My 15 year old son opened his present. It is a netbook. Unbeknownst to me, I grabbed a pink one.

[rug]

His face is the picture of ambivalence.

However, I do not think this is the time to discuss gender sterotypes with him.

[clear eye]

1. Are you going to exchange it? n/t

[rug]

4. Probably.

[HopeHoops]

32. Easy solution - Visit Hot Topic, Spencer, and what is it, Fishbone or something?

Get a bunch of stickers with skulls, Nightmare Before Christmas stuff, pot leaves, peace signs, comic book characters, and blood and gore themes. That should fix it right up.

[rug]

36. I did offer something like that. He said, "It's still pink."

If he doesn't get over it I'll send him to his room to read King Lear.

[HopeHoops]

39. Do you remember the scene in The Muppet Movie where Kermit and Fozzie enter the church?

And while they snooze, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem redecorate Fozzie's Studebaker. I'm not airbrushing a netbook is such a great idea, but it would be unique afterward.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

2. Return / Exchange

If you take it back for a manly black or blue or camo, you won't be the only one exchanging a gift.

Otherwise, some of his classmates WILL discuss gender stereotypes with him. Endlessly.

It ain't worth the hassle. Take it back.

[rug]

5. You're right.

But we'll have a nice conversation.

[bluedigger]

3. Nice work!

:rofl:

[rug]

6. Lol! That's just about the look he had on his face.

[mnhtnbb]

7. At least he opened his present. My 23 year old son walked out on Christmas

last night (we open presents Christmas eve for his convenience since he lives 30 minutes away)
after dinner, claiming he had told us that he didn't want to participate. I had no idea that
meant he wouldn't accept gifts from us. When he sat down, after dinner, notebook on his lap
and we asked him to put it aside, he said "no", he was only here because we had requested his presence
and he had no wish for any gifts.

So, now I'm faced with returning most things, but one very expensive alpaca sweater I bought for him
when we were in Peru in November I obviously can't return.

I am so incredibly sad. Your son will have to wait one more day to play with his new laptop, but
at least he's willing to accept your gift.

[rug]

8. So sorry to hear that.

Rather than return them, perhaps you can donate the gifts where they'll be put to use.

Holidays produce either seams or cracks. Sometimes both.

[clear eye]

11. That clearly means he feels the gifts come w/ unacceptable strings attached.

I have no desire to get involved in the details. For your sake I hope you are at least trying to think what you could do on your side to make your relationship w/ him less threatening to his autonomy. He is a grown man, not an adolescent, and since you are sad about the estrangement, your happiness is affected by whether or not your actions toward him reflect that. Not incidentally, although he is taking steps to protect his sense of self, your behavior can still hamper his feelings of self-empowerment in the world. In other words, whether or not either you or he likes it, you have the power to make him feel small. No guidance, no matter how righteous, is worth exacting such a price. The most constructive thing you can do is to take a step back and see him anew for the adult he is (even if it means accepting he is not what you hoped he'd become). The flip side of your power is that parental love, when it's unconditional, can be an enormous source of strength for a young adult. He won't trust you at first, but if you sincerely have a different outlook (not just a new set of expectations), he will eventually recognize it.

[david13]

18. It may be the strings concept. It may also be religious connotations,

to which he does not subscribe. Or it could be just him. He wants to work on his self sufficiency aspects.
You know, the male of the earthly species sometimes has a big thing about doing things without anyone else's help.
Like hiking alone, self contained, or touring, backpacking, camping, without outside help.
dc

[clear eye]

35. I think it was pretty telling that his mom kept comparing him

to the OPer's 15 yo son. As though a kid that age has the same choices her 23 yo does. If they had a good relationship and he just wanted to work on making it alone, they would have talked about it, and she wouldn't have been taken by surprise.

The only other possibility I can think of is that she might be remarried and he has serious issues w/ his step-dad. But her post makes me pretty sure that she hasn't internalized that he's grown up.

[mnhtnbb]

50. Actually, his 19 year old brother thinks he exhibited adolescent behavior.

I was just shocked.

His father and I have been married for almost 25 years; no step-dad.

[alphafemale]

54. Maybe because that is behavior more typical of a 15 yr old

An immature 15 yr old.

[dysfunctional press]

86. if those are the only two possibilities you can imagine...

then you 'clearly' need a whole lot more life experience before you should be trying to judge another person's actions, or the motivations behind those actions.

"But her post makes me pretty sure that she hasn't internalized that he's grown up."

actually- her post make it pretty clear that he's not.

[mnhtnbb]

49. No strings. No religious connotations. He accepts birthday presents.

He accepts presents we bring on return from trips. He has accepted all kinds
of furnishings for his townhouse.

He has an objection to "Christmas". We approach it as an opportunity for a family holiday
and a time to enjoy each other's company.

He regularly comes to dinner at other times. He came to spend several days at the beach last summer
with the whole family, including one of his cousins, and friends of ours from when we lived
in another state.

[david13]

71. Yeah. I don't blame him. I have major issues with christianity

myself.
A very good rule in mixed company, or in any company, do not discuss religion or politics. Stay with the neutral subjects.
I am extremely old, and my father is ancient beyond belief, and we cannot speak. We disagree on just almost every single possible topic that may come up.
Look at the op. A nice idea, a gift. But it went major haywire. A better way to do it, is, when one feels like giving a gift (anytime, not xmas time) say "dude, let's go get a laptop for you. I will buy." "Let's go now". That way the gift is exactly what they want.
My theory is that anyone who buys a gift for another person is usually buying the gift for theyselves. That is, it suits the givers taste. Only the givee really knows their own taste.
It's care, also. When you buy a gift, you have to be careful, and select carefully. It's dangerous. You might get the wrong thing.
Part of the thought of the gift is the care that goes into getting the gift.
It's not right to look a gift horse in the mouth, but who wants to be given a horse with a handful of vet bills. A white elephant is never a good gift.
dc

[dysfunctional press]

41. i'd say that it clearly means that he's an immature little prick.

hopefully, he'll grow up and out of it someday.

[clear eye]

44. Two sides to every story. n/t

[alphafemale]

53. Agree. Some people take longer to grow up.

Most people learn long before that age that if you are going to sit your ass down at someone's table and stuff yourself with their food you can at least show some common decency.

This is behavior you can almost understand from someone 13 and hormonal.

But 23?

I can't believe some here are excusing this caddish behavior.

[david13]

20. Try to give him the sweater later, without the xmas aspect, just as

something he might like to wear, that you thought of him, and that there is no obligation, no strings.
Just a total charity gift.
dc

[mnhtnbb]

52. I am thinking of saving the sweater for his birthday next year. It's really beautiful.

And I am thinking of taking the gift certificate for Outback Steak House and giving it
to one of the many homeless people who stand on a corner (across the street from Outback)
asking for help. Not today, though; it's pouring down rain and I doubt anyone is out there today.

The rest of the stuff I may just donate to our Thrift store that supports our local schools.

[HipChick]

9. can't you get covers for the netbook?

[rug]

10. I don't think so. This is what it looks like.

I guess he wouldn't feel right shooting zombies from a pink computer.

[Call Me Wesley]

12. Tell your son, it's a beauty.

Because I said so. I live in a world of pink. Believe me, and Zombies hate pink. :hi:

[rug]

14. I think I will. Merry Christmas to you and Heidi.

:hi:

[Call Me Wesley]

15. Merry Christmas to you and yours, too! (nt)

[marzipanni]

42. CMW, did you get Heidi one of these, as I suggested?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Au45dYCP54

The wise men brought frankincense, myrrh, and pickling spices...

[Call Me Wesley]

43. LOL! Not yet.

the next time I shop in the Geek shop I probably will. ;)

:hi:

[Heidi]

27. Sooooo pretty! And it's true. CMW does live in a world of pink because

of an illustration and writing project I'm kneck-deep in. Pink kinda grows on ya. Kinda. My Christmas gift from CMW: a pink, Royal Quiet DeLuxe (circa 1950-something) manual typewriter. Her name is Edna. :D

http://www.loveplusdreams.com/.a/6a011168969e68970c0120a6090223970c-800wi
(This is a google photo. I'm too lazy to photograph Edna.)

[rug]

30. I remember when you posted about that.

Maybe I can blame you for subliminal suggestion.

[Heidi]

33. I'll take it for the team (i.e., your crestfallen son).

"It's Heidi's fault entirely. Sorry, son. I'll make it right." :rofl:

[mzmolly]

68. Where did you find it?

I looked all over for one, no luck. :freak:

[Heidi]

87. Acer makes great notebooks and netbooks.

Target and Wal-Mart have them. :hi:

http://www.target.com/Acer-Aspire-UltraThin-Netbook-Computer/dp/B002EEAGH2

[seabeyond]

13. i got son pink reading lite for books at night. no problem. but....

a bet different i understand.

funny you. ah well.

[rug]

16. It's my own fault. I had to get out of Staples quickly before I killed someone.

I am not a patient shopper.

[seabeyond]

34. lol, i am so with you. start getting claustrophobic and panic and gotta get out

lol, that is funny

[david13]

17. You are going to give the boy a complex he will carry for the rest

of his life. You must inform him in no uncertain terms that you didn't realize the color, and that it can be exchanged for any color he likes.
He is definitely going to wonder why you would get him pink.
Anyway, it just shows why gifts can be dangerous.
dc

[rug]

19. I think he already has a complex.

His sister flunked her first driving test because she bumped into one of those orange cones while trying to park. We all showed up for her next test wearing little orange cones on our heads and waving.

He has grown up wary.

[Kali]

21. bwahahahhahaha

I think I love you and your whole damn family:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[rug]

26. Well, she did pass the second time. I would have felt bad if she didn't.

Maybe.

Merry Christmas, Kali. :hi: I hope Santa brought you a new oven.

[Kali]

74. eh maybe next month

or for Mardi Gras:rofl:

it "works" just not reliably, and not for things like holiday dinners

We went out and had grilled steak and shrimp "on the range" as it were. Crazy thing though - check this out: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x7323712

[bluedigger]

24. HAhaha! You are the best parent ever!

Preparing your children for the unrelenting cruelty of adult life!

Speaking of which, I gotta go get my mom and haul her to my brother's...

Merry, merry...

:rofl: :banghead: :banghead: :rofl:

[rug]

31. I get that from my father.

Enjoy Christmas with your family.

[Heidi]

22. I suggest that when you give him the new, more "masculine" netbook,

you make up for your oversight by allowing him to choose something from here: http://www.gelaskins.com as a bonus.

(VERY cool gift! Our six-year-old nephew got his first computer today--a little laptop on which to play movies, educational games, etc., since he travels a lot with his parents and grandparents. We gave him the accompanying kids' video camera and memory card.)

:yourock:

[rug]

25. I don't think those skins would fit. I offered to put a skull and crossbones sticker on it.

He was not amused.

[Heidi]

29. Hahahahahaha!

I bet NOT. Hope you kept the receipt, rug! :rofl:

Merry Christmas, y'all! :hug: to one of my favorite DUers!

[clear eye]

38. Here's one that would make the pink look really hard-edged.

https://www.gelaskins.com/skins.php?SkinID=363&DeviceID=33&s=a&CategoryID=58

And here are the other choices for that size computer whether or not you exchange it: http://www.gelaskins.com/catalog.php?DeviceID=33&CategoryID=58

[rug]

40. Wow! Those are striking. I'll offer him that choice before I return it. Thanks!

[BuelahWitch]

23. How does he feel about Elvis?

Elvis had a pink Cadillac...

[rug]

28. He's only worked his way back to the 70s so far.

I thought Elvis bought thast for his mother?

[BuelahWitch]

37. I'm not sure. I was looking for Elvis in pink shirts

Mamie Eisenhower made pink the "in" color for awhile, and even Elvis bowed to Mamie's wishes. All I could come up with was Elvis' pink Caddie. :shrug:

[debbierlus]

45. Oh, he will be the coolest if he keeps it!

:)

[rug]

46. Lol, I'll tell him. But if you have a daughter, it would be better if she tells him.

[newcriminal]

47. The skins would be ok for the cover, but the inside is pink too.

I don't think we have a choice we will have to exchange it. He was pretty cool about it. We have great kids.

[AlienGirl]

48. That thing will be a CHICK MAGNET. Girls are intrigued by guys who break stereotypes

It is the computer equivalent of a small, cute dog. Have him test it out once or twice at a local hip coffee shop, and he'll see. It will make him stand out from the crowd in a way that makes him instantly approachable and gives girls a topic to ask him about.

Tucker

[newcriminal]

57. I'm going to show him your post.

Hormones vs. peer pressure.

Epic.

[lunatica]

51. He's 15. He's just thinking about what his make peers will say.

Peer pressure can lead to real misery.

[rug]

60. He's usually pretty good about that. But I could see the wheels turning in his head.

[proteus_lives]

55. Don't make him keep it.

He'll never use the the thing.

[rug]

61. I'll see if I can return it. If I can't I'm sure he'll use it and never let it out of the house.

[quakerboy]

56. Your son is 15

Which is unfortunate. None of us should ever have to be 15. Ever.

That said, I might have been ambivalent about a pink anything, but I would have been grateful as hell to have my day's equivalent of a notebook(a cheap 3rd hand desktop with half the parts missing and holes that you can see inside through). Even if it had been pink. They were all beige at that point, so it would have stood out even though no other living person would likely have ever seen it again.

I agree with other posters that he would wise to keep it. Pink makes it stand out. Hardly anyone does pink, which makes it noticeable. And noticeable gets you noticed. Noticed people have potential to make use of that.

[rug]

62. I went with him to buy a dress shirt for his first dance two months ago.

I thought the shirt he picked out was too plain. So at the checkout I asked the cashier what she thought of it. She said what is it for. So I pointed at him and said it was for his homecoming dance. Turns out she was a senior. She said she'd look for the shirt at the dance. He turned red and pink himself and was mortified. I don't think he's ready for too much notice yet.

I'll let his mother shop for him the next year or so.

[kimi]

69. My son wants a pink dress shirt for his prom

He's 17 and the youngest of 5 boys. I've asked him several times if he's sure that's the color he wants, and he insists on it. And he has girls calling him all the time too. It would have been very different when I was his age.

[rug]

70. For me too. Sounds like he's found his stride.

[david13]

73. Yeah. The only problem is that it will only be boys that notice him

and the pink computer, and not girls. So he might not be that happy with that.
dc

[quakerboy]

84. Since when?

I wear pink occasionaly, and it has yet to be a guy who takes note and compliment how the color suits me.

[Odin2005]

58. How did you not see what color it is?

:shrug:

[rug]

59. It was in a box.

Today I saw there was an small orange circle sticker next to the pink color. There was no orange sticker next to black, white or blue. I am not fastidious when I shop.

[mzmolly]

63. I couldn't find a pink one.

Had to settle for purple. ;) Did you know they have skins?

Here's an example: http://www.amazon.com/Bundle-Monster-NETBOOK-Notebook-Sticker/dp/B002XQKH7U/ref=sr_1_27?ie=UTF8&s=office-products&qid=1261781165&sr=8-27

[rug]

65. Want to swap?

[mzmolly]

67. I think it's too late.

I didn't get the same reaction you did. I got an "Oh yeah, I LOVE PURPLE! ;)

Look into the skin thing. I bet you can find a design he'll love.

[BreweryYardRat]

64. His reaction's a bit snotty.

At least you got him what he wanted. Ambivalence should be reserved for major errors in gift-giving.

A minor color screw-up is easily fixable. Take it back, swap it out. Or paint it black.

On the other hand, he's fifteen, so his reaction's not terribly surprising. He'll grow out of it.

[rug]

66. No, he wasn't snotty. As I saw him take it out of the box I had a flashback to when I was 15.

I've been there.

[Jkid]

72. Don't take any chances.

Even though some male teens have the guts to get pink stuff, there are many boys who are sexually insecure and will percive him as gay.

Exchange it.

[Odin2005]

83. Yep, anything pink is an invitation for bullying, sadly.

This has nothing to do with snottiness and everything to do with his this kid's personal safety. :(

[LeftyFingerPop]

75. Tell him that pink is the new black.

[rug]

76. How was your Christmas?

[rug]

77. Oh, never mind.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9185245

[LeftyFingerPop]

78. Hey rug, in all seriousness...

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

[rug]

79. Thanks, Lefty. Best to you.

[LeftyFingerPop]

80. Thank you.

[KamaAina]

81. The guy at Fry's tried to palm a pink one off on me

I am typing this from the black one!

[rug]

82. Aha!

[es350_ibm]

85. return it ASAP