Well, I feel like an asshole.

[lightningandsnow]

I'm a receptionist at a temp agency. Today, I called a woman, offering her a job. I was then advised by her husband that she passed away recently.

I had no way of knowing, especially since I talked to her about a month ago, but I still feel so bad about it. I apologized and gave him my condolences, but I know I must have made him feel a lot worse. :(

[EOTE]

1. You did nothing wrong.

It's a rough situation, but there's no way you could have known. Try not to beat yourself up over it.

[ScreamingMeemie]

2. People still call, looking for MrG...They have no way of knowing.

While it hurts sometimes, it's understandable. I am sure he knows that you couldn't possibly have known. Try not to feel like an asshole. You can't be psychic all of the time.

[PassingFair]

12. !

I see you!

Getting Ellie off to school tomorrow...


Yeeaaaarrrrggggghhhh!

[ScreamingMeemie]

26. I tried calling you today but you were out.

Got to wish Elle well.

Good luck tomorrow. Try not to cry too much.

[Danger Mouse]

3. You didn't do anything wrong. You're an awesome person, really.

:hug:

[Call Me Wesley]

4. Like EOTE said, you did nothing wrong.

No worries. :hug:

[GreenPartyVoter]

5. You never know what the situation is on the other end of the line. One time

a bill collector called and asked to speak with my older son about settling his account. He was 3 at the time. :)

:hug:

[realisticphish]

6. The fact that you feel bad means you shouldn't feel bad nt

[abq e streeter]

7. Just echoing the others...you didn't do anything wrong, and her husband obviously knows that too.

When someone dies, this sort of thing is almost inevitable on occasion. Doesn't make it easier on the surviving loved one, but I'm sure he understands, and probably very much appreciated the condolences from you.

[Kali]

8. It could happen to anybody and does, and he will get mail and many more calls.

It is a sad part of the process when someone dies. You did nothing wrong and it sounds like you handled it professionally and with compassion. That was really all you COULD do.

[hobbit709]

9. Not your fault, you didn't know.

Happens to me all the time and it's been slightly over a year.

[Gormy Cuss]

10. No need for you to feel that way, but I understand why you do.

It's pretty jarring when something like that happens.

You'd be an asshole if you insisted that she accept the job.

[bigwillq]

11. Not your fault.

Don't feel badly about it. You didn't know. And you're not an a-hole. :hug:

[AngryOldDem]

13. You handled it well.

I don't think anyone would be offended if you had no way of knowing, and you offered heartfelt condolences. Plus, your offer of sympathy was probably much appreciated -- after awhile, surviving spouses have a way of becoming invisible. You may have provided a small level of comfort to the man.

[cordelia]

14. No need to feel like an

asshole.

The fact that you're upset indicates that you have empathy for others and you are a good person.

Try not to beat yourself up.

[Common Sense Party]

15. Yesterday, the university called and asked for my 17-year old son

wanting to let him know about high school classes he could take for college credits.

I had to politely explain that my son is autistic and doesn't speak or comprehend too much, but I thanked him for calling.

He had no way of knowing my son is developmentally disabled before calling.

You had no way of knowing she had passed away.

No harm, no foul. No need to feel bad.

[TheManInTheMac]

16. You shouldn't feel like an asshole,

and you didn't necessarily make him feel worse. Grief is a strange emotion. It can and will make you cry, laugh, sometimes both simultaneously. You gave him your condolences. And you just never know how someone will take something, because no one is just black and white.

He could have very well got off the phone and said to himself "well, she finally got offered a job!" He may have then laughed, possibly until he cried. But he has to go on in this hard, sometimes cruel world. And at some point, if we're strong, the crying will end and the smiles and laughter over the fond memories of the loved one, gone but not forgotten, will carry on with him.

In the long run, there's a good chance that you will have made him feel better.

O8) :hug:

[SwampG8r]

23. been there and done that

with parents
it feels good to think of them after awhile and sad too
but to the OP i say i think this reply is the most right

[Mad_Dem_X]

30. What a wonderful post! n/t

[CreekDog]

17. Canvassing a while back and three homes in a row was told by their family members they'd passed away

The next name on my list had

Age: 89

I quit for the day.

:D

[mulsh]

18. Don't be too hard on yourself

My dad got calls for my deceased mom until he died. I sometimes get calls for both of them. My mom died in 1994, my dad died in 2007. he was always sort of amused rather than annoyed. He told me not to foreword his calls shortly before he passed.

[canoeist52]

21. Your dad's humor sounds a lot like my irish- american father-in-law's.

When telemarketers would call looking for his late wife, he'd give them the address of the cemetery with a straight face.

[Kali]

25. about once every two or three years mail comes for my Grampa

who died in 1989 and would be 110 this year. The American Quarter Horse Association does not give up easily.

[applegrove]

19. You have a very long way to go to be an asshole. I'm sure her husband

was not put out by you. Just an honest mistake.

[Orrex]

20. How awkward for you! May I share a similar-ish story from my own job experience?

I used to work the phones for a mutual fund company.


One day a man called to ask about liquidating his daughter's account. I looked up the account and confirmed that it was a joint account, but the man had no authority to act on it.

"Is your daughter there?" I asked. "She can give me permission to take instructions from you."

"That's not possible," came the answer. "She's dead."

"I'm terribly sorry," I said after a moment. "I see that it's a joint account with her husband. Is he available to give permission?"

"That won't be possible either," said the father. "He's in jail for her murder."


That's a situation that they didn't cover during my training. Yikes!

[david13]

22. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't and didn't know. Besides, maybe

the fact that she could of had a job, had she lived, might make the husband feel better. You never know.
Did he get ticked off.
Remember, some men have no long term memory. And poor short term as well.
dc

[SeattleGirl]

24. Same thing happened to me once.

I felt awful when the woman's husband told me she had passed away the previous week. :cry:

Like you, I had no way of knowing that, but I felt horrible just the same.

[Pushed To The Left]

27. Happened to me a few times doing political phone banking

and back in my youth as a telamarketer. It can feel very awkward, but just remember that you did nothing wrong. :hug:

[kimi]

28. Something similar happened to me

when I worked as a temp, sent to do work at a billing office in a community hospital. I was barely out of high school, and just sending out old bills, but it was my name on the bills, and I answered the phones. I started getting these irate phone calls from all these people, saying that the bills had been sent to folks who'd passed away, which I had no way of knowing. I felt absolutely awful, I was only 18 years old, and had no idea what to say or do.

It was quite the growing experience. So I sympathize. But you did absolutely nothing wrong, and you offered condolences. Believe me, you did the right thing. You probably made him feel better, not worse. No reason to think otherwise, really. :)

[Rhiannon12866]

29. My father still got more calls than most people for a few years after he passed away.

He was a very busy guy and involved in a lot of things. It got that I kind of felt sorry for the people who were calling him. But I appreciated those who reacted with shock or distress and expressed their condolences much more than those who were matter-of-fact about it. "Guess we'll take him off our list..." :(

[davsand]

31. One time I called an employee that no-showed/no-called for his shift.

I felt like a complete asshole when his dad answered the phone and said he'd been killed the night before. I apologized profusely and extended my sympathies to the family, but I still just wanted the floor to open up so I could crawl in.

I hung up the phone and was just sitting there with my jaw hanging open. My boss (who'd been in the office with me while I made that call) made the comment that if I stayed in management my entire life I'd never hear an excuse that good ever again. He was right.



Laura