So you sacrificed all to put your kid (s) through college...

[alfredo]

http://textsfromlastnight.com/

Not suitable for work.

Some of these will bring back memories of you college years. That's assuming you remember those years.

[blue neen]

1. Here's a winner:

"They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it."

[alfredo]

2. Why put beer in a fish tank? It will get flat. Must be an English major.

[Orrex]

6. Maybe the beer was still in cans?

[alfredo]

8. Was he going out to get "tanked"?

[old mark]

3. I just added that site to my favorites.

I am not sure just why, but I feel like I know many of those people, some of them from when I lived in Berkeley...

m

[alfredo]

4. It's amazing we survived college.

[flvegan]

5. LOL! " when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers,

had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre"

[alfredo]

10. I think we can all find something there we can relate to.

If not, you haven't lived.

[blue neen]

7. Sick, I tell you. Sick.

"i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush."

[alfredo]

9. Love that one! These are good.

A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
-------
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

------------
(303):

You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

(1-303):

ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

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sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

11. "woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol."

:rofl:

[alfredo]

14. I wish I had a dollar for every time that happened to me.

[av8rdave]

12. Best one IMO

He nicknamed his dick "Too Big to Fail"

:rofl:

[alfredo]

13. A universal truth: gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it