They're happy because thay eat LARD

[stevedeshazer]

[MiddleFingerMom]

1. They're not the ONLY ones...

.

.

[stevedeshazer]

2. Lard is hot. It's the new lard.

[EvolveOrConvolve]

3. Ever read The Gallery of Regrettable Foods?

Frackin' hilarious.

http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/

[jmowreader]

7. The best one is the "Siz"

Siz is kinda like shaving cream with gasoline in it. The dude is thinking too many people scorched their hair with the flames from the product, and that's what did it. Actually...I think someone finally realized this was the arsonist's wet dream in a 14-ounce can.

[sarge43]

26. A Darwin Award begging to happen

"Dood, hold my beer and watch this."

[frogmarch]

17. LOL

OMG, this really is hilarious.

The one I'm laughing at now is in the book listed as "The Unbearable Sadness of Vegetables." There's a picture of a woman preparing peaches for freezing, and outside her kitchen window is a church spire.

The picture caption says:

"It wasn’t until much later, when they caught the First Lutheran Church standing over the body of another housewife over in Cass County, that they realized that the spire had been stalking and murdering women for years. This explained why so many women got that creepy feeling that someone was watching them - and when they turned around, they just saw a church. Later, they’d think: wait a minute. There’s no church in our side yard. And by then the church would be gone."

:rofl:

[sarge43]

28. My favorite

http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/knox/7.html

[frogmarch]

29. Bleached, washed, plucked Scalp of Klingon!

:rofl:

[dugaresa]

38. "More Fun with Coffee"

wheeeeeeee

[KittyWampus]

4. when I worked at a deli during morning shift and had to make egg sandwiches on grill

some would order extra bacon with butter on the roll... I always wanted to ask "would you like some extra lard with that"?

[jmowreader]

5. And they should be happy!

Lard is high in Vitamin D.

If you go to a real butcher and buy artisanal lard (rather than "Armour Lard" that's hydrogenated for shelf stability) it contains no trans fats.

Lard has an unreal smoke point, much higher than vegetable shortening's. The hotter your fat is when you fry, the less of it is absorbed by the food, hence the lower the fat content of the food is.

Leaf lard gives the flakiest pie crusts imaginable.

Yes, I'm a lard fan. And why not? My Granny Pucci made it to 103 years old and no can of Crisco ever haunted her pantry. (She was also a BIG wine drinker. Here's a Prohibition story you'll like: The sheriff knew Granny Pucci, knew she was bootlegging but could never catch her in the act. About once a week he'd come by her house, "got any wine, Granny Pucci?" Of course Granny Pucci wasn't going to ADMIT to having any wine; she was no fool. Well, one day he came by the house to ask about wine...unfortunately for Granny Pucci, she'd put too much sugar in the latest batch of beer and 50 gallons of her special brew was sitting upstairs exploding the bottles it was in. Fortunately for me, "did your great-grandmother ever get hauled in on a Volstead Act violation?" is not a question they ask on the security clearance forms, because she DID--about nine times. One of my cousins opened a winery in Sandpoint making dago red--very GOOD dago red, but he used the old family recipe--and Granny Pucci's sordid past was used as a marketing angle.) Granny Pucci put a pound of lard in her secret recipe for ravioli..."secret" as in "no living member of the family knows exactly what's in it." I know of five different versions of the recipe floating around. One example: eggs. The version my late grandmother swore up and down was the exact recipe contains three eggs. Aunt Jeannie's version of the same recipe contains three DOZEN eggs--to make the same 10 dozen ravioli. Needless to say I have my work cut out for me. I have another grandmother who ate only lard and lived to the tender young age of 97 even though she smoked two packs of unfiltered Camels a day. OTOH, my maternal grandmother gave up lard for Crisco and was never right again. 90 percent of your cholesterol level is genetics anyway.

The best way to get your lard requires a fairly empty deep freeze and a custom slaughterhouse. Go to a pig farmer and buy a live pig. Take same to the custom slaughterhouse and specify you want them to wrap the leaf lard separately from the other lards, but you want all of it. You next need a very large pot, and some quart mason jars. Fill the pot about half full of water. Bring it to a simmer and start dropping chunks of hog fat into it. (For the first go-round only render the leaf lard. After it's rendered you can do the rest of the fat in one big batch.) The fat will melt and float to the surface, leaving the chunks of meat and connective tissue in the water. Skim off the molten lard and put it in jars, which go in the fridge. After you've rendered it all, and skimmed off as much as you can, put the pot in the fridge. When the remaining lard solidifies, take it out, bust it up and use it right away.

[stevedeshazer]

6. Awesome post.

Long live LARD.

[kentauros]

8. Indeed!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sol8T7S8sW4

[JCMach1]

10. As a child, I can remember by grandma's kitch when she was rendering pig parts for the lard

The best part... CRACKLINS!

[flvegan]

13. Nutritionally laughable.

Thanks for that.

:rofl:

[hippywife]

15. I have beef tallow in my fridge, too.

Wish I could get my hands on some leaf lard from a local source. I think they save it all for themselves.

:hi:

[jmowreader]

21. I think they save it for their "special" customers

Restaurants will pay Big Bucks for pure wet-rendered unhydrogenated leaf lard--it's great for making pastries, far better than fucking Crisco. So...it goes to them. Like I said, if you want any good lard for yourself you need to buy a live pig and start from there.

[hippywife]

25. I have a pretty tight relationship with my farmer/producer.

I'm one of his best customers and promoters outside of his restaurant clients, but you're probably right about where it goes. And I don't have the money or the freezer to buy the whole hog.

Crisco hasn't been present here in years.

:hi:

[Abq_Sarah]

39. I can't get it locally

But I have been known to order it online. It's expensive but worth it.

[DeschutesRiver]

18. Agree and thanks for the post! nt

[MiddleFingerMom]

19. Funny, about the 3 eggs vs 3 DOZEN eggs,...

.
... when Middlefingermommom gave me her recipe for spaghetti sauce,
she told me 3-4 cloves of whole garlic (to be taken out after simmering).
.
I thought she meant 3-4 BULBS.
.
Good thing you can never have too much garlic.
.
Though over the years, I realized that some mistake in translation had
occurred... and through a long slow adjustment, I'm down to about
5-6 CLOVES of garlic in the sauce now.
.
STILL the best sauce I know (and ridiculously simple), but no matter
what I do -- I can't duplicate the sublime quality of HER productions.
.

[billyclem]

20. Pie crust without lard, might as well get a McDonalds pie.

Fresh, very crisp Granny Smith apples (the ones that kind of resonate when you thwack them with your index finger) and a proper crust made with lard. Now we have an apple pie worthy of starting a new religion over.

[jmowreader]

22. Lemon meringue pie is REALLY the shit in a lard crust

I've only been able to do it once due to the paucity of lard vendors in this area, but I was in Goldsboro one fine day and went to the Nahunta Pork Center. You basically have to plead with them for leaf lard, but they will sell it to you if you make Bambi eyes. I got one pound of leaf lard. I cut it 50-50 with butter and made a most delicate pie crust. You use organic eggs and hand-squeezed lemon juice. (I am buying a citrus juicer for my KitchenAid stand mixer, fuck it.)

[sarge43]

30. Say amen, brother.

Minimum sugar and a pinch of cinnamon. Righteous.

[Richard Steele]

9. What's fascinating to me is that someone, somewhere, once worked for the "Lard Information Council".

What must that office have been like?

[Petrushka]

11. Happy, happy!

[jmowreader]

31. Dude, put down the nonfat dry milk. Now.

If you're doing lard, live it up and buy fluid milk.

[Petrushka]

35. No, no, no fluid milk!!!1! Not when double cream is available. (eom)

[jmowreader]

40. Yeah, that too...

Fluid milk is more versatile than heavy cream, though--heavy cream makes great mashed potatoes, but can you really imagine drinking a glass of it?

[Quantess]

12. Awesome as it is, it looks like it's a spoof ad.

http://www.pbase.com/image/81205084

[old mark]

14. " The Lard Information Council"? Do you think there could be some bias there

or are they just concerned citizens?

Who knew the key to happiness was right there all along....


mark

[undeterred]

23. Isn't that Dennis Hastert's group?

:hide:

[old mark]

27. I think Karl Rove has something to do with it, too....

although he may just be their mascot.....



mark

[jmowreader]

32. Rove is with the Lard ASS Information Council. There's a difference.

[old mark]

34. I knew it was something like that.....he's a natural....nt

[HopeHoops]

16. Trans Fat : The NEW Lard

Lard Information Council? WTF? How much information do you need about it?

[jmowreader]

24. You need enough information to justify not eating Crisco

[texanwitch]

33. Here is an interesting article about lard with pictures.

http://www.thenourishinggourmet.com/2009/04/how-to-render-lard.html

My Grandmother would cook with lard, didn't kill us.

[Deep13]

36. Well, who wouldn't be? nt

[Fire Walk With Me]

37. I do not eat lard, and I'm not happy.

Dang, since when were the '50's ever right about anything?