So, An Hysterectomy It Is

[WilmywoodNCparalegal]

after my D&C (3rd in 13 years) and my transfusion a couple of weeks ago, the pathology reports indicate endometrial hyperplasia, classified as simple without atypia (the lowest kind), with only a possibility of 2-5% progression to uterine cancer.

As the Dr. explained it, I have many things working against me right now. My age (nearly 38), my family history (paternal grandmother died of ovarian cancer and my dad has bladder cancer) and the unopposed exposure to estrogen (since I'm anovulatory), along with the fact that this is not my first time dealing with these issues.

So, despite the fact that I long to have a biological child more than anything, I am giving up on that in the next few weeks. It is a terrible moment of loss. I cry every once in a while, knowing I will never have that true female-only experience of pregnancy, and that I may endure life-long side effects.

I know that adoption is an alternative, and my SO and I have talked about that. But right now, it is what it is. Around me, everyone else is getting pregnant and, while I am happy for them, I wish it were me. I know, it's childish.

I am thankful for my SO, who is wonderfully supportive and not desperate for a biological child. But, it's a loss nonetheless.

[mopinko]

1. aw, i'm sorry.

uterii are hard things to deal with and talk to. hope that it all works out for you.

i can't say, as i have never done it myself, but i think a baby is a baby. once you have your arms wrapped around them, they are yours, regardless of how they got there. and that right there is the real point.

you do have much to mourn, tho. do that. take care of yourself.

[LibertyLover]

2. I understand how you feel -

while I have not had a hysterectomy, I married late (I was 44) and to a man who had had a vasectomy many years previously. For a number of reasons, having a baby without being married was not an option for me. Anyway, we looked into IVF and other interventional ways of getting pregnant and it just wasn't going to work. Age and time were against me and while we had some money, if I didn't get pregnant on the first or second round, that would have been it. So, I gave up on having a baby of my own. I won't tell you that it didn't hurt (and sometimes still does 10 years later). However, don't give up the idea of adoption. And believe me, it is not second best either. I can speak from experience. I am the mother of a lovely, lively and altogether infuriating 7 year old daughter adopted from China. I may not have carried her but I am her mother in all the ways that count. Hang in there and for the moment concentrate on getting better. If you ever want information on adopting just pm me and ask away.

[GreenPartyVoter]

3. I am so, so sorry *hugs*

[Democrat_in_Houston]

4. I'm really sorry.

I understand that you want the experience of pregnancy and birth, and I don't blame you for mourning that, but please don't wait forever to move on. I have biological and adopted children and there really is no difference. They are my children and I am their parent.

And I've known so many women in the "adoption community" who regret waiting years and years to adopt, but in the end, they all say they adopted the child they were meant to have. :)

Good luck!

[hippywife]

5. I'm sorry that it has come to that for you.

I never wanted children so it was a relief and a boon for me. There were times when I thought pregnancy would be an interesting experience, tho.

I really hope that you are able to get past the sorrow, work it out for yourself, in your own time.

I think adoption for someone wanting children is more than just an option. It's changing a vulnerable life for the better. Giving a child that is on the path to a disjointed, disassociative life a second chance to feel loved and wanted. It's being able to tell your child one day, that you not only love and wanted him/her but actually picked them out among all the others you could have adopted. That will mean a lot.

My sister was like you. Loved and wanted children so much. Has so much to offer. She recently adopted a little girl, 4 years old, that she fostered (she does emergency intake for children in crisis) and they are so very happy together.

I wish you and your future children the happiness that is there for the taking. :hug:

[Blue Diadem]

6. I'm so sorry

:hug:

Your feelings are valid and not childish at all. You are experiencing a loss and grieving is normal.

I'm glad you and your SO have talked about adoption. My best friend, while physically unable to have children did adopt and those children, now grown, are and always will be her babies. She has 5 grandchildren now.

There's a website you may want to check out. It contains a lot of information as well as several public message boards both pre and post hysterectomy.

www.hystersisters.com


MB's here: http://www.hystersisters.com/vb2/

[Shell Beau]

7. I am so sorry. This must be very painful.

[WilmywoodNCparalegal]

8. Thanks for the support.

My SO works with a wonderful lady who has a lot of experience with adopting and fostering children from the NC department of social services. She has offered her advice to me and I will certainly take it.

I know that these kids need parents and my SO and I would certainly fit the bill. I always wanted to teach my child about my language and country of birth (I'm from Italy) and I am excited by the prospect of doing the same with a child whose heritage may not be European at all and yet teach that child about his/her own heritage as well, a sort of two-way learning experience that will no doubt enrich me, my SO and the child.

And I know that the bond a parent makes with a child is formed regardless of shared genetics. Right now, all I want to do is get this damn surgery as soon as possible and heal.

Then, after that, comes my dad's own surgery (radical cystectomy - removal of bladder, prostate, etc.). Then, I want to take a vacation, as 2010 is turning to be a major cluster-cluck of a year.

Yet, I still shed tears from time to time. I am strong - I'd like to think so - but not emotionless.

To those who suggested Hystersisters, I did join a couple of days ago when I heard the news, and got a bunch of information about several topics of interest.

Thanks to all.

[greenbriar]

9. sending you comforting thoughts

I had a hysterectomy at 27 and after the mourning period of not being able to have more children I found the bright side of things.

1. NEver have to worry about vacation planning
2. Saving a BUNCH of money on not buying product
3. never ruining clothing again

[WilmywoodNCparalegal]

11. Those 'pro's are hard to beat for sure

especially for me, with the constant bleeding and never knowing when my incontinence underwear (yes, that's what I wore all the time before my most recent D&C stopped the bleeding) will not hold anymore.

Not to mention all the side effects from the anemia - the tiredness, sluggishness, inability to concentrate, etc.

There are certainly some major advantages, for sure. There's no denying that.

[greenbriar]

12. Yup. I was bleeding almost a year solid

two weeks on, a day off, then two to three weeks on and off a day

was that way for over a year!

[AngryAmish]

10. hang in there.

[Haole Girl]

13. I'm sorry you couldn't have a biological child, as you long wanted

I had a hysterectomy several years ago. If it helps, I have felt sooooo much better, physically, since. I didn't realize how much the fibroids were wearing me out... and it was every 21 days.

Hope you feel better soon. I wish you all the luck, in the future, if you do decide to adopt. There are many children out there who need a good home.

:hug:

:grouphug:

[fizzgig]

14. i am so sorry

you're feelings aren't childish at all. please be good to yourself :hug:

[laylah]

15. Your feelings are NOT in the least

childish! What a loss, I am so sorry. :hug: