Tell me if you think this is some heinous fuckery or if I am over-reacting

[mcctatas]

My youngest daughter is gay, she has had the same girlfriend since last year; despite the fact that the girls fundie dad has now forbidden them to see each other or interact in school, he even went so far as to have his daughters schedule changed and ask the school to call him if they are seen talking or hanging out at all (which thankfully the school refused to do). Anyway, long story short, yesterday my daughter was called to the office where the principal told her that she had gotten reports of inappropriate contact between the two including things like they play footsie under the lunch table, they were holding hands in the hallway etc. But the one that really pisses me off is they were accused of "watching each other undress for gym class" but they haven't had gym since fecking JANUARY! So even if this were true (which I doubt, but can't prove or disprove) why the fuck would the principle listen to someone bringing this forward almost 5 months later???? I am so fecking angry on her behalf right now, she feels like she is being spied on at school and she is afraid that anyone can say anything about them and they will get in trouble for it. :grr: :rant:

[Midlodemocrat]

1. Gloves, Off. You are NOT overreacting.

You need to bring the fucking Wrath of God down on that principal.

Want me to do it?

[mcctatas]

4. I need help, I don't even know where to start on this one...

and right now I am so pissed I don't know if I can formulate a calm, rational approach, so in short, yes, you do it! (or input would be greatly appreciated)

[Midlodemocrat]

7. Call and make an appointment to meet with the principal next week.

And then call the ACLU and see if they will give you some words of advice.

Just TELLING that fuckwit that you've contacted the ACLU may be enough to send him running.

Additionally, I would contact the Superintendent. Take it all the up the chain of command and make sure fuckwit knows you are doing so.

[mcctatas]

10. Thank you...

sound advice and it gives me time to chill before I meet with her. :hi:

[keroro gunsou]

11. calm and rational

is one way (and usually the best) but nothing beats using an extinction-level WMD (weapon of midlo-destruction)

just be your usual calm and charming self, while pointing out the person making the accusations has an axe to grind and the accusations need to be taking with a grain of salt. then lay into the proncipal.

after that nuke the shit out of that fundie asshole.

[Midlodemocrat]

12. LOL. I tend to lose it where kids are concerned.

FUcking with a child is a guaranteed way to earn my foot up your ass.

[keroro gunsou]

32. so i've noticed.

end of line

[Tangerine LaBamba]

51. Contact PFLAG

That's an outfit that will tell you exactly what to do.

I would also key whatever cars are relevant, but I'm Italian, and if I try to do what I really want to do, I could do hard time.

Stay cool. You already know this, but the worst thing you can do is lose it in the presence of that asshole. Stay calm and superior and do it really, really slowly. Slow makes these dickwads nervous. Take up all the time you want and do not move out of the office until you are completely satisfied with the resolution.

I would make sure - this is me, the mother and the attorney - that that fucking letter is withdrawn from your daughter's file, and destroyed. I would demand to see the file afterwards to make sure it's been expunged.

Only after the meeting with the principal - or whomever you're going to see - has concluded AND you are not completely satisfied with what was said and done would I say that I was planning to contact PFLAG and the ACLU. Those are your trump cards, and you do not show them unless you're left unsatisfied, that the principal is recalcitrant and refuses to agree to your demands. Otherwise, keep that plan to yourself.

Later, if they keep it up, or pull something else, you've got those aces up your sleeve.

But, first contact PFLAG. They are a terrific organization, and I'm absolutely certain that they've had a lot of experience with this particular brand of bullshit.

Good luck, and don't forget your keys .............

[TZ]

2. Sounds like the fundies have threatened a lawsuit agaisnt the school

IMO, thats what people do these days to get their way...legal blackmail.

[SacredCow]

3. It's heinous....

And (assuming it's a public school) you've every reason to give the principal a smackdown.

[BlueIris]

5. Heinous fuckery. The school is harassing the kids.

Which is vile, and possibly indicates (as mentioned above) that the fundy freakazoids have threatened legal action. (I cannot imagine with this is like for your kid or her girlfriend...the other girl must be going through hell at home.)

My advice: threaten to counter-sue.

[mcctatas]

8. know any civil rights attorneys who work for next to nothing?

I truly do think this situation would be handled differently if they were a boy and a girl (obviously the changing in gym thing wouldn't be a factor, but still), this really makes me angry and sad and I feel powerless to protect either one of them.

[BlueIris]

15. I don't necessarily think you need to hire and attorney. Just threatening could

get them to check themselves. You could also have your daughter start documenting the harassment.

[redqueen]

6. Total fuckery.

And re: watching each other undress... well who was watching them to notice? Dumbasses.

[DeepBlueC]

33. If they don't provide cubicles it would seem it's a risk they have accepted

assholes. Ask if they have surveillance cameras to document it...and if they do, well they will have moved out of the fundie frying pan into the bipartisan fire . Yeah you have to make yourself as much of a threat to them as the fundies are. I do think it's a good idea to contact ACLU for advice. Even just to get some "language" to chill their wizened little hearts. :grr:

[Pierre.Suave]

9. That's about 17 million types of wrong

Smack his ass down.

[BurtWorm]

13. You're not overreacting.

I'm getting fecking angry for you and your daughter just reading about it.

:grr:

[HopeHoops]

14. Oh, the ACLU loves this kind of shit!

On occasion when I've picked up a daughter at the high school, I've witnessed acts of PDA out front that make ALL of those accusations sound like 2nd grade behaviors!!! She is clearly being singled out because of her preference and that's simply wrong. I would call the principal and make it clear that if he doesn't stop harassing your daughter HE PERSONALLY as well as the school district will be facing a major law suit. You have to be willing to go through with that though as it is actually a crime to threaten legal action without the intent to follow through. If it was my kid, I would definitely follow through.

You can also contact the ACLU and see what their thoughts on the matter would be. Even if it isn't the kind of case they would take up, I'm sure they have a wealth of information on similar cases that have gone to court and what the outcomes were - probably even in your immediate vicinity.

[motely36]

16. I have no advice to give

just wanted to send vibes :hug:

[Aristus]

58. Me, too!

:hug:

You're totally standing up for your daughter, girlfriend! I'm proud of you, and happy for your daughter that she has you...

[jobycom]

17. Persecution and harrassment are why they invented lawsuits.

They are deliberately creating an environment to make her uncomfortable for who she is. They are pushing her around and defaming her character on hearsay and gossip. Call an attorney. Many would salivate at the chance to write a few nasty letters to your school, the school district, and anyone else they can think of, and maybe take it further if the school district doesn't immediately stop their persecution.

As for the other parent, he's a grownup and can make an ass of himself if he wants, but if he ever approaches your child directly you need a restraining order against him.

The school should be protecting her, and all students, from harassment, not participating in it.

[Texasgal]

50. EXCELLENT PARAGRAPH

The school should be protecting her, and all students, from harassment, not participating in it.

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTLY!

[Pacifist Patriot]

56. Amen

[guitar man]

18. what.utter.horseshit!

If that was my daughter, I'd be tempted to hand that principal a good 'ol country ass-whipping. :grr:

[Bunny]

19. Demand to see the school's police re: inappropriate PDA's, so you

can see if it also applies to hetero students. Make them prove to you that all students are treated the same. Then do what everyone else here is suggesting: threaten to rain down a shitstorm on them like they've never seen before, basically.

Good luck, I would be ready to start the killings (figuratively, of course)if it were my kid.

[kath]

20. A peripheral issue, but why have at least 3 people in this thread assumed that the principal is male

when mctatas has referred to the principal at least twice as "she" and "her"??

Sexism at work -- why do so many automatically assume that someone in a position of power is a man??

Our kids' HS has a woman principal, and soft and cuddly she ain't. Total authoritarian nasty-ass beeyotch.


Second (or third, fourth) that you contact the ACLU, also any other civil rights organizations in your area -- is there a GLBT rights organization that might assist?? Your daughter is definitely being subject to harrassment.

[Midlodemocrat]

21. I didn't read that part that closely, I was too angry.

[no name no slogan]

43. Most female principals aren't idiots like this one

So naturally they assumed it was a male principal.

My $.02, at least.

[datasuspect]

22. start with researching whatever, code, statutes, rules of behavior

are being used in your skool district.

determine where those aren't being applied equally.

retain legal counsel.

see what legal counsel says about it.

proceed.

[BeachBaby]

23. Check your pm in a few.

[TZ]

24. One other thing...is this public school?

Because if its not...there might not be too much you can do..Its amazing the goddamned discrimination that private schools get away with...

[mcctatas]

26. It's a public school...

and it is heartbreaking to me that this is happening to her, she is an honor student in accelerated classes (working 2 grades ahead in Math, English and Science) and is an all around good kid

[TZ]

30. Ah. Then at least you have some good ammo.

I'm really thinking that the fundanut has gone a tale-telling to the principle and has threatened her in order for her to "do something". My mom used to be a teacher and I know that some parents seemed to think that they had every right to bully the school into doing what they thought "was best for their child". Even if it was blatantly wrong. Sounds like a administration that thinks politics is more important than education...
My advice is to go OVER the head of the principal to your local school board because It sounds like the principal has already decided that your daughter is in the wrong, damn the evidence...

[supernova]

25. This is awful

Besides all the other suggestions, I would definitely get your daughter and her girlfriend to document times when they are watched or reported for innocuous behaviour. It would help keep both girls from feeling so powerless.

I'm sure the fundie dad has threatened the school system, but he needs to understand that doesn't translate to controlling your daughter's actions. Schools can't totally separate kids. Bullies always find their targets, dating couples always find ways to spend time together.

[gbate]

27. Terrible.

I feel sorry for your daughter and her girlfriend. I wonder if that fundie asshole Dad realizes that his ignorant butting in may end up costing him the relationship with his own flesh and blood.

:cry:

[PaddyBlueEyes]

28. No overreaction

We need to nip this shit in the bud....make the appt for next week..

[merh]

29. You may want to contact your local chapter of PFLAG

They can give you support and advice - maybe even connect you with experts in the field that can help you deal with this (Legal and educational experts).

http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2

[DeepBlueC]

34. boy that's another good suggestion!

:)

[Fleshdancer]

48. excellent idea. n/t

[Pacifist Patriot]

57. I'd also find out if the school has a GSA chapter.

[hunter]

31. The most evil fucker I ever met was the fundamentalist dad of a lesbian daughter.

He was the one thinking about his daughter undressing for gym class. He mind-raped his daughter every fucking day, and when she finally escaped that hell she was a total wreck. I was happy when the rat bastard died, and that still upsets me too, 'cause I can talk about being happy when someone like Ronald Reagan died, but I can be sorta sad too because I'm sad when anybody dies even if they are rotten -- I can say to myself that some circumstance made them rotten. But not this guy. He was the devil's tool and when he was most evil that's when he thought he was closest to God.

.
.
.

All right, I'll take a few deep breaths and stop pounding on my keyboard...

.
.
.

I'd be calmly looking for a lawyer big enough to put an end to this crap simply by showing up. And I'd quietly and very politely tell the principal and anyone else involved that I was putting on the war paint. I'd be calling the girl's parents too, but only if I could convince myself I wouldn't go all flamethrower on them. When they are spying on their daughter it means they are spying on your daughter. You have every right to be furious.


:hug:

[LeftyMom]

35. "holding hands in the hallway" is inappropriate?

Somehow I get the feeling nobody'd get called to the principal's office for that if they were a straight couple.

[cwydro]

36. For shit's sake...

I remember high school with boys and girls hanging all over each other, making out in the hallways.

I'm sure nothing has changed.

Gay kids should have the same damn right.

Sheesh. Footsie? Who is reporting this nonsense?

Hell no, you are not overreacting.

[rug]

37. Lots of basic info and contact number here.

http://www.aclu-wi.org/youth/rights/law.html#Race

[Midlodemocrat]

38. I was hoping you'd weigh in.

[Inchworm]

39. I'd go in and "explain" the situation to them

as in..

You see.. this is how it's gonna be.. stop tormenting my daughter and making her feel uncomfortable in her learning environment because some prick has a cob up his ass. If you feel the need to address my child about anything not education related.. be sure to call me first. If you have any questions I can be reached at 555-1212.. that is all. *wave*

The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Dickhead seems to be doing a lot of squeaking.

:grr:

:hug:

[flvegan]

40. You haven't overreacted until you've bought a shovel and a tarp.

Seems odd the principal would "accuse" the kids of something of that nature without having the parents involved in that action. Seems like a "shaming" to me.

I'd make an appointment with said principal and get all the facts. Have the kid(s) that allegedly witnessed this gym event retell their story, getting the who/what/where/when/how specifically (I loves me some power questions). If there's no air-tight specific story that something "wrong" happened, it sends a message that you're a no-shit kind of person and you won't sit for douchebags judging your daughter and her girlfriend.

Just short of a "Fuck you, and have a nice day."

[hunter]

41. What business is it of anyone's what went on in gym class?

Unless there is some kind of abuse or harrassment going on, it's nobody's business.

My own high school gym experience was pretty much a nightmare of abuse, "What're you looking at faggot? Wham!" or the baiting come-ons, "Nice ass, queer bait!" (although some of that was the usual teenage boy crudeness), but it doesn't sound like there's anything like that going on here,

They were looking at each other? Wow. I'll bet they were breathing other people's air too.

[Deep13]

42. Heinous fuckery unless these rules apply to hetero kids too.

No, I think you know a witch hunt when you see one.

[Shell Beau]

44. You have every right to be LIVID!

Get your shit together and give him hell for this. Good luck!

[mcctatas]

45. I made an appointment for next week Tuesday...

I plan on being calm, cool and collected, until it is time not to be!

[lightningandsnow]

46. It's heinous fuckery.

And possibly illegal. (At least, it would be where I live - it's discrimination, pure and simple.)

Raise hell.

[Fleshdancer]

47. This is a battle worth fighting

Don't second guess yourself on this one sweetheart, you are NOT over-reacting. It sounds like they're being singled out because they are gay and this is bullshit.

[DarkTirade]

49. And how many straight students have gotten in trouble for holding hands in the hallway?

Just wondering...

[PaddyBlueEyes]

52. You know what I think baby......

I also took the opportunity to remind your beautiful daughter, that she is very lucky to have a mom like you....

[blaze]

53. Can I just say, "Yay Mom!!?"

No matter what happens in school... and yes, I would be furious as well...

But with support like this from home, your daughter will be okay. :hug:

[ThomCat]

54. I hope you read that school the riot act and put imminent fear of death

into them. x(

Good for you for standing up for your daughter. :hug:

[WritingIsMyReligion]

55. If this is high school, I laugh at holding hands in the hallway being inappropriate.

Just check the stairwells at just about any time of the day--more than enough hanky-panky occurring there.

You're not overreacting. The school's being incredibly moronic.

[Pacifist Patriot]

59. Lots of great support and advice, so I'll just pig pile.

I'd be pissed too, you're not over-reacting, go get 'em!

[BarenakedLady]

60. That's horrible.

I have no advice, but I would be as pissed as hell.

:hug:

[graywarrior]

61. Grrrrr.

Just reading about that pissed me off.

[MadMaddie]

62. When you do speak to the principle ask her how many complaints

or spying reports does she get of boys and girls holding hands or playing footsie under the lunch table? If she says none then tell her she will be dealing with the ACLU.

You also have proof that the kids are not even in the same gym class now.

You have the power and the upper hand. The school is violating your daughters rights.

Take a deep breath....you know you may want to take a recorder with you or even a lawyer so you have a witness to the conversation.

[mcctatas]

63. ***********THANK YOU ALL***********

so many wonderful suggestions and support! And since I am one of those hippie dippy types who actually kind of believes this sort of thing, I feel like I have gained strength from all of you to do what needs to be done. I will keep you posted, DU rocks! :grouphug:

[Oeditpus Rex]

64. If you don't get satisfaction at Tuesday's meeting

be sure to — calmly, of course — tell the assbucket you're going to alert the media. School admins hate that kind of publicity because it lets a whole messa people know they can't control their students.

:evilgrin:

[PaddyBlueEyes]

65. Hell Yeah

great idea oedi...

[applegrove]

66. That is awful.

[elshiva]

67. No advice, just hugs and vibes.

Thank you for being such a great mother. :hug: :grouphug:

[Sabriel]

68. Your "concerns" need to be in writing

As I always tell my students: Document, document, document.

Send a letter to the administrator, and if you get no satisfaction from that encounter, send another one that reiterates your concerns and this time CC it to the superintendent (or interim superintendent).

You MUST put it in writing. Mere talk doesn't seem to do much, in general.

And does your daughter know about this group?

http://www.oshkoshsofa.org/

[DeepBlueC]

69. or you could follow up the talk with a confirming letter

"As we discussed in our meeting of May 12, 2009, I am (or have been) deeply concerned..." etc etc. Basically you recap the substance of the discussion and wind up with either your thanks for his assurances that he will take such and such steps as agreed or your disappointment that he had not been able to assure you that such harassment would come to a swift and final end etc etc. Talking gives him the measure of you but the letter following up lets him know that you are putting it on the record for later scrutiny if necessary. Thus if he disagrees with your summary of the discussion he will have to set the record straight in writing or else your version of the meeting will stand as I see it. Plus documentation of your exchanges at every step of the way is persuasive and something lawyers always want. You can keep parts of it in diary form (what your daughter reports) because that is presumed to have been set down at the time it happened when memory is intact. You may never have to get a lawyer involved but it does not hurt to act as though you were prepared to do so. It might happen.

Good luck. :fistbump: