Seven tips to not be "The Asshole" in holiday traffic.

[LostInAnomie]

1. If you are driving on a crowded highway in holiday traffic, don't be the asshole that hangs out in the left lane going well under the speed limit.

2. If you are going to be "the asshole" that hangs out in the left lane and drives slow, don't be the asshole that speeds up so people can't get around you in the right lane then slows down again when their path is blocked.

3. If you are stopped at a red light, don't be the asshole that leaves 15-20 feet between you and the car in front of you. The streets are busy and you are probably forcing someone to block lanes behind you.

4. If you are parking in a store parking lot park in one parking place. Don't be the asshole that takes up two or more, or the asshole that parks right on the line. It takes about 30 seconds to adjust your car. Do it.

5. If you are at a red light, pay attention to when it turns green. Don't be the asshole that is fucking around with their radio or cell phone and not notice that the light has changed. People are already stressed as it is. They don't need some asshole fucking them over and forcing them to wait for another light.

6. If the car in front of you does not move immediately when the light turns green, don't be the asshole that lays on the horn. We get that you are in a hurry and the guy in front of you should be paying attention, buy laying on the horn like they have a baby on their roof isn't helping anyone.

7. If you are going to be the nice guy that lets a car pull out from a parking lot into a long line of cars, stop at one or a maximum of two. Don't be the asshole that lets half the parking lot pull out. It's great that you are doing a nice thing for your fellow man, but people are waiting behind you.

Feel free to add your own.

[RevCheesehead]

1. don't be the asshole who points out the split infinitive.

Oops, sorry. :)

[flvegan]

2. Remove the word "holiday" in the subject, and I'm good.

People drive like fucking morons every single day. It just gets worse around the holidays.

[jobycom]

3. If I could rec it, I would. If I could vote this to the front page for all time, I would.

If I could fit it on a bumper sticker, I'd do that, too.

:applause: :toast: :yourock:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

6. Same here. Skinner, why do you hate us for our freedoms?

Just kidding. Please don't alert Skinner. Skinner is great, Skinner is good, let us thank him for our food, AMEN.

:eyes:

:spray:

[yawnmaster]

4. I find its best not to depend upon others NOT to be assholes and have learned...

(for the most part) to relax...
if a car in front of me is going slow and no one in the car is bleeding to death, I will say to myself relax, and move past the car, when possible.

if I see a car parked in two parking places in a crowded parking lot, I will call him an asshole under my breath, and then just move on. Walking is good for me. If there is no parking, its not the end of the world (unless I am trying to find parking at a place where I need to go in to save the world...but then I would probably just double park).

if someone in front of me has fallen asleep when the light turns green, I will just give a quick tap to the horn (just so it makes a friendly happy sound). It usually works, and if I by some chance have to sit another cycle, again its not the end of the world (unless I am headed to that place mentioned previously, to save the world).

In summary, I try to be master of my own happiness and not depend on someone else not to be an asshole. It would be nice if some would take the suggestions to heart, but I'm not counting on it. Its best to learn to relax.

[SoxFan]

13. You'd last about 30 seconds around here

Probably a more damning indictment of us than you, but hey...

[we can do it]

16. yeah right

right - assholes sitting through the light on the phone, eating a burrito and changing a diaper still have that one finger to show you when you lightly toot.

[jobycom]

18. Man, if you were in front of me I'd be cussin up a storm!!!1

Not that I wouldn't admire your ability to be Zen, mind you. :)

[Amerigo Vespucci]

5. Assholes I encountered today:

1. in the left lane going well under the speed limit

2. the asshole that speeds up so people can't get around you in the right lane then slows down again when their path is blocked

4. the asshole that takes up two or more, or the asshole that parks right on the line

5. the asshole that is fucking around with their radio or cell phone and not notice that the light has changed

AND MY ADDITION:

An asshole made a right turn on a red light against my green light, after I had moved forward on my green, and then did 15 MPH in a 35 MPH zone. I yelled every ten-letter word I know and they just gripped the wheel with both hands and stared straight ahead.

[SoxFan]

14. Was it an old guy wearing an Elmer Fudd hat?

Always seems to happen to me.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

15. An old woman with thick glasses.

I felt bad AFTER yelling, but felt GREAT WHILE yelling.

She cut me off.

I was headed right for the intersection, and she saw me, and she pulled in front of me, and crawled like a snail.

So I yelled every ten-letter word I know.

And I regret NOTHING, because assholes come in all shapes, sizes, genders, ages, nationalities.

I yelled at the ACT, not the old woman behind the wheel. The DU Politically Correct Police can BITE ME.

:rofl:

[Phentex]

7. My wish is small: know the law...

Use your blinker when you are about to turn.

Know when to go at a four way stop. Hint: it is NOT the largest vehicle first.

Don't drive in the center turn lane. Use it for making a turn.

Do not block an intersection especially when the sign says DO NOT BLOCK.

Do not turn right on red when the sign says NO RIGHT ON RED.

[CBHagman]

43. Number 5 on your list is very important.

Do not turn right on red when the sign says NO RIGHT ON RED.

To that I'd add: All red lights and stop signs mean STOP, not "drive right through without adjusting your speed." Even if there is a right on red, you have to stop, then make your turn, after making sure you are not about to kill a pedestrian, cyclist, or motorist.

And don't pull into the crosswalk and make people pushing strollers and riding in wheelchairs work their way around either the front or the back of your miserable car.

And don't annex the crosswalk and then sit there with your neck craned to see if there is traffic coming in the other direction while pedestrians are struggling to get your attention so they can cross without getting killed, all while you are focused only on making your getaway.

[Fleshdancer]

8. Turn signals - use them. Cell phones - don't use them.

and if you're at a 4-way stop, pay attention so you know when it's your turn to go.

[bluethruandthru]

17. One more thing about the turn signal.....

Use it BEFORE you start to brake! Turning it on after you've been braking for 300 yards does me no good.

[Phentex]

32. yes, that's what I meant too...especially the asshole who

cuts me off and then brakes to make the turn EVEN THOUGH THERE IS NO ONE BEHIND ME! asshole!

[begin_within]

40. Very important

Even though it's against the law (and you can get a ticket) in California for using a hand-held cell phone while you are the driver of a car, I see people doing it every time I drive. I have started honking at them. And the turn singals - that's another pet peeve. I use them out of habit even when there's nobody behind me. It really irritates me and it also creates danger when someone makes a move without signaling.

[kimi]

9. But I sometimes find myself parking on the line

simply because the a-hole next to me in his Hummer or Escalade has parked on HIS line. I hate doing it, but sometimes it's unavoidable.

I do feel bad about it, though, every time it happens.

[lunatica]

10. My daily gripe is STOP TAILGATING ME AT 100 MPH!

I swear the Warren freeway in the Bay Area is a magnet for tailgaters. They can't stand to see any space between cars. I don't dare put on my breaks for fear of being rear ended because they're so close. The speed limit is 65 and they want to go 90 or 100 and they think if they look like their going to drive up your tailpipe you'll go faster.

I've learned to go no more than the speed limit. They can't wait to go around me and harass the next car in front of me. It's like that every single day.

[sakabatou]

11. Don't ignore bicyclists when you make turns.

[jobycom]

19. How can you? They are generally blowing through the stop like the rules don't apply to them.

Had one try to broadside me the other day. Then he stopped and yelled at me. I got out and leaned on my bike rack and calmly explained that he was required to follow the laws just like a car, so he cursed at me, and I at him, and we went our separate ways.

[sakabatou]

21. I've always stopped at signs

But I've had drivers cut me off when I wanted to go straight with a right turn.

[hobbit709]

23. In this town, you're in the minority if you always stop.

[sakabatou]

28. OK

[jobycom]

31. He's right.

There's a commando faction of Austin cyclists that don't want to share the roads, they want to conquer them. They don't follow any traffic laws, they take the lane on the service road of controlled access highways during heavy traffic. Some just try to cause problems. I think some of it is the university. Texas is one of the two or three largest universities student-wise, and it's largely a commuter school, so there are a lot of teen cyclists who think they control the world. The guy who almost broadsided me was that age. This afternoon I saw a cyclist in the service road of a busy highway, centering in the right lane even though all three lanes were moving at the speed limit--50. That's asking for death, pure and simple. Cyclists here can take the lane, but it's not clear that's allowed on a highway service road. Worst, there was a sidewalk, so they could have ridden that--they weren't going more than ten. This guy was student age, too.

A few weeks ago I almost hit someone in the dark. She was a student, she was on a major road--not a highway--after dark with no lights whatsoever--and that is illegal in Austin. She again centered in the lane, and was loaded down so she wasn't even doing ten. It was an reasonably unlit portion of the road, and lucky for her I and the guy in front of me were only doing about 35. We came around a curve, he swerved suddenly, and that left her right in front of me. I hit my brakes because I couldn't even see what was in the lane next to me, then swerved over when I knew it was clear. She just peddled on, right alongside a sidewalk, one block over from a residential road with zero traffic that ran parallel.

That's Austin, home of the immortal cyclist.

Now, there's also a very active cycling association here that lobbies for good bike laws, gets a lot of roads altered to create bike lanes (there was one just four or five blocks over from where I almost went Darwin on the dark cyclist), gets curbs chopped away so cyclists won't be forced to swerve around a traffic island, and stuff like that. I used to hang out with that bunch. They know the laws, they are fastidious at advocating safe cycling, and always preach stopping at signs and not taking the lane unless you have no choice. Proper cycling. And they are very influential on a light of cyclists. But there are some who just have God complexes and/or death wishes.

[jobycom]

30. Yeah, that does happen, too. I just have more trouble with bikes when I'm in my car

than with cars when I'm on my bike. That may just be Austin, though. Lots of bike riders here, so drivers are more used to them and seem to know the laws pretty well.

[DFW]

12. Walk? n/t

[fizzgig]

20. don't be the asshole who crawls up my ass when the roads are shit

i'm going 25 mph because the roads are packed snow that's starting to freeze or are already ice.

and don't be the asshole who thinks that 4wd means you can drive like a maniac on ice. just because you have 4wd doesn't mean you'll be able to stop quickly on shitty roads.

[likesmountains 52]

26. Amen...I always expect to see those people in the ditch after they fly past me on black ice..

[hobbit709]

22. don't decide at the last second

to right exit from the left lane across three lanes of traffic.

[rrneck]

24. Don't be one of the assholes

that hooks up in a little "mini convoy" to force their way through a left turn in a busy intersection after the light has changed.

[valerief]

25. don't be the tailgating asshole. nt

[NNadir]

27. Don't be the driving asshole. Stay home. NOT. No Other Text.

[gmoney]

29. If you're in the drive-thru lane, pull up to the car ahead of you

Most drive-thrus with two windows have the windows spaced for 1 or 2 cars to fit between the car that's paying for food, and the car that's receiving food. If you leave half a car length ahead of you, the car behind you has to wait unnecessarily to pay for their food or place their order. It's not a big deal, but the idea is to save time, so why not pull up?

Also, if there are multiple people in your car ordering food, combine the bill and sort it out later, rather than having them ring up several separate orders.

[LeftyMom]

33. If you have to merge, do it and keep going.

If one car isn't letting you over, don't stick your nose out and play chicken with them for two car lengths, just fall in behind them instead.

If you know your lane is going away don't wait until the last possible inch because it might buy you a few car lengths in traffic- you won't get where you're going any faster, but that kind of behavior fucks up traffic for everybody.

Seriously, I think a lot of traffic messes and accidents could be avoided if people stopped treating merging like a dick measuring contest.

[Deep13]

34. "...you are probably forcing someone to block lanes behind you."

One is not supposed to enter an intersection unless it is clear he or she can get through it. No one forces them to block lanes.

Otherwise, I agree with your point. One should not get too close to stopped traffic in front. There's always a chance that there is an inexperienced or Ohio driver in front of you who will roll backward when putting in the clutch.

[jobycom]

38. I say if you don't pull up to the bumper in front of you, you should be roundly cursed.

It isn't just intersections they block. It's right hand turn lanes, exits to controlled access highways, parking lot entrances and exits. Even when people don't block the intersections, they trap more people behind the intersection and slow down the entire lane. A lot of traffic problems in every major city would go away if people pulled up to the car in front of them at a light instead of parking ten feet back, and gave other cars a better chance of getting on or off the road more quickly.

[Deep13]

42. The law calls it "assured clear distance."

The practical effect is that if there is a nose-to-ass collision between two cars, the driver of the car behind is at fault.

Things that have to be anticipated are backwards movements caused by ice or downhill rolling from a slow accelerator foot. I was told in driver's Ed. some 25 years ago that at a red light, one should see the rear tires of the car ahead of him when stopped.

[fizzgig]

44. i disagree

it's not my problem if the people behind me decide to block an intersection, they should know better than to pull into the middle of an intersection.

i always stop far enough behind a vehicle so that i can see their tires that way, if i were to be hit from behind, there's less of a chance that i will smash into the car in front of me.

[Deep13]

35. 8. Don't let Deep13 drive.

Don't say I didn't warn you. :evilgrin:

[PVnRT]

36. Don't speed up when someone is trying to pass you, regardless of your lane

I'm looking at you, Ohio drivers.

[we can do it]

41. We Have More Than Our Share of Assholes Here In Ohio!

[TheMightyFavog]

37. Don't be the asshole that thinks he can go 80 mph in poor winter driving conditions.

If the roads are bad, SLOW DOWN!!!! Because when you wreck, you're going to cause a whole lot of headaches for a whole lot of people.

[Peregrine Took]

39. How about the car that pulls out aggressively in front of you and then

slows down to a snail's pace after they get into the lane?

[dugaresa]

45. 8. Don't punish others for your lack of planning!

that is the reason (whether Christmas or not) why most people become gigantic assholes. At Christmas it is typically because:

1. They waited until the last minute
2. They assumed someone else would take care of something (a lack of communication)