DUers whose parents divorced when you were 15 or younger

[Orrex]

Did you have to endure a meeting in which you were sat down in front of both parents and required to state for the record which one you wanted to live with?

If so, how old were you? And in which decade did this occur?

[caitxrawks]

1. my parents divorced when i was 5.

It was 1993 when they called it quits. I went back and forth every Friday until I was 18. As far as I know they had joint custody of me. They never told me if they had to file a formal custody agreement or what. They've remained "civil friends" over the years. It's kinda awkward when I go somewhere with both of them. I'm just so used to them being apart. I could've chosen at 12 who I wanted to legally stay with all the time, but I decided that I liked having two bedrooms, two bathrooms, two kitchens, two houses, and all that jazz lmfao.

[NashVegas]

2. Ouch

I feel sorry for the kid, that's a lot of emotional crap to have to go through.

[seabeyond]

3. oooosh, bad bad. would never do this to a child. and i wouldnt need to be a winner

of the competition either.

parents didnt divorce, ..... just reacting to your thread

[TZ]

4. My parnets separated when I was 5

Divorced when I was 7. We were sat down and told that Daddy was moving out (yes I remember this very well even to remembering the footie pajamas I was wearing). It was never an issue where we were going to live...it was with Mom. ALthough we were given the option when we got to be older (teenagers) that if we wished we could think about living with my dad. But none of us chose that route.
This was in the 1970's btw....

[Odin2005]

5. They divorced when I was 4. 1990

it was joint custody. When my mom and dad still lived in the same town I stayed with my dad every weekend. When my dad moved to Fargo I stayed with him every other weekend.

[MorningGlow]

6. No, no choice

My parents separated when I was 6 and divorced about a year later. There was never any question about who I was going to live with--this was the early '70s, and back then kids went to the mom unless there were extenuating circumstances.

[Alexander]

7. Divorced when I was 13

This was in the mid-to-late 90s.

I wasn't officially required to do such a thing, but my parents sure did try to get me to answer that question over and over. They both played various mind games with me, trying to get me to view them as a saint and the other parent as just plain evil.

I was required to go into a judge's chambers and answer that question, if I wanted to. I replied that I wasn't going to answer such a stupid question, and that I just wanted to remain in the area instead of being uprooted all the time (they also played tug-of-war with my education, switching me from public to private schools and back almost every year).

I remember my maternal grandmother even called me up on the phone, asking me that question, and when I didn't want to answer it, she claimed to be "disappointed" in me. Later she attempted to bribe me with a computer if I ended up staying with my mother. I'm still convinced to this day my mom put her up to it.

All in all, it was a terrible period. I got to see exactly how nasty my parents could be, and my opinion of them as people never really recovered.

[tigereye]

14. I really hate when parents do that- they should be thinking about what's

best for the kid and cooperating for the benefit of the child(ren) they chose to have, not jockeying for position.

[Alexander]

22. Me too. It was made worse by the fact that

this happened just as I started growing up, and just as I ended junior high and began high school.

I really can't look at either of my parents the same way ever again.

[Deep13]

8. No, the court decided without asking us.

In those days, that meant we went with our bi-polar mother.

[Orrex]

12. When was that, if you don't mind saying?

And what a horrible situation for you!

[Deep13]

13. '76 ish and '78ish (remarried then redivorced) nt

[edbermac]

9. Was 16 back in the early 70's.

Back then NOBODY I knew got divorced so I felt like a freak. Nowadays EVERYBODY I know gets divorced. Stayed with Dad as Mom was alcoholic(fully recovered now). But he turned out to be just as nuts as she was. Had to testify in open court about who did what to whom. At one point as I was answering the judge told me somewhat coldly "Could you speak up please?" I felt humiliated because I didn't want to talk about it at all, certainly not louder.

[Orrex]

11. My parents split in 83

But even then, in my area, divorce was rare. Of all my friends, I was only the second one whose parents had divorced.


I'm sorry that you had to go through it. Over the years I've wondered if it's better for the children to be young or older when the divorce happens, and I've concluded that it's just about guaranteed to be terrible for them regardless of age.

[Orrex]

10. Thanks for your answers, everyone

The reason I ask is that my parents divorced in '83, when I was 12. Looking back, it truly seems that there was absolutely no mechanism in place for looking after the children's mental health.

I recall one interview that my older sister and I had to endure with a "counselor," with my mother sitting in the room with us; she wasn't supposed to talk during the session. It went something like this:

COUNSELOR: Now, I've met with your mother, and she says that you're both handling the divorce very well. Is your mother right?

US: Um. Yes, of course she is!

COUNSELOR: Great! Then we'll check on you again in one year.


I don't know how things were in the nation as a whole at that time, but in Pennsylvania it was a big clusterfuck.

[tigereye]

15. that's so awful, sheesh, I'm sorry, Orrex

I think the courts are more aware now, since they do so much mediation and require all parties, kids included, to go to group meetings and have someone explain what's happening.

[Orrex]

20. Thank you, but it was so long ago that it doesn't bother in real time anymore.

It's just one of those things that make me say "wtf were they thinking?!?"

[KamaAina]

16. No. I was 3. The '60s.

:shrug:

[Broken_Hero]

17. My parents got a divorce when I was 6

they never asked me who I wanted to live with, or anything like that. From the get go, my brother and I were going to be staying with my mother because dad runnoft.

As a side note, when my mother did remarry, she did ask my brother and I if we would accept her new husband as our dad(via adoption) and we both said yes...Hell man, he would buy us GI Joe and He-man and gum, we weren't going to pass up on that gravy train. :D And thats all she wrote, my mom/adoptive father have been married for several decades.

[EndersDame]

18. I was so happy when my parents divoreced I had a dress picked out to go to court in!

Of course I never went to court but I was in 3rd grade and remember feeling happy that I wouldnt have to live with my abusive and mean father. He beat us and my mother and was angry at her for backk when I didnt know anybetter for staying with him too long!

He pulled several stunts after the divorce though like not paying childsupport, using the corrupt crooked "justice" system of south texas to take us away from our mom for a bit (no we didnt stay with him, we got dumped on grandmas porch)

He is having a reverse midlife crisis and is trying to get involved in our lives and buy us things. I think that he is genuinely sorry he messed up part of our lives and think that he just was not cut out to be a father. I think it would be the enlightened thing to forgive him but I am not at that point yet

[Tikki]

19. One of our renter's parents divorced when she was in her 20's and I ....

still get chills remembering her crying and moaning for weeks after she found out they were going to
get a divorce.

Some it seems to hit harder than others.


Tikki

[Orrex]

21. Years ago I had a friend whose parents split when she was 20

It completely messed her up, and to be honest her reaction totally surprised me.

As you say--it hits some harder than others.

[EndersDame]

23. When my 28yo Boyfriends mom and step dad divorced he was crying

They were married about 18 years and he didnt get along with his step dad first and then they kinda sorta got along. I think it is seeing the foundation crack and makes people lose their sense of stability .

[Roon]

24. My parents divorced when I was 7 in the 70's

Like another poster pointed out,at that time you always stayed with your Mother.

I didn't even know what a divorce was when they told me. My little sister knew though!!

[wysimdnwyg]

25. No, but I've heard of that

My parents agreed to "joint custody" - which basically meant we (my sister and I) lived with my Mom, but spent a few days at Dad's every now and then. We were 8 and 10 at the time of the divorce (late '70s).