will" before him, he ended his misery by hanging himself with the microphone chord.

[Fire Walk With Me]

16. State it in the form of a Match Game question, please.

[jobycom]

17. What's a Match Game question?

:shrug:

[Fire Walk With Me]

18. ...

:rofl:

[jobycom]

19. I was serious, but glad I was inadvertently clever. nt

[madinmaryland]

20. TZ,

While she was visiting BeachBaby, she went into take a shower. Unfortunately, she could not give up her afternoon dose of RUSH, and was electrocuted when she took the radio into the shower.

[TZ]

24. .

:rofl:
Hey doofus, they have water proof music players..:P

[CreekDog]

34. which means she doesn't have a problem with anything else in the story!

:rofl:

[SacredCow]

22. AsherHeimermann....

Let's just say that it was a conference call gone horribly, horribly awry. The authorities suggested that it was best left unsolved.

:hide:

[mcctatas]

23. ...

the possibilities are endless

[Dr. Strange]

26. You can't really dust for Sheboygan teenagers.

[SacredCow]

28. I'm thinking he turned into a green globule.... n/t

[XemaSab]

25. SallyMander

licked the wrong toad. :cry:

[SallyMander]

32. ...

:rofl:

[Rambis]

27. I just saw a friend carrying a life size cardboard Darwin across the street

It is very windy which made it humorous to watch. He was knocking on store windows and having Darwin waive at the patrons. Nutter!

[Dr. Strange]

29. cboy4 was found curled up in his home office.

Although still breathing he has gone into a deep coma upon hearing that Barry Bonds may finally come out and admit his steroid use.

Also, no one has seen or heard from Upton since this event.

[TZ]

30. .

:spray:

:thumbsup:

[madinmaryland]

31. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

:rofl:

[FloridaJudy]

33. flvegan

Was consumed by a pack of his own pit-bulls who had gotten sick of vegetarian cuisine.



edited for grammar

[CreekDog]

35. madinmaryland's head exploded when...

God told him that he would have to root for at least one of his home teams. :D

[madinmaryland]

37. Heh heh.

Good one!

[madinmaryland]

36. CreekDog,

passed away quietly last night. He had been mistakenly identified as a female and had been given a feminine medication that caused him to go into convulsions and lose consciousness.

RIP CreekDog.

[Dr. Strange]

38. The Canadian trio Rush has agreed to provide music for the ceremony.

[CreekDog]

44. goofball

:crazy:

[sniffa]

39. Poor Sniffa

While urinating off of his porch he failed to notice the downed, still live electrical wire.

"When nature's calling, don't start stalling, use your common sense. When you have to go and there's no place to flow just don't whiz on the electric fence."

[Danger Mouse]

40. ghostsofgiants was found dead Wednesday evening.

Apparently he had been locked in a room by some sadistic individual known as 'Chad' who forced him to listen to Nickelback's latest album at max volume ten times in a row.
Cause of death was reported to be his brain destroying itself in an act of self-preservation.

[mcctatas]

41. PaddyBlueEyes was the victim of a brutal attack by an enraged

check-out woman at an upstate NY grocery store when he mistakenly mistook her offer for "pop in the sack" as an invitation for a roll in the hay. The assailant however was released when officers could not stop laughing long enough to slap the cuffs on her.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8392754#8394856

[PaddyBlueEyes]

51. McTaTas met her untimely end

when she fell from a hammick....while wrestling a haddick....!

[mcctatas]

54. Nice post John Gotti

:P

[PaddyBlueEyes]

55. Hey yo

your Mommikins wants clean watuh...she gets clean watuh..Sarah Fargo! :hug:

[crimsonblue]

42. California Peggy met her unfortunate death...

when after picking up a piece of paper off the floor at the grocery store for a deranged madman, she uttered, "my dear, here is your paper." To which he screamed crazily before chopping off her head, "My mother always said 'My dear', so I ate her!"

[mcctatas]

43. How twisted are you?

the most horrid demise for the sweetest DU'er :yourock:

[CreekDog]

45. I don't think people are choosing Darwin awards

they are just coming up with ironic endings for people.

how morbid and oddly funny. :o

[TZ]

46. .

Creekdog decides to go to a Rush concert to heckle Geddy Lee and gets trampled to death in a Mosh pit of angry fans....:P

[CreekDog]

47. Rush fans in a mosh pit

that's a larf! :rofl:

[madinmaryland]

50. ...

Jeebus.

TZ goes to a Rush concert and decides to quote Barack Obama and gets trampled by all four fans in the audience.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

48. Bertha Venation

was devoured by a clowder of irate cats who finally got tired of having their pictures posted on the Internet.

[DS1]

49. Creekdog

was so busy filing and printing his complaints about invalid Darwin Awards when the printer jammed, and he leaned too forward and his HP LaserJet IV sucked in his balls and sent out cross-sections of his testicles finally proving that he didn't have testicular cancer and he was fit for firefighter duty. Well, he was, until his balls were sliced off in millimeter increments.

That's when Delta Force contacted him, they need guys who are tough enough to not flinch when their balls are being sliced away by a printer.
It's in the handbook.

Section Delta, Chapther 3, Your Testicles and You.


There's 2 ways to get into Delta Force. One takes a long time, involving being accepted to the 75th Ranger Detachment and from there you are chosen by the elite of the elite HP warriors, the other is to not whimper when your balls are shredded by a printer. It's a tough indoctrination.

Either way, you cannot reproduce, but you can kick some ass. Mostly because you're angry about not being able to reproduce, and you're the best of the best and you still have no balls. The Army overlooks not having any balls for Delta. It's in the book.

[TZ]

52. The creekdog

has been neutered! :rofl:

[mcctatas]

58. I'm confused...

wouldn't the creekdog have been spayed? :P

[madinmaryland]

59. ..

:rofl:

[krispos42]

53. Walt Starr

After his sudden departure from DU he fell into a downward spiral. His wife left him for a professional dog-walker. His kids took out a restraining order against him with a 35-mle radius. His dogs pissed on his baseball card collection. His job was outsourced to Zimbabwe. His home was destroyed in a tragic blimp accident.

Destitute, he became an unemployed vagrant in Los Angeles, where he briefly sold oranges from the median. However after a day of standing on the median of the 405 freeway and being pelted with high-velocity shoes, mostly-empty coffee cups, and the occasional trucker bomb he fled for the safety and coolness of a highway overpass.

While venting his fustrations about the work in a series of anatomically-correct graffies, the local criminal gang took issue with the covering up of their territorial symbols.

"Since you can't take me posting on your site, tombstone me right the fuck now!" cried the defiant Starr.

"Okay" said the pistol-wielding gang leader with a shrug.


The rest is history.


:-)

[mcctatas]

56. a blaze of glory to the bitter end

:rofl: