How do I back out of this without causing an uproar

[graywarrior]

A friend planned a get together with just the ladies of our recovery group. No guys were invited because she had a falling out with one of them whom she wants to...I'll be blunt...fuck. Well, they made up so now today, she calls me and tells me all the guys have been invited and are presently at her house. I just don't want to go watch a mating ritual.

So, how do I back out of this? Do I call her back and nail her with what I think is the truth? Do I fake an illness? Do I just not show up and then explain later?

I don't want to offend the guys. I just had my head wrapped around a different type of get together and I just don't want to go now. These people are all recovery friends, so they would definetly wonder why I suddenly didn't show up.

Fuck, this is why I isolate. I hate this shit.

[Frosty1]

1. I think you feel a headache coming on?

:shrug:

[Whoa_Nelly]

2. Be honest

The Hokey-Pokey is NOT what it's all about.
Being honest and true to yourself is. :hug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

3. don't go and don't sweat it.

no biggie.

[cwydro]

9. Yeah,

I agree with this one.

no excuses needed.

[siligut]

4. I understand your dilemma. Rock and a hard place type shit.

Be honest that you just are not in the mood for it today. Be factual, but spare her feelings.

[sarge43]

5. What Whoa Nelly said.

Maybe back in high school when we wanted to sit at the cool table, we had to tap dance around because "What Will They Think Of Me!?"

Now we're too old for that shit. Just tell her you won't be there. You're not under any obligation to give out with the no bark on it truth or for that sake any reason.

If they choose to be offended, well, their choice.

The quickest and simplest way to make yourself bat shit crazy is trying to please everyone.

[DeepBlueC]

6. call and tell a version of the truth

Just say "I had really wanted to be the but today I find I'm just not up to it" and leave it at that. If she asks why say you don't want to go into it, but it's nothing to do with any recovery issues. And don't say any more. If she presses you about what is none of her business, well do what you need to do. Some go for vagueness, some for a sharp dismissive retort. But it is none of her business...

Or you could lie. Say you've got that reflux problem and it's really hard to be comfortable let alone enjoy yourself in a social setting. Diarrhea is also useful; people rarely ask you to go into detail after you use that word. My best friend used to use either that one or, for one boss in particular, "female problems" when she was calling in to claim a sick day (too late for that one now). Both were effective conversation enders. Lies are useful, and often kind. Take your pick at whatever you think will work best with her and what you can live with yourself.

But do not do the explain later thing ..it is harder to pull off even if it is a good excuse and even if it is a good one she will never quite believe it anyway. And it is rude. Don't get into the guy thing or she will just start trying to persuade you. You have to say something that cuts off the route to persuasion or further discussion.

[billyoc]

7. Go late and leave early.

[graywarrior]

10. Winner

That's what I'm gonna do.

[JVS]

8. If a guy pulled this kind of flakey bullshit, I'd cockblock him. I don't know if that works for...

women,


To explain what I'd do, let's assume the genders are reversed. My buddy A has done this nonvite then invite trick. So I know he wants woman X. What I do is either monopolize X's attention or call A out on his intentions by making snide remarks about that "silver tongued devil getting his mack on" kind of doing a play by play on him trying to interact with X. Toss in some extra stupidity. The important thing to remember is that she doesn't have to like me, she just has to gain a bad impression of him.

If you think you're capable of doing this to your friend, I heartily endorse it. If she later confronts you about it, deny any malice and claim that you were just having some fun. Then tell her that if she was trying to fuck the guy she should have not tried to be shifty.

[LostInAnomie]

11. Exactly.

I wold do my best to make sure that the coupling is not achieved.

I don't really think the female version of cock blocking works too well though. It doesn't take a night of charming to get us to want to put out.

[JVS]

16. Oh there are ways. For example, if you start discussing her complicated relationship with an Ex...

or something like that, you could probably derail the train. Basically you'd want to steer conversation toward shit no man wants to hear about on a date. Get her to talk about her ex, her kid, or her cats and that dude will not have any libido left. Add in some embarrassing stories or whatnot.

For guys it's much easier to do your job. Just say "So Mike, are you getting ready to explode to the hole with Karen tonight?"

[graywarrior]

14. Thing is, we've already discussed this.

He's been around recovery for 30 years. She's got one year. It's a sick situation....not my problem, but I just don't want to participate in the ritual.

[JVS]

17. Go and be a third wheel. That will teach them to make you part of the ritual

[graywarrior]

20. I could volunteer to be the condom...lol

Ick.

[Enrique]

12. you can lie, imo

say you're sick. Even if they know you're lying they shouldn't hold it against you. She was the one who pulled the switcheroo on you, after all.

[Whoa_Nelly]

13. Free your inner duck eom

[graywarrior]

15. Fly, duckie, flyyyyy!

[sarge43]

18. Otay

[graywarrior]

19. UPDATE

I bailed. Nicely.

[Forkboy]

23. I would have, too.

I try to avoid all situations that involve other people actually being near me. :)

[graywarrior]

24. Me too.

I told her I felt more like isolating right now. *snort*

[RetroLounge]

21. Call their sponsors and bring them along...

then sit back and watch the fun.

:hi:

RL

[ccharles000]

22. say you moved to france

[BlueJazz]

25. Start out with a "Happy entrance" like ahhh....

Hi..Any of you Mother-Fuckers start some shit or say something I don't like, I'm going to
introduce you to a term my Grand-Pappy taught me.."We're going to "Fist City"


:) :) :)

(Go and see what happens...you can always go home early if the crowd is not to your liking.)

[sarge43]

26. That's good. I've found this works quite well in awkward social situations.

The first person who asks you how are you or something like, smile and answer, "Well, I feel ok, but does anyone know what the symptoms of ebola are?" Rub your lips, shift uncomfortably or closely examine your fingernails, then look around the room. Minimum, you'll be left alone the rest of the evening; with any luck you'll clear the room and you can go home.