Circle of Hell Oral Roberts went to?

[jmowreader]

Dante's Inferno defines nine circles of Hell. They are:

First Circle/Limbo: Here reside the unbaptized and virtuous pagans--people who were basically good, but didn't accept Christ. You can't go to heaven if you haven't accepted Christ, but you don't deserve punishment if you haven't been a bad person, so you go to Limbo. It's nice there--green fields and a castle, plus you get to hang out with Homer, Ovid and Socrates.

Second Circle: Holds those overcome by lust. There's a constant hurricane, and you can never get away from its winds.

Third Circle: Holds the gluttons. They have to lie in freezing rain and hail for all eternity.

Fourth Circle: The greedy have to joust using great weights.

Fifth Circle: The River Styx runs through here. The wrathful have to fight each other, and the slothful lie gurgling beneath the waters.

Sixth Circle: Heretics are trapped in flaming tombs.

Seventh Circle: The violent are here, and there are three rings for them to be in. People violent against people and property are immersed in a river of boiling blood--this is where Bush is going to go. Suicides are transformed into trees which are torn at by the Harpies, and the violent against God, Nature and Order are stuck in a desert of flaming sand. Violent against God (blasphemers) lie on the sand, violent against order (usurers) sit on it and the others wander around.

Eighth Circle: People guilty of fraud are here. There are ten places they can go--panderers and seducers, flatterers, people who bought priesthoods, corrupt politicians, hypocrites, thieves, Karl Rove, sowers of discord and falsifiers all have their own punishments--Rove is encased in "individual flames," corrupt politicians are immersed in boiling pitch and flatterers are immersed in human shit.

Ninth Circle: Traitors, who are frozen in ice for all eternity.

And then there's the center of Hell, where Satan himself resides.

I think Oral is going either to the fourth circle (if you use the "God's going to call me home if you don't send me $40 million by the weekend" thing) or the eighth circle (if you see him as a false prophet).

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. His fraud outweighs his greed - he's in the 8th circle.

Though speaking from a serious theological standpoint, he's in Heaven because our God is a God of forgiveness that can forgive any sin because of infinite grace.

I can only hope that, once he arrived, God showed him all the ways he erred (as will happen to all of us) and that he feels really, really bad for all the fraud, lies, heresy, and corruption he brought to the world in the name of Jeeeebus.

[jmowreader]

9. Let us pray, my friends. Everyone turn in your Bibles...

to the Book of Matthew, Chapter 7, verse 21.

Saith Our Savior, "Not everyone who says to Me, "Lord, Lord," shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who art in Heaven." Many will say to me in that day, "Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?" And then I will declare to them, "I never knew you; depart from Me, ye who practice lawlessness."

Since we're here to decide if Our Brother Oral is going to Hell, let's look at his life. He spent his years proclaiming the Good News, that's true. But he did it largely to gain personal wealth. He used his university to get him a tax-free second home in Beverly Hills. He also got them to get him a country club membership. Brother Oral used God's Money to fund his desire to walk around hitting a white ball with a stick, and not for the purposes God intended.

So...when Brother Oral gets to the Pearly Gates, St. Peter will look in the Book of Life and find Brother Oral's name has been crossed out.

[CBGLuthier]

2. Sixth, he was a heretic. Prosperity Gospel is opposite to Christ's teachings.

[peekaloo]

3. On deck circle.

Satan's messing with him.

[rurallib]

4. I believe he was split into 9 pieces and a little of him is roasting

throughout hell.

"Roberts roasting on a hell fire
Falwell nipping at his nose
Khomeni being hung by the fire
Hell's where religicrits go"

[arbusto_baboso]

5. Definitely 8th circle.

Take a look at most of the descriptors you wrote there. Most of them fit him.

[Dulcinea]

6. Eighth circle.

Back in the '80s, I worked at a local religious TV station. They had a faith healer come in once a month & do his best Anal Roberts imitation ("YOU ARE HEALED!!!!!" & push frail old people onto the concrete floor.)

He was a fraud. Faith healing? Come on! What a crock!

[hippywife]

7. Eighth circle. Definitely. n/t

[ipfilter]

8. He was a charlatan. A fraud. A phony.

[Initech]

10. I think there's a special circle reserved for televangelists.

Same one Jerry Falwell is in, same one Oral, Rick Warren, and Pat Robertson are going to.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

11. I look at Hell as a Matrixed Organization...

You can be assigned to one circle for functional purposes, but administratively you report to another circle.

Plus, per Gary Larsen, the coffee is cold.

[jmowreader]

12. He also mentions accordions.

Top panel: "Welcome to Heaven. Here's your harp."
Bottom panel: "Welcome to Hell. Here's your accordion."

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

13. You know the difference between an accordion and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an accordian into little pieces.

[FarLeftRage]

14. To the 8th circle, no doubt...

Too bad he missed his chance at redemption... he should have changed his last name to SEX and gone into the porn business, that way at least he would have been honest to us and to himself.