If I casually say in a conversation that I never plan to have children...

[Sannum]

Should I really have to go through this list? Do I need to explain it to you? Why the hell are you asking me?

1) Do not tell me that I will change my mind one day. Chances are, I have been thinking about this all of my life.

2) You have no impact or say in my reproductive choices.

3) I really don't like Children.

4) A child should only be brought into this world knowing that it was wanted. If I have one just because society expects it, I am not giving that gift - one day, the child will find out.

5) The idea of pregnancy and giving birth skeeves me out.

6) You don't have to send a cat to college.

Plus, you are going to ask a person a question like that? Really? If you want to make conversation, ask me what I am having for lunch. Even then, it is still none of your damn business.

For the record, I didn't really respond.

/rant over

[Deep13]

1. As a man, I just get the "really?"

My wife feels the same way and my mother once said it was an unhealthy attitude for a young woman to have. Since neither of us are "young" anymore, people have stopped bugging us.

[Richardo]

2. Why mention it at all then?

You can't stop the questions - if they bother you so much, stop sharing personal information. It's no one's business whether or not you want kids - until you make it their business by telling them.

[Sannum]

4. They asked if I planned to have them

I changed the subject with this person but this is what I wanted to answer.

[Richardo]

6. "I'm thinking about it."

Which you are.

[rcrush]

3. I dont like children either.

They are obnoxious little assholes.

[MiddleFingerMom]

11. Who (snicker) grow up to be obnoxious big assholes. n/t

[rcrush]

15. Who you callin big?

[Book Lover]

43. Totally off-topic, but

I like that you changed your avatar. Well, not *like*, but I think that's a very gracious gesture.

[rcrush]

50. Huh? Changed it from what?

Edit: Oh the Bester Picture?

[LynneSin]

5. My problem with children is I do not like babies

They smell, they're squirmy, they scream all the time and diapers are stinky and nasty.

If I could give birth to an 8 year old child I'd have children.

[Arugula Latte]

8. I know what you're saying.

I'm really not trying to be the know-it-all condescender -- just offering another perspective. I felt like that before I had babies. When mine were born, I was like: "Wow! No one had ever told me all the amazing GOOD stuff that babies have to offer." They were way more fun, way more amusing, and way more interesting than I'd expected. It really overpowered the diapers and mess very handily.

[LynneSin]

14. And that's the thing that annoys me

"Oh I use to think like that too before I had kids"

not to be the know-it-all condescender but those of us who choose to be childless have heard that dozens of times and well why not just say "To each their own"

:shrugs:

[Deep13]

19. Kind of like people who are confident you will get more conservative with age. nt

[LynneSin]

27. EXACTLY

I'm an old fart now. I've been a democrat for 30+ years now when will this conversion start?

[Duer 157099]

28. Do you have *any* idea how painful it would be to give birth to an 8-year-old child?

Seriously. If I could give birth to an 8-year-old child, I'd have my tubes tied right away!

(hehe)

[LynneSin]

30. Yeah I know and even then there is no guarentee the kid could talk or crap in a toilet

:cry:

I have actually considered adoption or a foster home but even that wasn't a powerful urge to do something like that.

[joeybee12]

34. I'm the opposite...if only children could stay stinky 2 month old babies,

that'd be fine with me!

[DevonRex]

35. And if they only stayed that cute all would be well. Unfortunately

they grow up and you get phone calls from the police saying your child is at a keg party and can you come get him please at 3:00 a.m. When YOU thought your child was safely in bed in your own home, no less. Because your child was there when you actually went to sleep at midnight.

OR---

You're taking your husband to the train at 6:00 a.m. and what do you see? Your sweet teenage boy riding SOMEBODY'S little bicycle TOWARDS HOME when you thought he was still asleep upstairs, where he had been when you went to sleep the night before.

[proteus_lives]

36. Adopt.

Plenty of 8 year-olds need good homes.

[grace0418]

45. Maybe you and I could work out an arrangement LynneSin. I like babies and I think

kindergartners are awesome. But the years between about 8-18 don't interest me a whole lot.

[DevonRex]

47. Hopefully she didn't read my post above. That'd make her not

want to work out an arrangement with you for sure.

[HopeHoops]

7. Unrelated but similar problem: "I'm a vegetarian" - Shocked Q: "How do you get enough protein???"

It is almost impossible to NOT get enough protein with even a moderately diverse diet. I can almost mouth the question as they ask it.

If you don't want children, that's YOUR DAMN BUSINESS! That said, I would offer one piece of advice. Come up with a simple and well rehearsed answer that is so shocking in nature that they will have to spend a few days thinking about it to even start to come to an opinion as to how they feel about it. I'm thinking something like, "children should be fed through a meat shredder for dog food, but not in the US because our dog food standards are much too high for their sorry carcasses", "children are the product of irresponsible and immoral acts of debauchery and a punishment for the physical blasphemy of all gods and other omnipotent arachnids", or "oh, I really love children. They're great grilled over mesquite with fresh cracked black pepper, Tabasco sauce, Old Bay, and chunked gorgonzola".

For the record, I have three girls and wouldn't change a thing, but it is still fun to mess with peoples' heads. I see it as a moral obligation.

[Sannum]

9. Oh yes, the Vegetarian question. Followed by "I love a good steak"

I know that well.

I am getting over a severe chronic stomach illness and people ask me "If I have lost weight". Considering I wasn't very large before (maybe a size 6), I am kind of offended by it. I say "Yes" but I would much rather say "Your fat ass could stand to lose a few pounds. How about not being able to keep any solid food down for 4 months - you can be a size 2 in no time just like me!" :P

I am sooo going to use "children are the product of irresponsible and immoral acts of debauchery and a punishment for the physical blasphemy of all gods and other omnipotent arachnids" Perfect.

:P

[HopeHoops]

12. Or, "I just have to have me some meat every day - the bloodier the better."

I'm not sure what got into me with the arachnid thing, but it just seemed to fit.

[MiddleFingerMom]

10. EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

.
Stop it.
.
Just STOP IT!!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
"chunked":puke: gorgonzola?
.
.
.
Sometimes "foodie" is just a euphemism for "Ew"... just "Ew".
.

[HopeHoops]

13. Sorry, I couldn't think of a better term - you cut it in cubes. "Cubed gorgonzola" sounds like art.

"This is from Picasso's "cubed gorgonzola" period. Notice the mold forming on the blue pigments in the cheese."

Somehow I just find "chunked" to be a better description.

On Edit:

Seriously, was that REALLY the thing that bothered you the MOST about my post? If so, I failed in a tragic way.

[tXr]

17. I tell them, "I can't bear children",

then let them figure it out. :D

[jobycom]

18. Do you eat chicken? What about fish? Any meat at all?

You have to carry around a dictionary to show them what vegetarian means. :rofl:

I swear, even in the Bible Belt I catch more flack over being a vegetarian than a liberal atheist.

[HopeHoops]

21. There are a lot of variations. I've known a lot of "vegetarians" that eat chicken.

We do eggs and dairy. We did fish for a couple of years after dropping land critters from our diet but then it just stopped being "food". A can of tuna just seemed like cat food. I grew up on crabs, but the last time I had them they were disgusting. One smelled of oil, the next of ammonia, another like photographic chemicals. I couldn't eat them - and that was TWENTY FUCKING YEARS AGO! I imagine they are worse now. They do consume the dregs (literally) of the waterways. I never remember one that smelled that way as a kid. If it smelled funky, it smelled bad as in "it was dead when it went in the pot".

The worst case of "vegetarian" I know of is one of my wife's friends. She likes iceberg lettuce salads and will have chunked tomato on it, but she doesn't like mushrooms or any other vegetable. She mostly lives on pizza. This, I'm thinking, is not a good diet.

In our 21 years as vegetarians, we have developed a diverse and far more interesting diet than most meat-eaters can even comprehend. It is fun to have them over for a meal. They're usually shocked to find they like things they never would have considered cooking themselves. It takes a little work up front, research, trial and LOTS of error, but before long it seems like you've been that way your entire life. My kids, on the other hand, have been. They 19, 16, and almost 15. The older two have tried small amounts of meat but the youngest was never interested. We decided before they were born that it would be their decision as soon as they knew what they were eating. The eldest tried it at 2 1/2 and her total consumption is probably less than a McD's burger. The middle one barely licked her samples. None of them has touched meat in at least 10 years. They always are complimented on their health by the doctor and have very healthy BMI numbers.

Frankly, getting family to accept it was the hardest part - especially since my wife went through three (healthy) pregnancies while vegetarian. Everyone was concerned about the kids, but nobody would question it now.

[jobycom]

24. My oldest is a pizza-tarian.

My spouse never became vegetarian, and after we split up, the oldest converted. She's sixteen, and though my ex tries (nobly, actually) to cook for her, she really has no idea how. I did all the cooking when we were together, so now she just buys a lot of fake meats and cheese pizza. When you eat meat you are used to getting energy from just the meat (along with all the bad), so you don't really learn about variety in cooking. So my teen gets a basic meat-eater's diet without the meat. I've offered to let her live with me--my ex and I live a couple of miles apart and we both see the kids every day, so it's not a major change--but she doesn't want to. So, pizzatarian, and poor health habits. Not that mine are what they should be. :(

I grew up on crabs, too. Always made me sick. Now even the smell nauseates me. I think I'm allergic, though. I used to get the most crippling migraines after eating them.

[keroro gunsou]

32. well...

there's religion and then there is bar-b-que.

[Duer 157099]

29. Just remind them that cows are also vegetarian and they're HUGE n/t

[jmm]

49. I love to mess with people too.

My standard response to the kids question is "Of course I want a baby, I love baby back ribs. That's where they come from right?" I love kids and maybe somebody I'll become a parent but if I do it sure won't be because my mom's desperate for grandkids or I look good holding one.

[lizerdbits]

16. +1

I'm not disturbed by the idea of pregnancy and birth, just the 20-40 years after that. The rest I agree with 100%. As my mom said, the world doesn't need any more unwanted children. I'm 35 now and I'd like to find all the people (well, men) who said I would change my mind 10-15 years ago. I will have to use one of the responses listed above next time, although "because they're annoying" seems to keep me from hearing how I need to breed.

[HughBeaumont]

20. Yep, I ended ALL dat with a scalpel.

I love my stepson. That will be all.

1. I like my "me" time. I have no desire to be a 40 year old dad of a newborn.
2. The planet is already way too populated and we don't have infinite resources.
3. I'm not going to ever be able to financially provide for more than one child. I don't even know how I'm going to provide for this one's college.

I'd never trade my stepson in, since he means the world to me. But the fact is, I can't mentally handle more. I'd see it as being shackled for decades and that just wouldn't make for any sort of happiness at all. I just couldn't do it. I want to do things, travel, write, catch up on my reading. I'd never be able to do that with a second kid.

[jobycom]

22. They are defensive comments.

I didn't understand this in the days when I didn't want kids, only after I had them. People feel attacked (for no reason, but they do anyway) when you say you don't want kids. They feel like you are belittling them for having kids. It's like when you say "I'm a Cowboys fan," and everyone says "God, the Cowboys are (fill in your negative adjective)!" You haven't just insulted the Cowboys, you've insulted the fan and his or her tastes. So they lash out.

For most people with them kids are the center of their life, so when in a conversation someone says "I don't want kids," they feel like that person has insulted their choices. It's not your fault, it's purely theirs, but that's why they go through the whole routine. They are defending their choices to you, but since you didn't attack them directly, they can't defend themselves directly. They just try to change your mind, and maybe get a few digs at you, too. And they aren't aware they are doing it (unless they are ridiculously self-analytical like me), it's just a reflexive thing.

Plus, a lot of people with kids used to not want them, and changed their minds. Telling you smugly "You'll change your mind" is like telling themselves "I didn't change, I just moved to the next inevitable stage." That's true of most things someone assures you you will grow out of. And it's also a little bit of wisdom, in case you ever need it. It's their way of saying "It's okay to change on that one, because the reward is so big." They know you won't change then, but if you ever do, they feel like they've given you absolution so you won't fight it. Hard to explain that one, but again, most people with kids have been on the other side of that discussion at some point.

That's all in case you really care why they are doing it. If you don't, just shrug and say "Yeah, maybe," and tell them their sports team sucks.

A good comeback to that whole routine, btw, is to smile sincerely at their comments and say "I don't want kids, but if I ever change my mind I hope they make me as happy as they've made you." You'll bring tears to their eyes and their defensiveness will disappear. :)

[Eyerish]

23. As an atheist, vegetarian woman who is voluntarily childless...

I feel like I am constantly being interrogated.

I’ve heard them all, “You’ll change your mind as you get older”(as heard from an ex-ob/gyn), “Who’ll take care of you when you become elderly?” and my favorite, “Having children is the reason we are put on this earth!” :eyes: Because apparently they figured out the meaning of life...

In the end, I tell them that it’s really none of their business and if they try to push the issue, I will walk away. I have no time for people judging me because of their preconceived bullshit notions.

Not sure if I helped at all, but know you aren’t alone in the struggle :hi:

[mikeytherat]

25. Married almost 20 years, voluntarily childless, and I've heard it all.

Although at this point, most people are smart enough to just ask us about our cats.

mikey_the_rat

[Orsino]

26. 7) Too many babies being born already.

8) Refer to number two.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

31. I play the "none of your fucking business" card on that one, if asked.

Nice that you have bullet points, but I don't explain certain personal decisions in my life to anyone.

I don't plan to have kids, period. People who do plan to, or who have them already, enjoy them and raise them right and get the fuck out of my face.

:toast:

[Richardo]

40. ...and keep them quiet in the goddamn theater and make them stop kicking my seat.

:grr:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

41. Oh, I have a list. Trust me, I have a list.

"Other people's kids" is nowhere near the top of my "Things I Enjoy Most In Life" list.

Went to Togo's the other day. A mom was buying a sandwich and got the "meal deal." For the kid, it came with a teeny-tiny bag of mini-cookies for dessert. Kid points to the hubcap-sized chocolate cookie on the counter and says "I want THAT one" and I have to wait to order my sandwich because even though she has paid for and received her meal she won't get out of the fucking line because she feels she has to help the kid intellectualize and internalize the reasons why he can't have the giant fucking cookie. I thought "Just WAIT, kid...there will be MANY times in life when you're gonna want the giant cookie and you AIN'T A-GONNA GET IT."

:rofl:

[DevonRex]

33. Good for you. You've made the right choice after careful thought.

And no, you shouldn't have to say any of that. And good for you that you didn't really respond. Even if you had they wouldn't have listened.

[proteus_lives]

37. Who cares?

I've never understood why people care or are shocked if other people have kids or not.

My own life? I could go either way. If I had a kid I'd be happy but it I didn't I'd be ok.

[LanternWaste]

38. I receive that same reaction in re: to never getting tattoos...

I receive that same reaction in re: to never getting tattoos.

I'm asked if I have any, I say no, give my reasons and more often than not, get "that" look.

[cherokeeprogressive]

39. Was it a chatty proctologist or cashier who asked? n/t

[lukasahero]

42. I love to make them feel like an asshole

I've stopped being asked (I'm almost 50 so it's about frickin' time) but I learned to finesse it so that if they asked why I didn't have children, I could go all dramatic on their ass and tell them that we really wanted them but I just couldn't have them no matter how hard we tried. You can usually watch them try to curl up under the nearest seat cushion after that faux pas.

The way I see it, they were being an asshole first. :evilgrin:

[nickinSTL]

44. totally understand your points

My wife and I haven't been asked that question, oddly enough, but I have a friend from college (female), who has complained about people asking.

I told her my view on the subject:

I'm bright enough to figure out that:

1.if someone doesn't have kids, it might not be by choice, therefore, asking would likely bring up a painful subject

2.if someone doesn't have kids because they don't want them, then they've been asked this before, and made to feel as if there is something wrong with that choice.

Either way, the question is rude, and the answer is likely to not be forthcoming, and if one is, it'll be from someone who's now either hurt or angry, or both.

It'd be nice if people actually thought things through before asking.

[Texasgal]

46. People kept telling me in my twenty's

that I would change my mind..... ummm, never did. I am past baby making age.. thank gods! Now everyone can shut up.

I KNEW I wouldn't have kids, I just knew that I didn't want to have them, weird how that freaks people out. :shrug:

[Missy Vixen]

48. I'm almost past the baby-making age, so I don't get the question much anymore

My favorite response, though, was to look the person in the face and ask, "Why is it any of your business?" It's amazing how quickly they stopped asking about our lack o' children.

Most of the time, I ignore it and change the subject. If the other person persists, I also have no problem either walking away or telling them it's not open for discussion.

We love kids, but we chose not to have any for a variety of reasons. It's nobody's business but ours.

[Captain Hilts]

51. "Let Sannum hold the baby!" As if THAT would convince you that you want one. nt

[nadine_mn]

52. Can you imagine telling someone with kids that they will change their mind?

I knew when I was a teenager I never wanted kids, and now I am 37 (hitting that age where I don't have to answer the question anymore) and I have not wavered. When I meet my husband 13 yrs ago I told him from date 1 I never wanted kids and I wasn't going to change my mind. He felt the same way and we are very happy with our furry kids (3 dogs and a cat).

I hate that so many people would say "oh you will change your mind" - can you imagine if I said that to a pregnant woman - "oh you will regret that baby and wish you never had kids"

I like kids, I just have no desire to be pregnant or to have that lifetime commitment that having a kid means.

But for some reason that is never enough.