What cultural warning should we give people who visit the USA?

[Deep13]

Poll question: What cultural warning should we give people who visit the USA?

I always thought that there are certain aspects of American society that we should warn visitors about who come here. Someone should meet them at the airport or border crossing with a greeting that begins, "Welcome to America...." and then warns them.

What warning would you give visitors after saying "Welcome to America...?"

(This is some good-natured ribbing.)

[Kali]

1. rolls, bread, and gravy at diners are NOT what you are used to.

rent a car, our public transportation pretty much sucks for 1000 miles anywhere near the Grand Canyon.

[jeff30997]

7. At the U.S-Canada border:

Welcome to America: We're not perfect but at least hour roads don't look like Swiss cheese.:)

I say that based on personal experience.The difference is astonishing.

[GoneOffShore]

20. You obviously haven't driven in Philadelphia.

You could lose a car in some of our potholes.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

21. Or in NJ

[jeff30997]

24. Damn Murkans !

Always have to be better than everybody.Our potholes are bigger than yoours ! Neener neener. :P

[yellowdogintexas]

32. when in the South, always save room for the PIE!!!!!!!

pecan
coconut cream
peach
cherry
apple
lemon
chocolate
chess
buttermilk

you get the picture.

[hellbound-liberal]

2. I would replace "Welcome to America" with "Welcome to Jesusland"

Check your critical thinking skills at the door.

[jeff30997]

5. Lol.It reminds me of the science fiction novel I read last month:

The tittle is Thirteen by Richard K. Morgan.One of the best author in the genre IMHO.In the story

the U.S are divided in 3 parts.The west cost,Most of New England + New York and DC and

the rest is called Jesusland.And it's an horrible fundie dystopia. :scared:

[jeff30997]

3. Welcome to America

Now Bush Free.:)

[Captain Hilts]

4. Enjoy free refills!

[styersc]

6. Visitors to this nation should have sex with me.

It would be a shame to pass up this golden opportunity.

[KamaAina]

8. "Warning: Fundies Ahead Next 5000km. Use Extreme Caution."

As for "Sorry about the South", do please bear in mind that quite a few people come here specifically to see the South, especially New Orleans, of course, but also Acadiana (Cajun country), Charleston, Savannah, etc.

edit: spelling, Acadiana

[styersc]

10. God Bless. I didn't notice the "Sorry about the south" crud.

I will not apologize for my home, although I am always willing to accept a hand from those who are willing to lend a hand coaxing my neighbors toward a more progressive stance. One neighbor at a time.

[EndersDame]

9. WE TIP OUR WAITERS IN AMERICA!! LEARN THE RULES!!

Seriously this is the biggest problem I have with foreigners. Gratuity is included over there so I am told. It aint over here. Plus most states don't even pay the waiters minimum wage. I get paid $2.13 an hour plus tips. The CUSTOMER pays the waiter.ugggh I waited on a table with party members from Italy their tab was around 150. I joked I never let their drinks run out and then fucking nothing I should just given them crappy service

[Kali]

12. yep - good point

gratuities in the rest of the world are just that - waiters get paid. Here you live on tips - the "wages" ARE the cheap ass "gratuity"

[MilesColtrane]

11. "Prolonged exposure may cause stupidity."

[sarge43]

13. Welcome to America. Enjoy your stay. Don't be alarmed, but we're batshit crazy. n/t

[lifesbeautifulmagic]

14. make sure you bring your own health insurance!

[MajorChode]

15. Don't go into a restaurant and tell them you want to eat a cock

[Arugula Latte]

34. But what about cock-oh-van?

;)

[Liberal Veteran]

16. Warning: Country Contains Americans, Proceed with Caution

[Aristus]

17. Warning: Steer clear of Texas, Florida, and all of the National Parks.

Unless you brought your own army with you...

[EndersDame]

19. Yeah and miss SXSW ACL Fest Willie's Farm aid

The Alamo Drafthouse (a film nerd's mecca) NASA, Beautiful Barton Springs ,(which has been blessed by the Dali Lama) The drop dead gorgeous Florida Keys,the everglades and saving the best for last you would miss out on kick ass Tex Mex. You would miss a whole lot by writing off Texas (am not so knowledgeable about Florida)

[begin_within]

23. Steer clear of these?

Then what are they coming here for?

[Aristus]

36. You guys are acting like it's MY fault people are allowed to pack heat in our National Parks.

Or that it's my fault that they have "shoot first and ask questions never" laws in Texas and Florida, but not in places like Vermont or Minnesota.

I'm not the enemy, guys... :eyes:

[begin_within]

38. No, you're not and it's not your fault.

My opinion is that the people who are now going to pack heat in the national parks legally have already been packing heat illegally there for years anyway. So nothing will be different, effectively.

[kentauros]

27. Steer clear of certain members of the messageboard "democraticunderground"

as they are forever known as exclusionary regionalists.

Also, steer clear of anything that is being "managed" by our Federal Emergency Management Agency, such as hurricane, flood and tornado aftermaths.

[cwydro]

31. Well put!

Exclusionary regionalists! Perfect.

[AlCzervik]

18. Bring your own books.

[begin_within]

22. Hey, I like circus peanuts.

I rarely eat them, but I do like them.

[keroro gunsou]

25. just one thing:

we are a nation of bubbas. we may not admit it, but the bubbas have taken over.

[LSdemocrat]

26. Why yes the portions you will be served are individual portions. Hope you came hungry.

[yellowdogintexas]

30. hell yes, especially in Texas. My advice: always eat with a buddy and split the

dinner.

Don't bother with a bunch of appetizers either, unless that is all you are eating.

[cwydro]

28. Avoid Ohio.

[Deep13]

33. Now you tell me! nt

[yellowdogintexas]

29. you can't just drive over to Carlsbad Caverns from Mammoth Cave when you

have to head back to Germany in 3 days (and your flight is from Atlanta!) tour the caves and get back in time to head home.

This occurred at an International Speleological Conference some years ago that was held in Kentucky. I can't tell you how many European visitors actually thought they could rent a car in Bowling Green, drive to New Mexico, tour the caves and get back to Atlanta by Wednesday. We had to explain to them that our maps were not just bigger because we wanted more detail.

Finally we took an outline of Spain and plopped it down over Texas on a same scale map of the US and they got it. They KNEW how large Spain was and it is smaller than Texas.

This year the conference is in Kerrville, so at least it is more centrally located than Kentucky!

[begin_within]

39. And vee are having vunderful time in supermarket of United States

I love those German tourists. Six weeks to bounce all over the planet goofily.

[Arugula Latte]

35. Enjoy our pools and beaches, but please ... No male Speedos.

[mitchum]

37. It's not cool to knock on the doors of strangers and ask if they have a gun in the house