13 Things Your Burglar Won’t Tell You

[NJmaverick]

1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.

2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.

3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste …. and taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.

4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it.

5. If it snows while you’re out of town, get a neighbor to create car and foot tracks into the house. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead giveaway.

6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don’t let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it’s set. That makes it too easy.

7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom-and your jewelry. It’s not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.

8. It’s raining, you’re fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door-understandable. But understand this: I don’t take a day off because of bad weather.

9. I always knock first. If you answer, I’ll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don’t take me up on it.)

10. Do you really think I won’t look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.

11. Helpful hint: I almost never go into kids’ rooms.

12. You’re right: I won’t have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables. But if it’s not bolted down, I’ll take it with me.

13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system. If you’re reluctant to leave your TV on while you’re out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television. (Find it at faketv.com.)

8 MORE THINGS A BURGLAR WON’T TELL YOU:

1. Sometimes, I carry a clipboard. Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake. I do my best to never, ever look like a crook.

2. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.

3. I’ll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise. If your neighbor hears one loud sound, he’ll stop what he’s doing and wait to hear it again. If he doesn’t hear it again, he’ll just go back to what he was doing. It’s human nature.

4. I’m not complaining, but why would you pay all that money for a fancy alarm system and leave your house without setting it?

5. I love looking in your windows. I’m looking for signs that you’re home, and for flat screen TVs or gaming systems I’d like. I’ll drive or walk through your neighborhood at night, before you close the blinds, just to pick my targets.

6. Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It’s easier than you think to look up your address.

7. To you, leaving that window open just a crack during the day is a way to let in a little fresh air. To me, it’s an invitation.

8. If you don’t answer when I knock, I try the door. Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in.

http://bitsandpieces.us/2010/02/04/13-things-your-burglar-wont-tell-you/

[gmoney]

1. I'd always heard that "Rain is the best policeman"

[Phentex]

2. "Your Crap is Worthless to Me"

is what my burglar would say. Unless he likes kitchen knives, a good skillet, and Muppet stuff, he's outta luck in this house.

[unpossibles]

7. that's probably what they would say to me too

they'd look at my mostly empty living room with the ancient TV and probably feel sorry for me. Then again, I've had crappy "worthless" stuff stolen before and it still sucks.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

3. Once I had a guy

appear on my back deck. I happened to be in the kitchen so I watched him come up the stairs and surprised with 'can I help you?'
He stammered something about someone calling in a donation of clothing to a local charity that would be left on the back porch.
'yeah, right' says I.
I'm sure he was casing the joint and was surprised as hell to find me standing there.............

[NJmaverick]

4. Did you call the police?

[davsand]

5. I caught a guy looking in our laundry room window one morning.

I was standing there in a t-shirt and a pair of panties looking back at him.

I started screaming and the guy I lived with came running in and threw open the window snarling "What are you doing out there asshole?" (I gotta admit, Jim sounded mean as hell right about then...)

The guy starts stammering that he's looking for a garage sale at some other address on our street. Jim told him to get running because he had until the police got there. It took less than a couple of minutes for the police to arrive, and by then the guy was gone. They told us that it was probably a burglar rather than a window peeker.


:shrug:


Laura

[unpossibles]

6. "Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom"

hmm. Some guys were checking on my neighbor's malfunctioning heat - she wasn't home and I kept a loose eye on them while they waited for her to answer her door, but one did use my bathroom, so I just went in there and the window was unlocked! It may have been already, but... I locked it since there's a fire escape right outside of it.

On the one hand, the heating system in our building does kind of suck and go out sometimes, but generally it's the whole building not one apartment and mine was working fine.

[LeftinOH]

8. When my house was burgled, it was because of #7. So simple, but never again-

no matter how hot & stuffy it gets.

[hunter]

9. It's no "jackpot" if you walk right into hunter's house.

The unreliable 25 year old POS cars in the driveway should have been your first clue.

I'll feel damned sorry for you if you take the VCR. The dog slobber you got on your face after they tripped you down the stairs in their glorious yelping butt wagging excitement to meet you probably wasn't worth it. You could've bought your own VCR at Goodwill for ten bucks.

Just don't mess with my camera collection. Some of those babies cost $5!!!

I stopped worrying about crap like this a long time ago. The U.S. health care system beat us up, took our money, and taught us the true value of consumer goods, which is not much. I don't buy anything I'd be inclined to worry about.

[BlueIris]

10. "Just don't mess with my camera collection. Some of those babies cost $5!!!"

Hee.

The one time I was burgled it was because of the a) obviously being on vacation thing and b) insecure, unlatched bathroom window thing. Also that living in a drug-addict filled bad neighborhood problem.

[Danger Mouse]

11. Having a loudly barking dog is a godsend for keeping away burglers.

[hobbit709]

12. I have the instant response alarm system.

They have fur and sharp teeth.

"CAVE CANEM"