Boy and a Girl collaborate on a creative writing essay. This is the result. Part Deux

[OffWithTheirHeads]

O.K. I've been thinking about this all day. Early this morning I read the OP by Meri333 which I'll link to in a moment. It was the funniest thing I've seen in weeks. Even funnier than Tina Fey. I immediately forwarded it to a few thousand of my closest friends. I knew my wife had received it when I heard peals of laughter coming from her computer room. Early this evening, I got to thinking. We have bunches of creative writers here at DU so why couldn't we play? I mean, what the hell? We have a thread that never dies so why can we not have a story that never ends?

So here's the deal. First read the story at the link here. http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=9325863&mesg_id=9325863

When you're done peeing your pants with laughter, compose a paragraph and continue the story.

I'll start.

When we left off, the Anu'udrian mother ship had just launched lithium fusion missiles at the earth which they assumed, penetrated the atmosphere, destroying the Peacnick earthlings.

What the Anu'udrians who were from the planet Teabaggery had not counted on was the existence of Oxygen in the Earth's atmosphere because nothing like it existed on their planet. As such, the existence of this element had not been considered in their weapon system design. When the lithium fusion missiles encountered Oxygen upon entering Earth's atmosphere, two things happened. First, they caused the entire sky to light up in an effect similar to the Aurora Borealis which Laurie and countless millions of Earthlings like her thought was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen. Second, it bounced the missiles straight back to the Anu'udrian Mother ship which exploded into a Brazillion pieces and, since this happened a long, long time ago, in a Galaxy far, far away, we still observe the aftermath of this historic event. We call it the Persidies Meteor shower.

O.K kids, I know you're bored because you are in the lounge. If you were'nt bored, you'd be doing battle in GD so, compose a paragraph to continue the story and post it.

[alphafemale]

1. ok

What the Anu'udrians who were from the planet Teabaggery had not counted on was the existence of Oxygen in the Earth's atmosphere because nothing like it existed on their planet. As such, the existence of this element had not been considered in their weapon system design. When the lithium fusion missiles encountered Oxygen upon entering Earth's atmosphere, two things happened. First, they caused the entire sky to light up in an effect similar to the Aurora Borealis which Laurie and countless millions of Earthlings like her thought was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen. Second, it bounced the missiles straight back to the Anu'udrian Mother ship which exploded into a Brazillion pieces and, since this happened a long, long time ago, in a Galaxy far, far away, we still observe the aftermath of this historic event. We call it the Persidies Meteor shower.

It was during a Persidies Meteor Shower that the idea formed in her head. She knew that in the morning...at first light she would

[velvet]

2. ... at first light she would

make an appointment at the salon to have her hair streaked. Then maybe her life would improve. Laurie fell asleep that night dreaming of the stunning new head shot she would put on her dating profile and all the nice men it would attract. Handsome, smart men who would serenade her on the eclectic guitar. Witty, erudite men who would fill her inbox chock-a-block with soft-centred bon mots. Warm, passionate men who would stroke her shimmering rainbow locks for oh, hours! Laurie woke next day with a sense of purpose she hadn't felt since that Tuesday last November when she resolved to switch from Piccalilli Pink nail-polish to Roadkill Red. But before she could reach for the phone, it rang.

[ScreamingMeemie]

3. ...and rang, and rang yet again.

Laurie had neither the time, being late for her appointment, nor the desire, as stated above she was an email kind of girl, to answer. Had she known it was Carl (CARL ALIVE!!!) she might have rethought her fateful decision. How is it that our ill fated hero was snatched from the gaping maw of death? The bluish particle beam was actually a tractor ray, sent to save him from certain lost oblivion in a black hole looming ahead. During his time among the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4, Carl had learned...

[OffWithTheirHeads]

4. that those nine foot tall, blue, humanoids he first thought of

as primitive savages actually had a very advanced and enlightened society. And besides, almost all of the females of he blue species had really nice boobies. What he couldn't figure out though, was...

[PassingFair]

5. ....how to effectively mate with them.

Where were their orifices? He had no idea.

Ironically, Laurie was, at that moment, wondering
why Carl had been so, well, ineffective in bed.

Fumbling and rooting around beneath her 4000 thread-count
Egyptian cotton duvet and leaving her unsatisfied.

THAT was 2 minutes of her life she'd never get back...

[ScreamingMeemie]

6. ...not to mention the $300 she dropped on the sheets.

As she drove to the salon, her mind sifted through the items she could have purchased if only she hadn't thought thread count equaled better sex. The divine little love seat at IKEA... The backless gown that whats-er-name had worn on the Red Carpet at the Grammy awards... Double 12 month subscriptions to People and US. Alas, instead the choice to spend her fortune on Carl had led to an empty bank account, empty bed and empty head.

[OffWithTheirHeads]

7. Which only served to re-enforce Bill's view of females in general.

Of course, Bill is a Neanderthal who thinks with the brain of Pat Buchanican so we dont give him any more creedence than we give the Klan, but...