Rent : The Aftermath

[AlecBGreen]

I have decided to give my parents the :thumbsdown: on their offer. I can sleep on a friends couch for April in return for some help with rent (~$200). From May to August Im gonna live with neighbors who have a graduating roommate and sublease his old room (~$300/month). Its gonna suck moving all my stuff out again, but at least I can drink a beer before noon if I want too! Thanks for everybodys help in sorting this all out. In the end I know that I love my parents, Im grateful for all their help, but I am sure as hell not gonna pay $450 a month just so they can make me wash the dishes and mow the yard.

[Madrone]

1. Have you told them yet?

I'm really curious to hear their reaction.

[roguevalley]

2. Good luck, honey. This too shall pass. ;)

[Blue-Jay]

3. Did you ever consider

providing them with a bill for your time spent working around the house?

If they're going to charge you adult prices for a place to sleep, you should treat them to a dose of paying for services rendered as well.

Tit for tat.

[Deja Q]

8. Isn't that an allowance?

Money in turn for services rendered?

Depending on where he lives, $450 might be an adult price... But I suspect that $450 included every utility and food.

Will this ~$200 alternative cover food and utilities? I highly doubt it, and he's getting a sweet deal.

I think it's going to cost him almost as much in the long run...

[Blue-Jay]

9. Financially, it might indeed cost as much.

The gain is that he's about to get a cold dose of reality, which is much more helpful.

[Nikia]

11. I'm going to have to disagree

I think that's a bad deal for a room with one's parents expecting help with the chores and probably having some say over one's behavior. I suppose that I might have a different view of this living in a lower cost housing area and be raised with different views of family and helping family out. They are going to live in the same house regardless and don't need the money like other people who might take in boarders.
Even if it costs him the same amount, it is the principle of things.
His parents say they are charging him because they want him to be independent. He is asserting his independence.

[Rowdyboy]

4. Congratulations, man...

Good move...

[Deja Q]

5. Will this affect your relationship with them in the long run?

Good luck! At least you've got friends... let's hope they remain so; the only difference between having a roommate and a lover is whether or not sex is involved...

[Droopy]

6. Too bad it didn't work out with your parents

It makes me appreciate my situation even more than I already do for having parents that are letting me stay with them rent free while I pursue my dreams at college.

Good luck to you and may tomorrow be a better day.

[nini]

7. Good luck and hopefully it will all work out for you.

YOu found an alternative which you should have since you weren't satisfied. I hope it works out for you.

[burythehatchet]

10. I've been reading this string of posts

but haven't posted until now.

It's not my intent to confuse you.

It sounds like the decision you made is to move out. I want to share with you a perspective on socialization. In Eastern cultures like India, The decision more often than not is for the son to remain closely aligned with the family. One way this is done through very tight family alliances - or at least thats the objective.

Its the reason why minorities from Eastern countries thrive economically when they come to the US. In those first generations the families maintain a social structure much as they would in their native lands.

Here's my observation. In the West the need for individualism is substantially stronger. This leads to dispersion of family members to start new families, as opposed to enlarging a core family unit. It is this phenomenon that I believe may be at the heart of resource over-utilizaion. Every new home and community means more infrastructure and more utilization of natural resources like water and energy.

It seems that cities organize in a simila fashion. Many suburban enclaves that spread far and wide from an urban core. Over investment in new infrastructure means lesser funds for the city core. Consume. Consume. Consume.


How's that for a cross to bear+


:)

[southerngirlwriter]

12. Good for you!

Your parents reduced you to a tenant, not a son, and their going up 50% on the price because you objected proves that this is more about power and control than "responsibility."

Well, guess what? When tenants don't like the landlord's deal, they go elsewhere. Let them find somewhere else to get their $450 a month -- and see how many chores that tenant is willing to kick in, in addition to the money. My guess is, uh, ZERO.

[eileen from OH]

13. Write back in 6 weeks.

And I still think you're wrong, but, hey, that's what makes the world go 'round and all that shit.

I have a feeling that most of the people writing and saying that all this "landlord/tenant" stuff are not parents of grown "kids." Considering everything your parents have already done for you, and the fact that they spent a shitload of money giving you a college education AND a car and evidently have unfailingly supported you in all ways for 23 years, I still fail to understand why you couldn't give a little back. And by a little, I don't mean money - I mean consideration and respect. They've given you so much and only asked for relatively minor (in the big picture) things of you, and for a short period of time.

Maybe it will take being a parent for you to see. Cuz until you've been there, and spent countless sleepless nights caring and worrying for your children, you don't really understand what parents go through. The important thing isn't the money - it's that for a few short months they asked you to do something for them, after a lifetime of doing things for you.

There's a lesson there somewhere, but I don't think mebbe you get it right now.

eileen from OH

[southerngirlwriter]

14. Please explain to me

how you think this is NOT a landlord/tenant thing??

dictionary.com says a tenant is:
1. One that pays rent to use or occupy land, a building, or other property owned by another.

and that a landlord is:
1. One that owns and rents land, buildings, or dwelling units.

Is that not PRECISELY what his parents did -- took their relationship from parent/child to landlord/tenant?

If I spawned a couple of kids, would it change the fact that words have meanings and this situation applies to these meanings precisely???

[eileen from OH]

15. Well, I guess you could think of it in those terms

But if you do then I guess he also owes his parents for a sizable amount of back rent. And since they bankrolled his college seems that they could be considered "lenders" and entitled to repayment, not to mention interest. I mean, if that is not PRECISELY what his parents did for him for 23 years. When he got an allowance when he was 8, did that make him an "employee"? He was getting paid, he was expected to do something, ergo he had a "job."

If we wanted to be absolutely PRECISE, we could say that these 2 people have been bankrolling this guy for 23 years and they decided enough was enough. I suppose if they had gotten a little footprint signature on a lending agreement on the day he was born, they couldn't be accused of switching roles. They were either good, loving parents or total idiots for doing all they did. I happen to think it was the former.

Unfortunately, the dictionary doesn't cover all the vagaries involved in parent-child relationships. They didn't owe him any of the things they gave him. And, no, he doesn't owe them anything now. But one would hope that within a loving familial relationship, words like "owing" and "landlord" and "tenant" wouldn't be used. Any more than the word "spawning" would be used to describe having children.

eileen from OH

[theoceansnerves]

16. ...unless you live hardcore

the legend of the rent was way hardcore!!