Well I finally got my dad approved for nursing home medicaid.

[rcrush]

It was the biggest pain in the ass of my life.


This is the guy I had to work to get medicaid for. Because no one else in my family will speak him and I'm the only one anyone could find so I had to get stuck with all these responsibilities for someone I've been hating for a long time. YAY

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9011353

Well The State has approved his nursing home benefits which only cover about half of the nursing home costs. I STILL have to empty out his bank account every month and hand it over the nursing home mafia.

Oh well at least the majority of my headache is finally FUCKING OVER. I CAN GET ON WITH MY FUCKING LIFE!

[Gormy Cuss]

1. Good.

Being responsible for someone in such a situation is difficult even when the relationship has been good.

[Biker13]

2. Major Kudos!

I know how difficult is is to deal with these bureaucracies! No matter what you submit they want additional information, or in a different form. It's endlessly frustrating and drove me insane! And I was doing this for someone I loved! I can't imagine how hard this was for you, so if no one else will say it, I will.

You're a saint for doing this, and I'm proud of you.

[texanwitch]

3. I have two parents to take care of and neither one raised me.

My mother is in a home, and father will be going into a home this year.

It always seems to fall on one person to do all the work.

I would suggest that if anyone as family members facing this problem set up a trust.

That way the state can't take it.

When my father goes into a home this year, all his assets come to me.

Believe me, I earned it.

[rcrush]

4. We pretty much lost everything.

I wasnt in speaking terms with the family when my mom died. So when that happened I was the only person that anyone could get a hold of. They had a house they owned for over 20 years that they paid off. They decided to take out another mortgage on it so they could buy a brand new fancy house in a rich neighborhood. When they did that I had no idea they owed money again on the old house and someone was living there!

So there went that house and the $200,000 house they bought just because they could. I had to have an estate sale and sell everything in the house that I could to pay bills.

They had a small insurance policy of like 20 grand that the nursing home ate up real fast.

Now they are taking all his retirement payments that he gets every month so that he can get Medicaid. He is not allowed to have more than $2000 in his banking accounts or they will kick him off Medicaid.

I had to sell his car and everything in the house. And I still couldnt sell the house so we lost both of them.

Plus they had SEVERAL credit cards where they owed almost $100,000 all together. Since the credit card companies cant call him at the nursing home they call me now. I don't answer the phone anymore.

[texanwitch]

5. I feel for you, you don't know how much.

My mother had to sell everything when she went to the home.

That is why we set up a trust for my father, to avoid all of that.

It was a lot of work and time but worth it.

When my father does move to the home, I will avoid the mess I had with my mother.

The credit card companies calling you can be stopped, they can't hassle you.

I had the same trouble with my mother, one letter from the lawyer stopped the calls.

The stress of dealing with this issue is so bad, it can make you sick.

Try to relax if you can, take a deep breathe.

It isn't easy, but this will pass.

I was raised by my Aunt, but I was the only child to take care of this problem like you.

[rcrush]

6. I tell everyone now to get some kind of nursing home insurance or funeral insurance if you can

I got gouged when my mom died and I know the same thing is going to happen when my dad dies. Except now there wont be any money to pay for it. Of course good luck getting insurance if you are in any risk of needing it.

The calls are really as bad I just learn to ingore them. I was blocking numbers for awhile but now they call with 'UNKNOWN' number. I never answer and eventually they stop. Then after awhile they start up again. They can call me all they want I have no money to give them.

The stress was really bad when I had people calling me when my mom died trying to get me to pay off her credit cards. So I used some insurance money to do that. When I think about it now I should have just ignored them and used that few thousand I gave them to pay some more medical bills.

ALSO I WOULD NOT HAVE PAID THAT GOD DAMN LAWYER THAT RETAINER. I found legal documents (wills, power of attorney etc.) in the house when my mom died so I call the attorney and she wont freaking do anything for me unless I pay her a $1500 retainer. But apparently $1500 isnt enough to get this busy woman to return my calls or answer my emails!

I heavily self medicate herbally to deal with the stress :smoke:

But at least now the nursing home is taken care of with medicaid. Even though I still have to give them all his money. So I'm just going to tell all the creditors to kiss my ass and just get on with my life!

[texanwitch]

7. The credit card companies will have sold the debt for pennies on the dollar.

The people who bought the debt will try to get all the money they can out of you.

I told them to take a giant leap, there wasn't any money left.

Everything went to the nursing home.

My father has his funeral prepaid so that is taken care of, that is a good thing.

A trust is really important.

When my father dies or goes into the home, everything just comes to me.

It isn't a lot but it will help me out.

The state can't touch it because it will be mine.

[rcrush]

8. Will medicaid pay for the home?

[texanwitch]

9. Yes.

He won't have anything else but that and a small pension from being in the navy.

The trust gives everything else to me.

A good trust is important.

The damn home will get more then enough from the government.

The trust took a couple of weeks to set up, lots of paperwork.

[rcrush]

10. Does he get to keep his navy pension?

My dad gets SS civ service and air for pension but he has to give it all up to the nursing home so that medicaid will pay for the rest. I think he gets to keep $60 a month.

[texanwitch]

11. I am not sure yet.

I think it will depend whether he goes into a veterans home or a regular nursing home.

I would rather he go to the veterans home but there is waiting list.

That is the main reason he isn't in a nursing home now.

We have been looking at a lot of places but the veterans looked the best.

I seem to remember that he gets to keep some money every month.

All this stuff makes my head hurt.

[rcrush]

12. I know

It took me almost a damn year to get everything the medicaid office wanted. Then they took 3 months to decide. I'm just glad its finally over.

[texanwitch]

13. We have been working on this for long time, so much paperwork.

There should be a better way.

I about lost my mind several times.

[rcrush]

14. The biggest pain

I need statements from various agencies on his income. But they all have his old address on file and are complete assholes about sending anything to my address. I have the damn power of attorney! But they only want to send to the old address. No one lives there! The post office wont keep the mail and they only forward mail for up to a year and they've already used the year is up. Of course the post office is horrible and forwarding mail so I never got anything important. I can't get any mail from anyone and medicaid was demanding all this paperwork.

Finally took lots of screaming and yelling and calling them over and over and over until I got an operator that felt sorry for me.

In-fucking-credible.

[texanwitch]

15. I remember what I had to do with my mother.

That is why the trust was set up, never again.

There is still paperwork and assholes to deal with but this way is better.

[Roon]

16. My Grandparents are going to sign their house and the cabin

over to their kids pretty soon here. They both will probably be in a nursing home in the next couple of years.

[rcrush]

17. Never got a chance to do that

But I've been told that Medicaid looks back 6 years to see if they've given away any assets. Apparently they will penalize you for that.

[texanwitch]

19. That is why we had a trust made.

It is something that should be done in advance if possible, years in advance.

Waiting until you are dealing with old parents who are ill is not the best way.

[Roon]

20. Holy Shit! we better get on the ball!

Damn,that info gave me chills!

[rcrush]

21. Do what you can now to protect their assets

We didn't and lost everything. Medicaid wont let my dad keep any property or have more than $2000 in the bank. They take ALL his monthly retirement income and lets him keep $60.

And thats not even for a private room.

[Roon]

22. What a bunch of bullshit

I am calling my Aunt.

[texanwitch]

18. Try to set up a trust.

Go to a expert, make it air tight.

[kimi]

23. Sounds like you have been through absolute hell

I'm glad for you that the majority of it seems to be over. That you did all of this for someone who never did much for you says a lot about your character.

Bless your heart.

[rcrush]

24. Yeah was loads of fun

Especially when I had to block my dads number because he is senile. He would get mail from creditors and lawyers since the house was going into foreclosure. He would call me constantly to yell at me to tell me its my fault he's losing his house. He can't understand that he has no money anymore!

Sounds horrible but the last thing I want is to hear that man talk to me like I'm 9 years old for something I can't do anything about.

[texanwitch]

25. My mother is hard to deal with, she is in the same boat.

She is in a good home, well taken care off.

I do visit now and then but I don't think she really knows who I am anymore.

That is OK with me, I never knew her either.