A republican cut my hair today

[graywarrior]

I didn't know until five minutes into the cut when she brought up, get this....Bill Clinton's penis. Why, you ask, did Bill Clinton's penis become the topic of her vigorous "snipping" in our otherwise benign conversation? Well apparently she is afraid her teenaged daughter may be having premarital sex with her otherwise wonderful boyfriend and it is Bill's fault because HE set the precendent that oral sex is not sex even tho she did not mention if daughter was fucking or sucking.

Daughter is 17 so that means she was around 10 when Bill made his "is" defense statement. Hmmmmm. Bill's penis rules the sex world of teenagers.

[Bucky]

1. I am afraid that my 19 year old daughter will have sex with Bill Clinton

That would make her, like, the worst lesbian ever.

[FloridaJudy]

2. Because - of course - nobody *ever* had oral sex

Before Bill Clinton did. Maybe Bristol Palin should have tried that.

[SKKY]

4. OUCH!!!

:spray:

[Brigid]

55. A DUzy nominee here if there ever was one.

:rofl:

[Arkansas Granny]

67. I'm not so sure about that. I read one DUer who claimed to have invented

oral sex back in the 70's.

[JitterbugPerfume]

3. I hate when that happens

You don't dare tell her that you are a Liberal Commie because she has scissors in her hand!

[struggle4progress]

5. So what did you say?

"Yeah, well, I had sex before Bill, but he was good"?
"Personally, I blame Oral Roberts"?
"My girlfriend and I just got married, so I haven't been following the news lately"?

[graywarrior]

7. I said something like, wow, Bill Clinton wields a lot of power, huh?

That went right over her head. So she said if I had any hair problems to come back in and I said, well, Nick usually cuts my hair....you know Nick, right?..the GAY guy with the platinum blonde spiked hair whose boyfriend also cuts hair? Well, they're away right now, sooooooo, hey, nice meeting you and have a great day!

[hamsterjill]

73. A+ response!!!

n/t

[tigereye]

18. "I blame Oral Roberts!"

:rofl: I missed that one, somehow.

[rurallib]

6. she should worry more about her daughter being tortured

based on her logic.

[graywarrior]

8. Her kid works at a local restaurant in town

Trust me, she's being tortured.

[jeff30997]

9. Well I think she have a point.

Since the Bill Clinton "scandal" millions of young women in the world had premarital sex.:rofl:

What an idiot.

[BuelahWitch]

10. Bill Clinton must've learned that from one of my exes

A former Mormon missionary, who told me way back in the '80s that he could have oral sex and still be a virgin, because oral sex wasn't really sex.
So they need to blame Gary Muhlstein, not Bill Clinton.

[Call Me Wesley]

11. I'm sure her daughter will follow her guidance,

and won't have premarital sex at all, not oral, aural, coral, moral nor otherwise. So, what's to worry? And how does a 17 year old American teenager even know what a male reproductive organ is?

[MorningGlow]

12. Wow, the Mighty Clenis continues to rule unchallenged

Impressive. :eyes:

If you really want to continue the debate with her :evilgrin: I'm sure a quick search on teh google will bring up lots of accounts of official studies in recent years that have shown abstinence-only programs are to blame. :D

[madinmaryland]

13. And he probably gave you more duct tape to tape down the duck!

:grr:

:hi:

[NewJeffCT]

14. if her daughter is 17 now

It means that Bill Clinton did his "i did not have sexual relations with that women, Ms Lewinsky..." thing 11 years ago, in 1998. The actual affair happened even before that...So, her daughter was 6 at the time of the statement, and 4-5 during the actual affair.

[graywarrior]

15. I know, I was thinking about that after

Hell, maybe Bill's psychic sperm impregnated her 17 years ago. It could happen.

[sarge43]

17. Well, she's a hairdresser in North Conway NH

What else has she to obsess about besides The Tool That Rules?

[graywarrior]

20. LOL, you know the Conway Sun has a call in for locals to express their opinion about happenings in

the valley. Well, everytime they put a question to the public about an issue, (last week it was regaring Time Warner's service) some idiot always makes a comment about Messiah Obama. I keep forgetting that these folks cut hair and repair cars. They live amongst us..lol!

[sarge43]

29. And they look so human. (Except in the wintah when they grow beards)

"these folks cut hair and repair cars."

Which goes a long ways in explaining why they and their lunched out trucks look and behave the way they do.

[graywarrior]

31. Hey, your car mechanic doesn't cut your hair or give you root canals? WTF?

[sarge43]

34. No, but she runs the pizza place and recycling center aka dump.

We don't have the skill sets of you North of the Notch types.

[graywarrior]

36. You mean hauling dead hiker carcasses off the mountain because they were too

stupid to not wear sneakers and start hiking up at 4pm? Those kinda skills? Oh oh and driving 100 mph with a red light and siren on our 92 caddies to assist at a fender bender?

[sarge43]

41. Uh, down here we just leave hikers where they fall.

The bears'll take of 'em.

[graywarrior]

46. Are you kidding me? Mt Washington is like the fucking Mall!

They need traffic lights up there to manage all the people who want to experience the wilderness.

[sarge43]

53. I know. My friends from FL will be here in July.

They insist they'll drive up and down Mt Wash. Fine, they're on their own. Smelling burning brake lining for six thousand feet straight down a road barely wide enough to hold all four wheels reads better than it lives.

And oh yes, they'll pay me no never mind about taking some warm clothes with them. Screw 'em if they can't take a Mt Wash joke.

[graywarrior]

56. I crack up when I see the bumper sticker claiming the car drove up the mountain

Jesus, talk about absolutely ruining your brakes and then being dumb enough to advertise it to the rest of us.

[sarge43]

58. And the concept of down shifting seems to sail right over their heads.

I figure you can put 20K miles on the brakes and gear shift running up and down that mean piece of real estate.

[graywarrior]

59. On a clear day, you can see the line of cars struggling up the Auto Road

and almost here the screams in the cars coming down.

[sarge43]

75. Brake repair shop at the foot of Mt Wash

My God, how the money rolls in.

Trauma center might be profitable, too.

[graywarrior]

79. Trust me, I've seen the trauma of dating couples who hike together for the first time

LOL...I used to drive the App Mtn Club shuttle so I'd pick them up after 3 days at the huts. Nothing purdier than silent fighting between two love birds.

[sarge43]

82. Nothing like living primal to keep the romance in the relationship. n/t

[graywarrior]

84. Top 5 reasons they fight

1. He left her in his dust on the trail
2. He would not carry her pack that had the (blowdryer, makeup kit, hairbrush/mirror, etc) in it
3. She made it up Madison a hell of a lot faster than he did and she never hiked before
4. One of them never imagined they'd do this in the rain
5. Someone flirted with someone in the hut croo

[sarge43]

85. And the Number One reason they fight (drum roll)

"You promised this would be fuuuuunnnnnnnnnn!!"

[graywarrior]

86. Who knew they wouldn't be able to have sex in a dorm room with multiple snorers

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! And no SHOWERS? Are you crazy!?

[sarge43]

87. Welcome to Nuhampshah, Flatlanders. Leave your money. Go home.

:rofl:

[graywarrior]

88. It's so funny the attitude we have about out of staters when more than half of us are flat landers.

[sarge43]

89. I think the cranky, contrary 'tude takes hold quickly.

More importantly, we FLs probably wouldn't settle here if we weren't basically cranky and contrary.

[graywarrior]

90. Since I started meditation, I'm torn between live and let live and ripping faces off during tourist

season.

[sarge43]

91. I've settled for ignoring them as much as possible.

Except when they're doing anything incredibly stupid like fly casting for bear at the dump or egging on Junior to go up and pet the 'moosie' or trying to burn down the woods.

(Details upon request)

[jeff30997]

28. "Bill's psychic sperm"

:spray: :rofl:

[Dogtown]

16. An awkward moment

How did you tip?

[graywarrior]

21. She's the owner, so $1

[Dogtown]

61. My wife renewed her carry-permit

at the county Probate Court several weeks back.

The female clerk remarked that her husband has to frequently display his weapon to chase away 'thieves' from his truck. She continued, "He warns them, you know, 'Uno-dos-tres...'".


We knew we couldn't win by confronting her in the back offices of a rural southern court house, but we expressed our displeasure by allowing the silence to become uncomfortable for our remaining time in the office.

Life in the good ole CSA...

[graywarrior]

65. Did you know that Dogtown in Gloucester MA is haunted?

http://myweb.northshore.edu/users/ccarlsen/poetry/gloucester/dogtownhistory.html

[Midlodemocrat]

19. Well, TM is 18, almost 19 and flat out loves the Clenis.

I guess I'm a bad mother. I don't necessarily equate sexual indiscretions between consenting adults and the slaughter of innocent Iraqis.

[graywarrior]

22. You need to be saved.

[Midlodemocrat]

23. Been told that more than once.

[graywarrior]

24. It's not gonna happen is it?

Sinner.

[no name no slogan]

25. Beware the POWER OF TEH CLENIS®!!!!!1111

Even a decade after Lewinskygate, TEH CLENIS® still has powers that we are only just beginning to comprehend. DO NOT GAZE UPON TEH CLENIS® WITH YOUR NAKED EYE!

[jeff30997]

26. Lol!

Maybe the Military could use that terrible Weapon of Mass Turbation. :rofl:

[no name no slogan]

27. Had Dubya had the power of TEH CLENIS®...

We would've been out of Iraq and Afghanistan by April 15, 2003. THAT'S how powerful TEH CLENIS® is!

[graywarrior]

30. I had no idea of the "extent" of the power of that clenis.

It's almost godlike. We need to build shrines in it's honor.

[sarge43]

32. We could rename The Washington Monument

(We're about one more snark from Lock)

[graywarrior]

33. Only if we inscribe the word "IS" on it and shoot happy fluid out of the top every 15 minutes.

[sarge43]

35. And fireworks at night. n/t

[graywarrior]

37. Bill knows a thing or two about fireworks

[jeff30997]

38. Great idea ! It could be renamed:

Old Unfaithful.:rofl:

[madinmaryland]

47. The Washington Clenis or The Clenis Monument??

:shrug:

[sarge43]

52. The Clenis.

It's erect, it's white and it's ready.

IBTL

[LeftOfSelf-Centered]

64. Watch Futurama

On the show, in the year 3000, they had the Clinton Monument right next to the Washington Monument. It looked exactly the same only was five times bigger....

:rofl:

[sarge43]

66. .....

:spray::thumbsup:

[LeftOfSelf-Centered]

70. Just to illustrate it...

[graywarrior]

71. LOL!

[sarge43]

72. Thank you,LOSC. I needed the laugh

Welcome to the DU Lounge. And do hang around. You're our kind of people.

[LeftOfSelf-Centered]

74. Thanks!

I'd been lurking on the site for a while, but finally signed up when I came across the Lounge. I think that says a lot about me.... :)

[madinmaryland]

48. FREE THE CLENIS DUCK!!1!!

[graywarrior]

50. You sick bastid

I thought we solved this issue or do I need to attach a hood to his little clenis?

[mikeytherat]

83. Perhaps a shrine like this?

Courtesy of futurama:



mikey_the_rat

[FloridaJudy]

39. !

:spray: :rofl:

That's okay. The keyboard was almost shot already.

[rcrush]

40. Thats why I just dont get my hair cut anymore.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

42. Did she make your hair look like this?

[graywarrior]

45. LOfuckingL!!!

[Moondog]

43. You should tell the Republican that

"you are what you eat."

Let him or her chew on that for a while.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

44. The Gingrich Defense is Clinton's Fault.

My head has essploded once again. :rofl:

[Orsino]

49. Well, Bush set the precedent for screwing millions. n/t

[Brigid]

51. You need a new hairdresser.

Sheesh. Unbelievable. :banghead:

[graywarrior]

57. This was a one time deal til my regular one gets back in town

[Tangerine LaBamba]

54. Because of Bill Clinton,

I went ahead and had sex, my first time, in 1964.

Yes, Clinton is that powerful.....................

[FloridaJudy]

60. Hey! My son was corrupted by the Clarence Thomas hearings

Here I'd thought it was safe to let him watch PBS in the mornings. Little did I know that Sesame Street had been preempted. Nothing like having a little one shake your shoulder while you're snoozing and plaintively inquire, "Mommy? Who's Long Dong Silver?"

Half asleep I responded, "he's a pirate".

"Okay. What's pubic hair?"

[sarge43]

62. Did he ever ponder why a stained blue dress was so important? n/t

[FloridaJudy]

76. By the time that became an issue

He was old enough to understand, though his reaction was "Ewwwww! Gross!" He's grown a bit since then.

[sarge43]

78. Well, that's pretty much the general reaction to the whole stupid business.

Smart kid.

[Tabasco_Dave]

63. People are rude today

It used to considered bad manners to discuss politics, religion and sex with strangers or mixed company and i've noticed that republicans and born again christians are the worst offenders. Some democrats do it too but not as much as republicans.

[Justyce]

68. Especially with customers... good way to lose business. nt

[graywarrior]

69. Yeah, since I told everyone on the planet.

[Rambis]

77. Wow, they just can't let go of the Clenis

:evilgrin:

[graywarrior]

80. They so wish they could ride that Clenis

[cwydro]

81. Lol!

I have a Republican haircutter too, but we've never discussed penises.:rofl: