Etiquette question. You're invited to stay at someone's "lake house."

[pnwmom]

This house turns out to have more than 6,000 square feet, marble floors, two staircases, etc. You know -- the usual little weekend home.

When the hostess shows you your room and shared bath, she hands you a squeegee and asks you to wipe down the shower every time you take one, so that "the maid doesn't get upset." (The three times a week cleaning lady.)

At my own home, wiping down shower walls is a low priority activity and I would never dream of asking a guest. However, I haven't stayed at many weekend homes. Is this the usual custom? Does it make any difference if the guest is a relative?

If you were the guest, would you:

happily wipe down the shower walls every time you took a shower
decide you didn't need to take a shower for the duration
move to the Motel 6
pick your jaw up off the floor and tell your sister that you hope she isn't asking her friends to do this, too

[XemaSab]

1. If the price for staying in the boo-gee lake house

is wiping down the shower walls, I'll wipe those walls as much as the hosts want me to. :)

[pnwmom]

6. I don't care about the fancy house. But my sister and her kids have stayed at

other family member's homes, and none of us have ever thought to ask her to wipe down our showers.

Maybe we will now.

;)

[Lil Missy]

2. I'd consider it off the wall and very anal, but I'd probably do it.

[murielm99]

3. I'd do it.

After all, I am the guest. It's not a big deal.

I wipe down the shower at home after I take my showers. That is because I am the one who cleans and has to deal with all the water spots. I don't ask my family or my guests to wipe down the walls or the door. My family wouldn't remember anyway, and I would find it an odd thing to ask of a guest.

[pnwmom]

7. Question about water spots.

Why not just ask us to wipe down on the last day of our stay? Is there some benefit to doing it after every single shower?

[struggle4progress]

9. Less soap scum build-up if done every time

[pnwmom]

13. Okay, but if the guest is the one who will deal with it at the end of the 4 days,

what difference would it make to the host in the meantime?

[Tangerine LaBamba]

104. Also, if it's near water - i.e., lake house -

there's always mold that will spring up really fast when something is enclosed and damp, like a shower.

I have people do it here, for that very reason, and no one's ever objected. I think it's a very reasonable request.

[ThomCat]

4. Among family and friends, yes, I've heard of being drafted in weird ways like this.

Probably the housekeeper only gets paid for a certain amount of time, and has a certain routine for that amount of time. The showers don't fall into that routine, so the housekeeper doesn't want to change the routine to deal with them.

Either your sister has to deal with cleaning the showers, or she gets friends and family to help her deal with it. You're saving her the work.

At least that's all she's got you doing. Imagine if you were an IT tech and she just happened to have a computer that needed diagnosing and repairing. Or you're a chef and she's volunteered you to cook dinner for everyone. It could definitely be worse than just getting drafted to wipe down a shower. :P

[begin_within]

5. Maybe she has some other reason, such as

[struggle4progress]

8. I dunno. Several people have asked me to do this, and I just do it.

It actually takes, like, 30 seconds

[pnwmom]

14. Hmm . . . it takes me longer. Especially at my sister's house. n/t

[rcrush]

10. Does it have a magic mailbox?

Whats a Lake House without the magic mailbox?

[Kat45]

149. I wondered that myself.

:D

[rcrush]

150. I would use it to mail myself lottery numbers to the future.

[KitchenWitch]

11. Personally I think it is tacky of her to ask

[Shell Beau]

36. Me too. Guests aren't supposed to clean.

[sandnsea]

12. Honey, if my sister had a 6,000 sq ft weekend home

I would BE the maid!!

Squeege the shower.

[pnwmom]

15. So it would be fair to do this at her house even though she doesn't do it at yours?

Because she has a big second house?

Oh yeah -- I forgot the best part.

Our 80 yr old mother goes there for weekends about once a month and she is expected like everyone else to carry her used sheets down the stairs at the end of the visit. I'd rather our mother kept a firm grip on the handrails. (I only go to the lake house about once a year so I can't do it myself, but there are 4 healthy teenagers who could be conscripted into carrying their grandmother's sheets.)

[murielm99]

17. Maybe this hostess is just a neat-freak.

Maybe she would be asking this of guests even if she was not rich and did not have a maid.

I could use the neat-freak gene. This house can get pretty messy. Sometimes it is all I can do to vacuum up the dog and cat hair.

[pnwmom]

18. She is a neat-freak, but this is new. She never used to ask the guests to do

chores. (We always help with dishes and kitchen stuff without anyone asking.)

She's peri-menopausal. Could it be hormones?


:P

[sandnsea]

55. So make her do it at yours

My mother insisted we wipe down the shower so I guess I understand the obsession. She waxed her shower stall so the water would bead up and wipe off easier. It kept the shower stall looking new and shiny. She also alphabetized her canned goods. Whatever mother.

However, I would raise a huge fit about her having to do anything at your sister's. Huge Fit. Maybe your sister just never thought about it, maybe your mother doesn't want to be fussed over.

My sister is much better off than I am, although she doesn't have a vacation home. But I do things at her house that I don't do at my own. I do things at my daughter's that I don't do at my own. Oh well. That's the price of family. You really seem to be complaining that she doesn't see you as equal to her, which is a whole other issue that you need to talk to her about. You might discover she knows she has that problem and feels bad about it, or that you just misread her.

[pnwmom]

65. It's actually another sister and brother, not me, that I'm worried about her not

treating as an equal.

Neither of them are doing too well financially, and this sister seems to like to throw it into their faces. When she first got this house, she was very disappointed to hear that the other sister was going to be visiting Mom at Mom's house, instead. She also said that she didn't want my sister to look at the online Realtor pictures of the new house, because if she'd already seen it online, "she wouldn't be as impressed when she saw it in person."

Why would she want to impress someone who's only house was worth a very small fraction of what her own two houses were worth? And who had been through a divorce and probably would be lucky if she could just hang on to that house? That just seems mean.

[huskerlaw]

115. If you asked her to do it at your house

and she refused, you would have a point. Have you ever asked her to do it? Do you *have* a squeegee in your shower? If no, then of course she shouldn't be expected to do it at your house.

[pnwmom]

138. We have one, but we keep it under the counter, and we'd never dreamed

of asking a guest to use it.

And in decades of visiting at other homes, I've never had anyone request that I do this before, friend or relative. Our mother taught us never to ask a guest to do anything.

[Lucian]

16. Who cares if the maid gets upset?

It's her job to clean the fucking shower, not the guests.

[Betty88]

22. With a house that size even at 3 times a week..

Cleaning a house that size is a big job. Little things like this would help the cleaning lady out. It's not a big deal.

[pnwmom]

29. Would you ask a friend to do it? n/t

[Shell Beau]

38. It is a big deal. She pays a someone to do this.

Guests are supposed to be guests. They aren't supposed to clean. I would never invite someone to my home and expect them to clean anything.

[Lucian]

80. If a guest ever visited my place...

I'd never expect them to clean and I certainly would never ask them to clean. It's so gauche.

[pnwmom]

107. That was my belief, but there are lots of DUers who disagree with us.

The thing is, my sister and I were taught by the same mother, so I was kind of shocked at the turn she has taken! I just hope she's only telling family members what to do -- not her friends when they visit. But maybe they all do it in her community; I don't know.

[crimsonblue]

117. What the fuck are these people doing at the house?

My parents have a fairly large house, and they have a cleaning lady come once a week. Even then, not a whole lot gets dirty or messed up. How can shit get so dirty in 2 or 3 days? This is just fucking ridiculous.

[pnwmom]

136. I wonder about that because the house is empty 4 or 5 days

of the week. And it has an electronic air cleaner.

[Raven]

19. Could be a high concentration of iron in the water if it's well water.

I have that problem at my cabin and if you don't wipe things down they get rusty looking and it is hard to clean. The part about upsetting the maid is a little much!

[leftyclimber]

77. They may also have mold problems or just super hard water.

I agree that the maid thing and the sheets thing are, well, absurd.

That said, though, I live in a place where if I don't bleach everything (including scrubbing out my bathtub tap with a bottle brush and bleach water) on a regular basis mold grows everywhere. And I have horrendous allergies, so it's important for me to keep things as mold-free as possible. People may think I'm the reincarnation of Howard Hughes because I scrub out my tap with bleach water, but it's necessary for my health.

With hard water, the scum buildup can be prodigious, even after a few days. And it's a total PITA to clean off once it builds up. We had to do the squeegee thing at my grandmother's house when I was a kid for that very reason.

It's not a huge time-suck. I'd just roll my eyes and use the squeegee.

[hippywife]

20. Since it's family

I don't look at it as a big deal to ask. I would never ask it of anyone else. They are guests and that is totally rude. If I was that afraid of the damn maid to begin with, I'd find another maid or get in there and do it myself.

[pnwmom]

32. The part I don't get is why every day, every shower? Why not just at the end

of the long weekend?

[Arugula Latte]

71. There are certain types of shower enclosures that get stained if the water is not removed quickly.

My parents put one in and had to squeegee every day.

It's kind of crazy -- why do people build with such high-maintenance materials?

[pnwmom]

72. I don't know why people put in those kind of showers. If we ever build a new house,

"low maintenance" will be one of my priorities.

[Arugula Latte]

74. Me too. I dream of grout-less bathrooms and kitchens.

:)

[JenaLaw]

21. I would do it...it could be worse...

she could be asking you to scrub the toilets!

Family...yikes!

[seemunkee]

23. I was going to say, next time she comes to visit you

Hand her the toilet brush and ask her to scrub it down after each use, otherwise the lady of the house gets upset.

[NV Whino]

24. As a person who manages the manintenance of several houses

I think this is a reasonable request. Around here we have a high silica content in the water. If you don't wipe down the shower after each use, the spots left are incredibly difficult to get off.

Personally, if I'm a guest in someone's house and see a squeegee in the shower, I wipe down the shower without being asked.

Asking the grandmother to carry sheets downstairs is a bit much. When my clients have guests, I simply ask them to strip the beds. Then either I or the housekeeper get them to the washing machine.

[Lost in CT]

25. Is it a glass tropical rain forest shower.

I get the squeeze handed to me every Christmas when I visit the rents.

I don't understand the point of such a high maintenance shower. (Don't get me wrong it's nice and all)

[SacredCow]

26. If I'm staying there for free....

I grab that squeegee and happily comply, AND ask if there's anything else I can do....

[pnwmom]

34. They stay at my house for free and they've never done it here. n/t

[SacredCow]

41. Well, I can see your point to some extent....

but I guess my general rule of thumb has always been "their house, their rules." If your rule of house was to remove all shoes and wear full cleanroom suits and bunny slippers in your house, then I'd say they would also be obligated to comply.

I have a hard time saying that it's an over the top request, having had a glass-walled shower before. Those f##kers are a pain in the ass to keep clean, and I did get to a point where I was squeegeeing (is that a word?) mine after every use. I'll never have one of those (on purpose) again!

On edit: I grant you that it's a little over the top to ask you to do it. If it were MY house and you were MY guests, I would have asked you to let me know when you were done in the bathroom because I intended to squeegee it down after every use so it didn't get spotted (Perhaps hoping that you'd offer to do it yourself, but not EXPECTING you to do so).

[pnwmom]

43. Here's my trick for my own glass walled shower (and I agree with you about

not putting one in on purpose):

Never wear your glasses in the bathroom!

[SacredCow]

48. ROFL....

That would work, except I don't wear glasses!

I'm very obsessive about bathroom cleanliness... I can put up with other rooms being a little messy, but not a bathroom. But I've never asked a guest to share in my obsession. If they don't leave it per my standards, then I handle the issue myself.

Unfortunately, I'm currently renting my living quarters from a friend who has 6 ( x( ) cats in the house... Keeping a clean house with 6 felines running around is an exercise in futility!

[pnwmom]

49. With shedding animals, not wearing my glasses wouldn't be enough.

I'd have to close all the blinds and turn off all the lights, too.

;)

We have a dog, but thankfully my husband warmed to the idea of a non-shedder. (He grew up with a German Shepherd -- horrors!)

[SacredCow]

52. 2 of the cats are of the mega-fluffy variety....

The rule of thumb I've always heard is that one should vacuum once per every person/animal that lives in the house per week. That's 2 humans plus 6 cats = 8 days per week... :rofl: I run the Dyson about 3 times per week, and usually have to empty the bin twice for all of the cat hair. :scared:

But back on topic... I do see your point, and reading downthread about some of her other characteristics- there may be some other factors in play here. Personally, I'd probably just roll my eyes and do the squeegee but YMMV.

:hi:

[pnwmom]

54. Yeah, rolling my eyes and quietly complying is something I'm good at.

But it's just one more thing that makes visiting down there . . . a chore. I wouldn't bother except for my mother. Luckily, my mother still likes to come here.

[SacredCow]

58. Now the thing with 80-year-old Mom having to lug the sheets?

I'd have to say something. That's going beyond just rude and/or demanding and into disrespectful- even for a rethug! ;-)

[SacredCow]

59. A fabulous idea just came to me!

Just get a bunch of DU stickers and cover the outside of the glass portion of the shower with them! Those nice, black stickers will cover any and all soap scum, I'd think!

;-)

[pnwmom]

62. Oh yeah, my sis would just love that!

Hmmm . . . maybe I'd never be invited back. . . .


:evilgrin:

[pnwmom]

61. And the weird thing is my sister is extremely worried about Mom flying here,

even though Mom always requests a wheelchair (she's a slow walker), so she has someone to zip her around the airport from gate to gate. (Mom lives on her own, pays her own bills, etc., but she is getting more fragile.)

Everyone has different concerns. I'm much more worried about Mom flying down the stairs than I am about her flying to see me.

[SacredCow]

63. Her age and frailty is one thing....

and the more obvious of reasons to not ask such things of her. But respect is another. I can't even imagine asking my Mom to do any kind of housework when she visits me- knowing all of the cooking and cleaning she did for me over the years. Of course, she generally starts cleaning up anyway, and I have to fight her to make her stop. I've even won once or twice! ;-)

[pnwmom]

67. Respect. That's the bottom line.

My sister is very condescending with my mother -- and has her teenagers acting that way, too. But it's not something any of the rest can talk to her about. She'll just shut you down if there's any hint of disagreement about anything. The only safe topic is decorating.

[SacredCow]

113. She wouldn't have lasted long in my family....

they would have shut HER down in very short order...

Hope she somehow gets slapped back into reasonable behaviour very soon!

[latebloomer]

143. Now THAT makes sense!

I had an operation last week that vastly improved my vision. Only drawback- I hadn't quite realized how filthy my house was! Had to start scrubbing and vacuuming post-haste!

There are advantages to being half-blind. Yo look younger in the mirror as well.

[montanto]

27. Wipe or don't stay. eom

[pnwmom]

70. I'd like to pick the "don't stay" option -- for a host of reasons -- but, in order

to make Mom happy, I do what I have to to get along.

[Midlodemocrat]

28. Some fiberglass showers spot really easily.

I wouldn't have been offended by it. And, like Raven said, it could be due to the mineral content in the water.

[montanto]

30. but seriously, you didn't know your sis

had a 6000 sq ft house on a lake?

[pnwmom]

35. I did. I was just looking at it from the perspective of a guest who knew about

a lake house, but not all the details. (In case she also asks her friends to do this.)

Actually, when I heard about it, it was described as a place they got for the dogs to run around, and no one mentioned the square footage at the time.

When I hear "dogs to run around" I don't envision white marble floors.

[tigereye]

31. rinsing out the shower seems sufficient, don't you think

I think that's over the top - what the hell is she paying the cleaning staff to do? (no offense intended to those who clean for a living)

[Shell Beau]

33. I think it is rude to ask any guest to clean the showers.

A guest is supposed to be able to relax.

[kwassa]

37. You're not an ordinary guest, you are the sister.

But not upsetting the maid is very important!

:rofl:

[pnwmom]

44. What about the 80 year old mother who's expected to carry sheets down the

stairs?

[kwassa]

73. well, mom had better not be upsetting the maid, either.

It is SO hard to get good help these days.

[pnwmom]

86. That must be it.

;)

[Aristus]

39. That's pretty tacky, all right. There are obligations on both sides of the host/guest divide.

As a host, you are obliged to make your guest as comfortable as he or she would be in their own home. Make no demands upon them like the squeegee thing.

As a guest, you are obliged to clean up after yourself, and treat the host's home with utmost respect.

Among informed people, this is an unspoken compact. No host should make such an explicit demand, which might rightly make the guest uncomfortable.

[blueraven95]

47. I second this absolutely

It is the host's job to make sure the guest is comfortable, and demanding cleaning services does not fit that description. Asking the guest to strip the sheets is also incredibly impolite - it suggests that they aren't worth even the most minimal effort of having them.

As a guest, however, I would do my part and help out - by making sure the shower was clean, helping with dishes, keeping the bed made - even offering to change the sheets when I was leaving (although the polite host would refuse), that sort of thing.

[Aristus]

57. Re: helping the host with the dishes - When I was visiting friends in Liverpool, England

a number of years ago, we were all having dinner together one night. When we were done, I wanted to be a good guest and offered to help whoever was doing the dishes.

Joe, the father of the family, said to me (sounding just like John Lennon): "No, Bob. You're a guest......you do them yourself!"

[blueraven95]

60. was he joking?

I hope.

:hi:

[Aristus]

64. Of course. The Liverpudlians are world-famous for their sense of humor.

They never miss an opportunity for a joke.

[blueraven95]

79. clearly, I will have to go visit

I was unaware of their sense of humor.

[Aristus]

100. Look at some of the Beatles' early press conferences. They're a hoot!

Reporter: "What do you boys call that hairstyle?"

George Harrison: "I call mine 'Arthur'."

Reporter: "How do you boys find America?"

Paul McCartney: "We turned left at Greenland!"

Reporter: "What do you boys think of the campaign in Detroit to stamp out the Beatles?"

John Lennon: "We're mounting a campaign to stamp out Detroit!"

[blueraven95]

106. ...

:rofl:


I knew the Beatles were funny, but I didn't know it was a common trait with the area.

[azmouse]

40. I would never ask that of a guest.

When I have people stay over I don't ask them to do housework. I consider a little extra work the price of company.
And to be honest most of my guests have been very nice and very neat so it hasn't been a problem.

[Madrone]

42. I would think it was very weird.

And while thinking about how odd and stupid it all was I'd do it anyway without being upset. I'd appreciate the invite, and if it was *that* important to her I'd just go ahead and do what to me is a stupid, anal little task. It wouldn't kill me.

[pnwmom]

46. Alas, I have other issues

with that sister.

She's a vehement Rethug, for instance. And her only other interest is decorating. So it tends to be painful to spend time down there -- I do it for my mom.

[Sequoia]

76. Her world is very small then if her other interest is decorating.

Shallow, shallow, shallow.

[pnwmom]

99. Yeah, and she likes to give my other sister and I self-improvement tips.

She was telling my sister about how much she exercises, saying that's how she got back into her bikini after having her babies. (She doesn't know we know about the tummy tuck she had while her kids were at camp.)

When she went back to her 20th high school reunion, she marveled about how "frumpy" the women were. She said "they all looked like they were wearing clothes from Eddie Bauer and LLBean." (I can't believe she hasn't noticed I've been "guilty" of that myself.) And she can't understand why I don't color my hair.

The only books she owns are about decorating. She doesn't read a paper or go on the Internet, although all their kids have their own laptops. If I want to read something there, I have to bring it myself.

[Sequoia]

118. Do her children read books?

You should say, "You know sis, don't take this the wrong way, but with all those books about decorating I would think your house would be much prettier." Meow!

[pnwmom]

137. What should I say next time she asks why I don't color my hair?

I'd like a good comeback for that one.

[Madrone]

154. She's a vehement Rethug

I think that was pretty obvious. ;) Lake house? White marble floors? Obsessed with appearances? Yep - a given!

Her life is obviously very unfulfilling, as evidenced by the obsession with wiping down the showers! :)

[Rabrrrrrr]

45. I think has a bit more leeway with family than with other guests.

Is the request odd? Yeah, it is kinda odd.

But as others have pointed out, we also don't know the water quality. And her statement that it keeps the maid happy might be her little way of saying she knows it's an odd thing to ask, but she's found out from past experience that it really does help to wipe the walls down.

I don't know.

But, if this is the only odd thing a host asked of me, a quest - I wouldn't sweat it at all. Wiping down the wall is not a big deal, and it really might be a big helper for the maid. I don't think it any more weird than asking a quest not to throw their towels on the floor, not wear muddy boots inside, and other small things.


But what I'm sensing here is that the issue really has nothing to do with wiping down shower stalls, and an awful lot to do with you not liking your sister, or having some other issue with her, which you never addressed, and so the issue comes out in excessive and uncalled for obsession/anger over trivial little shit like wiping down the walls.

[supernova]

50. This would be my answer

Pnwmom, you seem stuck on the 6K sq ft of marble.

Are you perhaps jealous of your sister's material good fortune?

Honestly, if you are anywhere near a well, then wiping down the shower stall is just good practice. Hard water calcifies on every surface, regardless of your income.

[pnwmom]

51. No. But she's a Rethug who likes Ann Coulter and thinks that their assets

are a measure of their virtue.

That does bother me.

(I wouldn't feel comfortable living in her house. It's a cold place -- like living in a museum/doctors office.)

Correction: I am not jealous of the house, but I am jealous of the 3 day a week help!

[geardaddy]

53. I'd move to Motel 6

or Bob's Cabins. Being at the lake for me is more camping or cabin time than resort. But, I guess I'd squeegee the shower, but only on the last day. I mean does she have hidden cameras?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

56. i have aunts like that... most irritating but i go along with their nuttiness

[dawgmom]

66. Sometimes different expectations for guests at vacation homes

It is a little odd, but then again, sometimes people have different rules at vacation homes than they would have for their guests at their primary residence. From personal experience, that's because the volume of visitors is higher, as people love to visit you at the beach (who doesn't want free accommodations in a beautiful setting?) So, just as there is oftentimes a more casual approach to the whole concept of "guest" (in that people are sometimes expected to chip in for food, booze, etc.) the same may be true in your sister's thinking with regard to keeping the place clean. Maybe that three-time-a-week maid gives her a good rate, in exchange for the expectation that the cleaning will be light cleaning, rather than heavy, scrub-down-everything cleaning.

Just my two cents.

[pnwmom]

69. Actually, I don't want free accommodations in that setting.

The price of the intangibles is too high. But I'll go there as long as it makes my mother happy.

[FloridaJudy]

68. The squee-gee is a bit anal

But I'd laugh and do it. Relatives are weird: I have a BIL who goes bonkers if a light bulb is left burning - even if you've just stepped out of the room for a minute to retrieve a purse or use the rest room - and an uncle that insists on covering the furniture with paper towels "to protect the finish". As a non-paying guest, I expect to help out when possible.

Now asking a senior citizen in frail health to tote her own laundry is just plain wrong. I'd pick my battle are raise a stink about that one.

[Sequoia]

75. Hey, if the maid gets upset maybe the sister should hire someone else.

It is after all the maid's....JOB...for crying out loud. Who's running the show at that house anyway. Me, I wouldn't wipe the shower down.

[Dangerously Amused]

78. Ask her to demonstrate to you EXACTLY how she wants you to squeegee.

Ask many questions about her squeegee technique: Where did she learn her method? How long has she been in squeegee practice? Why does she hold the squeegee this way instead of that? What are the benefits and drawbacks to a horizontal as opposed to a vertical squeegee draw? Wouldn't additional lighting be helpful to squeegee through the shadows in the corners? Yes? What kind of lighting then? Florescent or incandescent? Does she have a shop light you could borrow, or perhaps a miner's headlamp? What will be the penalty if you get squeegee incorrectly, or incompletely? My goodness, this squeegee business is much more complicated than one might think! In fact, you are beginning to question your ability to squeegee to any respectable standard. Has she ever had a panic attack while squeegeeing? Because you think you are getting one right now. Does have have homeowners insurance? Because the last time you had a panic attack in a bathroom...

[pnwmom]

101. LOL. That would be one approach! n/t

[nutsnberries]

140. i WISH i could pull that off with a straight face in that situation.

perfect.

[MajorChode]

81. Etiquette wise it's a completely reasonable request

How long does it take to squeegee a shower? 20-30 seconds maybe? I squeegee my own shower when I'm done. I don't see it as unreasonable for someone else to ask if I'm a guest in their house. It's like asking a dinner guest to carry their plates to the kitchen when they are done eating.

[fabsfour]

83. You ask your dinner guests to take their plates to the kitchen?

I've never asked, nor have I ever been asked. In my world, someone - either guest or host - tends to start clearing and gathers up a bunch of plates. But I would never ever ask a guest to clear his or her place!

[pnwmom]

89. My mother taught my sister and I a few simple rules about guest etiquette.

If you're the guest, ask if you can help.

If you're the host, never ask for help -- but sometimes it's okay to accept it, especially with family.

[fabsfour]

108. Exactly

I don't even ask my kids to clear their own places when we've got dinner guests. They do know to help though. :) But I would never ask guests to bring their dishes to the kitchen, although I allow good friends to help gather and put the dishes in the kitchen.

[pnwmom]

111. By the way, welcome to DU, fabsfour! n/t

[MajorChode]

96. No, but I wouldn't be offended if someone asked me to do it

I've been asked to do plenty of things while I was a guest. I've been asked to water the flowers in the window box. I've been asked to bring my clothes downstairs for washing. I've been asked to open the shutters and windows before I left the room in the morning. I've been asked to do a number of simple chores that took virtually no time to do.

I never thought any of those things were improperly requested.

[pnwmom]

88. Is that what Emily Post says? I doubt that,

unless she says it's okay to ask someone to clean the toilet after they use it, too.

But I guess everyone's different, because I NEVER ask dinner guests to carry their plates to the kitchen, and I always turn down dishwashing help. (And to make sure, I wait to do it until the guests have left. Leaving them alone is rude, too.)

I thought the rule was, always try when you're the guest, never ask if you're the host.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

82. Is there a maid?

If I lend my car to my brother, I'd tell him to keep it clean, or my chauffeur will be upset.

Of course, my chauffeur, c'est moi!

She's family, so may feel more comfortable asking you do do stuff that she wouldn't ask a guest. Go along with it, or find somewhere else to stay.

:hi:

[pnwmom]

90. I would rather find somewhere else to stay, but mainly for other reasons.

I do it for my mother's sake, not because I want to hear about decorating for four days.

[jobycom]

84. Next they'll ask you to flush the toilets when you're done.

Seriously, it seems reasonable, especially of a relative. I squeegie my own shower after I use it because water drips down the walls and stands on the side of the tub, and mildews very quickly. Takes a few seconds, and if I don't do it, I have major cleaning work in a couple of weeks.

But then, I grew up redneck. We have a different sense of being a guest than all those weird non-redneck sorts. Guests are grateful, guests help out with chores, guests honor the hospitality of their host by making the burden as light as possible on the host. In "Bag of Bones," Stephen King talks about the difference between city and country parties by saying that in the country parties begin with chores. He then has each of the guests assigned a task to help get the meal ready. That's what I'm used to. City and suburban customs still seem odd to me.

[pnwmom]

92. Flushing a toilet would be more like running a shower.

I think the analogy would be asking us to clean the toilet. That's probably what's next.

;)

You may be on to something with country vs. city. My sister and I were raised the same way (traditional urban, I suppose -- never ask a guest to do anything) but maybe all these years in rural Texas have rubbed off on her.

[jobycom]

93. Using the toilet would be more like running the shower.

Takes only a few swipes of a squeagie, it's not like breaking out the brush and the Tidy Bowl.

If her beach house is in Texas, then it's even more understandable. Things mold while you watch around here. You can't leave your clothes in the washer for an afternoon before they start to mildew.

[AngryAmish]

85. Clean. Are you lazy?

Vacation places are harder to deal with. Just do it. Don't be lazy.

[pnwmom]

94. Life is full of things to do. Daily shower cleaning hasn't been on my list.

But the issue could easily be turned the other way. If I were the host, and it were so important to me, then I'd make sure it was done without asking my guests to do it. Blaming a person's preference on their cleaning lady seems kind of lame to me.

[barb162]

87. Wiping down the shower is not asking a lot.

Stay someplace else if this little request bothers you.

[pnwmom]

95. I'd rather stay almost anywhere else, which is the problem.

Little things start to bug you when the overall situation isn't good.

[barb162]

98. AH-HAH! Good.

Then it is time to stay someplace else. Personally, I can't stand staying at the houses of others. I don't want to follow their rules, etc. and hotels rooms offer freedom.

[pnwmom]

102. And hotel rooms offer a place to retreat.

Unfortunately, my elderly mother likes to have us together.

[barb162]

105. That's how I think of hotels. And privacy , which you don't have

when at someone's house. Yeah, that togetherness stuff, I stay away from family reunions if it means 24 hour a day togetherness. :)

[Bake]

91. Go get a bottle of that shower spray ... Tilex?

And tell her to poke the squeegee where the sun don't shine.

bake

[applegrove]

97. I'd wipe it down. You are a guest. You need to follow the rules. Then enjoy the

houe and the weekend.

[pnwmom]

103. I didn't know you invited guests to come follow your rules.

Our mother -- my sister and I do have the same mother! -- NEVER had a single rule for a guest, but plenty of them for us kids.

Unfortunately, I visit there out of obligation, not for fun. Talking about nothing but decorating or fashion for four days isn't my cup of tea.

[AlCzervik]

109. the only rule i have for guests--Smoke outside.

[pnwmom]

110. I might have to have that rule too if I ever knew anyone who smoked.

But I haven't had a friend, relative, or co-worker who smoked for more than 25 years.

[av8rdave]

112. Good grief! A guest at a beautiful lakehouse? Gimme that squeegee!!!!

Remember also that if it's a "weekend home" that isn't occupied every day, those little chores become a lot more important. I've been asked to do exactly the same as a guest.

When we're guests at someone's home, we make our beds, flush our toilets, help with the dishes. This is no different IMO.

[pnwmom]

128. I said it was big and had marble floors. Define beautiful.

This place feels like a cross between a modern museum and a doctor's office.

[huskerlaw]

114. My parents have squeegees in their showers

and guests (including myself) are asked to squeegee after showering. Their house is immaculate (no maid though), and the squeegeeing takes 30 seconds. What's the big deal? It was your shower, hence your mess. Clean it up.

[pnwmom]

129. Parents can ask that of their children. But my parents -- and my sister's --

never asked any guests to do chores. That would have been considered rude.

[huskerlaw]

139. I'm sure he has requested the same of his sister.

I don't see how its rude. You were asked to leave the bathroom in the same condition you found it in. That is, to leave the shower without hard water spots. Frankly, I think it's rude to NOT squeegee the shower.

[pnwmom]

146. There's no "he" involved here. "She's" my sister.

My mother taught us both that it's rude to ask guests to do anything -- but that guests should always offer to help, especially in the kitchen. But no, bathroom duties were never considered to be a guest's responsibility.

It appears that at least half the responders here were taught the same thing I was. And the other group, like you, thinks it's fine to lay out "house rules" for your guests and to assign them chores.

[huskerlaw]

147. I was saying that I'm sure my father has requested the same of HIS sister

since you stated that asking a daughter to do it is different.

Yeah, I guess I'm clearly void of common decency for thinking that guests should keep the house they're visiting in the same state that they found it in. How utterly ridiculous of me.

:shrug:

[pnwmom]

148. As a guest, you should try to do whatever you can to help out.

But as a host, you should never expect or ask a guest to do chores.

That's what my sister and I learned at home -- but as I said, people here learned different things. Not surprisingly.

With respect to your other point -- I think asking your children to do something (even an adult child) is different than asking your sister, cousin, parent, friend, or any other guest. You CAN expect help from your children -- but it's impolite to assign chores to anyone else. (I would make an exception for issues of health that affect other people, such as smoking.)

[crimsonblue]

116. Shower and don't squeegee.

Let the maid get angry. It's her job to clean the shower, not yours.

[mnhtnbb]

119. Ha. I bet your sister is a Republican, isn't she?

I'll go you one better.

My (Republican) brother invited me to join him, his wife and daughter for a week at their condo on Maui
about 5 or 6 years ago. I was sharing the twin bedroom (streetside) with the daughter.

When I got there, he proceeded to suggest that I help him strip the wallpaper from the bedroom
and paint the room!

I calmly told him that I'd be happy to find a hotel room. He was pissed the whole trip. He was
even more pissed that his wife decided not to help, either!

I think you missed your chance to tell your sister that you hope she isn't asking her friends to do this, too, and given her response, tell her that you don't appreciate being treated like the maid.
(Sounds like she gives her maid more respect.)

[pnwmom]

130. You got her number. She is a strong Republican, their whole family is.

But your story is way better than mine.

As far as telling her anything, that's hard because she's extremely sensitive to anything that might be perceived as criticism. I am trying to figure out how to tell her, though, that I don't think she should be asking our 80 yr. old mother to carry her sheets down the stairs after her visits. She's not used to stairs anymore, and she should be hanging onto the handrails, not a pile of sheets.

The problem is that if I say anything critical, my sister will say that if I don't like how she does things with Mom, then I should have Mom move here instead. (They live in the same town, and Mom doesn't want to move anywhere.)

[mnhtnbb]

144. Empathy is not a Republican trait. Republicans expect others

to empathize with them, but it's a one-way street.

So, I think your challenge is to figure out a way to get your sister to understand that
if your Mom falls down the stairs and breaks a hip, how horrible it will be for your sister
to live with that experience of having it happen in her house. Make your sister the center
of attention for such a terrible event--as though the tragedy has befallen her. It might just
motivate her to be concerned for your mom's safety on the stairs.

Tough situation. Good luck.

[pnwmom]

145. You mean treat my sister like the narcissist she is?

LOL. Good idea -- think it might work.

[orleans]

151. i agree with kitchen witch--i think it is terribly tacky for her to ask guests to clean

i'd tell her to piss off (but that's just me)

alternative ending: don't do it and if she ever says anything tell her you forgot. and then ask her why she is being so classless to ask "guests" to clean.

point out that the next time she stays at your house or your mom's everyone will make fucking sure that she does all her "chores" (make her bed, empty the waste cans, take out the garbage, maybe do a little floor mopping while she's at it)

what crap. i never heard of such a thing.

begin with teaching her the meanings of words and phrases such as "guest" and "i'm not getting paid to do this"

[mnhtnbb]

152. Precisely. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and my brother became one.

[pnwmom]

153. Really? I bet we could have quite a discussion then.

It explained so much when I finally put the pieces together.

[Digit]

120. HA! I would have done that without a problem...but I was invited..

I was invited to spend a couple of days at a co-workers vacation home in Dewey Beach, DE years ago.
It was VERY rustic, and very tiny, which was not a problem as it was free, but I found out she was "opening" it for the season and she had me work my ass off inside and outside cleaning. I had to drive and she was with me of course, and kept me busy. She had me spraying for carpenter bees, hauling wood, sweeping, vacuuming, washing all the linens/dishes and everything.

She invited me back at the end of the season, and she was surprised when I declined.

So, in a fabulous home like you were offered, I would be more than happy to comply. I would have considered it a courtesy.
My hostess on the other hand, was a user.

[pnwmom]

131. You're right, your story is much worse.

But I don't think having a fabulous home makes it okay to more or less tell a sister that she's less important to you than the cleaning lady.

[WinkyDink]

121. I'd wonder why I needed to share a bathroom, what with 6000 sq. ft!

[pnwmom]

132. Yeah, I know. They only have 3 and a half baths.

But the house is basically like an airplane hanger.

[TK421]

122. I would do it, but in my opinion that is a bit strange to ask a guest to do it

that's just me...when I have guests over they shouldn't have to worry about doing anything :shrug:

[Gormy Cuss]

123. Friend's house: I'd use the squeegee as requested and never accept an invitation to the house again

Family: I'd use the squeegee as requested and never accept an invitation to the house again, but I'd make sure the relative knew why.

Either way it's tacky to ask your guests to do it. I have many guests throughout the year (living near San Francisco just attracts vistors, LOL) and the only thing I expect them to do is hang the wet towels in the bathroom rather than leave them on the floor. Some guests strip the linens, some don't. Some wash dishes or set the table, some don't. It never occurred to me to tell them how to behave.

[pnwmom]

133. I'm with you. Anything a guest does is a bonus. I don't expect or request anything. n/t

[Orsino]

124. Terrible manners to ask a guest to do this.

Between sisters, though? Hard to say. :shrug:

Do you assign her chores when she visits you?

[pnwmom]

134. I have never assigned any chores to any guest, relative or friend.

Only my kids and my husband and I are expected to work around here. If anyone else who wants to out, it's a thoughtful gesture that I may or may not accept.

[Orrex]

125. I would suggest that you not shower while you're there

That'll show 'em!

[Witchy_Dem]

127. Perfect response! Leave the deodorant at home as well.

[pnwmom]

135. I suppose that would be one approach.

But my own nose, alas, is overly sensitive.

[Stevenmarc]

126. Their maid has them well trained

[emilyg]

141. I do it at home to

prevent mold. Do it and enjoy.

[petronius]

142. I'v been asked to do it - it didn't seem odd

No maid was involved, my hostess was the housekeeper, but I'd be happy to to do it either way...