Getting things sorted out. A little psychology for the lounge.

[Tobin S.]

Most of you here probably know that I have a mental illness that I've battled for the last 17 years. The good news is that I've got a handle on things most of the time now days. I still have a little trouble sometimes, usually for a couple of weeks to a month in the winter, but it's not the disabling dementia that I used to experience. Just a little rough patch here and there when I have to be extra sure to take care of myself.

I used to write about mental health issues frequently here in the lounge. I usually confine that stuff to the mental health support group now days, but I wanted a wider audience this time, so here I am.

I won't go into details, but I'll tell you enough to give you a good idea. Many psychiatrists and psychologists think that mental illnesses are caused by a combination of genetic problems and social and/or family problems growing up. That would seem to be the case with me. There is a history of mental illnesses on my dad's side of the family and I also have a history of...well, we'll say family problems, starting at a very young age.

My family is quite dysfunctional, but we smooth it all over with sweet stuff now days and pretend all the bad shit never happened. I think they do it for their own sanity. It's easier for me to keep my distance now and I've come to the conclusion that it's better for me not to disturb the demons as far as my family is concerned. I'm not interested in making them better. They buy into their own bullshit and don't think anything is wrong. It's better to let them be.

I'm 37. I've been hospitalized three times for psychiatric problems, the last time being 7 years ago. I had a miserable life up until that point and I'm still trying to get everything sorted out. But I'm okay now, even happy. I never thought that would happen to me. I feel like I'm really coming into my own. I feel like I own myself now and I'm not somebody's puppet or property. I'm no longer a slave to someone else's emotions. And just as importantly, I'm realizing why I am the way I am and how I can make things better.

Buying this truck and putting some distance between me and "home" has helped me a great deal. I had to move out of the home in my head, too. This trucking journey is just as much a metaphorical journey for my own mind as it is trucking it up and down the highways. There are two different journeys going on here and they work with each other.

I have come a long way. I've been a member of DU since 2003, most of it under a different user name. I used to be known as Droopy. I'm happy to report a great deal of progress since then, in more ways than one. I hope you guys can see it. :)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Tobin...

Of course we can see the progress! In fact, if you'd never mentioned your illness, I would never have seen it, or realized it.

You're about as sane a person as I've ever seen, including myself...:P

I think you've done wonders for yourself, I truly do. I count myself lucky to know you!

And I think that your journeys inside your head and inside your truck are really good, and they do mesh well with each other...

Safe travels, my dear Tobin!

And...Thank you for sharing.

:hug:

[Tobin S.]

3. My dear Peggy

Thanks.

:hug:

[abq e streeter]

2. Hell yeah , I can see it, and VERY seriously doubt I'm the only one

And again, can only speak for myself but I suspect that I'm only one of many has a great great deal of admiration for you . Your story of how you've come to deal with your family resonates with me far more than I wish it did, but as a wonderful saying goes (probably not exact, but close enough) ...at some point you have to stop hoping for a brighter past. Thanks for your words of wisdom above. They are generous of you to share and are good for me to have read, and to remember. :fistbump:

[Tobin S.]

4. Thank you

The past will never change, so like you say, it can't get any better. But we can learn from it. You know that old saying about history and all. ;)

[elleng]

5. Every day, in Every way!!!

:bounce:

:hi:

:hug:

:grouphug:

:applause:

edit Check this out if you ever want to read about another, with dissimilar issues.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/08/magazine/08Psychoanalysis-t.html?hpw

[zabet]

6. ...

:applause:

[seabeyond]

7. i am so glad to hear this tobin. thank you for sharing.

i had a kid (15) over for dinner. i have been hearing his story for years, so i know a lot of background on him. but sittin at the table tonight, and hearing all he lives with during his conversation, stuff he takes as normal, breaks my heart. my kids do not have to live any of that stuff. i didnt either.

it truly makes me sad

[Tobin S.]

8. Yeah

That's a tricky part about mental health issues. When you've been raised a certain way, you don't know what's normal. Then you start clashing with the rest of the world and you don't know why.

[rrneck]

9. Goodonya.

I dig your posts. You help keep this joint grounded.

[UTUSN]

10. If this is what "mental illness" is like, we should all be so lucid. n/t

[Inchworm]

11. Dude... I'm looking for a question

:D

Keep it between the ditches ;)

:hi:

[Capn Sunshine]

12. Hey, I remember that

I don't spend a lot of time here ( or anywhere) anymore, but I definitely remember Droopy and the travails. Glad to see you're feeling better :)

Love your travel posts. Hey, while I have your attention, ever see these guys on the road?
They have a freaking hotel room attached to the cab.

[Tobin S.]

14. Yes, I see the movers out here all the time

A lot of those guys are out on the road for months at a time. The reason they can get away with those big sleepers and not have to worry about weight is that they haul light loads. They move people's personal belongings for long hauls. I don't think those loads weigh more than 20,000 pounds usually. I have to be able to haul up to 46,000.

I'd love to have a sleeper like that, though. It's like an RV except you can use it to make money, too.

[UndertheOcean]

13. I admire you a lot Tobin , I admire the inner strength you have

while I feel I break under the slightest problem.

Stay strong !