I have to tell a therapist that I won't be back to see her.

[Bertha Venation]

Why is it so hard?

I haven't seen her for very long. She wants me to do worksheets and affirmations. I don't need that. I know who I am and I'm secure in that.

I need talk therapy and that's not her style.

I'm writing an email. That's how we've always communicated, even when scheduling appointments, so perhaps it is appropriate to do it in email. I guess I'm old; it feels like I should call her.

Sigh. I've been putting this off. Don't want to do it, but soon it will be done.

Ever had to quit a therapist who just wasn't any help?

[raccoon]

1. Yes. And it may not be as bad as you think.

IME, she took it rather well.

If she goes off on you, don't put up with it. Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there.

[NightWatcher]

2. and how does that make you feel?

[Bertha Venation]

8. LOL

:thumbsup:

[supernova]

3. I quit a group

a few years ago.

I had a bout of social anxiety and was assigned to this man who ran groups. I was hoping to find individual therapy first and was just getting used to the idea of talking to someone. But that was his solution to everything... groups.

I didn't really get anything out of it. It was just a bunch of random people (non of us had the same situations) sitting around talking about how the past two weeks went. :P I gradually began to feel that my $$ could be better spent elsewhere. I couldn't get insurance approval and had been paying out of pocket, about 40% of my take home.

When I had had enough, I told him one meeting that the next meeting would be my last. He seemed surprised, but I said that I didn't feel that I was getting anything out of it.

Do I still have some aspects of social anxiety? Sure. But I deal with it better now. A book I chose mostly helped me cope better with it because it talked about the pyscology of where it comes from.

I wish you luck findng a better person to talk to.

[Gormy Cuss]

4. Quit her and find a new one.

Don't waste any more time or energy on it. This isn't like dumping a friend.

And good luck finding a new therapist soon.

[BurtWorm]

5. I had to do that once, and I did call.

He was actually incompetent. He was used to treating subtance abuse, I believe, and was looking for an addiction angle, and that wasn't relevant to me. He also forgot key details of the history from session to session. I repeated certain facts three times. But I said I felt his style of therapy wasn't the kind I felt I needed at the time. He was offended. Well, tough shit, pal.

[Haole Girl]

6. It's too bad you didn't at least try what the therapist suggested

Who knows? It might have helped. :shrug:

Hope you find someone who works for you... and you are willing to work with.

[Bertha Venation]

7. I did try. I tried to convince myself it was helping.

I don't need daily affirmations. I knew that when she suggested it, but I tried anyway.

I'll find someone. :)

[tigereye]

14. yeah, find the right person for you. Sometimes a therapist isn't the right

fit. No harm, no foul.


:hi:

[Deep13]

9. Yup. The psychiatrist from my HMO, Kaiser Permanente,...

...was of the opinion that if I was employed and not threatening to shoot myself then everything was okay. I shouldn't worry so much! As if stating the obvious was a cure.

I just stopped going. I have a new private psychiatrist now. It is much better with her.

[CreekDog]

18. That's Kaiser!

:rofl:

(disclaimer: they helped put me through college)

[HopeHoops]

10. I dumped one and did it with attitude.

I hadn't been eating (like at all) for months, wasn't sleeping, had vertigo, and was diagnosed with clinical depression. His solution? Aderall. Yeah, GREAT move, asshole. Give a guy in really bad shape amphetamines. Lets just say it didn't turn out so well and involved the police a few times.

I told him to fuck off. Every other medical professional I dealt with after that was shocked that he had been so stupid - including my GP.

[Bucky]

11. I've done it. But don't treat it like you're breaking up with a girlfriend

If it was me, I doubt the gender dynamic would not be a part of my awkward feelings about moving on.

Although this is probably a teachable moment for her in terms of learning how to better meet her clients' needs, you're really not the person responsible for her finding that teachable moment. If she needs your help in that regard, she should pay you for your expertise.

[hunter]

12. A therapist behaving in a professional manner isn't going to be upset.

Sometimes the chemistry is not right and that's all there is to it. It's no reflection on either the patient or the therapist.

A really good therapist will recognize the chemistry isn't working and help you find a new therapist or another sort of therapy.

Your needs always come first. It's the therapist's job to match you up with the therapy you need.

It's exactly the same situation when one physician refers you on to another, like maybe your regular physician thinks another doctor is better equipped to deal with a certain problem you have. It's the doctor's obligation to do what is best for the patient. What's best for the doctor hasn't got any place in the decision making process.

I quit a group once when I saw right away it wasn't going to work, and it did feel awkward because I felt this group had "invested" some effort in me, while I'd "contributed" nothing. But that's not what therapy is about, not at all. You are there for YOU. If you are not getting what you need there is no reason to be there, and being there might even be making your situation worse.

Email, phone, I don't think it's any big deal either way. If the therapist thinks a call is more appropriate, then she can call you.

Good luck!

:hug:

[Bertha Venation]

23. Thank you, Hunter.

I did it, and her response was professional, although she tried briefly to justify her methods by saying "we were still in the identification stage." I don't need identification. I know who I am.

:hug: good to see you

[AngryOldDem]

13. Yes, and in just these words: "You're not helping me."

Don't feel bad, don't feel guilty. There is no use wasting your time and money any further on something that's just not working out.

Do it however you feel most comfortable.

[BlueIris]

15. Worksheets and affirmations?

I wouldn't even bother with e-mail, I'd send a postcard or something.

Good luck finding a real doctor.

[kgnu_fan]

16. A part of practicing separation and individuation process in your term

It's good for you. Move on in your own term....There are many many therapists out there!!!!

[MrsBrady]

17. she works for you...and if she's not helping you, get someone else

and before you hire someone else...tell them what you want and ask if they are willing to do that.

If not, then make another phone call.

[CreekDog]

19. Fill out the worksheet and come up with an affirmation, here's what I suggest:

worksheet entry: find new therapist

affirmation: i will get a new therapist

:D

[Tobin S.]

20. I just did it about 2 hours ago, Bertha, and it was simple.

I called him on the phone.

"Yes, Dr. Headshrinker, this is Tobin. I need to cancel my appointment for next week."

"Okay. Would you like to reschedule?"

"Not at this time."

"Okay, good luck to you."

"Thank you."

That's how it should go if your psychologist is a professional.

[guitar man]

21. Hey, she works for you

You're paying the bill and if you've told her what you need and she cant fill the bill, don't feel bad about firing her. You need someone who is able to help you, bottom line.

good luck

[lightningandsnow]

22. Many times.

:hug:

Good luck finding a therapist that works for you.

[rbnyc]

24. Breaking up is hard to do.

I left a therapist that wasn't right for me. I tried to look at it like firing an employee. "this just isn't a good fit..." etc.

She really pushed back and said it was a bad decision, even dangerous. This just affirmed for me that she was wrong for me. It was clear I was determined to move on, so as someone who is supposed to be invested in my health, why would she try to undermine my confidence? I told her the experience reminded me of a psychic reading where the psychic sees great danger in your cards and tries to sell you $300 worth of candles for protection.

It's natural to want to protect people's feelings, and especially in a relationship where the other person is providing guidance and setting the direction, it can be hard to cut it off. But you have to go with your feelings and try to set up your world in the way that's best for you. If she takes it badly, that's a reflection on her.

Good luck.