How did you deal with transitioning into adult hood and growing (physically ) apart from your family

[EndersDame]

I am 24 and have taken a couple of college courses nothing real serious mainly I think to avoid "growing up"(I have registered today and hope to take it seriously thistime!) I have always lived in the same zip code as my mom brother and sister. It hit me today as we were all having dinner that we are all grown and headed in different directions.My brother is getting real serious with his girl friend and my little sister is about to graduate from St. Edwards and was talking about going to grad school out of state and doing a Peace Corps program in conjunction with grad school. It really sunk in then and once I got home bawled like a baby. Any advice on how to stay close and adjust?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear EndersDame...

You're in a time of transition, and that can be tough as well as interesting. A time of coming-of-age, of reaching the edges of adulthood...

It was very different for me, when I was your age, long ago. I went to college full time, and then I fell in love in my junior year. My husband and I married right after graduation. We had a child pretty quickly, and then we moved far away from all our parents.

The move was necessary for us to finish growing up.

By the time I was 24, I had a 2 year old child!

You stay close by staying in touch, which is easier than ever these days, what with the internet. And because you love your family, and they you, you will want to stay in touch.

Live your life! Get your degree, and find out what you want to do...then do it!

Good luck to you...

:hug:

[EndersDame]

2. Thank You!

:hug:

[Chan790]

3. I had a party...

really. I realize that the differences in situations makes this answer meaningless, but I absolutely detest my family. If there is no chance that the person I am talking to will ever meet the family, I typically tell them that I was orphaned by a car accident during college. Unfortunately, no matter how obvious I make it that I do not want to be in contact with them, they won't stay away. I'd think it'd be obvious by how many times I've moved away from them only to be tracked down again.

Rotten no-good helpniks who keep giving them my address, email and phone number need get bent and die too.

[Odin2005]

4. I live "only" 50 miles from my parents are are still pretty close to them.

I like to go stay with my mom for the weekend a lot. Partially because she needs the support after my step-dad died, and partially because I like to see my almost 11yo niece and 3yo nephew. It also gives me a chance to wash my clothes for free. :evilgrin: My mom lives in a quiet little town of 500 people so it's a nice change for the noise of Fargo, especially because my neighbor above me TALKS WAY TO LOUD!!!

[EndersDame]

6. My upstairs neighbors do marching drills in steel toes or somethign!

I have come to the conclusion that my brother and sister are my only true friends who can let me be me with all of my quirks and (lack of ) social graces! I am scared that I wont find people out there I can really be myself around with out being on my toes about acting outside of the social norm

[Odin2005]

8. I know how you feel!

:hi:

[Lorien]

5. I think that it's important to move a good ways away from home at your age

I moved from Ohio (where I was born) to Florida for a job at age 24. Almost everything about my new home was different from where I'd come from, and I didn't know a soul-but I'm glad that I left. Change is a natural part of life, and now is a great time to embrace that fact. Granted; my parents policy was to boot us out at age 18 and let us sink or swim, so I already had a good grasp of how to be fully independent. But it's only when you are far from your family that you can truly become acquainted with yourself without family dynamics pulling you in one direction or another. And keeping in touch these days is easy with the internet and sites like Facebook. It was harder back in the late 1980's when phone calls were costly and anything written or photographed had to travel by snail mail.

[EndersDame]

7. Dont get me wrong I love living in my own place but I love it that we all live in Austin!

[Skittles]

9. lived apart from my family for a year when I was 14

and permanently when I enlisted in the military at age 18 - by the time I was your age I was long on my own....closest relative is 800 miles away

[proteus_lives]

10. I was shipped off to school at 14 so I know what you're talking about.

Phone-calls, e-mails. It's always the little things that help the most.

I spent most of my teenage years with my family about eight states away.

I came back home for college and I had to get to know my family again.

My siblings and I are grown. I don't see or talk to my sisters much. They're both married, parents and working. They have lives of their own. So do I. You have to make the effort, phone-calls and e-mails, getting together for dinner, taking the nephews and nieces for movies, etc.

Every family is different, you'll find a combo that works for you. :hi:

[Broken_Hero]

11. In my situation

I couldn't wait to get the hell out, and I did when I was 17. Graduated HS, lived with some friends and went to college in Kansas. A lot of my friends were like "wtf go to Kansas" and I always stated that I didn't care where I went as long as it wasn't near home(SE Alaska).

I usually stayed in contact with my brothers/sister, but my situation with my parents(especially mother) was very tense. Over the years though, the relationship with my parents has changed drastically, and we are friends and we get along. I damn near talk to my mother/dad every day via msn(sometimes I hate that though).

I'm currently 2300 miles away from my family, and I do miss them greatly. Our relationship/life has changed us so much from when I was younger/under their roof that I actually miss them, a lot. But, the parents that raised me are not the parents I currently have, its almost like aliens have taken them over(pod people!) and at times I can't believe how nice they are, :)

[Odin2005]

12. Another though I had...

...is that us Millennials (people born after 1981) have much closer relationships to our parents as adults then the Boomers and Gen-Xers did when they were in their 20s (indeed, the Boomers tended to want to get away from their parents ASAP). Based on what I've read this makes complete sense.

According to a book I've read called The 4th Turning there is a 4-part cycle of generational "archetypes" that is about 80 years long, and who was coming of age 80 years ago? The Greatest Generation, both Millennial and Greatest generations are what the book calls "Hero" or "Civic" generations, and such generations generally have strong parent-child relationships lasting into adulthood, while Boomers, a "Prophet" or "Idealist" generation, had an antagonistic relationship with their parents.