Don Lautenbach: Emperor of America

[WillyBrandt]

To: My fellow Americans
As any thinking person can plainly see, this country is going to hell in a handbasket. The United States government, under a President and politicians, has become corrupt, incompetent, inefficient, immoral, insensitive, irrational, irresponsible, oppressive, and dangerous to our welfare. The criminal government of the United States has failed it's obligation to the citizens of this country. It is time for a change!

My goal is to make this country a pleasant place to live for decent people. It will be an example for the rest of the world to follow. The President of the United States cannot accomplish this because his hands are tied by politicians, lobbyists, and special interest groups. A complete change of government is the ONLY solution. Only a person with absolute and total control can save this country and civilization. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY!

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http://www.angelfire.com/on/donemperor/

[htuttle]

1. Vermin Supreme is running again, too

I think he's running for Tyrant of North America:
http://www.boston.com/news/globe/magazine/articles/2004/01/11/merry_prankster/

He still occasionally wears the boot on his head. His platform is far more modest than Don Lautenbach's, however:

Vermin Supreme Promises:

• To do something about the weather. "Too damn hot" in the summer, "Too damn cold" in the winter. Possibilities under study include a) a weather dome over the entire city for climate control; b) physical relocation of the entire city to a more hospitable climate; or c) simply throwing out anybody who complains.
  
• To pave over everything that hasn't been paved over yet.
  
• To make the homeless disappear. Poof! As if by magic, presto chango. Out of sight, out of mind. Where did they go? Oh, well, you don't really want to know now, do you? Didn't think so.
  
• To achieve nuclear capability for little towns, taking no more gruff from neighboring municipalities over contaminating "their" groundwater and other such "sour grapes."
  
• To tax the bejeezus out of everything.
  
• To make crime against the law! Combat illiterates! Fight the unemployed! And stop pregnant teenagers! These statistics can easily be lowered by manipulating the figures on which they're based.
  
• To appoint lots of committees to look into all sorts of things.
  
• And, of course, no comment on disarmament through deployment.