Elephants are Coming

[banana republican]

· What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence.
· How do you know when an elephant has been in your fridge?
There are footprints in the butter.
· Why are elephants large, Grey and wrinkled? (2)
Have you ever tried ironing one?
· How do you know when elephants have been making love in your garden?
The grass is rolled flat and all the bin-liners are missing.
· Why do elephants paint themselves green?
So they can sneak across snooker tables without being seen.
· How do you fit four elephants into a Mini?
Two in the front, two in the back.
· How do you know when an elephant is visiting your house?
There's a Mini outside with three elephants in it.
· What do elephants use as tampons?
Sheep.
· Why do elephants have long trunks?
Sheep don't have strings.
· How do you get an elephant into a matchbox?
Take out all the matches first.
· What's the similarity between an elephant and a blue plum?
They are both Grey. Well, except the plum.
· What did Tarzan say, when he saw the elephants coming down the hill?
"Look, the elephants are coming down the hill."
· What did Julius Caesar say, when he saw the elephants coming down the hill?
"Look, the plum's are coming down the hill." - he was color-blind.
· And finally: How do you catch an elephant?
You will need a jam-jar with a firm lid, a telescope, a black-board and a piece of chalk. And a jungle with elephants, of course.

Go to the jungle. Write 2+2=5 on the blackboard. All the elephants will come running and be paralyzed with laughter. While they are busy laughing, turn the telescope the wrong way around and use it to look at the elephants. As they are now very small, you can easily pick them up and put them in the glass and close the lid.

[northzax]

1. and let's not forget...

why do elephants paint their toenails red?

so they can hide out in cherry trees.

[banana republican]

2. Strawberries anyone....

[northofdenali]

3. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

I am now giggling and have beer that came THROUGH my nose on the keyboard...............

How can you tell if there's an elephant under your bed?
> You're closer to the ceiling.

Can you tell if there's an elephant in your closet?
> Sure, you can smell the peanut butter on his breath.