At what age should someone be able to take a flight without a parent?

[lightningandsnow]

I'm 17. There's a conference about reproductive health and the pro-choice movement I want to go to in April - I'd only miss one day of school, it's free, and one of my best friends lives in the town it's in, and I'd probably be able to stay with her.

And my dad doesn't want me to go because he thinks I'm too young to take a plane without a parent. No other reason.

Nevermind that I wouldn't actually be alone, since a bunch of the people from the organization I volunteer for are also going, and we'd probably all fly together.

Is my dad being unreasonable, or am I a spoiled brat? I mean, I could understand if he said transportation was too expensive, but the only reason he gave was that I'm too young, supposedly, to fly alone.

[Haole Girl]

1. At 17, you could still have the unaccompanied minor service...

there is a fee, but maybe it would help ease your parent's concern.

Hope you get to go! :hi:

[no name no slogan]

3. I first flew at 8 years old using that service

And that was over 30 years ago now. It worked pretty well. And it was the only way I could see my dad, unless my mom went with (not bloody likely in my parents case)

[blogslut]

11. Yep

My child started flying, alone, to her father's home when she was eight. She's twenty one now and she's alive and well.

[leftyclimber]

38. United (Air Canada's partner) cuts it off at 15.

Don't know about other airlines....

[Haole Girl]

44. I know of at least two other major carriers that allow it...

as optional 15-17 yoa.

[leftyclimber]

47. Which airlines?

My stepson will turn 15 this year, and if I end up working somewhere outside of driving distance in the next couple of years (I'm finishing up a Ph.D.) I'd like to have the option for him to fly with supervision to visit his dad and me. He's fine flying with a go-to adult, but he's not quite ready to, say, change planes without someone to help him out.

[Haole Girl]

48. Delta for one...

Continental used to.

edit: Checked Continental's website. They no longer offer it.

Guess that leaves Delta.

Here is some info: http://www.delta.com/planning_reservations/special_travel_needs/services_for_children/children_traveling_alone/index.jsp

[leftyclimber]

51. Thanks! This may come in handy. nt

[Rabrrrrrr]

2. Sounds like your dad is scared of his little girl growing up

or else he just has control issues. I don't know your dad, so I can't say.

But, especially since you'd be traveling with others, I think his excuse is pretty damned lame. If that really is his excuse, he needs to re-evaluate his thinking. If that isn't really his excuse, he needs to tell you the truth.

I know plenty of teenagers who have flown alone, even without a group. It might take a bit of extra effort to get all the paperwork right, and probably a good idea to have a parent (or someone) walk them through check-in at the airport and so forth. But it's not that difficult.

Strange. I have a feeling that your dad's real reason is something else.

[supernova]

4. Can you hook up with a buddy or two

from your org and all get the same flights (departing & returning)? That way you would be certain to have a travel buddy, and your dad wouldn't worry that you'd be alone.

Does he think it's OK to stay with your friend in that town? If so, go ahead and set that up.

In short. No, I don't think you're too young to travel in a group. A lot of High Schools arrange trips where the kids have to travel together.

But to please your dad, the more arrangements you can make ahead of time and show him how planned out you are, and therefore responsible, the more likely he'll trust your judgement.

Good luck, it's a wonderful thing you want to do.

[HopeHoops]

14. Note: "hook up" has a new meaning in high school - not a good one to use around dads!

[supernova]

19. Stop it!

:P

[HopeHoops]

22. Just sayin...

Things have different meanings now. Apparently the term "the whole" refers to "the general social scene and all the associated bullshit". Well, that's how my 13 year-old daughter phrased it. She used it in an essay and I circled it as ambiguous. She decided I needed a refresher course on school linguistics. I still made her take it out of the essay.

[HopeHoops]

5. My 17 year old daughter flew to Europe with GYLC last summer. You're almost an adult!

Dad might need a reality check - it took me a LONG time to realize my little girl was becoming a young lady. BUT ULTIMATELY - He is STILL DAD! So there!

[supernova]

7. My dad gave me GRIEF

when I said I wanted to go visit my boyfriend in D.C., about an hour flight from here.

I was 23!


Dads! sheeze!

:grr:

;-)

[HopeHoops]

8. HEY! I resemble that remark!

[Left Is Write]

25. Well, frankly, my dad wasn't too crazy about my flying out to San Francisco ...

to meet an internet friend.

I was 30 years old. :D

I don't think his fears were unfounded (daughter traveling alone to meet dubious person dad knows nothing about), but obviously a 30-year-old woman does as she pleases. I did give my father my itinerary, the phone number of my motel, and a promise to call him twice a day.

My internet friend did not turn out to be an axe murderer, or any other kind of murderer.

[mnhtnbb]

53. Hey--my son went to the GYLC in Vienna, Budapest & Prague summer of 07 when he was 17!

This son has a vision impairment (but has traveled a lot with us)and we put him on a plane
to DC by himself to connect with the other participants for the flight to Vienna. He managed fine. He also had to fly home from DC by himself when everybody returned from Vienna.

[ghostsofgiants]

6. I flew to Ottawa when I was 16 and I made it out alive.

[HopeHoops]

10. Yeah, but how long ago was THAT - who KNOWS if you could get out of Ottawa today!

[ghostsofgiants]

12. 8 years ago.

[HopeHoops]

13. See? They've had elections, and leadership changes - it could be dangerous now!

I know, I know. That's silly.

[ghostsofgiants]

15. Haha, true!

Chretien was still PM while I was there.

[HopeHoops]

18. How did you make it out? Did they smuggle you in a load of pine boards?

[ghostsofgiants]

21. More or less.

:P

[Myrina]

9. I would say 17 ...

... my daughter has flown back and forth between Indy and Minneapolis twice a year since she was 8, she's 17 now and an 'old pro'.
It's a nonstop, 1 hour-long flight and her father & I have always been allowed to literally escort her to and from the plane, so security wasn't much of a worry.

So I guess it depends if you'll have to change planes/airlines or have any stopovers along the route ... that would be my only concern, because wierd people are everywhere.


:hi:

[AlCzervik]

16. depends on the kid.

i'd let mine fly alone as long as the arrangements on the other end were a "definite" and not a "probably".

[dana_b]

17. it depends on the kid and their maturity level

I was fine with my daughter taking a plane to see her friends in Los Angeles at 15. She's not broken my trust and is now 19 and in Hawaii with her boyfriend until Friday.

[Midlodemocrat]

20. There are other things to consider besides the flight itself.

Do you have the means to rent a hotel room should the flight be delayed/diverted? You are too young to rent a car, so that is out.


You would need a credit card in your own name to rent a hotel room and in a lot of cases, you must be 18 to get one, even as an authorized user.

[JVS]

55. Exactly.

I flew at 14 but it was mom and dad dropping me off on a direct flight to relatives who were waiting at the gate. I recently had an international flight in which there was not enough time for me to go through customs and make my connecting flight (orbitz sucks like that, but you gotta get the tickets), so I had to sweet talk the Iady in charge of the line to wave me through, then go through the procedure of checking in to the local connecting airline, finding the poorly marked gate for the connecting flight, getting there 2 minutes before boarding, and then when I got to the destination I discovered that my bags had never caught up with me from the transatlantic flight. I had to sit there for 6 hours for them to come with the next flight. The issue isn't whether a young person is capable of enduring a flight that goes right, it's if they know how to handle a situation that is going wrong. I think the OP should defer to her father's judgment concerning traveling

[XNASA]

23. We put our 11 & 8 years olds on a flight from Denver to Chicago...

..without an accompanying adult.

So 8.

[Left Is Write]

24. It depends entirely on the kid, but I would think most kids of 17 would be fine.

My daughter didn't fly alone until she was 14-ish, though I think she would have been fine at 13.

However, I don't have any basis for deciding whether your father is "unreasonable." All I can suggest is that you talk to him and ask him to articulate his reasons for believing you too young, and see if you can work out accommodations between the two of you to address those reasons.

[blueraven95]

26. Here's what you do...

First of all, wait a few days before bringing it up again - this is to let both of you cool down and reflect.

During this time, sit down and work out all the details, including how and where you would travel, how you would pay for the trip (if you are hoping that your parents will pay for it, then see if you can put together a plan to raise some of the money yourself - it will show commitment), what the educational/humanitarian benefits are for you going, who you would travel with, what you would do in any emergency situations, etc.

Then, ask, very calmly and rationally to sit down with your parents, and present them with all the information you have put together. This will show them that you are looking at the trip very responsibly and maturely. If they are more open after seeing that you are mature about the trip, then plan to make sure they meet the people you would be traveling with.

Now, and this is the most important part, if they still say no, then handle it maturely. DO NOT fly off the handle, or get angry, or argue. Just say that you understand your decision and while you are disappointed, you will abide by it. This will hopefully also impress them with your maturity, possibly changing their minds, and if not, making it more likely that they will let you go on the next trip.

Keep in mind that they aren't doing this to torture you but because they care about you and want you to be safe.

Good Luck!

[Lost in CT]

27. Depends on the kid but around 9 years seems resonable...

17? good god You will be an adult in a few.... better drop dad a clue or two along those lines.

[suninvited]

28. My kids flew to Texas to visit

grandparents at the age of 10 and up.

The big one was letting my daughter fly to Philidelphia when she was 17 to see Lilith Fair. She was met by a friend at the airport, so she wasnt in Philidelphia alone.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

29. your dad is being unreasonable

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

30. I flew alone at 17

My stepbrother flys alone a couple times a month. He has since he was 14.

[SydneyBristow]

31. Another service that may be available....

is getting a pass for your dad to get through security. This can usually be obtained from the ticket counter, and requires the usual ID for your dad, but they he can go with you through security, walk you to your gate, and see you off on your flight! I think it is called a "security pass", and I'm sure most major airlines have it. Heck, my mom used it once when I was 16 and not even an unaccompanied minor! And if you do the unaccompanied minor thing, he can be sure that your are watched from the moment you get to the airport through the time you leave on the other side. I agree that he is a little too protective, but luckily there are ways to pacify his fearful thoughts.

Good luck, and have fun!

Syd

[kiva]

32. I suspect that your dad's reason is

only part of the story. Since you indicated that you might be able to stay with a friend, I'm assuming that the trip would involve at least one night's stay, which is a different issue than simply flying unaccompanied by a parent. It may be that, as some have said here, that he's overprotective; it may also be that he has some reasonable doubts about your maturity. In another forum you've started a thread about the fact you had sex at sixteen (last year?) with a guy in his 20s--not exactly a fact that will reassure any father of a teenager. I'm not being snarky here, just pointing out that dating a much older guy generally doesn't give many parents warm fuzzies, so you need to consider where his concern is based.

If you're still with me here, I do have some practical suggestions. First, will there be other high school students at the conference? If so, try to get something in writing (maybe from someone in your organization) about this to show your father and your school; this sounds like a sort of educational opportunity that some schools would consider as an excused absence.

Get in touch with your friend and get a firm commitment about staying with her/him--'probably' isn't good enough for your strategy. Does you father know your friend? Does he think that she/he is trustworthy? Could you get your friend's parents to invite you stay? If you stay with them, what would you do for transportation to and from the airport and conference--is there public transportation you could use?

As a backup, check out hotels near the conference. Where are the other members of your organization staying? Does one of them need a roommate--a good way to cut costs and your dad might be more comfortable if he knows you won't be staying alone.

Put together a list of exactly what this will cost--include plane fare, reasonable food costs, hotel and transportation (just in case) and then talk to your father again. Good luck, it sounds like a great opportunity.

[leftyclimber]

45. Another thing about your friend --

is this an online friend, or someone you know IRL that your folks know/can get to know?

As a stepparent and longtime internet user (both recreationally and professionally -- I did online tech support for several years and have moderated and admin-ed "interest" sites at various points) I can tell you that there is no way in hell I would let my kid fly somewhere to stay with a person s/he met online and didn't know IRL. That is a serious risk, no matter how tremendous said person seems from prolonged contact with them. And phone conversations aren't sufficient -- it's just as easy to keep up the internet persona on the phone and turn out to be some freaky, dangerous asshole once the F2F encounter begins. This is a risk not worth taking, IMO. When you're underage, in a strange town, can't get a hotel because you're underage, can't get a rental car when you're underage, and so on, your options are much more limited and it is therefore that much harder to get out of a dangerous situation.

My stepson's been flying alone since he was 8 (he's 14 now) so the flying isn't the issue in this hypothetical scenario -- it's the staying at the house of someone who might turn out to be a bad guy (in the gender-neutral sense).

If it's about riding on an airplane, it sounds like your dad's as protective as my folks were. I didn't fly on my own until I was 18 and a sophomore in college, when I took some money out of my personal savings to visit a second cousin in Chicago. Boy, would they have freaked out if they'd known I'd gone to see some midnight guerilla theatre and ridden the El across town at 2 in the morning to get back to my cousin's place, and that my cousin had been the one to put the bug in my ear to do so! :rofl:

If you can't win this one, there will be other conferences. I know it seems huge now, but you'll be a legal adult very shortly, and at that point all they'll be able to do is complain when you go. It sounds like you're trying to make contacts for either an activist or academic purpose, but I'm here to tell you as a regular conference-goer that folks will be thrilled to death to see you there as an eighteen-year-old just as much as they would if you were 17. :)

Hope you're able to work something out.

[lightningandsnow]

49. It's a friend from camp, so I know her in real life.

My dad hasn't met her, though, or only met her briefly...so maybe they should chat on the phone or something?

:hi:

[leftyclimber]

52. It certainly couldn't hurt

Unless of course she's a total smartass and would tell your dad about all the Wild Hawt Sex you were planning to have while testing out the new trapeze in her bedroom or something. ;)

The phone convo might be a help so your dad could "interrogate" her until he felt better about "sending" you to stay with her (as would photos, so he can see you know her from camp). I'm assuming she's got her own place, so maybe if she's in the same town as her folks that might help him feel better, too.

Glad to hear you weren't thinking of heading into the clutches of some crazy internet weirdo.... :hi: :loveya:

[lightningandsnow]

54. Nope, she lives with her parents,

And she said they'd likely be okay with it.

Oh, interrogating parents.

(By the way, you're awesome. :loveya:)

[leftyclimber]

56. Even better.

Have him talk to your friend's *parents.*

This is like the stupidest parent-thing ever. We get all whacked out about "oh, are you staying with her parents" like all parents are responsible people who will look after *you* well (because we would, so clearly everyone else would :eyes:) when they could be complete and unmitigated psychopaths.

If this person is friends with you she must have had a pretty decent upbringing (okay, I'm biased because I think you're a doll), but it really will make a difference to a parent to know that there is an adult who is close to their age who has offspring close to your age making sure their kid is OK.

Right back atcha on the awesomeness, sister! :loveya:

[BreweryYardRat]

59. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

One, that is DAMNED creepy that you remember the sexual history of an anonymous teenaged girl on the internet. *cough* Paging Chris Hansen... *cough*

Two, her sex life has no bearing on this. People's judgment about sex and their judgment about basic life skills like unaccompanied flight are completely separate arenas.

[BreweryYardRat]

70. Oops. Apparently I should spend more time in GD.

Sorry. My mistake, didn't realize that was a current thread.

Point 2 still stands, however.

[ogneopasno]

33. Aw, tell him you've had sex with a 21-year-old...you can handle flying alone!

He'll see your side of things in no time.

[HopeHoops]

34. That could get her grounded - in more ways than one!

[fizzgig]

35. i was probably seven or eight the first time i flew without an adult

i don't see anything wrong with a 17 year old flying without a parent.

[distantearlywarning]

36. My first flight alone was at age 6.

It was completely uneventful.

[yellowdogintexas]

37. I flew to Germany alone in 1959, I was almost 11 years old. The flight was 18

hours long from Idelwild to Frankfurt Germany with a 3 hour layover in London.

The airlines partnered me up with a nice lady when we deboarded in London to make sure I didn't get lost in the big airport and so I would have some company. She was Greek and delightful.


My daughter flew to Tennessee twice from DFW when she was 12 and 13, to spend 2 weeks with my mother.

My sister flew her daughter at least 3 times from Connecticut to see our mother when she was in junior high.

Personally, I would let you go in a heartbeat.


Has he always been a bit short on the leash with you?

[lightningandsnow]

39. Well, he's always been average with some things and strict with others.

Generally pretty reasonable, though.

I'll try and convince him. :hi:

[City of Mills]

40. As long as you don't travel with 21 year old man

You should be OK!


:yoiks:

[lightningandsnow]

43. Will I ever be able to post again?

Without a certain GD thread being brought up?

:rofl:

Cut it out. :P

[City of Mills]

46. Haha nope

I spent way too much energy trying to establish my non-predatory status to the skeptical, it's your fault for opening that can of worms!

[ScreamingMeemie]

41. A little bit unreasonable. I flew at 16.

Tell him that life is too short to miss out on opportunities and he would regret not giving you this chance.

[XemaSab]

42. 4

Flew back from Alaska with a colleague of my mom's. :D

[Fleshdancer]

50. He's fearing the unknown...

I don't know if this will work for you, but when I was a teenager, the best way to gain freedom from my parents was to bombard them with a lot of details and not react emotionally to their questions. You can't change them, you can only change yourself.

The first step is to confirm if you can stay at your friend's house. How will you get from the airport to the house? Where is the house? What is the phone number? How will you get from the house to the conference? Where is the conference? What is the phone number? What are the hours of the conference? Will they provide breakfast and lunch? How much money do you need for this trip? Where will you eat dinner? What sessions will you be attending? Why? How will it impact your life? Who is hosting this event? How will you get back to the house from the conference and at what time? How will you get back to the airport?

Answer all of the questions above before he has a chance to ask them. Show him the conference website if it's up and running. Think through every possible issue and then prove that you've thought through every issue.

[GreenPartyVoter]

57. I was 14. The flight attendants made sure I got to my connecting flights and I was fine except

for the last one who thought I said "Jamestown" instead of "Johnston". I cleared that up in a real hurry. LOL

[BreweryYardRat]

58. I did it at...15. Back in summer of '04.

So after the TSA was established and all that. Your father's being unreasonable, especially if you've got a place to stay and a bunch of people you know along.

[DemBones DemBones]

60. You said that

"I'd probably be able to stay with her" and "we'd probably all fly together" which sounds like you *probably* don't know if you can stay with your friend or if other people would be flying with you but you think daddy should let you go anyway. I can see his concerns.

I also think it would be silly to pay for a plane ticket to go somewhere for one day and maybe your dad does, too. Then there's the matter of missing a day of school, which would not be an excused absence.

[crim son]

61. I let my daughter and son fly last year... 17 and 15.

Granted, they went together, but I know my daughter would have managed it. The thing is, they were visiting family. I'd have been more apprehensive if they had been going to a conference, because... because... I'm a parent. There are more unknowns. I don't think it's about your ability/maturity w/respect to basic travel; rather, it's what you might encounter at your destination that alarms old people like me.

Still, I applaud your wish to go to the conference. My daughter remains at home and does work for the local Peace and Justice and Veterans for Peace Centers, and I'm grateful for her proximity!

[Jamastiene]

62. As soon as they are able to crawl to the airport.

What's that? One month old? Two?

Paula Poundstone said she grew up in Alabama and even as an infant she was so bored, she crawled to the state line. Flying should be no different.

[emilyg]

63. I let my daughter fly to N.Y. at 16.

[petronius]

64. As soon as someone can sit still for 6 hours without screaming, kicking the seat

in front, or babbling inanely to an uninterested neighbor.

For some people that's age 8, for others it's age 80 (if then)...

[MajorChode]

65. It sounds as if there is more to the story

Your dad may be telling you the reason is because of the plane ride, but your plan seems to be a little half baked which is perhaps why he torpedoed it. Just reading what you wrote I count two times the word "probably" is used. That's not really a word parents like to hear because "probably" means there's a chance things aren't going to go as you planned and guess who gets to pick up the pieces if they don't?

Parenting is not an easy task and there's an enormous amount of responsibility. You never stop worrying about your kids even after they "technically" become adults. Sometimes parents might err on the side of caution more often than they should, but try and see things from their perspective.

[Reverend_Smitty]

66. I flew for the first time alone by age 7 or 8...

I had to...my parents were divorced and live 1,000 miles apart. Buying 2 plane tickets each way 3 times a year got expensive. By the time I had turned 18, flying had become so old hat for me I would just have someone drop me off curbside and I'd check in by myself.

I don't know you personally but you should absolutely be able to fly by yourself, there's really nothing to it.

[Mollis]

67. I'm 18, and my dad would probably say the same thing...

but...that's just how my dad is. lol

[wickerwoman]

68. Your dad is being a bit unreasonable.

I flew alone to Europe when I was 14 and went to an overnight conference on legalizing marijuana when I was 17.

I would ask him to define more precisely what he's worried about. It's probably not the flight itself but staying overnight in another city. Maybe you can compromise... promise to call a few times a day or whatever other conditions that both of you can agree are reasonable.

I have a friend who has flown unaccompanied from LA to London several times a year since he was 8 and never had any problems. No reason a 17 year old shouldn't be able to handle a solo flight.

[fortyfeetunder]

69. Too young? Not by a long shot.

I assume you are using other types of public transportation alone. So an airplane is essentially another form of public transportation.

I think you got some good advice. The one I want to emphasize is -- Plan your travel and travel your plan.

And yes, I was 14 when I first flew alone on an airplane. That was another story....

[tigereye]

71. huh? I would say you are plenty old enough - younger kids fly alone a lot...

Is your parent somewhat over-protective?

[malta blue]

72. I started flying alone at 7 (1976)

I am pretty sure the unaccompanied minor procedures are safer now.

At your age, I was travelling to Europe and Asia unaccompanied.

:shrug:

[Marrah_G]

73. I doubt it is JUST the flying part that he has an issue with

It is the fact that you would be going to a place you don't know to stay with people you do not know that well. I have a feeling if you wanted to fly to visit close family his response would be different.