Hey guys! Wanna ask women out? Just follow Bucky's patented "How to Get the Babes" method!

[Bucky]

So, young man, you're looking to "score" with the "ladies." Well, say no more. You're in for the best advice of your "life."

1. Finding quality women is the first step to any attempt to woo the fairer sex. Ideal locations include beaches, supermakets, retirement homes, cheerleader camps, and gym lockerrooms--anywhere you're likely to find a favorable male-to-female ratio. Make sure you bring along a pair of binoculars so that you know the right one to "pick out."
   
   
2. Once on the date, call her "babe" a lot. This has the ancillary effect of preventing you from calling her the wrong name (e.g. "mommy")
   
   
3. Gold chains. LOTS of gold chains. Best if you leave your shirt unbuttoned to the navel so they can see the whole chain
   
   
4. Collapsing beer cans against the forehead. This assures the ladies that you can protect them in case you're suddenly attacked by flying clown ninjas. (Note to HypnoToad: it's better if you use your own forehead instead of the lady's)
   
   
5. Let her know you appreciate her appearance. Say things like "You're hot" and "Check out them hooters" and "Woooohoooo!" frequently.
   
   
6. Remove the price tag from the flowers. I highly recommend plastic flowers as they never go bad.
   
   
7. "Accidentally" leave the price tag on the jewelry you buy her. She knows you love her, but she deserves to know exactly how much you love her.
   
   
8. Women want to be know that you'll stay with them for the long run. Reassure her by letting her know that her mother still has a "sweet ass."
   
   
9. If her sister has a sweet ass, keep it yourself. I won't tell you how I learned this lesson, so you'll just have to trust me on this one.
   
   
10. Women love a man who knows how to cook. When you make a beer run to the grocery store, stop by the frozen food section and stock up.
    
    
11. When she's sharing her deepest feelings, nod frequently and make sure your ear with the MicroWalkman in it is turned away from her.
    
    
12. Serenade her. Pick a timeless classic so that she feels like you think she's a classic. I suggest "Every Breath You Take" by the Police as stalking lends that extra spice to any relationship. Don't forget the winking and making little finger-pointy hand pistols at them once they're locked in the car. Drives 'em wild.
    
    

More suggestions courtesy "Donating Member" Datasuspect (and I think you know what I mean by Donating Member) (and if you don't know what I mean, I mean "penis"):

• Women like it when you order their food for them, it shows them you are decisive and strong enough to know what is good for them.
  
  
• Women really love braggadocio: starting fights with strangers who look cock-eyed at you while you are out with your lady is sure to win points, same goes for verbal altercations: it shows you are strong enough to protect them.
  
  
• Everyone knows that women are silly creatures whose purpose is to please a man, so being boorish and demanding just brings out that feminine urge to nurture even more.
  
  
• Women "adore" cutesy names: jiggles, sweetypants, funbags, etc. are sure to warm their tender hearts.

So there you have it, boys. Now let's all get out there on those city buses and start mackin' the honeys!

[guitar man]

1. Bah

"Forget all about that macho shit. And learn how to play guitar"

John Cougar

:D

[MiddleFingerMom]

2. Every Breath You Take...

.
Saw Sting and Tracy Chapman sing this song together at an Amnesty
International concert.
.
Added a whole new positive fantastic context to the song, considering
what the show was all about.
.

[ipfilter]

3. I wasted about 30 minutes of my life reading the GD thread.

:spank:

[musette_sf]

4. and GTL every day!

Gym, Tan, Laundry

the Jersey Shore mooks' motto

[Forkboy]

5. I just unroll my tongue like a scroll.

:hide:

[TK421]

7. No problem finding dates here!

[Sky Masterson]

6. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
My new handbook on picking up chicks!! :woohoo:
Ladies beware,Sky's on the prowl!!!:evilgrin: :dunce:
Can I use a puka shell necklace and a rub on tan instead of the gold chains? I'm on a budget.:D

[Bucky]

11. Puka shells!

Dude, party like it's 1979!

[Fleshdancer]

8. How dare you give away all the secrets on how to get us babes!

How will I know guys really mean it when they compliment my fun bags or sing stalker songs to me? What if they really don't think my mother has a sweet ass but they're pretending she does just to bang me (or my sister)?

Dating just got difficult for the ladies. You suck Bucky!

[JPZenger]

9. Recommended

[Sky Masterson]

10. Is this you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZ1PHmCtEio
:hide:

[Bucky]

12. Um no. He's Vanilla Ice to my Vinnie Babarino; Jason Myers to my Hannibal Lecter;

Vic Damone to my Jerry Lewis; Andrew Dice Clay to my PeeWee Herman.

The greats never have to drop the F bomb just to be offensive.