Need opinions (quickly) about how to handle a 'teenage situation'

[Mind_your_head]

Just got home from a long day at work and I guess I'm just too burnt out to think about this properly....

My 16 year old went to a friends house after school. Supposedly the friends mom (b/c she had heard the girls talking about it over the past week or so) bought them tickets to the Midnight showing of Alice in Wonderland tonight. My daughter wants to know if she can go.

I know the movie is a "Big Deal" for her age group, but tomorrow is a school day ~ even though my daughter says she doesn't have anything "Big" (tests, etc.) going on tomorrow. She's not going to miss school, she'll just probably be tired.

I'm a bit pissed that the other mom bought tickets w/o asking me first if my daughter could go. The other possibility is that the tickets aren't purchased yet, my daughter is just telling me that they are. If the tickets are already purchased, they could probably be exchanged for another day/time.

Anyway, whether the tickets are purchased or not, I really don't know if I should let her go ~ especially under the circumstances ~ meaning how this has been "played out" by my daughter and/or the other mom.

What do you all think?

TIA

[UndertheOcean]

1. Don't be a killjoy , let the kid go and have little fun

There is a balancing point between "complete pushover" and "suffocatingly controlling"

Now if this happens too frequently , then you have to step in.

Sorry , I know it is tough , and she is going to turn 18 in 2 years , so maybe you should not alienate the kiddo , she might rebel in unpleasant ways .

good luck

[Mind_your_head]

3. Thanks for your opinion

yeah, just talked it over with her dad (my ex)....I'm gonna let her go, but with some 'condiitons' .... I guess that's the "balancing point between "complete pushover" and "suffocatingly controlling " of which you speak...

Thanks again :hi:

[trof]

10. Bad advice.

IMHO

[Kali]

2. uh...talk to the other mom and get the scoop

if it's on the up and up, a one time event is OK. BUT with lots of nagging about school nights, planning ahead properly, etc some extra chores are always good too - I mean if you are going to give in on something - make it worth it!}(

[Mind_your_head]

4. LOL yeah that's what I'm kinda "going for" .....

.....see my post above.

Thanks!

[Bennyboy]

5. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Mom......

She asked you for permission. And that is good sign. Maybe next time she doesn't cuz you nixed this. Love it.

[Mind_your_head]

7. I didn't 'nix' it ..... I'm letting her go

(with conditions) ;-) ...... not too tough of ones though.

[Shine]

6. As the parent of two teens, including a 16 yr old, I sympathize

If your daughter is a good student then I say let her go. Yes, she'll be tired, but it's Friday tomorrow and the w/e is right around the corner for catch up sleep.

You'll score major "cool mom" points on this one, trust me.

You gotta pick your battles and this one ain't worth it. Just let her have some fun.

Good luck! :hi:

[Mind_your_head]

8. Thanks for the advice/opinion (and the sympathy)

I'm glad you (as well as others here) could see/appreciate "where I was coming from".

:hi:

[trof]

9. You should be pissed.

Your daughter's friend's parent should NEVER put you in a position where something they offer to your daughter is a fait accompli without consulting you.

It's happened to me.
I said "NO!".
Nor "No, sorry.", just no.
It involved a late night rock concert 3 hours away.
My daughter was 12.
The parents of the friend were recent immigrants to the U.S. (Brits) and really didn't have a clue about what was acceptable and what wasn't.

You would do right to decline.
Stand your ground and go with your instincts.

[Pithlet]

22. The not being asked first would make me really mad, too.

If I were asked first, and the grades were good, I might consider it. My kids are still young so I haven't faced anything like that yet. But I don't think it would sit to well with me, either.

[distantearlywarning]

11. I'd say let her go.

It's a movie, which is much better than some of the other things she could be doing at midnight on a school night, believe me. Relaxing the rules on occasion (for "special" stuff) isn't such a bad thing - it will feel like a serious treat.

[RainDog]

12. it's a one-time event. it's something she will remember.

she's young - she'll recover from one short night's sleep - and it's the day before the weekend. if she doesn't have any big assignments, if she is already a responsible student and it's the day before the weekend...

seems like something okay to let pass one time for a big event for her.

[Lil Missy]

13. Why the fuck is Alice and Wonderland scheduled at midnight?? Too late, I'd say no.

They can go another time, at a decent time of day.

[dysfunctional press]

25. because it's the opening day of the movie.

the movie opens on friday, so some theatres have special 'midnite showings' at 12:01 am on friday.

we saw avatar at the first midnite show, and we saw alice in wonderland the same way.

avatar was a MUCH better experience.

[Withywindle]

14. I think a midnight movie is no big deal for a 16 year old.

Saw lots of teens at the Harry Potter and LOTR premieres I went to. They were having a great time. (Some even had parents who were with them, and into it too....ssshhh, I bet those kids were kind of embarrassed.) It's not a den of iniquity, it's just a movie - with a fun crowd and bragging rights to say "I saw it first!"

As long as she understands she still has to go to school on time in the morning, tired or not, I don't see much of a problem here.

[MissMillie]

19. I took my son to the midnight showing of Return of the King

I don't think there should be any issue about the lateness of the movie.

I think the bigger issue is that the other mom absolutely should have checked w/ the OP before buying the tickets.

And since it wasn't the 16-year-old's fault, I don't think the 16-year-old should be punished, or should have to miss out on a good time.

[Orrex]

15. Tell her that Tim Burton is 95% hack, and in years to come she'll wonder why she bothered

But in the short term, I'd say it's okay as long as the other mom confirms the story and you have no reason to doubt her.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

16. Depending on your relationship

with your daughter. Has she lied to you before? If you use this as a way to show her you think she's mature enough to do this, then spin it that way and let her go. Then call the other Mom and tell her you don't like the way she did it..............

[LibDemAlways]

17. I have a 16-year-old as well. She's seeing the movie tomorrow

after school. She knows better than to ask me about a midnight show. The answer would be "no." However, you are the best judge of whether or not your daughter should be out that late on a school night. Mine would be exhausted and cranky all the next day. She needs to be in bed by 10:30 or she's impossible.

In your case, my concern would be with the mom who bought the tickets without clearing it with me first. I'd probably call her and politely suggest that in the future I'd like to be let in on the plans.

Anyhow, hope your daughter has a good time and doesn't fall asleep in school Friday.

[JCMach1]

18. Kids during Ramadan here (am talking even small kids)

stay up until all hours 1-4AM. Somehow they survive... usually by napping.

I would let her go, but tell her next time she MUST ask permission first or NO GO.

[bif]

20. I'd let her go

She'll be tired the next day, and hopefully she'll learn a lesson. You can't stay up till 2 or 3 and be alert the next day.

[LynneSin]

21. Tell her she can go with the condition that next time she asks first

She's only going to be 16 once in her lifetime

[LibDemAlways]

23. It's interesting that you mention "she's only going to be 16 once in

her lifetime." So true. And unfortunately high school administrators and college admissions officers have completely forgotten that these teens are kids - not junior adults - and stress them out as early as middle school by insisting they take college level courses in high school and completely disregarding the fact that kids need social outlets.

My daughter's suburban "blue ribbon" high school provides no social activities at all. When I mentioned that to my daughter's friends, they say they aren't there to socialize. They're there to build a college-admissions resume. So they join "peer counseling" and "cancer awareness" club. Gee, those sound fun - not.

No wonder some kids are anxious to escape to midnight movies. I'd want to go down the rabbit hole, too, if my 16-year-old-life was one big drudge.

Anyhow, your comment really struck home with me.

[burrfoot]

24. You did the right thing!

This will be remembered as a great, fun, exception to the rule, I think.

I'd make a friendly point to the other parent, though, about checking with you first in the future.

I got to see Jurassic Park (the first one) on at a Thursday midnight showing when I was in middle school, and I still remember it as one of the coolest things ever. :)

[Odin2005]

26. She's 16, it should be her decision.

She's not a baby anymore.