Top Ten reasons why Men can have 2 Dogs but not 2 wives.

[BlueJazz]

The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.

Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.

Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

Dogs know that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.

A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.

If a dog smells another dog on you, it doesn't get mad. It just thinks it's interesting.

Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

[travelingtypist]

1. Not as funny as this.

So, for all you married dudes...is this about right?
(courtesy of mikeportnoy.com)

9 WORDS THE WIFE USES

(1) Fine: This is the word she uses to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) (Loud Sigh): This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements she can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: She is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever").

(8) Whatever: Is her way of saying F*cK YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told her husband to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in the husband asking "What's wrong?" For her response refer to # 3.

[BlueJazz]

2. Yep....the phrase: "Don't worry about it, I got it" means your world is about to end.

:)

[travelingtypist]

3. I've had that for a couple of years.

That was written by a guy -- shocking, I had no idea a man could be this observant -- and it's so spot on good and so funny I still get a cramp in my side from laughing when I read it.