He wears a toupee. Advice, PLEASE!

[jazzjunkysue]

I'm seeing a man who wears a toupee but he hasn't admitted it to me yet.

I'd rather he just let the bald pate out there. Honestly. No one likes those things.

So, do I ask? Do I wait until he says something?

This is all new to me, so, any advice is totally welcome, especially if you're bald or know someone who wears one.


HELP!

[Aristus]

1. He must have some real issues. I'd consider being patient with him; but not too patient.

He's trying to deceive you, after all.

I'm bald and...well, I won't say I'm proud. After all, I had nothing to do with achieving my baldness. But I refuse to hide it.

[jazzjunkysue]

4. I know being bald is a problem for some, but, I like people as they are, so

I agree with you. I wonder if he'd ditch it for me, if we settle down together.

Could I make him a deal that he'll ditch it on our 2 month anniversary?

[Aristus]

20. I don't know if setting a time limit is the right thing to do. It might seem like more of a demand

that way. Just work on him, gently, to get rid of it, all in good time...

[destinationunknown]

24. LOL- "real issues?!" I doubt it's that deep...He just is mourning the loss of his fur up there

My father did the same when I was a baby. I have these silly pics of him with a reddish brown rug and WHITE sideburns! It was absurd. He finally realized it, thank God.

[Aristus]

45. Mourning the loss of his hair. That seems to spell deep-seated issues.

He should only have something important to mourn. It's just hair, for Pete's sake. If that's the key to his self-esteem, he's in trouble.

I don't know, though. My brother-in-law wears a toupee. A really good one, too. Can't tell it from the real thing. He's very good-looking, and must think that baldness will take that away. I've never been able to coast on my looks. (see above pic. B-) ) So I suppose I don't know what it's like to lose an attractiveness factor. Just trying to see it from his point of view...

[Sanity Claws]

25. I'm glad you don't hide it

You are a nice looking man; a toupee or a combover would detract from your looks and charm.
Seriously.

[Aristus]

46. Aw, shucks! That's very nice, thank you.

:blush:

[DemocratSinceBirth]

47. Women Wear Extensions, Dye Their Hair, Wear Push Up Bras,MakeUp, Caps

That's a form of deception, imho, but a rather benign form of deception.

I would distinguish that from malignant forms of deception like , say, lying about your marital status.

[Fire Walk With Me]

2. Make as many "thar be hell toupee" jokes as you think you can get away with.

See what happens.

[jazzjunkysue]

5. Lol!

[Fleshdancer]

3. I would wait

There's no need to embarrass the guy. When he's ready, he'll discuss it.

[jazzjunkysue]

7. That's what I'm thinking, but, of course, as most men do, he's got the meter running

for when I take him to bed with me. And I don't want that thing in my bed!

So, he wants what he wants, but, to me, getting naked includes the top of the head......

[petronius]

6. If you like they guy, keep seeing him. If you don't like him, move on.

If you like him and decide to keep seeing him, tell him you think he might look better without the hairpiece. But tell him you're seeing him because you like him, and the hairpiece has nothing to do with it either way...

:shrug:

[Shell Beau]

8. Let him bring it up. Obviously he is already self-conscious about it or

he wouldn't be wearing the piece.

[Happyhippychick]

9. I think that it's not really going to matter what you think, it's obviously something that is very

bothersome to him.

You have to decide whether you can put up with it or not. Don't count on him ditching it for you since this is something that he is doing for himself.

[jazzjunkysue]

10. Yup. That's what I'm thinking. It's not for me to say, but, it's icky. Really.

How do they stay on??????? Staples??????

[Happyhippychick]

11. I think glue. I feel badly for the guy, it must be awful to wear one of those things.

[Whoa_Nelly]

12. One of the first things I always ask myself when dating

If it bothers me now, how much will it bug me later on if this gets serious?

The answer is usually, if it bugs me now, it WILL bug me later.


But, if his issues with being bald don't bug you, then just go with the flow and see how things play out :hug:

[jazzjunkysue]

16. The look of it doesn't bother me. I don't want to touch it, or sleep with it, though.

I really don't care how he looks.

[av8rdave]

51. There's your solution!

Just tell him you'll sleep with him as soon as the toupee comes off. That rug will be gone faster than a Bush lawyer at a deposition.

[no name no slogan]

13. Even the score: start wearing a toupee yourself

:evilgrin:

[jazzjunkysue]

14. LOL!

:rofl:

[hippywife]

40. nmns may have something there!

Show up one night wearing a nice wig that just isn't you and see what he says. It would be a funny way to break the ice on this top....ic.

Actually, I agree with what someone else said. How would you feel if the situation were reversed? Even if it is a tad on the deceptive side, let him address it when he's comfortable. There's no way of telling what he's been through that makes him uncomfortable about himself. And just think, when he does do it, it will mean that he thinks enough of you to put his absolute trust in you with an issue that apparently bothers him.

:hi:

[Orrex]

15. Maybe it's a symbiote

I suspect that you're actually dating a toupee that wears a bald man.

[jazzjunkysue]

17. This is why I come here.

You guys beat late night comedy shows hands down.

[jazzjunkysue]

18. Do you think he knows that I've figured it out? Is he waiting for me to say something?

[Orrex]

21. Have someone to his left or right surprise him suddenly

If his head snaps around but his "hair" stays in place, you'll have your opportunity to say something about it.

[Tikki]

19. It's his thing...

Does he take good care of it?...Does he look healthy in it?

Does he look cute in it? Are you worried about his self-confidence?

Like ole Randy Newman said..."baby, take off your clothes...but,
you can leave your hat on....."
:P
Tikki

[DemocratSinceBirth]

23. Yeah, I'd Like To Know How He Looks In It

If it was good she couldn't tell without touching it or getting really, really close to it.


Nobody knows Al Pacino has been wearing a toupee or whatever for years and throughout all kinds of styles...

[jazzjunkysue]

30. It's not bad, not like those cheap ones. But it's not good, either.

Up close, you can tell, and his hair sticks up funny. It always looks like he rolled out of bed, but it doesn't look like a toupee.

[DemocratSinceBirth]

33. A Good One Is Virtually Undetectable.

Maybe he needs a new stylist.

[AlCzervik]

22. As much as you may be tempted to say-

"Your hairpiece looks like something that was killed crossing the highway. I don't know whether to comb it or scrape it off with a shovel and bury it in lime."

i would not, it's his deal and he'd probably die of embarrassment if you said something.

[Schema Thing]

26. I'd get it out there soon, if it's important.

and I can't imagine it not being important, lol.


"dude, I'm likin' you, but I gotta tell you, I really, really, REALLY hate toupees. Always have, probably always will".

[Liberal_in_LA]

27. If you wore a wig or extensions, would you like the man to bring it up?

[jazzjunkysue]

29. The thing is, if we get physical, is it going to fall off?? How does it work?

[DemocratSinceBirth]

32. My Ex Girlfriend Owns A Salon

He should tell you if he plans to become intimate. And if it is really detectable he's being done a disservice.

Nobody asks Al Pacino about his hairpiece.

[WinkyDink]

38. He'll let you know.,

[KamaAina]

53. Hint: If you go on a romantic vacation to Hawai'i, skip the Pali Lookout

the winds are absolutely murder up there. :evilgrin:

edit: spelling

[KamaAina]

28. Take him to the breakup restaurant

(any place big enough to have a stoplight has one)

and, right before dessert comes,...

...reach over and pull it off! :rofl:

[KamaAina]

52. Upon reflection, a somewhat more subtle approach might be

to rent a bunch of Sean Connery or Star Trek movies, catch a Cheers rerun (if you can find one :eyes: ), maybe put on a game if Marv Albert is calling it.

Then, when the rug makes its appearance (onscreen), giigle softly, but loud enough to be heard... :rofl:

[jazzjunkysue]

31. "Honey, there's something that's coming between us....."

AHHHH!!! He's the sweetest guy!!!!

[blueknight]

34. i see nothing wrong with it

if it makes him feel better about himself. would you make him take his teeth out if they werent real:shrug:

[JVS]

35. Toupees are awesome

[mentalsolstice]

36. Two things

1. Are you absolutely sure he's wearing a rug? When I first met my husband I was suspicious because his hair was so thick, particularly for a guy in his 40s, and I couldn't see scalp or hair roots in his part or around his hairline. Turns out he just has a really healthy head of hair, and oddly enough he's not particularly hairy anywhere else. His dad on the other hand was bald as a cue ball. My husband claims that he's starting to notice thinning, but I don't see it yet. Not that it matters as a guy's hair isn't a make-or-break thing for me (However, I do abhor toupees).

2. Maybe he wears one to cover up hair loss for health reasons like chemotherapy or surgery on his scalp (I'm thinking of Joe Biden's hair plugs to cover up his surgical scars when he had a brain aneurysm).

I'm with you...I don't know anything about toupee etiquette.

[WinkyDink]

37. If it were reversed? What would you prefer?

[blue cat]

39. If he is ok otherwise

be cool about it, and if it gets serious, that is something that can be worked out. He may think that he needs it to attact someone, but may be willing to let it go knowing that you will accept him just the way he is naturally.

[jazzjunkysue]

48. Yup. That's what I'm hoping.Maybe he'll want to ditch it now.

[mitchum]

41. Maybe it's an ironic toupee

[Urban Prairie]

42. At 52, I still have a head of hair like

Dave Mustaine of Megadeth had in the 90s, but if I was pattern balding or thinning noticeably, I would just shave what remains off and be as bald as a cue ball, since being bald does not carry the stigma it did in the 60s-80s. Before 1963, most men wore hats to hide their baldness.

[jazzjunkysue]

49. Exactly. Lots of young guys shave their heads.

[Xipe Totec]

43. I'm like the Velveteen Rabbit

My fur was loved off a long time ago.

[NNadir]

44. I recommend the hair loss drug from Merck, Prospecia, which has the side effect of making

one impotent.

You can get the girl but can't do anything - at least not without another prescription.

You gotta love the pharmaceutical industry that has invented lots of hair drugs and impotence drugs, but hasn't done all that much about Malaria.

It's not like rich countries get Malaria - yet.

[whistler162]

50. Had a friend once who wore a toupee

because of burn scars recieved in the Navy.

Sounds like the issue is more with you than with him!

He will tell you when/if he wants to. If you like him enough to keep dating him then why the heck care?

[dysfunctional press]

54. would you have preferred a comb-over?

let him bring it up to you when the time is right for him...after he does- if you continue seeing each other, DON'T mock it or degrade it at all, especially at first...then gradually try to get him to ditch it it, and help him to feel confident about his appearance without it- if that's how you would prefer him.

[MajorChode]

56. I want to see a back hair combover

I think that would be cool.

[leftyladyfrommo]

55. No way I could go out with someone with a rug. I just can't stand itl

And I start to laugh hysterically. I can't help it. I just think they look awful - and it doesn't matter how expensive.

Now, bald doesn't bother me at all. Guys should just shave their heads and go that way. That is sexy.

[MajorChode]

57. I work with a guy that wears a rug

He has a Corvette also.

Yet still he is alone.

I can't imagine why.

[old mark]

58. My hairline is receding - down the back of my neck.

I never thought of a toupee, even a comb-over, I just cut it very short and occasionallt shave it, then let it grow till I feel the need to do it all again.

I could not stand to have something pasted to the top of my head - it would make me uncomfortable just to feel it there.

If you feel the guy is OK otherwise, talk to him about it gently and see how it goes.

mark

[ghostsofgiants]

59. Are you dating George Costanza?

[KamaAina]

60. Advice from Mom, the second generation of rug spotters in our family

"If I were dating someone and I spotted a rug (which, of course, I would - immediately) and I thought he was otherwise 'worth my time' ... I'd let it ride till he outed himself, which would happen eventually either voluntarily or otherwise. I say .... remember Sean Connery, Burt Reynolds and some say even Brad Pitt. I say hang in there for a while if all else seems good."

Brad Pitt??!! :wtf: I'd heard Ben Affleck, but Brad Pitt?!

[KamaAina]

61. Too bad Queer Eye is over

remember when the Fab Five took that poor guy's rug and barbecued it right in front of him? Classic! :rofl:

[Lost in CT]

62. How did it get to the dating stage.

Honestly it's like a man who finds the woman has a mustache or doesn't shave her armpits....

Some things should be deal breakers from the word go.

[jobycom]

63. It's part of his identity, don't mess with it. I don't know why people make a big deal about them.

It's just an article of clothing. Women dress around whatever feature they think is undesirable, wear makeup, hide wringles, whatever. They do it because that's how they like to look. Same with men with a toupee. It may not even be an issue of insecurity, he may just like the way it looks.

If you feel like there might be some tension over it, mention it casually. Run your fingers through his hair, then ask casually about it. "That's a good piece, where'd you get it?" Something complimentary that shows you don't care. If he doesn't want to talk about it, then he probably is insecure, so don't make a fuss. If he's okay talking about it, that will keep both you and he from fearing accidental slipups. You might ask him what he looks like without it, but don't start trying to get him to stop wearing it. That's just rude, and indicates that you want him to change for you, and he might find it controlling. Find out what it means to him before you make any suggestions about it. No one likes someone to start trying to change them.

And if you say something and he takes it off and you don't like the way it looks, you're going to be upset with yourself. :)

I'm bald, never wore a toupee, never tried to hide it. Just combed my hair back. Started losing it in my 20s. I like the way I look, although I've had moments of insecurity, as everyone does about some aspect of their appearance. Some people are more concerned than others, and some people look better bald than others. Don't mess with his mojo, you just don't know what that is to him.

Just my thoughts.

[snooper2]

64. Your the first person on the Internets to even admit that....

and all I can do is :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Fire Walk With Me]

65. It could be worse.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8528047