Terrible Experience with OB/GYN Basically Pushing Surgery to Make Me Sterile

[WilmywoodNCparalegal]

I've been having ob/gyn issues for quite some time, and more recently I needed a blood transfusion on Friday to stave off severe iron-deficiency anemia. This ob/gyn, who is one of the very few affiliated to my insurance here where I live, is an older male doctor with absolutely ZERO bedside manners. I'm at a point in my life where I can think about having a family, something I wasn't able to do earlier. I told him this.

He's strongly pushing for something called 'endometrial ablation' where the uterine lining is burned off, basically, thus making carrying a baby to term very difficult and not recommended, in effect making me sterile.

I'm only 37 (soon to be 38) and this has hit me hard. I fully understand that childbearing may not be in my future, but I would like that to be my option on my terms.

Instead, the doctor was pushing hard for this endometrial ablation, almost to the point where I thought he may be getting kickbacks from one of the companies that manufactures the process (there is a mesh balloon through which an electric charge is sent to 'shock' the endometrium). He then said I was old for motherhood, that the chances of having a child with Down's Syndrome are higher, etc., all of which are things I know fully well. He kept saying why I had not thought about children earlier, and I kept telling him I wasn't in position to do so over and over again.

Anyway, it's not easy being told you may not have a child and it's even less easy having a doctor, who is supposed to be your advocate in a sense, vehemently push to effectively sterilize you.

I have thought about adoption, but it seems, just by perusing the internet, that the criteria are demanding and I would never be approved (family history of cancer, I don't own a home, I don't have money, I'm not religious, I'm not married, etc. etc.).

[Manifestor_of_Light]

1. That's sad.

I'm sorry the doctor is pushing you. I know motherhood is important to a lot of women. It was important that I have at least one child, to me personally. I'm too old to have one now, but I'm glad I did have one. You are NOT too old to have a healthy child. Hang in there.

:hug: :grouphug:

[barb162]

2. Get a copy of your file and take it to a ob/gyn with no affiliation

with the current guy who sounds like a real asshole. Ask around to see who might do a consult for not too much $$$. Maybe go to a major medical center where you can be seen as part of student teaching and it won't cost anything.

[greenbriar]

3. I am sorry you are facing this

Things will work out. We may not always understand at the moment, but in the end the right thing will happen.


I wanted at least 3 children, but I was only able to have the one. But, she is amazing. Something will work out for you.

[EndersDame]

4. I am sorry to hear that, perhaps does your condition make having a kid harder

that is before the surgery ? There are also plenty of kids looking for homes . whatever the outcome good luck to you :hug:

[AngryAmish]

5. If it is any consolation, my wife's female OB?GYNs were complete assholes also

I think it is part of the territory.

[hippywife]

11. I've had three female GYN's

and every one of them went over and above for me in every way, and they always presented as caring as they proved to be. So it does NOT come with the territory, unless you are speaking of the one where you live.

[AngryAmish]

20. Practice group of eight female docs

There is only one that I would piss on if they were on fire.

[hippywife]

21. How nice.

Must just be there. Mine were from three different practices and all very lovely and loving.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. Time for a second opinion!

He sounds like a real jerk.

Find someone who is not affiliated with him, or with the company that makes the equipment, and talk to that doctor.

What this doctor is doing is just plain wrong.

The younger doctors tend to be a lot more sympathetic with much better bedside manners, esp. the women.

Good luck!

[bookworm65t]

8. I was thinking the same thing

Since this procedure is so invasive and life changing, I wouldn't do anything in haste. This doctor sure as hell doesn't inspire me with any confidence.

[valerief]

9. Bingo! nt

[LeftyMom]

7. Have you discussed other options?

Iirc, you've posted recently about needing a transfusion, so your anemia is pretty damned serious and merits aggressive treatment. I don't think he's entirely out of line (though if his manner was aggressive I can understand being put off,) but if you're looking to get pregnant that would take care of the cycle issues at least temporarily, and if not you might be able to resolve them with some birth control methods. But absent those, ablation is probably your least invasive option- at your age a lot of doctors would go straight to the hysterectomy without passing go.

Maybe you should see an OB for a prepregnancy workup first and find out if a pregnancy in your future is advisable in your condition and at your age, and then decide based on whether you want to keep that option open.

[angel823]

23. I have been where you are, and I agree with LeftyMom

Go to a different ob\gyn and get a fertility workup. They will be able to advise you on your chances for motherhood at this point in your life, and discuss any issues or complications that might be a problem. Sometimes it is possible at 38, even easy; other times not so much. It really depends on the individual. At least then you will have better information for making a decision.

For the record, my gyn is a woman and I have felt a bit like she was "pushing" this procedure for me, even though I don't have severe menstrual issues (just some minor ones).

Hugs,
Angel

[spinbaby]

10. Find another doctor

I went through years of heavy bleeding and was told "It's normal at your age," when I complained and was pushed toward ablation. By the time they diagnosed the fibroid it was the size of a cantaloupe. I should have found another doctor.

[lunatica]

12. Excuse me but - Fuck That Doctor!

No one has the right to force you to do anything with your body that you don't want. It the law of the land.

[WilmywoodNCparalegal]

13. The thing that drives me insane

is that I would be willing to entertain that option if all other options had been explored. I asked him what the blood tests show, if FSH, TSH, prolactin, estrogen, etc. all look ok, to which he replied: "I don't know."

grrr~!

[Orrex]

14. My opinion? He's an asshole. You want a second opinion?

He's a rude fuck-wit, too.


I'm sorry that your circumstances don't allow you a better choice of doctors. That totally sucks.

[Quantess]

15. Get a second opinion.

Edit to add: When seeing a different doctor, I wouldn't mention what the first doctor suggested. Act like your getting the first opinion.

[AllyCat]

16. As for the age bit:

I'm an OB nurse. We have an ever increasing population of mothers coming to have children past the age of 35. I, myself, had both of my kids well past that age. That should not be a reason to advise this procedure for you. I'm so sorry this guy was such a jerk, but time to find another doc. If you aren't comfortable with the advice, get another opinion.

[Pithlet]

17. His manner is terrible.

I'd find another doctor no matter what you decide if it were me. I think a second opinion is in order. I hope you feel better soon.

[mzteris]

18. Get a new doc - stat!

Preferably a woman who specializes in issues like yours.

Tell the old goat to take a hike!

[Odin2005]

19. What a jackass!

[Blue Diadem]

22. Get a second opinion. Here's some info for alternative treatment.

http://www.gynalternatives.com/medical.htm

[Deep13]

24. He may be trying to save your life.

This procedure is used to control serious bleeding when other, less drastic methods have failed. It's an alternative to hysterectomy. I have to think it has to be pretty bad for the doc to be recommending this.

I'm not a witness to what he said or did, so this is based on speculation and on what you wrote. Maybe he was a total asshole like you said. It may also be that he wanted to impress upon you how serious the situation is so you will seriously consider the treatment. It's your decision, of course, but the doctors do not want their patients turning up dead or in the emergency room. Besides ordinary decency, they have real incentives to avoid that. Again, I didn't hear him. With that in mind, it may be helpful to remember that a doc needs to make sure he is fully understood on an important matter and does not always have the luxury to be polite about it.

Just food for thought.