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When I first began surfing, I was fascinated by a small group of surfers - celebrated in the surfing media, but unknown to the outside world - who spent their time traveling the world pursuing the perfect wave. Though nobody ever found the perfect wave (it simply isn't possible), none of these divine seekers gave up in despair, because the perfect wave wasn't really the object - the object was the search itself.
Inspired, I too traveled the world in search of the perfect wave, though not to the extent of my heroes. My search was relatively brief, but that search has colored my life, sometimes for the worse, but almost overwhelmingly for the better. I don't surf anymore, but the search remains inside me forever, a part of my everyday existence. I still seek the perfect wave. Every so often I will spot what looks like the perfect wave on a freeway off-ramp or in some cozy country restaurant, nestled on a steaming plate among the breaded pork chops and overcooked peas. Sometimes I might think I hear the perfect wave during an afternoon faculty meeting or on a Saturday morning at the barbers when the white, wispy hair from a drowsy old man hits the floor like silken snow, almost silent, but not quite.
Now, older, somewhat wiser, but no less idealistic, I'm in search of the perfect post. There are posts wherever we go, of course, but the perfect post is so elusive. I'm not even sure yet what the perfect post looks like. For example, is the subject of the perfect post dependent or independent of the forum in which it resides? When considering the perfect post is its form or its content more important? Is the perfect post impersonal and terse or intimate and voluminous? Does the perfect post incorporate satire or irony (or both) and how much? Do metaphor and simile and other self-concious devices contaminate posts or help push them along to their perfect form? Indeed, I suppose one must consider whether the perfect post should even make linear or linguistic sense. Would it be better if the perfect post employed the more irrational aesthetic of the dadaist or the unconscious symbolism of the surrealist?
Does emotion come into play? Which would be more perfect: a happy post or a sad post or an angry post? Sanguine or melancholy? Is there any place for sarcasm in the perfect post? Should or should not the perfect post include emoticons?
Can an indulgent confessional type of post be considered? Can a reply be considered, or must the perfect post be the thread's initiator? Would questions that demand an inevitably imperfect reply negate the perfection? Does the perfect post need to be attached to a poll? Can a post with commercial intent be eligible or would the injection of profit be impure? If one was paid to create the perfect post, would the very acceptance of a remuneration render the post imperfect?
Would the perfect post be immaculate in its spelling, grammar, and punctuation, or would it be more likely to have a whimsical, poetic feel? Would its paragraphs be perfectly formed and authoritatively regimented or would the post be a joyful anarchy of run-ons, ellipses, and under-punctuated streams of thought?
If one million monkeys sat for one million years typing on keyboards, could they produce the perfect post? If the perfect post fell in the woods would anybody read it? Can God type a post He can't correct?
This is my quest. These are the questions for which I seek answers.
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