So many of you were right and helped me so much. Another (redundant) thank you.

[Mike 03]

This is the week my father is receiving his stem cell transplant, and I just you to know that all of the support I received here at DU has made a huge difference. As you might imagine, this has not been an easy or good week, but I received such good advice here.

"It's not about you."

You were right. It's not about what I "should" do or what I'm "supposed" to do, but what my parents want and need. That advice helped me to listen, rather than talk. So we (my sisters and I) are reacting to what the needs are, and not imposing ourselves.

Even though that advice angered me at first, it was the best advice I received.

What could ever be more important than what my father and mother want and need right now, or to acknowlege and support them, no matter what?

Thank you. I know I was defensive, because it's hard to hear that you are wrong to want to "be there", but you were right: It can make everything worse to try to live up to these fantasies of what we should do when our loved ones are suffering. It can sometimes be all wrong, and ruin everything.

As you pointed out, trying to do the right thing can sometimes insure that the absolute worst outcome happens.

I love DU, and the thoughtful advice I have received here. And I can't thank you enough for how much you have helped me during this difficult period. It has meant so much to me to have someplace I could trust to vent and ask for advice.

:loveya: