Lounge. how bad is this?

[Sultana]

Poll question: Lounge. how bad is this?

I received in my inbox today, I destroyed everything esp. yesterday when I insulted him.. so...

(name), you are a good person and I enjoyed meeting you. Nonetheless, I learned quickly that you simply aren't what I'm looking for in a woman. Sorry, but I'm going to be blunt: you have some maturing to do, you have to build more self-confidence, you need to be a bit more adventurous, get more excited about things, smile more and be more decisive! All of those things make a woman more attractive. You seemed scared, vulnerable and blue. I saw this shortly after meeting you and found myself caring for your well-being--as a brother might care for a sister--but I was not attracted to you any more. My advice to you is to do some soul searching, find yourself, love yourself and everything will fall in place around you. I deleted you from everything because the last thing I want right now is drama. I hope you can understand that.

Take care, (name).

I'm licking my wounds, I feel like utter shite.

[Gormy Cuss]

1. Sorry, but that doesn't read like the words of someone who doesn't want drama.

The whole thing is screaming drama, as a matter of fact.

For you though, the only important message is that you need to delete this person too. The rest of this tripe should be taken with a grain of salt. Someone who will "delete you from everything" after sending this message needs to grow up.

[Sultana]

6. I believe he deleted me from everything yesterday after I wrote him that I had regret

and that he ruined my day when he said were not compatible even though he made it clear the past few day I was visiting him. I really didn't need him to remind me, I was going through other probs. He claims that I ruined his day then proceeded to delete me.

He's going to Brasil for a teaching opportunity, so I guess my initial apology to him for insulting him (I kinda dissed American guys, oopsies) didn't matter.

I know nothing about dating, I'm a timid person but this is making me even more timid about men.

[Brickbat]

2. I wouldn't even respond to this person.

I see projection, condescension, and drama.

[havocmom]

3. all that and throw in Potential Stalker

That one is BEGGING for OP to beg for another chance. OP would be very foolish to EVER deal with the sicko again

[Inchworm]

4. Thats what I was thinking

Screw that!

:scared:

[Sultana]

7. Thanx for the advice

:)

[tango-tee]

14. Agreed!

Good grief. Channeling Skittles right now to seriously kick some stalker ass.

[Sultana]

9. He's the educated, fluent in Spanish, loves literature, travel etc...the in your face smart kind

There were moments that he made me feel worthless.

He wanted sex and well I wasn't willing to give up my virginity to someone who really didn't want a relationship in the first place.

Liberal douchebag!!!

Do you need to sleep with someone to know that they are someone that you would to date?:crazy:

[LynneSin]

29. Just so you know, if he wanted sex and you said "NO" that letter was to soothe his ego

In a nutshell you rejected him first (and rightly so!) and he's trying to deal with your reject by lashing out hurtifully like that. It was a good thing you said "NO"

[Sultana]

31. He already knew I wasn't going to give up, don't know why he was so surprised

If I am not in a relationship, i'm not going to give up. Simply as that. He wouldn't even kiss me after the second day, because he claims it will lead to sex.

[LynneSin]

35. Well please realize this - the letter he wrote came from the little head, not the big head

For some men, the little head has a giant ego where as the big head has a normal size one. I'm sure if he was thinking with the big head, the one above his shoulders, he would have seen what a great person you are and he would have understood why you choose to wait (or better yet, not have asked for it on a first or second date).

Instead he was thinking with the little head, the one between his legs. That head can sometimes have the ego the size of Asia - huge, oversized and sprawling across the timezones. And you didn't stroke the little head's overbloated ego. When he wrote about not having a sense of adventure that is code word for "Oh come on, absolutely nothing wrong with cheap sex with someone you hardly know - where is your sense of adventure?"

So please do not feel bad about yourself. If anything, this guy exposed what a horrible person he was and you're better off with never EVER contacting him again whatsoever. To reply back to him in any more (even with that reply letter I joking wrote) means - "I was upset by what you wrote" and that is his way to appease the little head for not getting it laid.

You feel like utter shite? You're the one that rejected him first (and rightly so). He's the one who looks like a cheap shallow ass that wrote a hurtful letter like that in order to elicit a response in hopes that you'll come pleading back to him and he can then finally get you to bed and screw you. And just as an FYI, if you for some bizarro reason thought of contacting him every again - I can almost assure you he would try to get his way with you and then HE would cut off all forms of communications afterwards.

[Schema Thing]

36. My guess is that he's used to having women sleep with him for the above

qualities...

And doesn't take kindly to a woman who won't bed him on his terms.


A giant, but fragile, ego, it seems to me.

[hedgehog]

5. People shouldn't put stuff like that in other people's e-mail.

[Lorien]

8. Arrogant, self important a-hole who isn't worth a second thought

really, you can do far better.

[Sultana]

10. Thanx, bb

I tend to attract douches, I need to learned not to let them get to me. :pals:

[davsand]

11. "...be more decisive"?? FUCK You!

How's THAT for decisive, asshole?

You think I need more self confidence? How's about you pucker up and kiss my entire ass?

You want to talk about blunt? Let ME be blunt: I am just fine with who I am, and I sure don't need anyone like you in my life. You say you don't want any drama, and that may be the only thing on which we agree. I never want to hear from or about you again--period.

_________

Jeesh, you could really do a number on this idjit if you wanted to--but I have to tell you that I doubt it is worth the effort it would take. I'd run as fast and as far as I could.

Maybe I"m just hyper-sensitive to it, but that is all the same shit I heard for years out of a man who later ended up putting me upside a wall. Everything that was wrong in our relationship was based on stuff that was "wrong" with me--never him. He was always careful to tell me how much he cared for me, too--because that would be the ONLY reason anyone would put up with such a mess of a human being...

That entire message just screams abuser in training, and personally, I don't think there IS such a thing as rehab for that kind of shit. It just gets worse with time.

You dodged a bullet, I think.


Laura

[Sultana]

13. ...

OMG, Davsand :hug:

Glad you got out of that relationship. Yes, rather than sulking I should be happy.

[davsand]

27. I'm sorry if I freaked you out with my comments.

You are entitled to feel however you feel--period! I was sorry you felt bummed, and my intent was to offer up observations from somebody that maybe had a different take on it than you.

Compared to a lot of women, I was very lucky to get out of that relationship when I did. There was no need for divorce, no kids, and no real shared debt to have to navigate. I escaped with all my teeth, a couple bruises, and no broken bones--so I figure I got off pretty lucky compared to what other women endure. My resulting "bad attitude" ended up in several years of martial arts study and a marriage to a wonderful man who is a gift to me in every way. (We'll be celebrating 18 years together in just a few day, in fact.)

Peace to you, dear, and please know that my intent was not to bully you.



Laura

[Sultana]

28. I was not freaked by your comments

It was very insightful, Laura:)

[graywarrior]

12. Rule number 1 in graywarrior's world: Never ever allow a piece of shit to shame you...EVER!

Be sooooo fucking happy he outed himself at this stage of the relationship. He is an total fuck up. You are better than he is.

[Iggo]

15. You were dating a Last-Worder Drama Queen?

You're better off.

[Sultana]

16. We weren't even dating

[Mopar151]

17. Who the hell died and left him boss

Being more confiednt and adventureous means avoiding condesending asses like this. No class, passive-agressive little girly-man....

[av8rdave]

18. You've got to be kidding me!

Pardon my french, but what an arrogant prick! Obviously thinks he's an expert on humanity and on you in particular. It must be wonderful for him knowing he's so much better than anyone else.

Pity the poor woman that winds up with that jerk!

[muffin1]

19. He sounds like a total tool.

Run, do not walk, away from this person. There are red flags all over that message.

:hug:

[Deep13]

20. What a shit-head!

If he wants to break up, that's his perogative, but the lecture is unnecessary. He's more concerned about making this your fault than any expression of concern.

[sarge43]

21. Why on earth would you want to feel like utter shite?

You're well and truly shut of that scumbag. Count your blessings and send Mr Full of Himself a "Thank God and Greyhound You're Gone" card.

As several others have said, he's an abuser looking a place to happen.

[MilesColtrane]

22. He is an asshole...

who doesn't even have the spine to tell you his "expert" opinion of you face to face.

Everybody judges you. The older you get, the less this will matter to you.

Be your own sweet self and don't worry about everyone else because you can't control what they think about you anyway.

[Rambis]

23. I voted gurl you fucked up

I would seek him out and punch the wanker! Then, I would not waste another thought on someone like that.:mad:

[BarenakedLady]

24. Be thankful

That you didn't invest any more time on that asshole.

Don't take it personally. You are better off without that in your life.

[GoCubsGo]

25. What a steaming pant-load! Gotta love these amateur psychologists

They think they can psychoanalyze everyone and offer "constructive criticism." Yet, all they're doing is judging you, and projecting their own faults on you. Sultana, you dodged a bullet here. I had a very similar experience years ago. I can't for the life of me understand what I ever saw in that pompous, self-important asshole. Because, that's all he really was.

[LynneSin]

26. Dear (your name here)....

After our time together I learned quickly that you simply aren't what I'm looking for in a man. You seem very self-centered and shallow to me along with extremely judgemental. In fact after our short time we spent together I could figure out very easily why you are still single - I highly doubt that any person, outside your mother, could feasibly live up to your expectations and quite frankly I highly doubt I want to spend my time in a relationship trying to altar my lifestyle just to please your over-sized bloated ego. My advice to you is to find yourself a good therapist so that you can learn to accept things as they are and not try to change the world to fit your very narrow-minded view of it. Attached to my email is a list of therapists in the area that are accepting new patients along with a coupon for Johnson's Baby Lotion, since your dick is going to get chafed because I'm guessing the only action that penis is getting is your own hand!

Take care

<<your name here>>>

[Sultana]

30. Lynne, that is brilliant!

You are a genius. :rofl:

LOL, would you mind if i stole that?:D

[sarge43]

32. Excellent

:applause::fistbump:

[ceile]

33. What a douche!

Don't even worry about it. Who does he think he is anyways? Certainly not worth your time.

[frogmarch]

34. He's a control freak.

Plus, he's cocky enough to think he knows what you "need to be." What an asshole.

As I read what he wrote to you, an image of Pat Boone regularly spanking his daughters "for their own good" flashed into my mind.

Lose this guy. Delete him permanently. That's my advice.

[Sultana]

37. Thanx

:-)

[carlyhippy]

38. Good grief....

He could have stopped at the 2nd sentence. Who does he think he is?

[KG]

39. it's obvious: you're not the one with a problem.

[begin_within]

40. Why let him rent space in your head?

Evict him and move on quickly... there are millions and millions of available men. Who cares what he says?

[Haole Girl]

41. Sultana~

I've thought about your OP for a couple of days & how best to answer it.

First of all, please don't blame yourself for someones tirade and sea of insults against you. ESPECIALLY, when they hardly know you. He is an asshole - through and through - plain and simple. He really did do you a favor by revealing what an asshole he is early on, don't you admit?

He is the one who needs to do some "soul searching" if you ask me. His verbal assault on you was vicious and cruel. As my mother used to say, "You can get what he has to offer on the nearest street corner."

:hug: