I need some help. He left me for her.

[Avalux]

I don't post in the Lounge, ever. But I'd really appreciate a few replies. He told me he loves me but "this is something I have to do right now".

A girl he met in a bar, has known 3 weeks, and thinks he loves her.

15 years gone.

I am not in a good place right now. I've been crying for hours, it hurts so bad and I don't know how to make it stop.

:cry:

[MissHoneychurch]

1. I am lost of words

:hug:

[Avalux]

2. ...

:hug:

[AsahinaKimi]

3. This is so sad !

Don't let him convince you that this is just all about him, and he will be right back. He obviously does not care about your feelings. If he drops you for someone else, this is all about what he wants. This is not a good guy to hold on to, seriously. This is his way of saying I want something better then you. Thats so mean! You deserve better..



btw, welcome to the lounge, and hope you will stay on and make friends here! :hug:

[seabeyond]

4. cant stop it. too soon.

i am sorry for your pain

remember. you have so much self respect, there is not any reason to love a person that cannot love you. you deserve to be loved to the same extent that you give. you are worth that effort. and if a person cant reciprocate, then they are not worth your time, effort and emotions. tell yourself that often. you are worth it. deserving of it.

time

[Avalux]

5. Thank you.

I know you are right. So much....gone. He was so cold about it, so controlled. Like he turned off how he feels about me like a spigot.

Raw pain.

[seabeyond]

6. that is exactly what he did.

and no. so much is not gone. 16 yrs with hubby. and if he left tomorrow i would not dismiss the last 16 yrs. those years of being happy, content and having fun doesn't change. is there. will always be there in memory. 16 yrs.... 16 yrs of having fun. dont throw it away. a thank you, now... go on your way dude. you dont want him with you if he doesn't want to be with you. then that isn't fun. at least you got honest. an not a guy hanging cause he is a wuss staying cause he doesn't have the balls to walk, really living an illusion cause he doesn't respect you.

you are on a new chapter in life. when you are ready to turn that page and start a new chapter, you can create the story however you want

you know what i have done all my life? i dont like surprises. all my life i have created scenarios to live in dream, playing them out, how i would experience that situation, so i am never surprised. dont like it.

if hubby walked, in my creation, i know how i would walk. and i know i would be good. finding the best in the situation. and making sure i created the best for me. there will be upsides. a thank you dude for 16 yrs of so much. and thank you for at least having the balls to be honest.

but

it is all new. it is all raw as you say. and it is all scary.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

47. Can't add to that at all...

...that pretty much sums it up. When it happens, it hurts like hell, and there's nothing to do but work through it and constantly affirm (and re-affirm) what you've said. Over time, this is a bad memory from a distant past that becomes replaced with something much, much better.

:grouphug:

[seabeyond]

55. "replaced with something much, much better" right on. nt

[unpossibles]

7. Sorry - and hugs

I've had it happen to me too. If it helps, just remind yourself that if your relationship meant so little to him (and for what it's worth, I don't necessarily believe that so much), then you're better off without him. I got dumped a couple of months ago for one of her new work friends, someone who I could tell was aggressively pursuing her. It hurt, but after some healing and reflection I decided that if she can leave that easily then I don't want to be with her anyway.

[Deep13]

8. I am so sorry for your feelings and his idiotic behavior.

If this is some kind of mid life crisis, he should have just bought a Corvette and be done with it.

[Love Bug]

9. I'm so sorry, Avalux

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

I know this sucks really bad right now. We're here for you.

I've been where you are now. As horrible as you feel now, it will eventually get better. Hold your head high -- you've done nothing to be ashamed of -- he's the shitheel in this situation.

Do you have friends/family nearby who can help?

BTW, a situation that can happen in three weeks can fall apart just as quickly. You might want to start thinking about what you want to do if he should come back.

[Avalux]

27. I realize that.

There is alcohol involved and he's confused (he told me that). But he's made this choice, knowing it's probably the wrong one (who says that????)

I think he probably will come back; a girl that tells him after ONE WEEK she loves him more than anyone in her life isn't put together very well. She also told him about her sexual abuse.

[a kennedy]

10. so sorry Avalux

*hugs so tight*

[lost-in-nj]

11. I was where you are

in Oct of 2006.....

30 years married and he found some one else... of course younger ....
I am doing ok now..... lots of twists and turns..
YOU will be ok.... it's time to take care of you...

it does get better.. I know that is hard to hear but it's the truth....

BE GOOD TO YOU!!!!! and if you have kids take care of them to....

I lived by the saying

hope for the best but prepare for the worst.... it's harsh but it go me through..

check your pm in a few
I am so so sorry you are going through this.....


lost

[PVnRT]

12. It hurts, but to hell with him

I realize it can't be easy to throw 15 years away, but is it worth hanging on to someone who chases after some tail he met at a bar?

[retread]

13. "A girl he met in a bar, has known 3 weeks, and thinks he loves her." What a shithead! Sorry

I know that doesn't help; but, again, what a shithead!

[raccoon]

14. I'm so sorry. :hug: nt

[Mopar151]

15. It's not you.

Something like this happened with my former best friend and his wife - who's still a good friend. 9 years ago, and still plenty of pain around it.

What the hell was he thinkin'? Who knows! You need to start on a survival plan, (even if you take the asshole back) and make sure you don't spend too much time alone brooding. Hit the gym, volunteer, pitch in extra at work. You'll know who your friends are very soon, and they'll help too.

[Beer Snob-50]

16. A midlife crisis!

Just take a moment to read the words of Elinor Roosevelt about fear and adversity and know you will be all right.

btw, i am sure in a couple of weeks he is going to be wondering why the hell he did this.

[MissMillie]

18. she shouldn't let him back until she is sure

that he knows exactly "why he did this" and how he'll avoid it the next time some one else catches his eye.

[Beer Snob-50]

33. i may have to turn in my membership to the mans club but

i am not sure she should let him back at all.

[MissMillie]

37. Oh, I dunno

I think your membership is fine.

I also think that mistakes can be forgiven, depending on the situation, and depending on whether those seeking absolution are really working to be sure that mistakes are not repeated.

It depends on the people. It depends... oh hell, it depends on a lot of things.

It's true that a second chance isn't always a good idea.

But it's also true that it isn't always a bad idea.

[Lorien]

59. I have to agree. I'd almost be willing to bet that he'll be back

Why? Because too many of my male friends-especially the middle aged ones- have had a "crush" on me and wanted to leave their wives and start a new life. I certainly didn't encourage them; on the contrary, I started asking them why they really felt this way. "Life has passed me by", "we just don't connect like we used to", "There has to be something more..". The problem was with THEM. It really had little to do with either woman. They didn't like what they saw staring back at them in the mirror, and they foolishly thought that a new woman could change all that. Hell, one of my former bosses left his wife to marry his mistress-then five years later came crawling back to his wife, begging forgiveness and saying that he'd made the worst mistake in his life. He learned the hard way that changing everything around him wasn't going to change the problems within.

I hope that your husband comes to his senses soon. I'm so sorry that he's putting you through this. :hug:

[Haole Girl]

17. This is a story played out all too often

And it very rarely works out for the cheaters. I don't say this in a judgmental way, either, because it can happen to anyone. The problem is going to be down the road... when he realizes neither of them will ever truly trust the other.

Sending you hugs. :hug: :hug: :hug:

[dembotoz]

19. do protect yourself

speaking financially
Don't let him take your assets.

He put you in a bad place.
Don't let him make it a worse place.

my heart goes out to you.

[lost-in-nj]

22. this is so important

if you can see a lawyer right away do it.....

if you have a joint account and your paycheck goes into it you should see about getting your own account....


again.... :hug:


lost

[Kali]

50. medically too

emotional assholes can be health assholes too. get tested.

[Deep13]

20. A lot of men need to realize that a wife/SO...

...is not some kind of accessory that can be "upgraded" like a house or a car. We really need to get to the point where we cannot imagine "improving" our situation if our sweeties cannot share it with us.

I put "upgrade" and "improvement" in quotes because a lot of the time, the new trophy wife is only a superficial improvement.

When I practiced divorce law, I actually had a foot doctor come to see me to ask if he could divorce the woman who put him through foot doctor school without financial reprocussions. In this state, the judge would take a pretty dim view of that. I never saw him again.

[redqueen]

21. I'm so sorry...

:pals:

I guess at least now you know he's not monogamous, so if he comes crawling back, you can decide if you want to risk this happening again the next time he finds someone else he also 'loves'.

[arcadian]

23. I know it's no comfort but his relationship with that girl will go south real quick.

Met in a bar? Will never last.

[Avalux]

29. Why do you say that?

Isn't it possible they are meant for each other, he's found his true love and they'll live happily ever after? She does, after all, love him more than anyone.

[arcadian]

35. Hell no,

I'm assuming both were probably intoxicated at the time. It's been my experience personal and observational, that relationships where the people met in bars do not last.

[jobycom]

24. Don't let him be your identity.

It's not a male thing--my wife cheated on me and was just as heartless. Just remember that while he was a big part of your life, and still may be, he isn't your reason for being happy or for existing. It won't help the pain or the lost feeling--I know when I was betrayed that's how I felt, like I couldn't figure out who I was supposed to be, or how it could have happened to the person I thought I was, or how someone I loved could make me such an outsider to them that they could betray me like that. It hurts, and will always hurt, and no need of his justifies what he's done to you. Just remember that what makes you happy and confident might have involved him for over 15 years, but it still wasn't him. It was you, and don't let him take that part away.

Don't let others here define what you should do about him, either. I stayed, and mostly wish I hadn't, since I left ten years later anyway, but on the other hand, a lot of those ten years were good, and I left because of other things. Don't sit around waiting on him--prepare for what must be done, so that you'll have options and be in control of at least part of it. Contact a lawyer and draw up a divorce plan. Have the paperwork ready, know what you will plan on keeping and giving to him--don't be generous :) --be prepared to dictate terms. Take the lead. If you don't want to divorce, make the plans anyway, and be prepared to use them if he won't reconcile (I say that because you make it sound like he might come back, with his comment about "right now."). Be ready with the conditions you will take him back under, and if there are no such conditions, take the lead now. Feeling like you are in control of something, and feeling like you know where you are going next, are powerful ways to feel better.

Also there's a practical matter. If he just met someone in a bar three weeks ago, she's either a ridiculous bimbo, or she's trying to get property and money out of him. Take control of as much of the money and property as you can before he can sell it or give it to her.

Right now you are hurting, and are in shock, just as surely as someone who gets tragic news of a loved one, or someone who has been through a life threatening danger. Don't lose sight of that fact. You may even get depressed, and might even think suicide is an option (or even a lesson to teach him). Hopefully not, but it is likely to cross your mind. Just remember not to trust any such thoughts, they are part of the shock and the depression you are feeling. You'll have to cry a while, and just grieve for a while. But the sooner you can take charge of the details of your life and see a future--with or without him--the quicker you will start looking forward and stop feeling as lost and hurt.

Whether you stay or go shouldn't depend on any advice anyone else gives you. He may really need this for some psychological or emotional or even mental health reason. Maybe he's clinically depressed, for instance. None of that justifies what he did in any way, but you'll have to decide whether it justifies giving him another chance, or whether it's better to cut him lose and move to the next phase of your life without him. Either way, don't let anyone make that choice for you (if he gives you the choice, I mean), and don't let anyone tell you you are wrong for either choice. People like to talk tough, but only you have to live your life, and live with your choices, and only you can figure out what's best for you and your children. (Screw what he needs, he's made his own bed).

Okay, one last thing. He's probably the person you are used to turning to when you are hurt, and now he's the one hurting you. If that's the case, don't turn to him this time for comfort if he comes back. I made that mistake, and it made it harder to make a good choice. Find a friend--here, or in real life--or just make a journal and call that your friend. Keep your decisions about him separate from where you find your courage and strength, or you will be too dependent to make a good decision.

I don't know if any of that helps or even applies. By all means, don't listen to me or anyone else if it doesn't apply.

Good luck.

[Avalux]

30. Thank you jobycom.

I appreciate you taking the time to write - I will bookmark your post and read it frequently (as needed). We have a great deal that needs to be dealt with, so the relationship cannot be cleanly severed. There is a house, a child. After leaving several hysterical phone messages on his VM this morning; I have decided I will not contact him again. He can wonder what's going on.

[redqueen]

34. She's a ridiculous bimbo or a gold digger... but he might just have issues.

Hmm.

[Avalux]

38. Midlife Crisis? If that's the case, there's nothing to be done.

He's got to go on that journey alone. Unfortunately, if and when he wakes up and realizes what he's done, I probably won't be here anymore.

[seabeyond]

56. i swear

women have bigger mid life.... experience. lol

a centered self. worth. peace...

[jobycom]

43. I don't see where I said "just."

Hmm.

[HipChick]

25. sorry..dont know what to say

[hedgehog]

26. I'm so sorry to hear about this. Maybe this is wishful thinking on my part,

but is there any chance that he is mentally ill? If he is doing this because he is having a manic episode, a few cents worth of lithium might make all the difference.

[Avalux]

28. I don't think he's mentally ill.

BUT - he has been drinking heavily since he met her. So, there is that. I have a feeling their relationship will continue w/the alcohol.

[hedgehog]

31. If you can, get him to the doctor for a check-up. Get yourself

to a doctor to make sure your health isn't taking a major hit from this crisis. You would benefit from having a real person to talk with.

[clear eye]

57. In that case, you might find Al-Anon meetings helpful.

They can be a great source of support. It's worth trying one or two in your area to see if you feel you benefit from them.

eta: I'm so sorry about what you're going through, and encouraged to see you taking the advice of some of the posters on how to protect yourself emotionally, financially and physically. Get him to pay for counseling for your child. Getting dumped from a long-term relationship is very much like experiencing the premature death of the person--excruciatingly painful, but survivable. You'll have your good days and your bad, and you do have your friends in DU. Don't be afraid to come back to us for more support, if you need it. :hug:

[JNelson6563]

87. Wow, my story is much like yours

I've replied to your op but, as I read this thread, I would like to add more to the discussion.

When my husband ended our marriage to be with his new love he told me she was an alcoholic and he was "going to save her because she is worth saving". She's had so much trouble with DUIs she has a blow tube in her car and has to blow into it every time she starts it. She is not allowed to drive any other car and can only drive to and from work/school. this was the situation 2 yrs ago when my marriage ended. Fast forward to today.....my ex now has no license and hopes to get a restricted by June. Has lost his long time good paying job for sneaking drinks from the bar and has lost the one he was incredibly fortunate enough to find after losing that last one. He's jobless, no drivers' license, the house is now a shithole and he's about out of job options in this small town. Wants to move to Florida (his mom's got a condo there) but can't because he's on probation. The kids (now 21 & 18) are both stunned to see him like this.

So I would say your guess as to the role alcohol will play is about right. Take stock of what does remain, you may be surprised. Rebuild your life in ways that may you secure and content so that you do not fall into a rebound type relationship, those don't generally end well.

Julie

[Phentex]

32. Nothing to add except

I'm so sorry!

Can I call him an ass?

[Brickbat]

36. I'm sorry.

His idea of what love is is broken for some reason -- if he says he loves you but this is something he "has to do" right now, well, that's not love to me, you know?

He will crash and burn, and come crawling back, and it would help to figure out what you will do if he does. Couples counseling? It might be good now to set it up for yourself, at least. Is this a deal breaker? Only you can decide that. AA? Al-Anon? Might not hurt, either.

I second what someone else said upthread about getting yourself to a doctor. This might not be the first time he's done something like this, just the first time he's so blatant about it. I'm sorry.

I also agree about setting up your own account and calling a lawyer, although doing so will just make the painful reality all the more real. It needs to be done, though.

I wish I could set you down at the table and give you a cup of coffee and let you ramble. I'm a good listener. I'm sorry. --(Avalux (That's a friendly Minnesotan arm-pat; we don't hug because then you're in someone's personal space.)

[Arugula Latte]

39. He is not the person you thought he was.

It will take time for you to mourn the death of your perception of him. You have to honor your mourning, and go with it. But he has proven himself unworthy, so, no matter what happens with him, you must eventually move on because he's not good enough for you.

Hang in there. :hug:

[hippywife]

40. I am so sorry, sweetie.

Really, I am and I know well how badly you are hurting and much you feel betrayed right now.

I have been where you are now, and please trust me, that you can make it through this. As paiful as this is, please know that there is another side just waiting for you beyond this present darkness and heartache.

:hug:

[Avalux]

45. Thank you. I know you're right, I just can't see it now.

I need to realize this isn't about me, it's about him. There's nothing wrong with me and I didn't do anything wrong. It's his loss and when he realizes it, it'll be too late.

[hippywife]

49. Your sig line

is very appropriate. Use it when you need to. :hug:

[ZombieHorde]

41. ...

:cry: :hug:

[Avalux]

44. ...

:hug:

[burrfoot]

42. For whatever my two cents are worth,

the whole thing about "I just need to do this right now even though I know it's probably wrong" just jumps out as laying the groundwork for coming back to you. I can easily imagine later words like "I'm so sorry, I knew it was wrong but....blah blah blah."

That's hedging his bets. Either he already knows he's not going to go long term with her, or he's trying to keep you on the back burner, so to speak, as an alternate plan / safety net.

I can't tell you what to do- I don't even know what I'd do in your shoes for sure- but my take on this from an outsiders perspective is make this a clean break. Do not let him come back to you.

Clean slate for you. New chapter. For the first time in fifteen years you now have a chance to be just you, and not half of "the two of you."

In time, when it hurts a little less, you may find that you'll get a lot of growth out of this. And, someday, maybe even have a lot of fun.

Until then, hang in there. It's going to hurt for some time, but the world will keep on turning, the pain will fade a way, and you'll take new steps in a new life.

[grasswire]

46. get an AIDS test immediately -- and then get a lawyer immediately

Take all the money out of any joint bank account, and ask the lawyer what to do about credit cards and about changing the locks on the dwelling. A man that cold could drain everything.

Is the child his?

On edit: I don't mean that question to be insulting in any way. I just mean to warn you that you need to start thinking about protecting custody and making sure that HE is coughing up support for the child if he's the father.

[Avalux]

48. I will be going to get checked.

There is no joint bank account; I am going to change the locks. He doesn't have the right to just show up here and roam around the house when no one's home (which I think he'll do). The child is his. I told her everything, he has not talked to her. She said she texted him and he hasn't replied. :(

[grasswire]

52. ask the lawyer about keeping him out of the house

...you may have to get an order.

I'm so sorry. And I'm angry on behalf of all the women who've endured this scenario.

You're not alone.

[Maine-ah]

54. talk to a lawyer first before you do some of these things.

CYA first. You may find yourself in a bit of legal trouble by locking him out (is his name on the house/lease?), and pulling the money.

Good luck :grouphug:

[noamnety]

70. Don't put your daughter in the middle of this.

As parents we have emotional needs, and sometimes that takes the form of wanting kids to side with us, and understand how we've been wronged.

But the best thing for kids isn't to be in the middle of it, it isn't to hear details about one or the other of their parents to try to encourage a wedge. He's being a schmuck to not text her, but your job needs to be to reassure her that he loves and cares about her, because that's an emotional need SHE has.

Obviously you have to tell her something - you can't hide a parent not coming home. (Been there, btw - ex walked out, left me to explain.) But resist the urge to make him "the bad guy" (even though ...). Her needs come first, that is the sucky responsible thing about being a good parent.

[Maraya1969]

51. So sorry. Unfortunately you just have to go through the pain.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Avalux]

64. There's no avoiding it...

:hug:

[crim son]

53. So sad for you.

I know you are experiencing the worst pain and I wish there was some easy remedy for it. jobycom has good insight and advice, as do others here. What is most important now is looking after yourself and your child - let him deal with his crap on his own. You must handle this in your own way, in your own time. :hug:

It does help, posting in the Lounge or elsewhere.

[Avalux]

65. It definitely does help. This thread has helped me get through a day of hell.

Thanks to you and everyone else. :hug:

[Xolodno]

58. Hmmm...

Met at a bar?

She said she loved him after a week?

He fell for her hook line and sinker?

She said she was abused?



He's going to regret his decision. Sounds like he fell for someone with Borderline Personality Disorder and that's one hell of a mess to fix. I know, my wife was diagnosed. I was lucky, she really did love me AND got psychiatric help. But even with that, its one of the largest trials a relationship can face.

Even if he does return....she is going to manipulate him quite aggressively and cause as much distress to you as possible.

[laundry_queen]

60. I'm so sorry, that just sucks.

Having marital issues myself lately, I can relate. It is the worst feeling in the whole world - the most pain I've ever felt emotionally. Not sure what else to say, just sending some hugs your way. PM me if you need to talk.

[Broken_Hero]

61. .....

I'm so sorry, :hug:

Stay strong, as possible.

[Avalux]

66. ...

:hug:

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

62. I'm so sorry for your loss

Avalux. Your heart is broken. I hope you recover soon from the pain this person has inflicted on you. :cry: :hug:

[Avalux]

67. I hope so too. I have to - I can't let him do this to me.

That has become apparent. I cannot allow him to have that power over me. He didn't deserve my love, loyalty and dedication.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

63. Wow, what an ass. That sucks.

Been there; done that; got that t-shirt; I DO feel your pain. You have to handle it in your own way, of course, but if I have any useful advice to offer it's this: DO NOT abase and embarrass yourself (like I once did) trying to get him back. He doesn't deserve you. I made myself even more miserable than I already was by desperately groveling and pleading to win a guy back who clearly was no longer interested in me. Please don't do that.

Instead, you might deliver, in a cold and controlled tone, a speech like this:

"All right, you duplicitous bastard, listen carefully. If you walk out that door now to run off and get all moist and squeaky with Miss Hotpants Barfly, you will never walk back in. We are done. It's over, finito. If you discover she's got tertiary syphilis or a raging meth habit or a psycho ex-con ex-boyfriend named Mongo, do not expect me to take you back, because I won't. Instead, the minute you walk out of here I will call a locksmith to get all the locks changed. Then I will pile all your stuff in the driveway and set fire to it. Finally, I will hire the meanest divorce lawyer in the state, who will see to it that you will be left with nothing but the skidmarked shorts you're wearing right now. You will not treat me like last week's garbage. You do not deserve me. And, by the way, fuck you."

Good luck, and hang in there.

[Avalux]

68. Nice. You got a smile out of me.

Thanks. :hug:

[barb162]

69. See a GOOD lawyer and then think of options.

Better now than 30 years with him. When people do shit like this, you'd have to wonder if you'd ever trust him again even if he changes his mind a week from now. I am really sorry you're going through this.

[Withywindle]

71. Lots of good advice in this thread.

I don't have anything to add, really, except :hug: and I hope you get to a better place with yourself soon, and I hope the asshole at least does right by his child.


"this is something I have to do right now."

What a load. No, he doesn't "have to." I don't even know you, and I already want to smack his lips off on your behalf.

[Avalux]

74. It's all about him. Everything to do with me and our life together - he's erased it.

Unfortunately, I think our daughter will get erased too.

[Withywindle]

79. That's pathetic.

That's the mark of a weak person who's willing to write off his whole life for the Addiction of the Week. He's not "finding himself." He's flushing himself down the toilet.

I know it hurts like motherfucking hell, but don't go down with him. Don't send good energy after bad.

[LostInAnomie]

72. I'm sorry. I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago.

Thankfully, mine was only a five year relationship though. Betrayal from someone you love kills a part of you inside and it never truly seems to heal.

My advice is to use this time to assess what you want to do. If you want a divorce, then don't doddle on the decision. Move quickly and make it as advantageous for yourself as you can. If he decides he made a mistake and wants to come back, decide what you will do and what conditions you would take him back under (I would never be able to go this route). If he doesn't come back, decide what you plan to do with the rest of your life. Don't do what I did and spend your time destroying yourself inside wondering what you could have done differently. Occupy yourself.

One thing you need to remember though is that all the trust you once had with him is gone. People like to say that trust can be regained over time, but it can't. You'll always look at them with suspicion, always resent what they did, always wonder if the conditions were right would they do it again, etc. Is a lifetime of this worth the comfort of having a SO? It wasn't for me, but I can't make that decision for you.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I hope everything goes well and you find peace.

[Avalux]

75. I don't think I can take him back.

Perhaps he thinks I will; that he can go off and play around for awhile, then come back to me. If that's the case, his loss.

[LostInAnomie]

78. That's probably for the best.

I know I couldn't ever take my ex back no matter what the circumstances. There would be so much resentment and deep seeded anger that it would make my life unlivable. I'm sure it would be the same story for you.

If you take a cheater back all you are getting is someone that you know is willing to cheat. It's best to move on and cut them from your life.

[seabeyond]

80. i have learned, people truly see this differently

i didnt know. but i did a poll a while ago asking, would you want a friend to tell you or not tell you. majority would want to know. but a significant amount of people wouldnt want to know. i asked hubby and he said he wouldnt want to know if i were fooling around.

that took a while for me to process. i dont get it.... or didnt, have a tough time with it now.

i couldnt live with a person that i knew felt that way

and others truly can forgive.

it is the forgetting that i cant see happening. i couldnt trust, and i cant live that way

bottom line, lol, i agree with you

[Vidar]

73. I'm very sorry. That is devestaing.

[WinkyDink]

76. {{Avalux}}~~~I'm so sorry! Sounds like the "Ronnie Wood Syndrome" at work here. Maybe he needs to

to have YOU find "something you have to do right now."
Even if it's a fake "something", just to get the guy wondering what he left behind.

[Avalux]

77. Good idea.

I think finding something I have to do right now won't be that difficult. I certainly won't go crying back to him; he knows what he left behind and is probably busily revising history to justify his guilt.

[NNadir]

81. I wish I could offer you more than profound sympathy.

That sucks, royally.

[AwakeAtLast]

82. This website saved my sanity

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/welcome.asp

DU has a forum you might find helpful, too.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=301

I'm truly sorry you have to go through this. If you need anything, feel free to PM me.

:hug:

[BlueIris]

83. Insane. Hopefully, in time, you can recover and see

that you're better off.

[IndianaGreen]

84. Change the locks on the door, and throw his shit out unto the street

then get a lawyer and divorce the sob.

Don't take him back if he returns, no matter what he says.

Seek solace from close friends and relatives.

The pain will last for quite a while, but you will be better off later on.

[tblue]

85. What an a&$hole! I hope his thing shrivels up and falls off!

You don't need that garbage. Go to a bookstore today and ask for "How to survive the loss of a love." It's in paperback. It will help, I promise.

I've been in your shoes. Many times. Believe me. Anyone who would do that is not worth having. Even if they came back, they could do it again. He doesn't deserve you. So, focus on everything you didn't like about him, that and only that. He might be a great guy, but he's no one to depend on. What an ass! Infatuated like a little teenybopper. The clown. You deserve better and you know it. :hug:

[JNelson6563]

86. I've been there.

4 yrs. dating, 20 yrs marriage, gone. Just like that. Here's a check for half the house equity(after real estate market crashed-of course), now get out.

Hugs and support to you my dear. :hug:

Julie