Why do very wealthy people feel the need to remind others how rich they are?

[Flaxbee]

I know a couple that is exceedingly wealthy, and the family of the wealthiest one has been well off for generations - hundreds of years (old land grant money dating back to the start of this country).

They live relatively modestly, no big Bel Air style mansion or ostentation. Yet almost every conversation we have is peppered with allusions to their lifestyle: "I stayed at the Ritz" types of comments. Comments that have absolutely no bearing on the conversation. Name-dropping.

They're friends of ours, and I KNOW they have serious money. I know this. And they are very kind people. But this urge to remind me of how rich they are is getting really irritating, and I don't know why they do it. It isn't as if I'm some new acquaintance they have to place in the pecking order. I know what they can do financially if they want to.

Why do they do this? Why would otherwise discreet, not-showy people need to keep telling me they're wealthy?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. A couple of possibilities:

Maybe they don't think of it as name-dropping because "everyone" (in their social circle) stays at the Ritz, and they are just conveying incidental information.

Or, more likely, since they don't live in an overtly lavish way that screams "I HAVE MONEY," they feel the need to let people know that fact in another way. Usually "old money" types don't advertise their wealth at all, but maybe these folks feel insecure in some way.

But even so, they are less pathetic than people who don't have money but try to make you think they do. I know a few of those.

[Bennyboy]

2. I have found that people that are not really rich...

are the ones that talk bout how much money they have and rub people's noses in it. My father was like this. He wanted everyone to think he was rich when in fact he was broke to beat shit. he wore diamonds and shit like that. (Of course that made him a target for thieves and hustlas)....

My friend Paul, who is REALLY RICH, drives a KIA (he has six of them for the whole family) and saves money all the time. Very frugal guy, even though he lived in a 8 million dollar mansion...

[gratuitous]

3. Shaddap and serve the drinks

Honestly, it is soooo hard to get good help nowadays.

[Callalily]

4. Well . . . I work for a non-profit,

and our donor base is varied.

I have observed that the super, super wealthy are the people who are very down to earth, very philanthropic, and very nice.

And then there are other donors with wealth, but not at the super wealthy status, that truly need you to know "they have money." They are exceedingly annoying and pompous, but hey, we'll take their money and smile. After all, it's for a good cause. ;-)

[Heidi]

5. If they're as genuinely kind as you say they are, they're just talking about their lives

and don't intend to hurt you by doing so. And, if they're genuinely kind, chances are they would never in a million years say anything they knew would make you feel judged or inferior. Have you spoken to them privately about how you feel when these remarks are made?

[MilesColtrane]

6. Because they're all dead inside?

:shrug:

[femmocrat]

7. Because money cannot buy class. n/t

[Xipe Totec]

8. Guilty!

I do the same.

I do not live ostentatiously today, but I did grow up surrounded by maids, cooks, nannies, and majordomos.

That is the life I lived. That was my experience growing up.

I cannot help who I was, anymore than I can help who I am today.

I can only speak of my life experience, for that is all that I truly own.

I cannot pretend to be who I was not.

[LiberalAndProud]

9. I suspect that they don't even realize their comments are wealth-revealing.

It's part of who they are and where they come from.

I suspect. I don't know this, because I don't think I'm closely acquainted with any truly wealthy people.

Disclaimer: Out of context and without direct quotes, I really have no idea what I'm talking about.

[david13]

10. Oh (mumble, moan, groan.) I am glad to read I am not the only one

who gets annoyed with it. Some are terrible about it. They have to talk about their expensive vacation in some expensive place, and how expensive it was.
And then they ask you, "oh, and where did you go for your vacation (just presume you had one this year)."
Or they can only talk about their car by referring to the brand name. (Mercedes, etc.)
And then like someone else said there are those with money who are extremely modest and don't talk about such things around anyone who might not be able to afford the equal thing.
But then some of them are so cheap it becomes offensive, knowing that they have quite a bit of money, but are squeezing a penny or a dollar.
And then there are a lot of people with money, and good money, who are just plain old obnoxious.
Sometimes I don't even know why I go out.
And sometimes I just talk to a homeless guy on the street. It's more fun.
dc

[triguy46]

11. We had an unhappy client at our work today....;

Somehow it was crucial the she tell us that she lived in a 7000 sq ft house and would not take any shit from us.

[MrScorpio]

12. Disparate frames of reference

I take it that they tend not engage in activities that people who aren't rich would normally do.

Their money and social status isolates them from that.

So they only talk about the activities in the lifestyle that their money and social status affords them, with an apparent disregard to the fact that those things aren't normally your own frames of reference.

One way to get them out of that, if you can, would be to remove them from that exalted atmosphere and take them down to where you and the rest of the people in this country are.

If they won't care to see what's on the other side, you may have to reassess your relationship with them.


If I made an incorrect assessment, please let me know.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

13. Do they know what your financial status is? Maybe they're dropping hints to find out.