Need Etiquette Help - How Do You Deal With a Past Divorce In an Obituary?

[NashVegas]

I've been handed the task for writing one up for my mom :(

And am trying to figure out how best to mention her first husband (my dad) and where it should go, as it was her first marriage, but not so much a factor in later life.

Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear NashVegas...

What I've seen is that the first marriage is mentioned in the body of the obit, as part of her family history. And then when you're talking about the survivors, that husband is not mentioned; only the current spouse and all surviving children, grandchildren and so on are mentioned.

If you read any obit in the paper, you'll see this is how they do it. I think.

Best of luck, and my condolences on the death of your mom...

:hug: :hug:

[NashVegas]

6. Thanks, CP

That makes a lot of sense.

And thanks for the hugs.

[Fenris]

2. Do you feel you need to mention it?

If not, I would simply omit it.

We did not mention my grandfather in my grandmother's recent obituary, though he was the father of all her children. All we felt necessary to mention was her second husband whom she had laid to rest a few years ago. My grandfather felt no slight; I don't think he would have found it appropriate to be mentioned in her obit even though they had a recently cordial relationship.

[NashVegas]

4. Mmmm. That's a Good Question

Technically, it's her history (herstory, if you prefer), and certainly not the most relevant to the present.

However, I also feel to not mention it is a slight to my father's surviving family, who cared for her very much.

[madinmaryland]

3. As CP says, the prior marriage is generally not mentioned.

Unless it's a high profile divorce and there is a reason to mention it.

[auntAgonist]

5. I guess it depends on what sort of relationship/friendship

they did or didn't have after the divorce.

Jane is survived by her loving husband John, her children John Jr, Mark and Bill and their father Fred.

My sympathy to you on the passing of your Mother, Nash.

:hug:

[NashVegas]

7. Ha

Let me put it this way:

the unedited version: an early marriage to _____ _____of _____ went down in flames after 13 years

[auntAgonist]

8. I guess then it

is probably not that important he be mentioned. As I said, unless you reference him as her children's father.

Either way, I edited my last post
to offer my condolences to you . I neglected to put that in there the first time.

I'm really sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[NashVegas]

9. Thanks

This is tough. My family is about 40-60% dysfunctional and my relationship with our mother changed drastically, for the worse, in later years. It just happens I'm the only one in the family who's ever been a paid writer, so I got tasked with this.

Result: first draft is never going to be seen by anyone.