You know what matters in this country? Having a white penis.

[Lady Effingbroke]

Still, after all these years, if you have a white penis, you've got it made.

If you are the possessor of a penis of any other color, or if you are one of the poor unfortunates who lack a penis, sorry, you're shit outtta luck.

Hard work, a good attitude, a good attendance record, teamwork, and all that other corporate horseshit doesn't matter.

The only thing that does matter is being the proud owner of a white penis, so all you white penis owners stand up and wave 'em loud and proud! Say, "Goddamn, I'm glad I have a white penis!"

Because come nut cuttin' time, it makes a difference. It really does.

[moggie]

1. And if you have two, you can really hit the jackpot! n/t

[old mark]

2. I have a few spares in a drawer someplace...

I can loan you one.....

mark

[Lady Effingbroke]

3. I could've use one a couple weeks ago. Too late now.

And it has to be a 100% real, genuine penis made from 100% penis material. No synthetic substances allowed!

[HopeHoops]

8. Call now and you'll get this set of TWO, yes TWO testicles absolutely FREE!

Operators are standing by. Visa, Mastercard, American Excess and Discover are all accepted.

[SoxFan]

20. "You're gonna love my nuts"

[LostinVA]

4. I'd rec this if Lounge threads could be recced!

[Nickster]

5. Sorry, but that's a load of crap, at least in my leg of the woods.

[PassingFair]

16. Would that be the "third leg" of your woods? n/t

[taterguy]

6. Thanks for not starting this thread when people are drinking

Wouldn't want a bunch of folks waving their appendages around

[HopeHoops]

9. Noodly appendages - WWFSMD?

[Inchworm]

7. I'm thinking a green back would matter too

:shrug:

:hi:

[kwassa]

10. gee, mine is sort of a pinky beige color, I'm outta luck!

[peekaloo]

11. something similar from an ex-coworker

when I started working for a "boys club" company she informed me that the only way to move up in the organization was "what you had between your legs, whether it belonged to you or someone else."

[blockhead]

12. "Goddamn, I'm glad I have a white penis!"

(waving loud and proud)

[NJmaverick]

13. Lorena Bobbitt got herself one and it really didn't seem to help

[Scout]

40. she threw it away though, first chance she got n/t

[MajorChode]

75. She threw it out and it hit the windshield of an elderly couple's car

The woman said....

"Did you see the dick on that bug?"

[MrCoffee]

14. I love my huge, throbbing white penis.

[HERVEPA]

15. Subtlety and shades of gray not your style, eh?

[moggie]

18. If your penis is shades of gray, see a doctor

[Arugula Latte]

34. Or if you have an erection lasting four hours or more.

[A HERETIC I AM]

96. ....tell everyone you know

[PassingFair]

17. Corporate HR came to our office this week.

I noticed that management had someone take
down the "MAN CAVE" sign from the computer
room.

Jerks.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

19. Better put I believe is

having a white penis (which I do) and being rich/wealthy/connected (which I'm not). I still think the true dividing line in our culture is money. Not gender, not race not religion but money.........

[ThomCat]

32. It is definitely Gender. And Money.

They are two separate but overlapping factor separating people into the haves and have-nots.

If you really mean to imply that gender isn't a/the major dividing line they you haven't paid attention to the double standards that are used against women in hiring, promotion, wages, childcare, division of household labor, risk of rape and sexual assault, risk of sexual harassment, risk of gender discrimination, etc.

In my opinion, the only way a man can think women aren't getting totally screwed is by not paying attention.

[wickerwoman]

21. On a related note:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGRPFUYUUdQ

[arcadian]

22. I've got one, it's great for sex but not much else.

n/t

[DarkTirade]

61. I use mine for peeing too.

Makes using urinals easier.

[snooper2]

23. I have a dark colored birthmark on my white penis...

does that count as a negative in your little World :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


Oh, and two white guys (developers) just got laid off last week at my work, leaving two guys from India(contractors)- Linda the cronic cougher and a black man under that Manager.

Guess having little white cock didn't help those chaps any :rofl:

[ScreamingMeemie]

26. It's the mark of the beast.

Thanks for the head's up. ERm...no pun intended.

[XemaSab]

97. TMI!

:o

[MajorChode]

24. I've known some women who would disagree

I never had the nerve to ask them if they based their preferences on length, girth, movement or some combination of the three.

[datasuspect]

what matters is having a big cock

it can be any color.

[DarkTirade]

64. No, no, you just have to let everyone know that you THINK you have a big cock.

If it's actually bigger than everyone else's, or if they think it's bigger, then they'll get offended. You just have to project confidence in the size of your cock.

[moggie]

66. Or even several colours

[XemaSab]

95. +1

n/t

[Writer]

25. America isn't a meritocracy, it's a penialocracy. n/t

[Manifestor_of_Light]

67. I think the word is phallocracy.

[Deep13]

27. That's nonsense.

It may make things a lot easier to get to the top than another color or configuration, but by no means do white men "have it made." I sure as shit don't have it made. Neither did my Dad, nor either of my granddads.

[moggie]

31. Clearly you have an unsatisfactory penis n/t

[Jamastiene]

56. None of you were obviously taught the fine art of

whipping it out. It's the whipping it out that gets you the big bucks and the benefits. Don't be silly. You just need to practice whipping it out. :silly:

[Deep13]

57. Is that anything like...

...the penis fencing that flat worms do?

[Jamastiene]

58. Very simliar to penis fencing.

On guard!

I swear that would make for the greatest sport evah. :P

[DarkTirade]

63. But for those who lack reach, they have to make up for it with skill, agility and speed.

... the sad part is, I'm not sure if I just made a dirty joke or if the martial arts nerd in me was being serious. :P

[BurtWorm]

28. Just call me Moby Dick.

:hide:

[petronius]

29. That's bullshit. I can't tell you how many times I've offered to share my white penis

with those who don't have one, and been turned down. Maye it's because mine is more pinkish? :shrug:

[Arugula Latte]

35. Your penis needs a Michael Jackson treatment

er, you know, to make it whiter and stuff ....

:yoiks:

[petronius]

60. Good thinking! I'll get right on that

Do you think bleach would work?

:o

[Arugula Latte]

79. Try it! What could possibly go wrong?

:shrug:

[Orsino]

30. Plus money.

56 out of 56 signatories to the Declaration of Independence agree.

[OwnedByFerrets]

33. Great to know there are no white peni out of work ....

since according to OP, they "ALL HAVE IT MADE".:eyes:

[hfojvt]

36. It's true though

Plus I have Tiger Woods working as my butler and Oprah comes and cleans my house twice a week.

Oh wait, she really is doing that. I saw the tail end of her show yesterday.

[OwnedByFerrets]

92. ....

:rofl: :rofl:

[DS1]

37. That definitely explains the market for Interracial Adult Videos

Black in my Crack #6 just wouldn't be the same with white dick.

[bicentennial_baby]

38. ...

:spray:

[Throd]

39. Having a white penis is very important to me

[Heidi]

41. I've gotta plenty of gay male friends with white penises (peni?) who can refute this assertion.

Unlike we women folk, they most often can't use their genitalia to climb to favor. Just sayin'.

Otherwise, I agree. "White penis" would be a nice addition to my CV.

[no name no slogan]

44. Not to mention rich. If you got a poor white penis, you ain't worth shit, either.

nt

[Heidi]

47. Well, now...

I wouldn't go quite _that_ far. Man of my dreams is the owner of a relatively poor (financially), white penis, and I was so impressed by _all_ that he is that I hauled off and married married him. :D

[Fire Walk With Me]

42. My penis has gotten me neither work nor money for the last 3+ years.

It's not that beneficial.

[NJmaverick]

46. I hear ya I am thinking of sending mine to earn his own keep

the damn free loader! times are tough!

[DBoon]

93. So you have a detachable penis

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.

This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think
it's gonna get me in trouble,
or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,
and the next morning I can't for the life of me
remember what I did with it.
First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.
So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.
I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
and I really hate having to sit down
every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.
Then, as I walked down Second Avenue
towards St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books
and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.
I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I
talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,
and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.
People sometimes tell me I should get
it permanently attached,
but I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.

Detatchable Penis, by King Missile

[guitar man]

43. LOL

This is a great piece of satire! :thumbsup:

[DS1]

45. I wonder how long a thread about having a tight vag would last

:eyes:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

102. awww...go on. Give it a go.. You know you wanna

:D

[azmouse]

48. This thread is useless

without pics!

C'mon guys! You know what to do!! :woohoo:


I CAN'T believe it took this long for someone to say it!

[Jamastiene]

54. They know they all got shades of pink penii.

I've been trying to get them to whip them out for years, but they won't do it. I should triple dog dare them to post 'em if they got 'em in this thread. :P

[NJmaverick]

49. I hear this guy is going to rule the world

[Fire Walk With Me]

90. Nah; Everyone knows he's a dick.

[Marrah_G]

50. Apparently my guy did not get the memo about his penis.

I will be sure to inform him of this tonight.

[Mojambo]

51. I think I may have gotten a defective white penis

And this thread sucks.

[oedura]

52. Holy shit!

What fantastic news! I have a white penis.

When do I start getting these fabulous benefits of which you speak? Do I need to fill anything out, or will I just get a letter or phone call to let me know what to do?

[Jamastiene]

53. I've been saying that for years.

I got called a misandrist for saying it, but it's the fucking truth. :thumbsup:

[Bake]

55. I guess I'd better stay out of the tanning bed then.

I'm glad you told me about this!

Bake

[rurallib]

59. Is this why the leader of the Republican Party is named Boner?

and they bring him out in public all the time?

[crimsonblue]

62. Goddamn, I'm glad I have a white penis. n/t

[DBoon]

65. Damn, I knew I shouldn't have dyed mine green

I would have had it made if I left it sparkling white

That's what I get for a punk penis

[Manifestor_of_Light]

68. A big dick and a white coat.

To indicate you are an alpha male with M.D. after your name
which stands for Major Deity.

[merh]

69. Reminds me of the joke about the mouse that had fallen into the

quicksand - he was struggling and screaming for help when an elephant came upon the scene.

The mouse pleaded with the elephant "Please save me, I don't want to die!"

The elephant looked around and then realized what it was he had to do.

He straddled that quicksand pit and told the mouse "Just grab my penis and hold on, I'll rescue you."

The mouse gratefully cooperated and the elephant walked him out of the quicksand. The mouse was so grateful, he promised that he would repay the elephant the first chance he got.

Well, sure enough, a few weeks later the same mouse was wandering down a path in the jungle when he heard the screams for help coming from the thicket in front of him.

The mouse ran to see what all the noise was about and found his hero elephant floundering in a huge vat of quicksand.

The mouse screamed out to the elephant "I want to help, but I can't help like you did, I'm not built the way you are, I don't know what to do."

The elephant begged him, "Think of something, I'm sinking quick!"

Just then, the mouse got an idea and ran off into the jungle. The elephant cried out in fear "You can't leave me, I saved you, you need to help me."

Suddenly, the mouse burst through the brush driving a Mercedes, he tied a rope to the bumper and threw it out to the elephant yelling at him "Grab the rope and I'll drag you out."

The elephant did just that and the little ole mouse saved the great big elephant.

The moral of the story is "you don't need a big dick if you drive a Mercedes."

[MajorChode]

84. I thought it was a Corvette

[last_texas_dem]

70. My white penis is pretty worthless, honestly...

I carry it around on these rainbow beads and pretend it's something fancy.

[Bucky]

71. So all the difficulties I face--they're just my imagination. Thanks

Wow, I've got it made. Glad to hear it. I was just now struggling to pay my bills and no I hear I'm living the good life. It all rolls out on a big damn red carpet for me.

I needed my worries invalidated. Good work.

[trof]

72. I GOT ONE! I GOT ONE! I MATTER!

Finally.
;-)

[Lucian]

73. Woah...I have a white penis and I have it made?

I'm working at a job, earning wages well below the poverty line, living in my parents basement so I don't have to pay rent. I'm a college dropout and my car is a piece of shit. I suffer from anxiety disorder and I have severe depression.

But hey, I have a white penis, so I must have it made! :eyes: :eyes: :eyes:

[lightningandsnow]

74. What if you've got, like, a sparkly purple one?

You know, the kind you get in a store...:hide:

[LeftyMom]

77. Get the hell out of my sock drawer before I beat you with it.

:P

[lightningandsnow]

78. *Giggles* You said "beat"!

:rofl:

[elshiva]

89. I have a lavender one that vibrates.

Much better than a white one. ;)

[rug]

76. My penis occasionally turns bright red. Where does that leave me?

[racaulk]

80. With something else that's white.

:hide:

[DarkTirade]

86. Badly chafed.

[Deja Q]

81. Oi. I have a white penis. A nice one. Hasn't helped much...

Maybe I'm supposed to want one? Ok, that's cool... :9

Actually, it's not as much the white penis as it does having a similar personality to the financially successful types who happen to have white penii.

[leeroysphitz]

82. I loves my white penis.

[Lucian]

83. I wish this thread was locked already.

[Pierre.Suave]

85. AMERICA

FUCK YEAH!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYfvDCSWu3s

[rurallib]

87. This could be what is wrong with Alan Keyes? Whatcha think?

[TK421]

88. You are so right! I thank my white penis every day when I wake up

( or should I say it thanks me?) :7

[midnight armadillo]

91. Mine is detachable.

Quick, name that tune.

[Tom Kitten]

94. Actually mine is rather multicolored

No need for details!

But thanks for the tip, I'm putting that on my resume!..."am willing to bleach my penis for work"...

[Name removed]

98. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Strong Atheist]

99. Welcome to DU!

:toast:

[EastTennesseeDem]

101. The thread...IT'S ALIVE!

[no name no slogan]

100. My white penis can beat up your white penis

nt