How Often Do You And Your Spouse (or b/f - g/f) Get Into Fights?

[THUNDER HANDS]

Poll question: How Often Do You And Your Spouse (or b/f - g/f) Get Into Fights?

Do you have the type of relationship where you're constantly arguing and making up, or are things pretty much always smooth sailing in your relationship?

[maddezmom]

1. not often

and usually over the kids. :)

[Screaming Lord Byron]

2. We're both insanely stubborn.

You can imagine where that might end up.

[ScreamingMeemie]

3. Only during football season....

;)...Actually, we do pretty well.

[tekriter]

4. Happy to say that in 11 years of marriage and 2 yrs dating...

we have never had a fight. Not one.


I do what I'm told.:P

[LynneSin]

5. I hope you and the future Mrs. Rat aren't fighting already

:(

[THUNDER HANDS]

6. she tries...but I'm, like, impossible to fight with

She actually says I'm frustrating because I'm impossible to stay mad at. She'll get pissed at me and then I'll make her laugh and we forget all about what we were arguing over.

I have powers above and beyond those of mortal men...

[latebloomer]

7. Our fights are usually refereed now

since we have been in couples therapy for what seems like eons.

Whenever an argument starts to get a bit heated, we say, "Let's save this for therapy."

Seems to be more constructive that way.

[readmylips]

8. Married couples should not be fighting....

they should be arguing, discussing and brain-storming issues. Fighting is for dogs, cats and cockfights. My hub and I get into heated discussions about politics. He's a republican, I'm a mod-democrat from birth. When his argument turns personal(just like a repig),I make a cross with my fingers up to his face. He knows he's losing the argument. We end up laughing and he runs away. I vote all the time. He doesn't vote and I love it.

[thom1102]

9. Jeff doesn't like conflict...

He has only raised his voice to me twice in 5 years. I am a bit of a hot head, and think that it is important to work out your problems and move on, where Jeff likes to avoid them and hope they will go away, so I find it really frustrating when I try to engage and he clams up. I work really hard to keep my temper in check, but I do try to bait him, but it rarely works.

[TXlib]

10. We would never fight, if only KCDem realised I'm NEVER wrong.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

11. I don't understand why people say relationships are work...

Because mine is the easiest thing ever. My grandmother used to tell me that if a relationship is work, get out of it. She said she never understood why people said marriage was work. She said it was the happiest, most fun time of her life. And they were married forever, it seemed like. Grandpa Joe was much older than she was, and I never met him, but I understand they were very much in love.
Duckie

[Red State Rebel]

12. If my hubby were any more laid back, he'd be dead...

we rarely argue about anything. He figured out long ago that I'm always right :)

[rhino47]

13. I a liberal married to a republican

how often do you think we fight ?

[elfwitch]

15. How did that happen?

Did you know that when you got married?

[rhino47]

16. *Sigh* Fell victim to the I can change him mindset

lol and it actually worked.Hes not only voting Kerry this year but hes also volunteering for Kerrys Campaign in ohio and pa.

[elfwitch]

14. We've been together 6 years and married for five of that....

We have never had a fight in all that time.

[skippysmom]

17. Little quarrels once in a while

over stupid stuff, mainly. And about my in-laws. But we can't seem to stay too angry at each other for long.

I did the whole "pick a fight over anything" thing, and it got so I felt emotionally abused, so I don't miss that.

[adriennel]

18. rarely

we get along very well. our biggest fight occurred when we adopted a dog and realized that we had very different ideas about discipline. We worked through it (to the benefit of our future children : )

[Padraig18]

19. We seldom fight or argue about anything significant.

For the most part, we agree 99 44/1--ths percent of the time. :)

[VOX]

20. We don't "fight," but there are some disagreements now and then...

In fact, before we got married, we had couples counseling for a year -- best thing we ever did. We learned some very useful listening and expression techniques.

In order for a fight to break out, one (or both) partner(s) have to be convinced that they're "right," and then must pursue that line of thought without compromise. That in itself carries the risk of escalating the whole business. Example:

A: You're late.
B: No, I'm not.
A: You're ARE late.
B: No, I AM not.
A: Why are you late?
B: I'm NOT late, dammit.
A: Don't talk to me like that!
B: Well, you keep saying I'm late, and I'm NOT!

And on it goes. You can see the rigidity in the two positions. If one partner can relent and *listen*, the whole dust-up gets bypassed:

A: You're late.
B: I'm so sorry, time must have gotten away from me. I'm really sorry. How are you doing? Are you upset?
A: I just had a fight with my mom, and my boss was being an asshole today.
B: Oh, honey, I know how badly you must feeling. I'm happy to talk with you about it -- do you want to talk? Please let me know how I can help.

Finally, always -- but always -- resolve conflict as quickly as possible. Do not let it fester, no matter how justified you may feel in your anger.

[rbnyc]

21. Maybe once or twice per year.

Usually we're able to talk about our differences without fighting. Every once in a great while one of us pushes the other's buttons and we have to deescalate before we can be productive. I think we went the first 3 years of our relationship without one fight.

[SOteric]

22. It's an unusual concept, I will grant

But I honestly don't think I could be deeply serious about a guy unless we'd had a few occassions to disagree.

Exploration of each other's personal styles and whether both communicate and fight fairly is at least as important as sexually compatibility in the ultimate success of a relationship.

[SarahB]

23. We fight often

Both of us are civil in that we never call each other names or get physical, but I'd have to say our fights have elevated within the past couple of years. I used to be the type of person who would appologize for everything, even when I did nothing wrong, just to keep the peace. Over time though, that wears on you until finally, you just lose it and say enough is enough because "keeping the peace" is not worth giving up one's entire soul.
My husband has a very difficult time with criticism. I can say simple things in a very nice, loving, and gentle way, but generally the things I say are never pondered over and rarely resolved. He usually becomes defensive and then lashes out at me in one way or another. He's aware of this now and aware of how I feel about it and we're trying to work on it, but it's extremely difficult for me to imagine being happy as it is forever anymore. I've shut down too much with him. It's very hard right now.

[DS1]

24. It depends

typically a combination of strong communication skills, the ability to empathize, and an understanding of the SO's experiences/feelings towards a given circumstance is enough to thwart a fight. Sometimes it isn't, but the above three items never hurt.

It's always best to let someone know that something has come across hurtful, sometimes it's clearly a misunderstanding, sometimes it's something out of that person's control, and other times it's an indicator of more dangerous ground ahead.

Your mileage may vary.

[terrya]

25. Never. We're not around each other that much.

Doug lives in Toronto and I live in Chicago.

We get together about once a month. And neither one of us wants to fight...we just want to enjoy the time we have together.

Terry

[adriennel]

26. haha absence does make the heart grow fonder!

we live together but my partner is gone a lot on business travel. so I get my alone time AND control of the remote and after a couple of days, this is out of my system I'm ready for company again : )

[JohnKleeb]

27. I'll fight you because

you posted another thing that relates to dates and I still dont have a date. I am kidding of course, I wont fight ya.