need advice with my mom

[backwoodsbob]

mom has always been a loving but very private person..if you wanted to talk to her you called her.She is very loving..that's just how mom is.

She lost her husband..my stepdad who I loved very much..about a month ago.

Today she called me just to talk..she is lonely.I invited her to x-mas dinner with us and she agreed..this will be the first time she has been out of the house to visit people basically since Howard died.

My wife wants to not push her but kind of hint around for them to do things together to keep her busy.....mom is 65 and grieving and bored all at once.

Too soon at one month?

[NightWatcher]

1. let her decide. put the invite out and see what happens

[arbusto_baboso]

2. Exactly. Make the offer, but don't push.

Everyone goes at their own pace with grief.

[backwoodsbob]

3. you're right

wanting to get out for x-mas is a good sign I guess.

[arbusto_baboso]

4. Yep. And a change of scenery will be good for her, as will....

being around you and your wife.

[Drunken Irishman]

5. 65 is still young.

I don't think you should push her entirely, but she's at a prime age to continue doing stuff. In ten years, that might not be the case, however. Nothing is worse than looking back at your time and realizing you blew it doing nothing. Especially if you're not at the point health wise to do much of what you wished you had done.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

6. Somehow work

volunteering into the conversation. It'll get her thinking and focused on something other than her situation. As soon as she's ready of course. Find your local RSVP office and they will help her.

[Beverly Prather]

7. Good to have family around her

Wonderful idea, christmas with the family. I hope she has grandchildren. Something about the smile on their faces and the joy when they get presents...very good for your mom........This is a trick that I learned from George Burns...he said when Gracie died...he was grief stricken......everyone loved Gracie Allen....but George nearly died when he lost her........he said someone told him to start sleeping on her side of the bed....sleep on her pillow.....he said that worked for him.....it is like having Gracie with him always......I don't know...couldn't hurt

Joy to you and your family this Christmas

[CaliforniaPeggy]

9. Welcome to DU, Beverly Prather...

Your ideas are very good...

:hi:

[kimi]

11. That's just what I was thinking

Being with her family at Christmas is a good thing. Maybe not to guide her so much, although the other suggestions here make a lot of sense. My mom, after losing her husband a couple months before Christmas, seemed to enjoy being asked to bring something for dinner. It made her feel needed in a way that caring for her husband before he passed did.

I hope you all have a warm and happy Christmas.

[applegrove]

8. Whatever you mom needs. Whatever phase of grief she is in she probably needs some away from grief

time. It will take her mind off her loss. One month is not too soon at all to start a new routine.

[lost-in-nj]

10. don't say "lets do"

maybe say

wow this is a lot to do.... Mom might pick up and offer to help...
try and make it her decision....

and (hugs) to you and your wife for including her and helping her get through this....

lost

[Forkboy]

12. No advice, just good wishes for you and your mother.