Anyone else averse to bringing children into the world?

[DerekG]

Disclaimer: Please do NOT interpret this as an attack on parents.

Being only in my mid-twenties, I'm interested to hear from you folks.

To keep it short: Life kicked the crap out of me. I'm not special, I'm not Job, but prolonged family illness, near-poverty, and a losing battle to stop a pair of vicious criminals has torn me to tatters. Too much senseless suffering, too many miscarriages of justice. And though I'm in it for the long haul, I refuse to bring children into the mix. Not if there's a chance they'd experience this degree of pain. It'd be like sending an innocent person to prison.

Is there anyone out there who made this decision? Are you resolute?

[Lucian]

1. I used to think that way...

but then when my niece was born, I finally realized I want to be a dad someday.

Of course, I need to find the right woman first.

[quakerboy]

2. Yes, with reservations

I enjoy the attention of my wife, and am not overly eager to share it with anyone else. My wife raised her sister, and feels burned out on the whole kids thing. So we are both not in a place where we are desirous of children.

In the mean time, I refuse to bring a child into a country without universal health care. I will not do it. So, conditionally averse, and generally not desiring at the same time.

Neither of us has set anything in stone, other than I determined long ago that from a moral standpoint, I would refuse to "increase" the next generation, ie 2 parents, 2 children max. And the not in a country without health care, which we concur on. At worst, if we changed our mind we could get around that, since she is a Canadian Citizen. But its been a few years, and if anything we are less desirous of children than when we started, so it seems unlikely.


Let me ask you a question in return. You do not want to bring children into the world. But would you want to take on one of the abandoned children someone else brought into the world without consulting you?

[DerekG]

10. I don't know

If I were to earn a decent wage, I would love to take care of abandoned children. But I'm scared that somehow I might fail to protect them; the humiliation and pain of failing to safeguard my mother, sister and grandmother from the monsters in my neighborhood is too fresh.

[fizzgig]

3. i'm not having kids, but for different reasons

i don't doubt that i'd be a good mom as far as loving them, teaching them and raising them right, but i have a hard enough time remembering to feed the cats, taking care of myself and keeping my head above water financially.

i'm newly married to a man i love more than words can express, but i think the both of us have too much baggage, which, when added to my mental illness, makes for an environment that i don't think would be ideal for raising a child.

and, in all honestly, i just don't feel any pull towards motherhood.

[NMDemDist2]

4. I was so I didn't

I'm 55 now and in the 70s (when I was at peak child bearing age) population growth was a big issue.

I never had kids and (other than an occasional pang in my mid 30s) never regretted it. Hubby had no biological children either and he seems OK with it too.

Not everyone is cut out to parent. I wasn't and I'm glad I didn't take a child or two through the hell of my alcoholism and addictions (I'm 18 years sober NOW, but it would have been hell for a child since I didn't sober up until I was in my late 30s)

Probably TMI, but you asked......

[Arugula Latte]

5. Too late!

I have a son and a daughter. :)

Yes, having kids brings many worries into your life, but it also brings utter pride and JOY. :loveya:

Best thing we ever did, by far. But, then, both my husband and I knew from the get-go that we wanted to be parents. Our kids are healthy and thriving, and we're a very close family -- I understand we're very, very lucky, and not everybody is cut out to be a parent or in the position to do so.

[tXr]

6. It's none and done for me.

I made it official last year. :D

[yurbud]

7. I'm averse to bringing them into movies

until they're old enough to sit through the whole thing.

[phasma ex machina]

8. Kids bring a sense of purpose into my life. It's magical watching their joyful

lives filled with potential, totally lacking all adult baggage: inability to communicate, ... self-hatred, self-destructiveness, craven fears, puling weaknesses, primordial horrors, premature ejaculation, impotence, frigidity, rigidity, subservience, laziness, alcoholism, major vices, minor vices, grim habits, twisted psyches, tortured souls. (Tom Wolfe)

[enigmatic]

9. zero desire to bring children into the world

So I never did, and it was the best decision I ever made.

[kentauros]

11. Childless at almost 49 years of age, I am quite resolute.

There are more than enough people on the planet as it is, and I cherish my free time. It's bad enough that corporations try to gobble that up, too, without having to then share it with someone other than my spouse. When I have a spouse again, we've already discussed that we will still have personal time. The only interruptions from any "children" I can anticipate on that is from the furry ones ;)

[Skip Intro]

12. Same here, love it, but sometimes I wonder who'll care for me when I'm really old.

Damn.

[kentauros]

14. I figure by then I'll be living in either NZ or Australia

so I'll let my fellow taxpayers take care of me :D

[Skip Intro]

15. Sounds like a plan!

:thumbsup:

[GoCubsGo]

29. Ditto.

That includes the "almost 49 years of age" part. I knew from the time I was in grade school that I didn't want children. I'm sure my rotten classmates had some influence on that. Then the are the genetics. With all the cancer and other issues in my genes, I would not wish them on another human being. Also, as an ecologist, I know all too well how overpopulation is the biggest contributor to the World's problems--all of them. Kids? Thanks, but no thanks.

[kentauros]

33. I think my ideas about children changed in my 20s

when I started to read more about the environment and our impact on it. About the same time I started to cut meat out of my diet, slowly, but surely.

That's cool that you're an ecologist. I don't have that kind of background. I attribute some of my awareness to reading things like the Whole Earth Catalog and Epilogue, as well as the Real Goods catalogs in their early days...

I only hope that should I end up living in either Australia or NZ, that they are more forward-thinking on the environment than the majority are here...

[Capn Sunshine]

13. Dude, if kids were "planned"

there wouldn't be any.

[mopinko]

21. +1

[pengillian101]

41. Ha!

:rofl:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

43. Nope, that's not true...

My parents wanted kids, my husband's did too...

And so did we.

[Chan790]

16. Me.

I've known that I don't want kids since I was 13...raising your siblings will do that to you. So I go to the doctor at 18 and ask to be snipped...and am refused. "You'll change your mind." Uh, no...I won't. So I go back at 26..."you'll meet a nice girl and someday you'll want kids." Uh, no...I just ended a 2 year engagement because I learned she lied about being okay with my refusal to have children. So...now I'm 30...if the doctor tells me I can't have a goddamned vasectomy, I'm going to pointedly tell her she can do it or I can do it but one of us is making me sterile.

Since when does she have any right to dictate my reproductive decisions to me?

[seabeyond]

19. i dont care if you might change your mind or not, i find it so very offensive

that you have actually been denied this choice. that at 30, procedure you have asked for, and still you have not had it done.

really floored by that.

[murielm99]

20. Usually, it is a woman making that statement:

"Since when does she have the right to dictate my reproductive decisions to me?"

Men dictate, or try to dictate, those decisions to women all the time.

That does not make it right. This should be your choice, with no questions, beyond what affects your health. Since this is a safe procedure, there should be no problem with your choice.

I remember going to my doctor when I had been married for two years. I asked him to renew my birth control prescription. He told me no. He said that since I had been married for two years, I had had plenty of time to adjust to marriage. Now it was time for me to start my family. Huh? Now it was time for me to find a new doctor!

I do have three kids. I had the first one at age 31. I had another at 33, and the last at 35. Then my husband got snipped. It was his choice.

I am glad we had children. I respect your choice not to have them.

[old mark]

23. Find another doc - the procedure can sometimes be reversed

if you later change your mind. One of my brothers had it, and later adopted twins.


mark

[ipfilter]

28. You need to find a better urologist.

I just had one done. Oddly, my wife had to consent to it, but I don't think they would have denied me had I been single. I'm pretty sure my urologist doesn't care if I regret it or not.

[REP]

17. Never wanted children; never had any; never regretted it

I knew when I was 9 I didn't want to be a parent. I was sterilized as soon as I could get someone to do it, and married someone who feels the same I do about not having children. We're both in our mid 40s now, and love our life together without children.

[seabeyond]

18. and bringing children into world turned all your attitude around absolutely for me.

i am all for people not having children if they dont want. i could have lived a happy life without children. or marriage for that matter. i was perfectly content.

but

when it is done well, children give you so much that makes the world a much happier and better place, as does marriage

when not done well, it is a greater hell than not having them

but i am not worried how the world is for my children. we all have crosses to bare, now and in the past and in the future. these are just our childrens crosses. give them a foundation and structure and who knows.... they might be the ones to help others.

[old mark]

22. I made that decision back when I was in Catholic grade school, just to not

give any more victims to what I then thought of as a terrible way of living-humanity in general, not the US in particular.
I have not regreted it, ever.
My wife felt the same way when she was growing up, and still does.

FWIW, I have 2 brothers and a sister and NONE of us has our own kids, although my brother has adopted twin girls, now college students.

Obviously it's a very personal decision, and I am not advocating it for anyone else, and I'm interested that others are thinking about it.

mark

[AngryAmish]

24. Compared to the rest of history, we live in the golden age of humanity

When, ever, has mankind had it so good? Until about a hundred years ago the vast majority of mankind lived in utter squalor. Do you want suffering? Look at subsidence farming. Near constant illness, life expectancy of 35-45 years old. No power anything.

You talk about suffering. Yet you are making these remarks on a device that was inconceivable fifty years ago.

Senseless suffering? What about when infant mortality was 50% or more? Ever have a child die? That is suffering.

Yet we go on. We must.

Comparing life in the US to prison?

If there are no children, then there is no future.

Not to compare painful experiences, but I have had suffered about the worst. I have watched people I love die too many times. I have spent years visiting hospitals. But life is good - too good for words.

[seabeyond]

26. but isnt that an interesting perspective. and right on.

this is why i enjoy listening to so many people. that was not even in my brain, but damn, yup, you are right. thanks

[Common Sense Party]

44. There has never been a better time to be alive.

I'm very glad we brought children into this world and we're trying to teach them how to make the world even better.

[PassingFair]

25. Thomas Hardy wrote that having children creates hostages to fate.

I have two girls, and I would do it again
in a heartbeat.

I care about my children MUCH more than I
care about myself. They are my first concern.

That makes me free, in a way, from the egocentric
person I was before I had them.

On the negative side, I was a much HAPPIER person
before I had kids. When there was only my self to
worry about, I could change jobs if I didn't like
them, I could make plans without having to put
other's needs and desires before my own.

[seabeyond]

27. i love this thread. isnt that the truth

when talking how much kids enriched my life, it is taking it away from self really. something i was clueless about until i became. and the yelling. lol. hubby and i went on a short trip without kids. we are seldom without. and we had such a lovely 4 hour conversation stuck in a car on a drive. that was something i told husband. i was never a yeller. didnt know i could yell. lol. until i had kids.

no, i am not a perfect parent. they love me anyway

[Arugula Latte]

36. That was one of the things about having kids that surprised me.

If you are a mature person, you stop obsessing on yourself. It's not about you anymore. And you know what? That was a huge RELIEF!

On the other hand, I know a few parents (all males, as it turns out) who did NOT make that transfer. They are still concerned about themselves first and foremost, and their kids suffer for it.

[HopeHoops]

30. We thought long and hard before having kids but had a good reason for having them.

We decided that the assholes were going to continue to breed and if we didn't bring children into the world, who would be there to counter the assholes?

This was also during the Reagan/Bush years when we were fairly certain he would mistake the "nuke" button for the "call nurse" button. It was a tough decision, but we don't regret it. We've got three great daughters, 18, 16, and 14 and life just wouldn't be the same without them.

[Robb]

31. I made exactly the same decision in my 20s.

In my 30s, I met the perfect woman and married her. She had made the same decision in her 20s.

We now have a six month old girl.

She kicks ass, and I can't imagine how tragic it would've been to deny her to the world, for it truly needs people like her.

[NV Whino]

32. Never had any

Never wanted any. Don't regret it.

[Deep13]

34. Yes. There's just no way.

1. I would be a crappy father.

2. There is no way I would risk putting a kid through what I went through.

3. There's no way I could be responsible for a special needs kid and refuse to roll the dice on that.

4. There's 7 billion people in the world, so it's not like we are running out.

5. The world is in pretty bad shape and I don't want to subject new people to it.

6. This country does not support its parents and mothers in particular. It is inadequate in its support for children.

[firecrackerfilms]

35. yeah

its a big decision

[Alexander]

37. Only problem is, a lot of smart people have few or no children...

While mouth-breathers keep popping out their crotchspawn like there's no tomorrow.

[blueamy66]

38. I'm 43

Never wanted a kid and never had one.

It has been wonderful for me.

I have no responsibility to anyone....except myself.

This world is way too fucked up.....

[lunamagica]

39. I am. For a lot of the reasons you mentioned, and more

Not that parenthood is an option for me, but I can't even imagine, not in my wildest dreams, being a parent.

There's so much suffering in this world. so many people who want to hurt the weakest. Children are so helpless, and can't be always protected. Illness and poverty make life so difficult.

No, I wouldn't do it, even if I could.

[kwassa]

40. Becoming a parent is one of the surprisingly greatest experience in my life

and I did it at age 55.

It has been incredibly rewarding and fascinating experience, and does really get me out of myself and into more important things.

[bigwillq]

42. I don't want any kids (nt)

[jobycom]

45. Not nearly enough are. nt

[AllenVanAllen]

46. I haven't felt the need to have children

For as long as I can remember. More than once, I've been called selfish by strangers for my decision to not have any.

[wysimdnwyg]

47. Same answer, different reasons

Personally, I just don't like children. I love my sister's kids and get along well with them, but I only see them for a week each year. I do well to have pets.

[hippywife]

48. I'm 51 and

managed not to do it by the time I had my hysterectomy at 44. I've known since I was a teen that I didn't want children.

[Akoto]

49. I'm a 24 y/o male, will not be having kids.

I have health issues which prevent it, so that's not just overconfident bluster, alas. However, I still don't think I'd want to be married/a father.

I've told my brother that I will be a badass uncle, and I mean to be. He just needs to create some nephews and nieces for me.