Post your bad puns and riddles here...

[kmla]

Here are a few to prime the pump...

1. How Do You Catch A Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch A Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path.
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit A Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's
7. What Do You Call A Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick.
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko.
11. What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire?
Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

Fire away, sports fans...

[SOteric]

1. What's the difference between Roast Beef and Pea Soup...?

Any one can roast beef.

[TlalocW]

2. I've always liked this one...

Me: As me if I'm a tree.
Other person: Are you a tree?
Me: No.


Others:
Q: What's green and brown and if it falls out of a tree on you, it will kill you?
A: A pool table

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

Q: What's green and has wheels?
A: Grass. I lied about the wheels.

TlalocW

[Richardo]

5. I like those absurdist riddles...

"A pool table" :-)

[underpants]

3. Total Recall/Governator/ whatever stupid s**t they come up with next

:thumbsdown:

[fertilizeonarbusto]

4. greatest puns ever

"You can lead a horticulture, but you cannot make her think."
Dorothy Parker
"You can tune a piano, but you can tuna fish."

[Twenty3]

6. I See!

said the blind man

As he picked up his hammer and saw.

[kmla]

7. Version II...

"I see!" said the blind man, as he spat into the wind.
"It's all coming back to me now!"

[On the Road]

8. Why Are There Four Doors in a Chicken Coop?

Otherwise, they'd be chicken sedans.

(Works better if spoken.)

[kmla]

9. Know how to cook a kidney?

Simple. Just put it in water, and boil the piss out of it...

(Sorry, had to kick my own thread, but I know there are more stupid puns out there that need to be heard...)

[disgruntella]

10. not a pun but a bad joke

Two cannibals start dining on a clown. One looks at the other and asks, "Does this taste funny to you?"

[SiobhanClancy]

11. Here's two bad ones..

It is better to have loved a short person and lost
than never to have loved a tall

In England they do not have a kidney bank,
but they do have a Liverpool

[Darth_Ole]

18. People think that all sheep are alike.

But actually they have mutton in common.

[UrbScotty]

12. One atom to the other: "I've lost an electron."

Atom 2: "Are you sure?"
Atom 1: "I'm positive."

[BritishHuman]

13. How do you titillate an ocelot?

You oscillate its tit a lot.

:-)

[Breezy du Nord]

14. Bad one

Me: I knew a guy once with arms so long, when he walked up the staris, he'd step on them.
Friend: His arms.
Me: nO the stairs

(Bada-bong!) Thank you, I'm here all week.

[stilpist]

15. Midget running through the streets of Prague,

in fear for his life. Knocks on a door, woman answers.

"Pardon me madam, can you cache a small czech? :P

[BrotherBuzz]

16. Did you hear about the guy who had a dog with no legs?

Every time he took him for a walk, it was a real drag. Come on boy.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him anything, he's still not going to come.

A cow with no legs? Ground beef
A cow with two legs? Lean beef
What do you say to a one legged hitchiker? Hop in...

[Aristus]

17. I was going to post a pun about a sausage,

but I decided to do it later, so you could say the wurst is yet to come.

[CO Liberal]

19. What Kind of Coffee Do They Serve in Mental Hospitals?

"Chock Full o' Nuts"

:-)

[Catshrink]

20. Friends may come...

Friends may come and friends may go,
Friends can peter out, you know.
But we'll be friends through thick and thin,
Peter out, or peter in.

[stilpist]

23. Reminds me of

She offered her honor.
He honored her offer.
And all night long,
It was honor and offer.

[BritishHuman]

21. I was going to go on a course...

...on "management for introverts", which led to a degree.

...on "home carpentry for patriots" - I felt I had to make a stand.

...on "Ballet Fashion" - I got a two-two.

...on "trans-oceanic insect communication", but I needed two bees and a sea.

...on "Leaning to one side for ages", but there was a waiting list.

...on "Whisky Appreciation", but I didn't like the Teacher's.

...on "Sheepdog training", but I couldn't make myself herd.

[FloridaJudy]

22. Lame *and* sick

What do you call a man with no arms or legs:

Hanging on the wall?
Art.

On your doorstep?
Matt.

In a pile of leaves?
Russel.

In your swimming pool?
Bob.

Riding a horse?
Dusty.