Describe the worst date you've ever been on.

[Lil Missy]

Mine was about 5 years ago. Double date where some friends fixed me up with a blind date. My date left after dinner and said she'd meet us at the bar in an hour or so. She arrived 2 hours later with another friend - her current fuck buddy. (So I was advised by my other 2 friends) She asked me if I'd like to shoot a game of pool with her, and I said "you sure that's okay with your other date?" Then I left.

Never saw or heard from her again. My other 2 friends disowned her.

What's your story?

[conscious evolution]

1. Don't remember the details

It was a blind date.I picked her up and made it two blocks down the road when I turned around and took her home.

[Skittles]

2. WTF?

do I need to kick your ass for details? :o

[conscious evolution]

16. "Are you a fag?"

"I don't date fags"
That was pulling out of the driveway.It went downhill from there.

[Skittles]

18. I would have said I don't date homophobes

then I would have kicked her homophobe ass

[conscious evolution]

28. Sad to say

but I wasn't very enlightened back then.

[Skittles]

34. you were enlightened enough to get rid of her sorry ass

yes INDEED

[Kaleva]

36. You would go out on a date with another woman but kick her ass..

if she was a homophobe? I see the potential for a movie or book here.

[Lil Missy]

37. Did you take that comment out of context deliberately?

[Kaleva]

38. This is the Lounge.

[Lil Missy]

43. Yes, this is the lounge - not GD.

edit: ah, I see you edited your post now.

[Kaleva]

45. Yes, I added "I see the potential for a movie or book here."

I knew what she meant but i saw a chance to be snarky and took it.

[CatholicEdHead]

81. I had a similar one

It was a date through Match.com. I drove into St Paul for the meal. Somewhere along there we started talking Church issues and homosexuality came up. She blurted out of nowhere "gays are always smelly" and kept to it. She did not last long after the meal. She was very needy and probably ADHD.

[Lil Missy]

3. Fascinating story ....

[Crazy Dave]

4. Something similar

It was with a co-worker whose cell phone never stopped ringing and she never stopped talking on it. I asked her if one of her friends wanted to come get her or for me to take her home. Of course she thought I was being rude and unreasonable and called a friend back to come and get her.

[Lil Missy]

5. Good for you. I told a freind who called me recently something similar. She was

talking with others while I'm on the phone, and I told her to go finish her visit and call me back when she had time to talk.

[charlie and algernon]

6. it was a third date

Girl shows up 90 minutes late. We were seeing a jazz concert, after we sit down, she asks if it would be ok if she leaves, by herself, to go get something to eat. I go with her to quick get take out, we get back to the jazz club and she cancels a planned 4th date. After the concert, I leave with no intention of seeing her again, but she actually calls 3 weeks later asking to get back together. I never returned her call.

[Ohio Joe]

7. oh... so many to choose from

I'll go with a girl I met on Match.com, when we went out on our first (and only) date, we met at a restaurant. We had dinner and talked a while but I was just not getting a good feeling. We finished up and walked outside, I told her I did not think we would be good together and that I was going to keep looking on Match and that I hoped she found her match. Holy crap... she went ballistic, cursing and yelling and slapping at me. I backed away, got into my car and left. I drove the three miles to my home and when I got in, she had left a message on my home phone (time stamp was just a few minutes before, so after the parking lot incident) and it says she had a great time tonight and that she couldn't wait till our next date and that I should call her when I got home. Delete, ignore. Two days later, Sunday morning and I'm watching some TV, drinking my coffee and I hear someone yelling outside. I open the window and look out and... damn, there she is, yelling at my building all kinds of weird non-sense. How could I just dump her after all this time... After all we had been through... She had given me everything... WTF? I went out and told her if she did not leave I would first call the cops then get a restraining order. Fortunately, she left.

[Boojatta]

15. That was entertaining

You should try to see her again, because I want to hear more. ;)

(Yes, it was entertaining, but you're not going to follow my advice, are you?)

[Ohio Joe]

42. One of my other Match.com dates

We meet at a restaurant, she comes over as I'm getting out of my car and gives me a big hug. We knew what each other looked like and had been talking through email and over the phone for a few weeks, so this was cool. We go in and sit down and the waitress comes over gives us menus and asks if we would like something to drink. I order a diet coke and she orders a carafe of wine. She finished the first carafe before appetizers got there and the second by the time dinner was served. During dinner she started getting a bit mean, calling the waitress a skank, threw a piece of food at the bartender (we were sitting in the bar area), started cursing at other patrons, all of this in a very "holy shit that girl is wasted" manner. The manager of the place came over with the check and asked me to pay it and get her out, so I apologized and did. I paid the check at the bar and went back to the table where she was now passed out. I carried her out to her car, put her in the back seat then went across the street to a gas station and got her some bottled water. I moved my car over next to hers and waited... a few hours later she came to. I asked her if she was ok to drive and in return she asked me if we could try another date. I just said good night and left. I might have let it slide and just put it down to nervousness but that she is a mean drunk really bothered me as I do enjoy going out and partying from time to time.

[Haole Girl]

24. LOL!

I'm sorry, Ohio Joe, but that is hilarious.

:rofl:

[Ohio Joe]

44. An even funnier one

Though it was not a date. Back when I worked at Nationwide, the people I worked with thew me a big party after work for my 40th birthday. It started at 5pm right after work at a nearby bar. Around 11:30 there is still around 20 or so people hanging around and I'm talking with this girl Jackie and she is telling me how before she met her current boyfriend she had a crush on me. One thing leads to another and next thing I know we are smooching away. Well... her boyfriend sees and comes over and says "uhhh, your kissing my girlfriend" so I stop stand up, grab him by the ears and plant a big wet one right on the lips and said "It's my birthday, I'm kissing everyone" and walked away. heh, till I left Ohio it came up at every happy hour :D

[Sultana]

102. OMG, jajajajajaaj

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: You should write a book, your date stories are hilarious.

[Quantess]

8. He was sweaty for some unknown reason

and he just layed there and didn't move at all.

[Ikonoklast]

11. You have to use less Rohypnol in his drink next time.

Just a heads up.

[Lil Missy]

17. withdrawal?

[Quantess]

48. Well, no... I don't know what his problem was, and it wasn't our very first date.

(I was talking about sex. We only did it once and I never wanted to see him again after that.) :hide:

[Lil Missy]

55. D'oh!

[seabeyond]

9. first date, dude came an half hour early.... enough said. nt

[Skittles]

20. are we talking premature stuff?

or time stuff? :7

[seabeyond]

33. lol.... we didnt even get that far

but that might have been a clue in

thats funny

[mcctatas]

10. ugh, I am almost reliving it in my brain

my date (who was the older brother of a guy I knew sort of well) took me to one of those grill your own meat places (I was a vegetarian at the time) and then to a sports bar (that smelled of vomit and desperation) to watch some Wrestling summer slam thing followed up by, and this is the God's honest truth, going back to his place to watch movies, I nearly died when he put in some Nazi propaganda film glorifying Hitler. Of course when I finally looked around me, he had a Swastika Flag on his wall, I called my best friend to pick me up immediately :scared:

[Quantess]

12. Did someone set you up together as a joke?

[mcctatas]

35. No, I met him at a party at his brothers house among perfectly

normal hippie types, never figured he would be a closet psychopath!

[Brickbat]

13. It was a blind date that involved red wine and an old-fashioned record player.

It ended in a way it should not have, let's say.

[LynneSin]

14. When the guy told me in the first 15 minutes that he likes to get head at the end of all his dates

We ended ours pretty much right there on the spot and I can assure you there was NO happy endings!

[Lil Missy]

22. Believe it or not, I had a similar experience with a woman once. She was my first woman date.

She said she's better fuckin' get lucky by the coming weekend. I thought she was joking. She wasn't. We didn't last long.

That was when I first "came out", and have known of her trials and travails in the lesbian community over the years. Very nasty and abusive - arrests for assault, stalking, one woman in particular. Had quite a reputation in the "community" spanning decades.

She just died of esophageal cancer a month ago at age 50. Didn't have too many friends in the end. Sad.

[Skittles]

19. a guy who treated the waiter like crap

I left in the middle of dinner, and gave the waiter a big tip on my way out

[Phentex]

75. I had a couple of those...very telling I say...

once was with an ex boyfriend and this was our second chance date. He was downright rude to the waiter, very snobby about the wine, lathered on about all the horrible things I had done to him in the past...and I was supposed to be impressed? Ick.

[Haole Girl]

21. It was just 2 minutes long

In my 20's, a co-worker of mine talked me into going out on a blind date.

The guy was a complete asshole. When he sat down, in the restaurant, he started laughing. I got up and walked out.

He called me, repeatedly, over the course of two weeks following the "date" & asked for another chance. No way...

that was the most embarrassing and humiliating date, ever! I didn't care what excuse he had for his seemingly

uncontrollable laughter. Looking back, I realize he was probably high (at least, I hope so :blush:).

[Kaleva]

23. She pissed on the sidewalk and was a lesbian who hated men.

The evening was doomed before it began but it was fun in that "I could've died or ended up in the hospital" kind of way.

[Wapsie B]

25. We had talked on the phone several times during the week before our night out on Friday.

She was bubbly, we were joking, laughing, really hitting it off well. Come Friday night her personality changes 180 degrees, very withdrawn and sullen. She asks me in when I take her back home. Puzzled I thought ok, I'll see if she snaps out of her doldrums. She ends up falling asleep on the couch. I finally leave. Found out the next Monday when I called her that she had been asked by someone else to date exclusively only a day or two before her and I had our fiasco. So she dumps me for him. Fast forward 6 months. I go into work on payday to pick up my check. She catches me in the parking lot and starts sobbing about how this guy just takes off and leaves her without warning and that he actually lived not too far from my place and that she had always been worried about us crossing paths when she was with him. Not only that but she was the one putting most of the effort into their relationship with her doing a two-hour trip down to see the guy every weekend. Fast forward 3 more months. She shows up at work and starts dropping hints that she wants to get back together. Not only no but hell no!
So that's the worst date/mini relationship story from me. I've not had good luck with women whose names start with J; K or R too for that matter.:banghead:

[begin_within]

26. The first in-person meeting with someone who I originally met online,

and they're about 45 minutes late for it, then they spend another 45 minutes talking to their neighbors while I sat there waiting. I just got in my car and left.

And, just yesterday, meeting for coffee with someone for the first time, and they keep talking on their phone and sending text messages while they are trying to have a conversation with me. Yes, when you're in sales you deal with messages and calls all day long, but is it really that hard to turn off the iPhone for 30 minutes, if you are really interested in someone?

[Rhythm]

27. I went out through the bathroom window... almost.

When i was 19, i ran into a girl i'd been friends with while in high school. She had recently gotten married, and was showing off pics of her new husband, a gorgeous middle-eastern man whom she's met at the local university (he was pre-med, she was a primary ed major). She mentioned that he had a couple of single friends at school that she could set me up with, so on a lark, i told her to give one of them my number.

Hubby's best friend called me a couple of days later, asking me out the next night to Annabelle's, the local 'date night' restaurant (before the invention of Applebee's, but a similar menu). I accepted, fussed about what to wear, and was nervous as hell until he showed up.

Nice car... not bad looking... not too tough an accent to deal with... and painfully excellent manners. So, i arrived at the restaurant feeling pretty good about the evening.

It went downhill from there.

He cancelled my white wine spritzer (19 was legal for beer/wine at the time), then ordered for me without any consultation with me. We talked about current events, and he was amazed that a woman had opinions about such things, much less that i would voice opinions that differed from his. I asked him how he'd decided to come to NC of all places for school, he informed me that his parents had sent him here after his involvement in some sectarian uprisings near his home in Beirut (he'd been part of a Shi'ite militia group), and that the only reason he had come here was because his friend was already here. He then started in about how much i was going to love it when we moved back there, and that his parents were going to just adore me, as soon as i converted of course. And about how many sons i was going to give him, etc...

After dinner, i asked him if he wanted to go visit for a bit with our mutual friends. He agreed, and we stopped by their apartment at around 9pm. I quietly motioned for my gal-pal to come with me to her restroom (under the guise of not feeling well) while the guys sat down to talk and smoke. I had hoped that the bathroom had a window or something, but no luck. So i told my friend that if she liked me at all, she would make my excuses... and i slipped quietly out the back door, walking the back way the 2 miles home.

He called the next day, and i told him as politely as i could that i simply wasn't interested in seeing him again. He called me a whore and slammed the phone in my ear. My friend called me and asked me why i didn't like him. She didn't get it even after i explained it all.

Six months later, i ran into her again. She had kicked her husband out, and had gotten a restraining order against him. He had battered her and tried to cause a miscarriage after she told him she was pregnant. Eventually, she divorced him, and had him deported.

[Lil Missy]

30. OMG. Sounds like he thought it was an arranged marriage rather than a date.

[kwassa]

87. his name wasn't Khalid Sheik Mohammed, was it?

He went to college in North Carolina.

[jmm]

29. He argued with me that "The Blair Witch Project" was a real documentary.

I knew it would be our one and only date when he insisted he was a vegetarian because he didn't exclusively eat meat. Then he started talking about the movie and said I had to see it because it really happened. When I told him that was just a marketing trick and the cast had been giving numerous interviews his face lit up and he said, "Really? They found them?"

Soon after that I started spending time with somebody else. I liked him but wasn't sure how interested he was in me. One day while going to the movies we ran into his mother's best friend. She came up to us and went on about how I must be the new girlfriend his mom told her about. He was the oldest of six and at that time one of his siblings had a kid and two were expecting she so then went on about how his mom was NEEDED a grandchild from her first born and I was so beautiful that he and I could give her best friend some gorgeous grand babies. I just looked looked at her while she fired off personal questions and statements wanting to be anywhere except there.

[LeftyMom]

31. I waited at the airport for over an hour before flvegan finally showed up.

Then there was the weeping woman in baggage claim I had to report my mangled suitcase to. The way she was carrying on I thought she was about to leave to tend to a dying relative- turned out she was just having a bad day at work. I never did get paid for the damned suitcase, either.

It got better from there.

[Xipe Totec]

41. It got better from there...

We know...

And, personally, I am happy for you and for that dog lover, flvegan.

Happy life!

:toast:

[Xipe Totec]

32. A Pity Date with a Blond Goddess

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x2179871#2180183

To my original post, I would add that:

1.- She holds a Masters degree in Mathematics, so she was not a bimbo.
2.- If you ever see some documentary of a Shuttle Launch, and you see a beautiful blond sitting at the control center at KSC with hair down to her waist, that was her...

[Iggo]

39. I've only ever been on one date.

The summer after I graduated high school, I was hanging out with a friend of mine smoking some weed, waiting for HIS date to show up. Then I was gonna go on my merry way. So she shows up with her best girlfriend in tow, and my buddy tells me she won't go anywhere with him unless her friend goes, too, and she needs him to get her a date. Voila. I'm drafted. The date was at least as awkward as you're imagining, but it was all pleasant enough. Black Angus (which was kind of a big deal back then) and a movie after. I may have gotten a peck on the cheek at the end of it all...I don't really remember.

It wasn't until months later I found out my friend knew all along that his date was bringing her friend. He was supposed to have set up a date for her in advance, but had shined it on 'til the last second. He invited me over to smoke that doobie under false pretenses, he did. The rat bastard...lol.

Anyway, since it's the only date I've ever been on, I guess it's technically the best AND the worst!

[david13]

40. My god, holy crapola, I thought I had bad luck. I never had

anything that bad.
The worst I ever had pales by comparison.
About the worst I ever had was some girl who didn't like the salad at dinner, so I decided I would never speak to her again.
Oh, once a girl wore purple pants. I determined I could never see her again. I mean, she was otherwise ok, but ... purple pants?
No.
dc

[Skittles]

50. I WILL KICK YOUR ASS WHILE WEARING PURPLE PANTS DAVID13

YES INDEED

[david13]

84. Hey. I don't sweat nickel dime. Wait a minute, not another one

in purple pants!
dc

[Ikonoklast]

46. It involved a husband.

One that wasn't mentioned somehow, previous to going out.

Oh, and still being married to said husband.

Oh, and having said husband waiting in the parking lot of the restaurant when yours truly and Mrs. Forgetful are leaving.


You can guess the rest.

[PassingFair]

104. I think I saw you on "Cheaters".

Is this you?

[AsahinaKimi]

47. I was once dragged to a game arcade

While my date played 2 hours on some electronic shoot-em-up game. We were supposed to go to dinner, but he had to wait for his friend to call him. I told him, I had to find the ladies room, and left. I found it and passed it right by and kept on going.

He never called me and I never called him.

[KamaAina]

49. I can't remember that far back.

:cry:

[old mark]

51. I went to an art gallery supposedly for an opening of a show I had a piece in.

I went on a first date with a woman from work. It turned out we didn't get along well at all, and that the woman who had the show - a benefit for her political endeavor- gave me the wrong information deliberately so I would not be at the opening because she felt I would be an embarasment to her efforts to cultivate the politicial big shots of the area.

I was good enough to contribute a painting to her cause, but not to attend the opening.

The date lasted about 2 hours, and I could not get her back to her house fast enough.

A diaster in every sense, and I don't even remember her name.

mark

[Digit]

52. A possible close call

I had spoken to a man on Craigslist that sounded rather interesting, so we arranged to meet for dinner. As I walked towards the restaurant I heart small grunting noises from behind me. They sounded more animalistic than human when I realized it was my blind date making the noices. I don't know WHAT he was doing "grunting", but he continued.
Cautiously, I kept a distance and we entered the restaurant. Things went downhill from there.
We talk a bit, and in the quiet interludes I hear those damn animal noises again.
Okay I think, I can go home soon...I can make it through this.
We order dinner and he tells me that he and his sister were part of a genetics experiment and he is deathly allergic to anything green. AT ALL! He tells me not to worry though as if 90% of the population is exterminated, he will survive because of how he was "created" and the most that could happen is that he would pass out for a few minutes. Dinner comes and he picks up the plate to his nose and sniffs all the food closely. He evidently found what his nose was telling him as his Texas Toast had a few sprinkles of parsley.
He explained to the waiter that the parsley could "kill him" and exchanged it for plain toast.
As dinner finishes, he starts telling me how he was once into BDSM but not so much...anymore, like he was still REALLY into it but was testing my reaction. While I was thinking he was thinking of how it would be to torture me as his sexual fetish.
He wanted me to meet him the next morning to go to a very remote location to see an Indian burial site and all I could think of was to get as far away from whatever it was I was having dinner with.
I shudder to think what could have happened.
Oh and no, I have not responded to one more person or "creature" on Craigslist.

:scared:

[Lil Missy]

56. OMG, he's sounds pretty scary! Glad you survived!

[Systematic Chaos]

53. I once dated a fundie nutcase. Gee, what fun.

This was before my DU days, back in 1998. I lived and worked in Pahrump, NV back then, and the only things to do socially pretty much involved bars in that town. That's not my style. As you may recall, phone dating was the big thing back then, as the internet was still young and I didn't own a computer anyway. I placed an ad with the Las Vegas singles rag and spoke with a few women, nothing really came of any of it until I got a contact from this one girl who professed to be a Christian. I "dated" her for several months, and was really in love with a number of her good points (yes, she really did have a few), but she insisted on keeping me at arm's length because I was honest about my non-Christian status. She worked as a nanny in Las Vegas proper, by the way, and most of her income was room and board, so guess who not only paid for everything, but when we did restaurants she was always damn near certain to order the most expensive thing on the menu. :eyes:

Our final evening together was shortly after my 30th birthday in 1999. She seemed to want to talk about things, and I wanted to try and reconcile the whole Christianity issue, so we decided to go in my car to the outskirts of town where what roads there were were just gravel trails, and it was nice and quiet. She started talking, at length, about her previous boyfriend and how he mistreated her and everything. I listened to this for a while, and then came out and asked her if she didn't think I was very different from this guy, and was it really such a big deal that I didn't have the same faith she did? Her answer to that was to say that, and I quote, "I have no problem with a man putting me in my place".

Then -- and remember, we were off on some dark gravel trail with the nearest houses about a mile away -- she started talking explicitly about her sex life with this former boyfriend. I'm talking oral sex and everything. I'm sitting there in the dark, with this woman I'm in love with sitting right next to me telling me on the one hand that she could never love me, and on the other sending me into a blue-balled frenzy. As soon as I could find the words to ask if she was ready to go home, I did so. We talked a couple days later, and I asked her why the fuck she thought it was a good idea to mess up my head the way she did, and her reply was something like "well, I figured since you weren't able to have me, this would be the next best thing". And that was the last, or close to the last, time I saw her. We spoke on the phone now and again after that, but ironically it was over Christmas of that year when I left a couple of messages on her machine wishing her and the family she worked for a Merry Christmas and she never bothered calling back.

One thing I wonder is if she somehow didn't want me to pull something on her in the car that night. I've never been the type of guy to try and force contact with a woman, but I wonder how many guys out there would have in response to all of her dirty talk that night?

I'm not usually the kind of person to wish things like this on people, but I hope she spends the rest of her life enslaved to some Dominionist man who makes her life a lonely living nightmare.

[tango-tee]

54. It was over before it even really started.

That was many eons ago in the age of miniskirts in the early 1970s. I was waiting for my date at a bar (our first real date). Sat on the stool, looking all cute. Date walked in, I leaned back a little on the stool thinking it had a backrest. It didn't. As I felt myself falling, I tried to hold onto the bar, but only managed to grab a doily which had my drink, an ashtray (with butts) and a bowl of peanuts on it. I fell over backwards and hit the ground in a shower of cigarette butts, peanuts and a vodka tonic. Held on to the doily, though.

Date excused himself shortly after, never saw him again.

[tango-tee]

57. I may be everyone's Date From Hell all wrapped up in one.

I was meeting this guy for dinner at an Italian restaurant. Cozy, small round tables, very romantic. We're sitting across from each other, having some wine.

We ordered seafood salad for starters and bistecca alla pizzaiola (the kind with the chunky tomato sauce) as the main dish. While eating the salad, I bit into this whole cherry tomato, and the juice and seeds squirted out of my mouth, onto my date's white shirt. Embarrassing... Then I decided the salad needed a bit of lemon juice to liven it up. Squeezed the lemon, and the juice went straight into my date's eye. There he was, with a stained shirt, and tears running down his face.

This was not all! The main dish was served, steaming hot. As I tried to cut into the steak, it slid off my plate, tomato sauce and all, and onto my lap. It was summer and my legs were bare. I yelped, jumped up, steak fell to the floor. The other guests were amused.

We left the restaurant - me looking as though I had been in a knife fight, his eye red and swollen from the lemon juice, plus looking as though he still needed to eat with a bib around his neck.

I never saw that guy again, either.

[Name removed]

62. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[CitizenLeft]

66. okay, I just want to hug you...

:rofl: Bless your heart! :hug:

[BlueJazz]

91. I would have thought it was rather cute if you laughed about it also.

:)

[CBR]

58. I was hanging out in my date's dorm room. Suddenly

we hear knocking on the door, date opens the door and my ex is standing there. He comes in upset and asks if I am willing to talk to him (actually he demands it). I shouldn't have gone with him but I did. His car is parked in a lot with a hill. He starts the car and he is so enraged that the car is in drive not reverse and his car ends up half way over the hill -- dangling. It cost him $1500. Being a weekend on campus there were lots of people around, laughing.

Luckily, my date forgave me and we are married today.

[hunter]

59. I always read these to see if anyone writes about me.

:blush:

Mostly it's that me and "mind altering substances" don't mix. I'd either fall asleep or wander off into the night. I don't get "beer goggles" I simply get lost.

[Chan790]

60. Bacon!

This is actually one of my favorite stories...it was so bad that even in the moment I was trying so hard to not laugh at her and feel a little bad about myself.

A small amount of background is required: I am a vegetarian. I do not exclusively date veg*ns, in-fact I generally prefer not to because it tends to go hand-in-hand locally with something that annoys the shit out of me: hippies and granola-freak potheads...I really hate that entire scene: potheads, Phish-fans, hemp-clothing wearing, infrequent bathers who won't wear deodorant...Hartford is infested with them. I am a hardcore foodie. I don't tolerate liars, hypocrites or people who rationalize bad-things well; I'm somewhat hypocritical in that doing exactly this was a major job-skill of mine in a past career: I made people believe things passionately that not only were not always true but occasionally irrational even. I tend to be very very direct, almost confrontationally-so, and speak my mind.

I met a woman, we'll call her Emma, through a work-function where she was contracted to provide PR services. We got to talking and the fact that we're both "PeTA people" came up; also she's a "vegan" (The quotes will be important later. Oh, so important). We both grew up on farms. The guy sitting next to her smelled like farm-sex and patchuoli. (Okay, that was even amusing.) She's militantly-feminist and that scares guys. That's cool with me. Also, she hates my boss, Karl...I think Karl is a prick. She's an avid hiker; I walk everywhere. She's cute. I'm...modest: what I lack in classic good looks I make up for in charm and cleaning-up-well. I'm pretty awestruck with her.

I ask her if she wants to join me for lunch since she hates my boss, probably doesn't want to listen to him spend the next 90 minutes taking credit for her work and the prick decided that I was not going to be invited to the luncheon for my own work-project...it's not good for the stake-holders to see the sausage-makers, I guess. So...we go to this super-fancy cafe in the park overlooking a pond and the community rose garden (Anybody who has ever lived in Hartford knows the precise place.) because I'm a signer on the organization's card and entertaining a good contractor who works cheap is within my purview...that is to say: Karl is buying lunch. :thumbsup::thumbsup:

So...we sit down and the waiter comes over to take the order. I let her order first...it seemed I don't know...it seemed like a good idea for no good reason at all. She orders a BLT, mustard, no mayo. I stare silently over the top of my menu. I have a stunned pause. I order some sort of creamy vegetable soup, I think (was it the Squash Bisque? I think it was)...I don't even remember. The waiter walks away and I say "you know that there is bacon on that, right?"

"Bacon is a vegetable."

"Um...no, it's not."

"Bacon is my favorite vegetable."

"What part of the bacon plant does bacon come from then?"

Suddenly, we are having a very loud argument in the restaurant about men's (my) need to oppress women (her). It's her body and she'll put into it whatever she'd like. (Mind you, I might be able truly care less what she eats...I have an issue with her co-opting labels she's not entitled to. Labels I aspire to and fall short of constantly.) I'm not trying to have a personal autonomy argument with Emma...I was trying to preface a make-out sesh behind the pond house perhaps. I decide to leave, pay the bill on the way out the door, leave an additional $40 in case she wants anything else...and left her to enjoy her sandwich in peace and walk back to work.

About halfway there, I realize that this is nearly karmic...two individuals who work in the area of public manipulation getting in an argument about (to borrow a word from Stephen Colbert) truthiness and honesty. Sat down at my desk, composed my letter of resignation. Printed it. Signed it. Wrote an email to Emma (which she never responded to) and left. Never looked back.

To this day, among my friends and I, the proper response to any statement where the stator is simply trying to avoid an uncomfortable truth which would force them to re-examine their actions or thinking is "Bacon is a vegetable." (Though...it's really really not.)

[skygazer]

70. Okay, I love this story

:rofl:

Bacon is a vegetable - I have to remember that.

[skygazer]

71. Dupe

[BlueJazz]

92. I hate to hurt your feelings but I believe Bacon really does come from a Plant.

The Swift & Co. Plant. :)

[Z_I_Peevey]

61. It began when he drove up in a lime green Ford Pinto

and ended with me frantically babbling excuses as to why I couldn't help him "christen" his trippy new ride.

In between there was a Pizza Hut pizza, thin crust as I recall.

[redwitch]

86. Periwinkle Gremlin.

Honest to God, he drove a periwinkle Gremlin. And I don't want to talk about it.

[Withywindle]

97. That would make a great band name, though. n/t

[11 Bravo]

63. I have a woman friend who swears this happened to her.

Her blind date picked her up at her home,walked her to the car, and let her in on the front passenger side. She was feeling a little gassy, and ripped off a tremendous fart as her date was walking around the car to get in on the driver's side. After her date was in the car he indicated the back seat and said to her, "I invited some friends (another couple) to double date with us, I hope you don't mind." Nobody said anything, and the date went on as planned, but she says the other couple kept giggling all night.

[KG]

67. kinda like this?

chemistry!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zz-E8AexUjc

[CitizenLeft]

64. joined a dating service once, one of the big ones...

...and contacted a handsome 30ish black cardiologist working at the Cleveland Clinic (I'm also black). He checked me out in the database, called me, and we made a date. We went to a casual restaurant and ordered a light meal. So far so good, until he started talking. He spent the entire evening regretting (1) moving from Minneapolis, which he deeply missed, to Cleveland, and complaining about how bored he was now (never mind what a fantastic career move it was for a young cardiologist to land a position at the CLEVELAND CLINIC, that apparently didn't factor in), (2) the lack of "friendly women" in Cleveland, and (3) specifically, the lack of WHITE friendly women in Cleveland. He went on and on and on about how in Minneapolis, he could get any white woman he wanted, and how much they loved him (dear God :eyes:). In Cleveland, apparently the pickings were slim. The insult here - not just to all Cleveland women, both white and black women, but to me personally - was that he was settling for me, because, as it turns out, I have a pale complexion. So I guess I was the next best thing, and the best he could do.

Never heard from him again, thank God. What an unconscionable prick.

EDIT: wait, wait, I have another one.

Just before I joined this dating service, I put an ad in the Plain Dealer, in the popular dating section. In a few days, a child psychologist called me (if I remember correctly, he may have been Jewish). We talked for about an hour, and he sounded promising. So we met at a large Borders, and I looked for a tall bespectled gentleman in a yellow sweater. He turned out not to be tall (no biggie), and a Peter Ustinov look-alike, in every way. Okay, so looks aren't everything. What did make an impression was that his clothes didn't look very clean, and his sweater was covered in those little lint bumps. Not the end of the world, but just one of those things that stick out, like dirty fingernails. Anyway, that wasn't enough to turn me off. What DID turn me off was, once he started talking, was that he began mentioning his love of black women, particularly heavy-set black women. Okay. At the time, I wasn't particularly heavy - in fact, I was pretty fit. So his comments were a little disturbing - apparently, I was too thin for his tastes (not thin at all, but not big enough to suit him). He was disappointed that I wasn't larger. Okay. But the kicker was his bee-line for Borders' art dept. He was looking for art books by Fernando Botero, the Colombian artist who paints fleshy nude subjects. He opened one book to a painting showing a bevy of prone naked women, and the way he was stroking the page...? I got the hell outta there.

This guy was the reason I joined the dating service, LOL.

[Phentex]

74. Those made me shiver!

Sounds like a couple of narrow escapes, lol!

[Z_I_Peevey]

99. You've just reminded me...

I too once got a similar message as I entered the world of "mature dating." One of the first things he related was that he would never again, following his most recent divorce, get a woman who was "arm candy." No siree, no more good-looking women for him, and by the way, do I enjoy cooking and cleaning?

Needless to say I took my troll ass as far away from him as possible.

[GaYellowDawg]

65. I've got a couple.

Met her at a party where we hit it off. I went by her lab and asked her out - it was quite awkward as I am very shy about these things. So we decided on a movie that we both wanted to see and then dinner. Well, like a dumbass, I hadn't checked the movie schedule and we had to kill some time before the next showing. So we thought it'd be a good idea to try dinner, then the movie. Well, we went to dinner and knew we had to kill a certain amount of time. Unfortunately, we talked so long that we ran out of topics and she asked me my age. She'd thought I was in my late 20s, and I was 35. I asked her age. She was 23. Ouch. I had thought she was in her late 20s. Then we got out to the car. When I turned the car on, it was a lot later than we thought; her watch had stopped and we'd talked through half of the next movie showing. After some uncomfortable laughter, I knew the whole thing was dead and offered to take her home. It was a disaster, and it was my fault. Argh.

The other disaster was when I asked someone from Match.com to a college baseball game. I thought it'd be a pleasant outing. I could tell the first instant that it wasn't going to work - she took one look at me and her face fell. But we went to the game, and she started talking. And talking. And talking. She would tell these nested stories - where she'd be giving some kind of anecdote, then stop and give me background on a friend in the anecdote, and stop in the middle of that and give me background on something in that background, and by the time she finished the original story, I'd be bewildered with the detail. She talked through the whole game. I still don't know who won it. Then we went for dinner, which was actually a good idea; the candlelight made us both probably look better. Of course, she talked all the way through that. Then she suggested a walk downtown. I was treated to stories about how she knew the proprietor of several different businesses. Finally, we got back to my car, and she started talking about how she'd had to get a restraining order on a guy she'd met online because he wouldn't stop calling after a bad date. I'm thinking, "message received, and you're laying it on kind of thick." A platonic hug back at her car, and that was it. I was so exhausted from all the talk that I did my best to avoid conversations of any sort for a couple of days.

[Phentex]

73. You just reminded me of one...

I know I had several bad first dates. But one that went south fast was my boss's nephew. I thought he was older and he thought I was younger. The converstaion was strained at dinner but I chalked it up to nerves on both our parts. I knew the chemistry was there but I kept thinking there was something missing. For god-knows-what reason he decided to TAKE ME TO HIS HOUSE to meet his mother (yes, he still lived with his mother!) and my boss just happened to be there. I think the mom asked me about college or something and then *everyone* realized the age difference and the whole thing seemd icky.

When he took me home, I explained I just couldn't do it and he cried.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

68. Took my brother's next door neighbor to see Frank Zappa

I was at his house, noticed her next door, said "Hey, she's cute," and before you knew it, he'd arranged to have her attend Frank's concert at The Boston Music Hall (opening act: CHUCK BERRY) as my date. Bought the tickets and everything. (For those familiar with me and my posts, this is the brother who died of a heart attack this year, on Obama's inauguration day)...

She looked like Carole King's little sister...exactly the way Carole looked on "Tapestry" but with brown hair. She wore a white turtleneck sweater, a big peace medal on a leather strap, jeans, and did not say a word...especially when Frank and the boys started playing.

This was the "Flo & Eddie" incarnation of FZ & the Mothers...easily the filthiest lineup of Frank's entire career. He did one song about "God's girlfriend" on the sofa with "The Magic Pig"...never ended up on an official Zappa album, and if I went into detail about the lyrics, I'd either get the thread locked, my post deleted, a strong reprimand from the Mods, or all of the above.

During this song, I was sort of afraid to look over at her. But I turned my head, just enough, and saw her sitting in her seat, like a stone figure, expressionless.

My brother drove us...when we got her home, she opened the car door, walked up to her front door without a word. End of date.

:rofl:

[Systematic Chaos]

88. Well to hell with her if she didn't "get it".

You have no fucking idea how ecstatic I am to have a wife who took a liking to my Progressive and Experimental Music with no real prompting from me at all. It's rare enough among the general population, but to stumble on a partner who likes oddball music is so nice! :D

[skygazer]

69. A guy I knew casually asked me to go out to dinner

Mind you, this was the 70's when no one really "dated" - you just did the rounds of the bars and then slept together. So this was an intriguing idea.

He picked me up at 7 and we went downstairs to his car, a VW bug. Filled with people. His two brothers and one of the brothers' wives. I crammed in, my date gave me a hit of acid which I took and off we went.

I was somewhat confused but too shy to ask why all these people were here - I assumed we were dropping them off before dinner. But we just started driving around, smoking pot and all of them talking and laughing. What sticks in my head was that they were all named with "M" names - Mitch and Matt and Mike and they kept talking about their other brothers Milt and Morrie and their dad Mervin.

Eventually they decided to go to Mervin's house and we drove out into the country and hung out at their parents place. The parents were just as loud and boisterous as the kids, everyone was drinking, I was tripping by now and sat like a mouse in a corner while all this pandemonium went on.

Left there around 10 or so and drove around some more. Then went to one of the brother's apartment and hung out drinking and smoking while they all laughed and talked and had a great time.

At this point - around 1 in the morning - I realized that I hadn't said a single word since before we got to their parents'. I thought to myself, "I must look like an idiot. I'm just riding along like a mute. I've got to say something, enter the conversation."

So at a lull in the conversation, I opened up my mouth and said.... something, I don't remember what. And everyone stopped talking, turned around staring at me and said, in unison, "WHAT?!"


I was so embarrassed I got up and ran out of there. Ran all the way home. It was the most bizarre night I've ever spent.

[hippywife]

72. Sounds like you ran with the same

kinda crowd I did back in the day. Dating? What is this dating you speak of? :rofl:

[Kali]

94. yeah, I don't think I have EVER gone on a "date"

[Kali]

93. similar but different

got dumped on a guy, by a freind who wanted to go party with a different guy - he took me up to some make-out view point and he was game but I was tripping - and babbling, and babbling and tripping.

Poor guy. Wonder if he remembers that fucked up chick Jeanie dumped on him.:rofl:

[Withywindle]

98. AHAHAH acid "dates."

One I had once ended with the guy in the bathroom forEVER and then he started making these whimpering and snarling noises and I got worried and busted in, and he was standing there with his dick hanging out of his pants, making wolf-dominance snarly noises at his own reflection in the mirror.

You know how acid is. I would have thought this was kind of cute if he didn't talk and think like that even when sober. He was like Hunter S. Thompson...with no discernible sense of humor. He'd get violently angry if I thought any of his SRS BZNS was funny. Which it all was. Which did make him a sort of dangerous bad boy, just not in the way he wanted to be.

[Blue_In_AK]

76. I'd rather not.

Simply, it involved John Glenn's son and a dark lonely road.

[noamnety]

77. Mine started with my dog being in heat.

I didn't really know how to cope with that, it was a fairly new dog, new issue for me.

Anyway, the guy picked me up, we went out to dinner and a movie. Then he followed me back inside to my kitchen for coffee. I was alternating at the time between keeping the dog crated til I could get to a pet store for their feminine hygiene doggie products, and letting her run around in the best rig I could manage - an old pair of my underwear with a hole cut out for her tail, and a maxi pad stuck in there.

I am not really the romantic sort, but I had a hunch the second option wasn't appropriate for a date, so the dog stayed in the crate. The dog got restless though and started howling. I had a 16 year old foreign exchange student staying with me at the time, she hustled the dog out the back door for me. The guy and I had coffee in the kitchen.

After a while I see flashlights going back and forth in my front yard. There is a knock at the door - and it's a couple of cops in uniform. The dog was way in the back barking her head off, which we couldn't hear from the front of the house, but the neighbors could hear and called to complain. The police tell me I have to pull her back in.

I couldn't put her back in the crate because she was howling there. I wasn't gonna have her running around in my underwear - that's just not my vision of a guy's first look at my undies. I couldn't let her run around leaving bloody spots everywhere. I said "well, it's getting late, you should probably go soon". The guy said yep, and just leaned against the wall sipping his coffee as if we hadn't just had that exchange.

I pulled the dog next to me on the linoleum kitchen floor and sat her down next to me, thinking if I could get her to stay there at least til he left, her ass would hide the growing stain and I could just clean up the one spot after he was gone. So I sat "petting" the dog - holding her spine down with the death grip from hell. Around the corner out of sight of the guy, I can see the exchange student sitting on the floor, tears streaming down her face, convulsing with silent laughter. The dog's squirming trying to escape my grip, I am trying to keep a neutral expression on my face like this is how I always pet my dog, and every few minutes I try another subtle comment about how it's probably time we got some sleep. The guy keeps agreeing, but won't actually move toward the door.

Eventually the dog squirmed free, ran circles around the kitchen leaving a trail of bright red polka dots across my white floor. I got up and said I should probably get a mop. The guy mentioned out of the blue he supposed it was getting late and perhaps he should leave - and he did.

After he left, the girl and I sat together crying and laughing so hard we couldn't speak.

The guy didn't call back. I mailed him a xerox of a vet bill for getting a dog spayed a couple weeks later, with no enclosed note or explanation.

We've been married now for almost 15 years, and neither of us has ever once spoken of that incident to each other. I imagine we will go to our death beds refusing to acknowledge it ever happened.

[Lil Missy]

78. LOL - cute story!!

[noamnety]

80. Honestly, I don't think my husband even likes me.

I think he married me just to keep me out of the dating pool as a public service to the rest of mankind.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

100. LOL.

[Kali]

95. ...

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[graywarrior]

105. OMG, I laughed my ass off reading that!

[prole_for_peace]

79. We were going to a movie and he showed up in cut-off denim shorts.

Also it was a half price matinee (this was only the second date) and already smelled like beer. Then later at dinner as we were making small talk I casually mentioned how my mom had a key to my house and sometimes showed up on weekends and come in my room and wake me up. He got all freaked out and his response indicated that he assumed at some point she could walk in on US.

I had already decided that he wasn't someone I wanted to spend any additional time with but that made it a certainty

[blue neen]

82. The dude pinched my little sister's butt (she was only 14 at the time, I was 22).

Seriously. To this day, we do not mention his name.

[LostInAnomie]

83. The date itself wasn't that bad...

... we got along well, but we knew we weren't really into dating each other. We did end up having sex though, and the next week she missed her period. Another full week went by before Aunt Flo finally made her visit. That was the worst week of my life.

[bookworm65t]

85. Drag queens were part of my worst.

Mine was not only a worst date, it was a worst New Year's Eve date.

I was asked to go out by a co-worker while I was in college. We were supposed to go to this huge bash being thrown by his father. My co-worker made the whole thing like it was going to be a Guy Lombardo thingy. I was pretty excited about this bash. I had to work a few hours before we were to head on over to his dad's place. So I changed into something I thought appropriate and waited for him. He drives by work, tells me that "plans have changed", that I had to follow him. We ended up watching an amateur drag queen show in a gay bar. I was pissed.

I didn't mind the show at all; in fact it was pretty entertaining. But I was lead to believe that my New Year's Eve would be different. And if he wanted to come out of the closet, he couldn't have picked a better way.

To this day I can't listen to Mariah Carey's "Vision of Love" without thinking of those drag queens

[kwassa]

89. My first and last personal ad date.

I have a good friend who was having great luck with the newspaper personal ads, when that first became a big thing in the late '80s. So, I wrote two ads, one for the very limited line length in the LA Times, and one for the LA Weekly which gave much more space. I decided to write two very different ads, in style, to see if I attracted different types of women.

I didn't get much traffic with either ad.

My two different ads attracted the same woman. I didn't know that until after the date with the Times ad.

It was meet for lunch. She decided she didn't like me when she walked through the door, and I'm not that hard to look at. We were committed to having lunch together. She was Japanese, had poor English, chain-smoked, and negativity just vibrated from her. It was very strange. Lunch was the normal length but seemed to last days.

A couple days later I picked up a response to the Weekly ad. It was her. It made me wonder if she was answering every single ad in each paper.

[Forkboy]

90. I never dated.

I can honestly say that by 15 everyone knew what they were getting and I knew what I was getting. It made for some great nights!

[Fuzz]

96. I have a couple.

One was when I was like 19. Date was a drive in movie. I bought some wine, cheese and grapes and other assorted fruits. Date went great! Drank wine, watched the movie and snacked on cheese and fruit.

We became somewhat amorous, we were enjoying each others company as it were. Then I heard a grumbling. Oh oh. It wasn't me. We continued, me somewhat with a bit of trepidation. More grumbling. Shit.

My date then informs me that she is taking penicillin for something. Great! Wine and penicillin. Great mix.

No sooner did she get that information out she started to spew. I grabbed her by the back of her head, by the hair, opened the car door with my other hand and luckily got 90% of the vomit outside.

WooHoo! Great date!

Second one that comes to mind:

You know how people say the prettier they are, the stupider they are? WELL!

This woman was maybe not playboy, but penthouse material. Very nice woman. I worked with her, not a great idea, but I was young and well, say no more.

I was out one night with her and I can't remember what lead up to the line, but I said something like "yeah, like Jesse Jackson". Can't remember what it was referring to, or what lead up to it. It was a LONG time ago. The point is, she said "Who is Jesse Jackson?"

Shit. Seriously?

Ok, I can overlook that. You are gorgeous. I'm a single guy.

But the next thing.

She went to the bathroom.

Came back and whispered into my ear. "I need your help."

I said ok.

"Can you go into the ladies room? I dropped my hair brush into the toilet and I don't want to get it out. Can you get it for me?"

Son of a bitch!

/sigh

I'm much older and no longer as pretty as I used to be. I'm also married and no longer want to live. ;)

[Haole Girl]

101. delete

[Zomby Woof]

103. September 24, 2001

Worst date ever. Of course, others may have another date they found to be the worst.

[kimmerspixelated]

106. When he mentioned and displayed that he was only half-circumcised.

True story about 20 or more yrs. ago!

[Lil Missy]

107. How does that happen?

:wtf:

[kimmerspixelated]

108. I know! I can't imagine!

Must be weird being a dude in the first place. How DO they manage to walk around with them thangs!

[TrogL]

109. You mean the one where I was sick as a dog and threw up?

[TrogL]

110. Maybe the one where the fire department got involved?

[TrogL]

111. How about the one where the RCMP got involved?

[TrogL]

112. Had to have her car towed out of the swamp?

[TrogL]

113. Herd of bison?

[TK421]

114. Maybe two years ago, nothing major and I haven't been on one since

the conversation just sucked....nothing dramatic about it