Shy DU'ers. How do you work to overcome your shyness?

[terrya]

I'm more outgoing here than in personal situations. I've always been that way. At parties or social events, I find a person or persons I know and gravitate to them. Instead of meeting people for the first time and introducing them.

I'm trying to deal with mine, but it's not easy. It IS so easy here to be more outgoing and friendly. But there is just something about being physically in a room with people...more pressure, for me at least.

What are your thoughts, fellow DU'ers?

Terry

[pagerbear]

1. I'm the same way

I can act very confident--even pushy and smartass--in a setting like this or on ISPQ, but in person it's just so difficult. That varies widely, too, depending on the situation and my mood.

[Bertha Venation]

Do karaoke or join a chorus.

I joined a chorus to sing, but wound up becoming an entirely different person. Friends I made have told me, "when you first came to the chorus you hardly said two words the whole first year." A lot of people thought of me as a mouse.

Once I had my first solo and nearly vomited for the entire 24 hours before the show, I started doing karaoke at a coffee house to overcome my stage fright. That worked to help w/ my shyness, too.

Those are the only things that have worked for me, Terry. Do you sing? Even if you don't, some community choruses have volunteer leagues.

:loveya:

[supernova]

2. I put myself in situations where I have to be more outgoing

Not all the time, mind you, but sometimes just to remind myself that I have work to do.

I deliberately go places where I don't know anyone so I have to meet people. Otherwise I will gravitate to those I know and not meet others.

That's one reason why I do political work. I almost always meet someone new. And right away you have something in common.

But I do have to be in the right mood for it.

[ProudGerman]

3. It's because you can't see the faces

My theory is if you can't see the person averting their gaze, rolling their eyes, or displaying a face of utter revulsion as if you just shoved a piece of poo on a stick in their face, its easy to imagine they aren't.

The way I deal with shyness is to work on my 'fuck it' attitude. I remind myself that I'm not trying to get sex or money out of this person, so if they end up not liking me it doesn't hurt as much. This puts me more at ease, and generally outgoing people get that vibe are end up more at ease as well. Fellow shy people also tend to ease up because they didn't have to take the onus and step out on the ledge.

But if it is a woman I'm trying to get to know, then I'm a mess, and its something that you just have to try and push through. Perseverance is a trait that can only be improved through practice for me, but damn its hard sometimes.

[SarahB]

4. I'm outgoingly shy

I could go on stage and speak or sing in front of a huge room of people and I can talk one on one to people or in really small groups, but when it comes to trying to converse at big parties or groups, I tend to freeze up, especially if I don't know anyone. I don't know if I'll every quite overcome that.

[Nikia]

5. A couple things

When you are on a message board, you see the people who reply to your threads, not the people who don't. In person, you see the people who walk away from you. That can hurt. That's why it is easier to be outgoing here.
Do you really want to be outgoing to the extent that some people are. The few times in my life that I have known a lot of people and been "popular", I have been overwhelmed. At parties even when I am meeting people, I prefer to meet a few people and talk and hang out with them for a couple hours rather than meet everyone and talk to them each for a few minutes. There is nothing wrong with that unless of course if the people who you met and hoped to hang out with are the type that wish to meet everyone rather than getting to know you better.
If you are at a party where you know someone who is more outgoing, perhaps that person can introduce you to other people too. That is always a good way to meet people.

[AngryAmish]

6. Booze, mostly