Time for a "Fair and Balanced" Freeper Joke Thread

[CO Liberal]

I'll start:

Q - How do you break a Freeper's finger?

A - Punch him in the nose.

:-)

[kmla]

1. How do you get a one-armed freeper out of a tree?

Wave to him...

:bounce:

[CO Liberal]

2. How Do You Confuse a Freeper?

Put him in a round room and tell him to piss in the corner.

:-)

[tom_paine]

3. What's the difference between a Freeper and a coffee table?

Furniture polish.

"Fehrunbalinst"
--trademarked by Joseph Goebbels, 1934

[ornotna]

4. FAIRY TALE FOR WOMEN OF THE 21st CENTURY

Once upon a time, in a land far away, A beautiful, independent, self-assured princess (DUer)
happened upon a frog (freeper) as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said:
"Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I was.
Then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in your castle with my mother. You can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs,
seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce,she chuckled and thought to herself:
"I don't freakin' think so."

[Rainbowreflect]

14. LOL

and Amen.

[Best_man23]

5. Why don't Freepers and Lucianne.com folks Marry?

Because they are afraid their kids will grow up to think that George W. Bush is too liberal.

[Bluzmann57]

7. Went into a grocery store the other day

and saw a freeper staring intently over at the frozen juice section. I asked him what he was doing and he replied "the orange juice says concentrate, so I'm concentrating".

[demnan]

6. Don't know if this is funny or not but how many

freepers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

4 - one to hire the servant to screw in the light bulb
two to blame Clinton for the light going out
three to fire the servant after they screw in the bulb
four to call the servant a racist epitat as they leave out the door.

[UrbScotty]

13. How many right-wing economists does it take?

None. They let the market do it.

[Best_man23]

8. A Freeper comes across a magic lamp

Picking up the lamp, the Freeper begins to polish its surface, thinking it might bring some money. Suddenly, the lamp shakes and a genie appears.

"You have freed me from the lamp. For this, I will grant you one wish." said the genie.

The Freeper thought to himself, then said. "I want all the power and money in the world and to have never worked a day in my life."

The genie responded: "Your wish is granted" and proceeded to turn the Freeper into George W. Bush.

[NightTrain]

9. Why did the freeper stop using Preparation H?

No matter how often he brushed, he still got cavities.

[mac56]

10. Why don't Freepers drink Kool-Aid?

They can't figure out how to get two quarts of water into that little bitty envelope.

[CO Liberal]

11. What Has Eleven Legs and Nine Teeth?

A Freeper pro-war rally.

[CO Liberal]

12. Why Aren't There Any Freeper Pharmacists?

They have so much trouble getting the little bottles into the typewriter.

[44wax]

15. How'd the freeper's hair get shit streaks in it?

From pulling his head from his asshole too fast.

[underpants]

17. LOL

Crude but Funny

Welcome to DU :hi:

[44wax]

19. thanks for I am the king of crude

AKA bo44.

[44wax]

16. how many freepers does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. Two to hold each leg up and one to pull the bulb from the fourth one's ass.

[private_ryan]

18. why do freepers go to family reunions?

to pick up chicks.

[AWD]

20. Mine

What';s the difference between a Freeper woman and the Suez Canal??

The Suez Canal is a busy ditch, and the freeper woman is a dizzy bitch

[MoonGod]

21. So this Freeper sees an ad in the classifieds...

... saying "$50 to have sex with a chimpanzee for research".

He calls the number in the ad and says to the person on the line, "I'll do it under 3 conditions: the chimp is a female, my wife won't find out under any circumstances, and I can pay by check."

[kmla]

22. Difference between a Freeper and a steaming bag of poop?

The bag.

:evilgrin:

[44wax]

23. How did the Freeper lose his teeth?

From kissing Rush's candy ass.

[buff2]

24. How do you circumsize a freeper?

Kick his sister in the the jaw. :kick:

[44wax]

26. LMAO

[buff2]

25. Did you know a freeper invented the tooth brush?

If not,wouldn't it be called a TEETH brush?

[buff2]

27. How can a freeper's mother tell........

if her freeper daughter has a yeast infection?


If her freeper son's penis tastes funny.

[MisterP]

28. a search party happens upon a freeper dying of thirst in the desert;

he has 8 full bottles of water with him!
(and on the underside of each cap it says "Sorry, please try again.")

[SPQR]

29. The Freeper Chicken Farmer

(This is originally an Aggie joke, but with a little doctoring, it'll work - I hope)

A strapping young Freeper, newly graduated from Freeper A&M University, decides to start a chicken ranch. He invests in buying the ranch, and 5,000 baby chicks. On day one, he plows his fields, plants each chick feet-first, and goes to bed, confident in a day's work well done (and with no gummint handouts). Bright and early on day two, he awakens, surveys his fields, and discovers that each and every one of his 5,000 chicks is dead. Puzzled, flummoxed and just plain confoosed, he buys 5,000 more baby chicks, plows his fields, but this time plants each one head-first. Tired but optimistic, he retires to his bed. He awakens the next morning, rushes to his fields, and again finds that each and every one of his 5,000 chicks has died. Frustrated, he sits down and writes to the Agricultural Department at Freeper A&M University: "Have begun chicken ranch. First 5,000 chicks planted feet-first, died overnight. Second 5,000 chicks planted head-first, died overnight. Please advise."

Two weeks later he receives his response from Freeper A&M: "Please send soil samples."

[CO Liberal]

30. Hear About the Freepers Who Froze to Death At a Drive-In Movie?

They were waiting to see a movie called "CLOSED FOR THE SEASON".

:-)

[UrbScotty]

31. On his deathbed, a lifelong Democrat joined the GOP.

"Why?" asked his friend. "You're a Democrat through and through."

"I know," said the man, "I'd rather have a Republican die than a Democrat."

[underpants]

32. Did you hear about the Freeper who starved to death?

He had plenty of food he just couldn't figure out what to do with the "Shake and Bake"

[underpants]

34. They had Bob Dornan speak at one of their rallies

That's it that's the joke.

[commander bunnypants]

33. Hey Freeper, What's your favorite vegetable?

Mine is Ronald Regan

DQQM

My ole stand by favorite

[Liberal_Andy]

35. How do you know DUers are better in bed than freepers?

Ever hear of a great piece of elephant?