Real-life questions the doctor asks you:

[Deja Q]

"I am required, by law, to ask, do you have any problems with domestic relations?" (meaning marital abuse).

Now I'm a single gay hopeless pathetic white guy. What I wanted to say was "Well, my pet parrot leaps over and bites me when I try to give him food, does that count?" But, coward as I am, I said nothing.

"Are you allergic to any medications?", after having looked at the computer screen to pull up the FAQ section on your medical chart. "No. I wasn't the last time, nor am I now. Given how doctors never bother to read these things in the first place and never update them, I take it upon myself to tell y'all everything before I leave in disgust!"

The nurse asks "What seems to be the problem?" You start to answer... (s)he interrupts: "Tell it to the doctor."

You're ill with a nasty illness that puts you out of breath quickly. Having called you into the private room from the waiting area and you're out of breath, the nurse asks sternly "WHY are you out of breath?" (Uh, Duncel, maybe it's because I'm ill?!")

Muscle pains are the problem? "Take some ibuprofin and you'll feel better!" That's great until, having half a lifetime of muscle problems, your kidneys fail by age 45 and it's going to be 6 years before you can get a transplant. (I am seriously considring donating my kidney to somebody because this happened to her and our blood type is identical. As I expect to be dead within 5 years, at least bits of me will go on...)

"Are you a homosexual?" (or varying questions meaning this.) I said "I am celibate" to a neurologist. My shrink at the time called them up a couple days later to volunteer the fact I'm a homo. x( My neurologist, when asking the initial question, had difficulty the question, which was "Have you engaged in any unusual relationships?" I said I was celibate. That means no sex with other people. D-U-H. The fucker broke confidentiality and as a result I got a doctor who'd rather see me dead.

In essense, this is the premium health care we pay for. x( Like Jay Sherman often says, "It stinks!"

Yes, I do hate the world. And I have a few damn good reasons why.

[specter]

1. DUDE

I feel for ya!! Been there my self!

[PartyPooper]

2. My favourite: the receptionist asks, "Have you been here before?"

DUH! Look at my chart...I've been seeing this doctor for the past 20 years!

:silly:

[SheilaT]

3. Or when they

ask if you still live at the same address, the one you've been at for about twenty years so far, and this is a follow up of the visit you made three days ago.

[Fovea]

4. Do you have problems with depression?

"Uh, I have had a stroke and two heart attacks on the same day, I can't take statins, I am suddenly diabetic, hypertensive, half my body is numb, and you tell me I have about a fifty percent chance of another stroke (likely fatal) in the next five years. What you are really asking me, is do I want to be medicated for depression, and the answer is no."

[PartyPooper]

5. About 30 years ago I went in for a "second opinion."

I had seen another doctor previously regarding a concern I had with a lump and possible testicular cancer. The second doctor performed an exam and tests. When I later returned to the FIRST doctor...all hell broke loose! (It seems the "second opinion" doctor had called and informed him of my visit.) The first doctor then read me the riot act for getting a second opinion! He even said, "how dare you get another opinion, etc.!"

Well, I was furious and just walked out!

[camero]

6. The old "Why are you here today?"

Same answer as always. Follow up for diabetes. Follow up. I don't think they know what that means. Course I'm gonna have to go through this tomorrow. Another Doc's Appt.

[KoKo]

7. You could be healthy and the health care is gross and demeaning!

There's no other answer except that they accept many dregs to Med School and the "cream of crop" go to the Cheney's and Bushes, and we get the bottom of the barrell who still have too many school loans to pay off into their 50's and so one is just "a number."

Arghhhhhh.......I understand.