Am I overreacting?

[From The Ashes]

I'm on a dating site, plentyoffish.com. I got a response from a guy. His 2nd email to me, he wants me to give him my phone number. I wrote back and told him that I am uncomfortable with giving my phone number to someone I hardly know.

He writes back and says that I'm being inconsistent. Because I'm cautious


So am I too cautious?

[NNadir]

1. No.

[From The Ashes]

10. thanks, n/t

[evlbstrd]

2. No.

I'm on POF and wouldn't dream of asking for a phone # in the 2nd mail.

[From The Ashes]

11. I'm getting a creepy vibe from him

:scared:

[MrScorpio]

3. You're being smart

No overreaction at all

[From The Ashes]

12. Thanks

It's been a long time since I've been on the dating scene.

[janx]

4. I don't think so!

But then I could never get into online dating sites. They freak me out. :scared: Maybe they shouldn't, but they do.

[From The Ashes]

14. He's creeping me out...

...thats for sure

[MrsBrady]

5. if he doesn't understand you not wanting to give your number to someone you don't know...

then he's an ass...
because a good guy would want to to be safe and protected.
He should have just said...sure, no problem...I understand...and then let it go.

NEXT!

imho

[From The Ashes]

15. yeah that's what I thought...

:shrug:

[SeattleGirl]

6. I don't think you are at all.

And how does he see you not giving you his phone number right now as inconsistent? Weird.

You are right to be cautious.

[From The Ashes]

17. well...

I complemented him on his page (I guess that's what you call it) because he's very detailed about what he's looking for, which beats out at least 50% of others on there. He comes back with what's your number, I'd like talking to you. I told him I'm a little cautious and not comfortable with giving that info out yet.

I don't see a straight line between 'nice page' and 'inconsistent' :shrug:

[Orrex]

7. Tell him to give you his number, and tell him that maybe later you'll give him yours.

If you're comfortable doing so, of course.


Isn't that the Christian dating site, by the way? I've heard mixed but generally positive reviews about it.

[From The Ashes]

19. no its not a christian dating site...

:scared:

I can't try the 'give me your number' bit. He already gave it.

[Orrex]

46. Hee hee.

I thought I'd heard of a pointedly Christian-friendly dating site, and the "fish" thing seemed to right a bell for me.

I do know of one service called "Equally Yoked," if you can believe it!


If he's already given you his number, then he really needs to relax. I haven't dated in a while, but IIRC, there's nothing a woman like better than to be badgered for personal information, right?

His request might be perfectly innocent, but even so he needs to respect your answer.

[distantearlywarning]

8. He's trying to make you feel insecure & doubt yourself.

Big red flag for a control freak / bad guy. A normal guy would say, "sure, I understand, you can't be too careful!".

Don't give him your number, and don't go out with him.

Just my opinion.

[From The Ashes]

20. That's the vibe I'm getting from him...

...thanks to 'the marriage from hell,' I'm hyper-vigilant to that.

[LeftyMom]

9. No, but you can always get a phone just for early prospects.

One of those cheap prepaid cell phones and a minute card would set you back very little money and you could avoid giving out your regular number to somebody until you had confirmed they weren't totally sketch. Seems like a good compromise between caution and wanting to talk to any prospects fairly early on.

[From The Ashes]

21. that's a good idea...

...but not for him.

[LeftyMom]

31. Oh, agreed. He sounds like a dick.

In the bad sense.

[Haole Girl]

13. No

You're protecting yourself. I'd stay as far away from that one as possible!

[From The Ashes]

22. I wouldn't touch him with a 10 foot pole...

:hi:

[velvet]

16. I wouldn't

I'm wondering how your reply is inconsistent. Did you say in your profile "I am recklessly stupid"? I think not.

It's not so much the asking for the number, it's the arguing with you about your refusal. Throw him back.

[From The Ashes]

23. you've hit the nail on the head, velvet.

I'm beginning to think he didn't read my profile very closely. The three things he should have noticed are 1. I'm shy. 2. I'm independent and 3. I can think for myself!

[elleng]

18. No.

Don't be intimidated. Your reaction is YOURS, and is certainly normal.

[From The Ashes]

24. I hate manipulative people...

and he seems to be manipulative.

[Capn Sunshine]

25. what?

give him like half of it.
More later if he's well behaved.

ps. I smell someone desperate to get laid.
metaphorically speaking.

[From The Ashes]

28. LOL good idea...

If he's gonna get laid, it won't be by me...maybe he could *ahem* talk to his hand, yanno?

[Mugu]

26. Inconsistent is better than stupid. n/t

[From The Ashes]

29. I agree...

...but I don't see an inconsistency there.

[Mugu]

32. I only meant that he can claim whatever he wants. n/t

[Rhiannon12866]

27. No.

:scared:

[From The Ashes]

30. No kidding...

...the more I think on it the creepier he sounds.

[Rhiannon12866]

35. I would be very wary of someone

Who's demanding and/or critical before he even knows you... Good choice to go with your gut feeling... :hi:

[Alias Dictus Tyrant]

33. Most normal guys would be classier

Seriously. Begging for phone numbers? Who does that?

If there was a legitimate reason, I'd give you my phone number, and leave it up to you to reciprocate without obligating or asking. That's the way it is done.

You are not being too cautious. At a minimum the guy has a broken sense of protocol and he might even be a creep.

[From The Ashes]

39. I'm thinking he's creepy...

welcome to DU, by the way. :hi:

[BlueIris]

34. No, you're not overreacting. In fact,

I'll go so far as to say you need to learn how to be more assertive, as well as how to protect yourself from predators, especially on the Internets.

Good luck and be safe.

[From The Ashes]

40. I have a problem with assertiveness...

trying to work on that.

[MiddleFingerMom]

36. C'mon!!! ! Take a chance!!!! This guy seems legit!!!!

.

.

[From The Ashes]

41. oy!

:rofl: not on your life! :rofl:

[Chan790]

37. Nope...

That's a bit quick on the request for digits. Now if you weren't giving him your first name (or at least a name you'd like to be addressed by until you get comfortable to give him your real name), that'd be a bit troubling. It's kind of hard to talk to someone when you have no idea what to call them...I guess you can address them by their website handle but it's a bit impersonal and let's be honest...you kind of want to be somewhat personal with someone you're contemplating dating.

I've been online dating for years...I'd generally never ask for a number until I'm about ready to ask them on a get-together/meetup/date and only then because i might need to reach them if things change. Otherwise, I find it's best to let people reveal personal information as they're comfortable doing so.

[From The Ashes]

42. That's pretty much the way I think it should go...

...Some people think you're wasting time if you exchange a few emails first. I don't get it.

I thought this would be easier and safer than hitting the clubs and bars. Now I'm not so sure.

[Dystopian]

38. No!

I've been on and off these sites for years.
Be especially aware of extremely negative statements that tell you more about HIM than he knows.
It's easy to read between these lines:
Things like....
I'm not very good at head games, so if you're a player move along
If you've got baggage, take it elsewhere
Not looking for blah, blah, blah, etc.

Focus on only those with positive attitudes and statements. I don't know what else this guy said, but I know the red flags.
Sometimes they can be subtle...sometimes you may choose to overlook these statements as everything else seems fine. (I admit that I've done it. It leaves a sour taste)
His phone # first always...and block yours the first time you call. You are doing fine...this guy isn't.
Good luck!

peace~

[From The Ashes]

43. Thanks...

...it's too easy to start second guessing yourself.

[From The Ashes]

44. Here's my reply to him:

Subject: Inconsistencies

I don't see an inconsistency here. There isn't a straight line between being intrigued about your straightforwardness, and being cautious about giving my phone number to an almost perfect stranger.

If you can't see that a woman alone, in this age of rapists and stalkers and all kinds of weirdos, SHOULD be cautious then I don't know what to tell you.

Perhaps I'm not the woman for you.

[evlbstrd]

45. At the bottom of each profile page is a link.

It says "Report <username>". I suggest you click it. Be safe.

[Deep13]

49. 'nuff said.

:thumbsup:

[Gormy Cuss]

54. That was very polite.

And to answer your OP question, HELL NO.
:hug:

[MissMillie]

47. You gotta go with your gut

and if he's not tolerant enough to understand that, he's not for you.

[Deep13]

48. He's being a dick. nt

[Vidar]

50. Not at all.

[unpossibles]

51. not at all!

I only give out my number when I am comfortable, and I NEVER ask someone for theirs. Ever. Next!

[Orsino]

52. Insulting you over a reasonable security precaution?

Before he even meets you, before he even talks to you, the insults begin? And he's still single?

What a winner.

[Blue_Tires]

53. no...always be cautious on dating sites

especially the free sites

[noamnety]

55. sounds like you have good instincts.

I wish we could all collectively dump his controlling ass but you'll have to do it for us. Do us proud!

[stewartcolbert08]

56. He sounds like a douche

He should at least be willing to get to know you and respect your boundries. I'm just sayin! :hi: