Wedding invite-Don't know what to do-any advice?

[Politics_Guy25]

All right, I feel like I need a Xanax. So, I was over at my parents' for supper just now and just as supper was wrapping up, the phone rings. Its our next door neighbour. My mom babysat her 2 daughters for her for 11 years. I'm 2 years older than they. My mom and the next door neighbour are acquaintances at best but the next door neighbour is eternally grateful that my mom babysat her children for 11 years and invites us to all of her daughters' family gatherings like baby showers, grad parties, etc., but we have nothing to do with them like on a family friend basis like going out for supper, going to the movies, just my mom having coffee with the neigbhour, nothing like that. Its weird that they invite us to all of this. It's probably because my mom babysat them for so long.

Anyway, so just now, the next door neighbour calls my mom up and tells us that her eldest daughter who is 24 is getting married on December 12 and that my mom, my dad, and I are invited (the neighbour said oh and (insert my name here) is invited as well of course. I immediately felt almost sick to my stomach because the last time that I spoke to her was believe it or not 10 years ago, in 1999. She would have been 14. I called her up and said "hey, what's up. wanna do something" and she said "I don't want to be your friend anymore" click. Nothing happened between us. It was just that she was part of the popular "cool crowd" and I was not. Hence, in order to preserve her reputation, especially since she was just entering high school, I was dropped I guess. I don't really know why she ended our friendship to this day. We did have some contact just last month for the first time in 11 years. My mom had been invited to her baby shower. My mom didn't go but sent a really nice gift. The girl wrote a nice letter back. At the time, I was going through a schtick where I had just started using facebook for the first time and I thought of her and added her as a friend. I sent her a little note explaining why I added her. She didn't respond but did add me as a friend. So that's good I guess. Anyway. I haven't spoken to her since and have had no meaningful contact since she was 14 with her and now out of the blue her mom invites me to her wedding.

I should add that the bride's dad and next door neighbour's husband is dying of cancer and that's why they are having a snap wedding. Her dad was only given 6 weeks to live unfortunately:(

Anyway, my issue is this: I feel like I was just invited to the wedding of some girl that probably hates me. Her mom was the one who invited us because she's grateful for the babysitting my mom did. I'm worried that when the bride, the daughter, sees me at her wedding, that she'll be disgusted and think "why'd you invite them?" I'm also worried that maybe the bride's mom invited us thinking that we wouldn't show up since we don't often show up for their events. Usually, we don't but this one my mom really wants to go to. Oops...(if that's what they were hoping for) The other issue is that I'm sure that all the cool kids from high school who didn't like me because I looked different are going to be there. Having to be in the same room with people who ridiculed me all throughout h.s. isn't going to be fun.

I'm wondering: Do you think I should even go or should I find a way to get out of it? The only issue then is what if they really were hoping I'd come and I don't show disappointing them. Would you go to the wedding if you were me? My parents really want me to go. I feel sick. The one thing I thought of doing was sending her a private facebook message saying that her mom had just called and invited us and I just wanted to confirm that it was OK for me to attend? I'd have to be very careful not to sound weird in that message if I did so. Would you do that? Also, how do I handle the cool crowd from h.s. that will undoubtedly be there if they start sending off negative vibes towards me?

School was really really tough for me. Did well academically but struggled socially due to a couple physical disabilities that I have. Maybe some left over hurt from those days is what is at play here.

P.S: The bride and I were like inseperable friends until the summer she was starting grade 9. Then, she just dropped me cold. We spent all day and all night with each other for like 10 years. I did know her quite well unti she cut me off.

Any advice more than welcome!!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. She probably doesn't hate you at all.

It was 10 years ago and she has probably forgotten altogether that she treated you badly when you were kids. Or else she remembers and feels a little guilty about it. In any event, my guess is that you are way more worried about this than you need to be. Consider also that the "cool kids" from high school are no longer cool. They are 10 years older, probably have normal jobs, maybe even spouses and families, and are just regular people. The high school crap is over.

Since the bride's father is dying, it might be a nice gesture to go, but if you are really uncomfortable about the whole thing you could politely decline and send a card and maybe a nice gift. But I'll bet it won't be nearly as awful as you anticipate.

[GreenPartyVoter]

7. +1

[Lydia Leftcoast]

2. What Velveteen Ocelot said

High school crap means nothing after high school. Everyone has more important things to think about.

One of the most gratifying experiences of my recent years was attending my fortieth high school reunion. I had not seen most of these people since graduation day, literally, and my memories of high school were not good. I was near the bottom of the social hierarchy for various reasons, so I went out of curiosity, but dreading the experience.

Everyone was SO nice, even the people who had been mean in high school. Everyone caught up and took pictures of everyone else. After dinner, we ended up dancing to the oldies, no partners, just everyone dancing and having a great time.

[Tikki]

3. GO...

and Let Go! Free Food...don't bring a gift, unless you must. Have Fun...:)

Tikki

[Politics_Guy25]

5. Thanks for the replies

I'm pretty sure it won't be that terrible and I do really have to go. I guess if it got really bad, I could always point to them that I was only there because I was specifically invited but I'm sure it won't get to that point.

Good point about H.S. ending in h.s. BTW, just out of curiousity, the bride's mom wouldn't invite anyone without the bride knowing most likely right?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

6. The bride's mom would not invite anybody without the bride knowing about it.

You can be virtually certain that the bride either made the guest list or at least approved it. She knows you've been invited. The way it generally works is, mom and bride sit down and decide how many people they can afford to (and/or want to) invite, then tell the groom's family how many people they can invite, while mom & bride go over their family's list. Bride insists on a bunch of her friends while mom says we have to invite the So-and-So family, and what about Aunt Matilda and the Smiths and the Joneses, and so they negotiate a bit and arrive at a final list. The bride definitely knows who'll be there.

[Capn Sunshine]

4. Do you like to drink?

If so, here's a wonderful opportunity for a free party. Plus, there will be eligible women there drinking as well( didn't you see "The Wedding Crashers"?) If you feel like being armed, think up some clever rejoinders for use against anyone who never got beyond high school mentally (oh, they exist) . One think the lounge is good at is clever rejoinders.

But yeah, for the most part, high school is over, ten years gone. So party like it's 1999.