I haven't had a social life since I quit drinking in March.

[Chan790]

That's not so much a complaint as an observation that my local IRL friends are drunken losers.

It does suggest however the need for a Fri./Sat. night social hobby. Suggestions? All my current hobbies are online or solitary.

[bigwillq]

1. You need to find other friends

Look in the newspaper or search on-line for events in your area to go to. I'm sure you can find some events at a local library that would be interesting and probably free or inexpensive. I'm sure there are book clubs and meetups that you can attend. What are some of your interests?

[Chan790]

2. Moving out of metro DC.

Applying for jobs back in Manhattan.
Reading.
Shopping for clothes.
Sleep.

Mostly I do that last one on Friday nights and Saturday afternoon post-work.

Edit: Obviously hanging out in the Lounge. It's less fun sober though.

[bigwillq]

5. Book clubs sound good then

I'm sure you can find something to do in Manhattan and surrounding areas, and even in DC. There's a lot to do without having to drink or go to bars. Even if you do go to a bar, you don't have to drink and still can socialize.

[david13]

3. I think it has to be personal. Your commitment to sobriety, if you

have one, needs to be internalized, and taken with you anywhere you go.
I remember the old days of politics, where one of the main reasons to go to a political meeting of any type involved booze, free booze, and plenty of it. And much of the night consisted of packing away as much of the booze as possible.
That got old for me long ago.
So, wherever I go, I just don't participate in that part of the evening. But I might stick around for the conversation or socializing.
The booze is optional, you see.
Bars. I have also seen it there. Sober people operating long term in bars. That ain't so easy, but it can be done.
You have to start basing your social life on sober people, and get out of the bar scene. I mean, if you don't drink, there isn't too much use for the bar scene, is there? Or is there?
dc

[Chan790]

9. I think that is very insightful.

It wasn't so much a commitment to sobriety as cutting bait before there was a need to have a commitment to sobriety. As I posted in another thread, my occasional gin and tonic with lunch to lubricate the workday at a job I hate had become a daily habit. So I stopped drinking altogether.

I've always hated bars. I don't like drunk people even when I am one, I get surly when drinking and I suspect I'm a mild agoraphobic. My problem has always been I drank with food and I like low-key sparsely-populated conversational lounge-y environments.

I kind of wish the concept of the 19th c. salon still existed. Or a dry party-scene.

[Kali]

4. gambling?

cards, scrabble clubs (I think some book stores host games/tourneys?)
art events, concerts, charity work (soup kitchens etc), working political campaigns etc etc

[bigwillq]

7. Good ideas.

:thumbsup:

[Chan790]

16. All awesome ideas. n/t

[elleng]

18. Meet people at Poetry and Prose regular events/readings.

Schedule appears in Sunday WaPo, with 'Book Review,' I think.

[RandomThoughts]

6. I havn't had a social life since I was smeared a decade ago.

Even when at the bar, not that I am there any more, I focus on trying to fix that wrong done, and other implications of injustice being possible. Although have not been out for months either.

So I have not had people friends, or even real conversations that much in the last 10 years. Mostly trying to learn and think to figure out how to correct things. Most people I am around carry other levels that can be traced or thought on to try and fix things.

Although it is possible to have some fun times, don't want to get to far away from primary focus, even when at bar.

Met two ladies I think would have been nice to date, and did not follow up on that, have had chances to join pool teams, work, some social outings, not doing those till I correct what wrong was done by taking my finances and social environment. Even work was to learn and find some way to correct what is not acceptable, and double check situations.

Note that none of those situations had avenues to fix current unacceptable situations.


Note each of those things mentioned required accepting unacceptable situations, they were trying to change ideas, not correct issues.

[UTUSN]

8. Actually, that's a profound observation. The prof/doctor/nutritionist who

discovered Pantothenate Acid (Vitamin B-something or other), claimed to offer a scientific alternative to religious-Alcoholics-Anonymous. Bottom line was that relapses into drinking were because of SOCIALIZATION.

Anyway, his m.o. was this: He claimed he could cure anybody from alcohol in 6 weeks. The client would be given a poster sized check-off list of all the possible foods and would check off every single thing he/she ingested. The nutrients in everything are known, so the doc would draw up a diet accounting for the MISSING items in the perfect diet. Within the weeks, there would be NO craving for alcohol.

His reasoning: Alcohol is NOT NATURAL to the body. It is TOXIC, hence the word "inTOXICated." It is POISON to the body. A body that is in perfect nutritional balance canNOT TOLERATE alcohol. The body VOMITS it. But a drinker consumes more and more and EATS less nutrionally well, and eventually the chemical balance of the healthy body SHIFTS over to the UNhealthy UNbalance to ACCOMODATE the alcohol. By that time (10 yrs?) the subject is barely eating or just eating crap.

Anyway, the doctor ("Nutrition in a Nutshell") said that the main RELAPSERS were people who told him that they now had no trouble staying off alcohol BUT that they MISSED THE SOCIALIZATION.

[UTUSN]

11. His name is Roger J. WILLIAMS, books from Amazon link:

I didn't realize his discovery of pantothenate acid B5 went back to 1933. His point was that the conventional therapies for quitting drinking were RELIGIOUS (Alcoholics Anonymous) as opposed to his scientific method. The religious/abstinence/faith-based/GeorgeBUSH methods are the "DRY DRUNK" thing. When the body is cleansed and back to nutritional balance, the body canNOT TOLERATE alcohol, will vomit. The religious-quitting is an external thing.



http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=ntt_athr_dp_sr_1?_encoding=UTF8&sort=relevancerank&search-alias=books&field-author=Roger%20John%20Williams

Nutrition in a nutshell (Dolphin books) by Roger John Williams (Mass Market Paperback - 1962)

What to do about vitamins by Roger John Williams (Unknown Binding - 1946)

The Biochemistry of B vitamins by Roger John Williams (Unknown Binding)

Nutrition Against Disease: Environmental Protection by Roger John Williams (Paperback - Jun 1980)

A laboratory manual of organic chemistry, by Roger John Williams (Hardcover - 1948)

Physicians' Handbook of Nutritional Science (American lecture series, publication no. 963. A monograph in the Bannerstone division of American lectures in living chemistry) by Roger John Williams (Hardcover - Jun 1975)

[UTUSN]

12. But back to the O.P.'s point, yes solitariness is a main obstacle.

And, frankly, imho, abstainers and conventional socialization are... (uh, oh, nevermind, better stop here... )

[Chan790]

15. It is...

that's what I miss, the socialization not the drinking. I don't actually like drunk people. I was the writer-kid in HS who hung out with the stoners and wrote down all the crazy conversations and wanted to be HST.

I've love a dry-party scene.

[hippywife]

10. If you like music

there's never been a better time to search out concerts that are happening other places besides bars. There are house concerts and shows in small, intimate venues that are not bars. Some people do they BYO thing but there usually isn't a whole lot of it from my experience.

[Chan790]

13. I could dig that.

I kind of once had that. My brother's roommate, The Vandals played her 19th birthday party. There's a line in their song "Teenage Riot" referencing it and them being chased down the block with a shotgun by the crazy one-armed man next door who ran an illegal liquor store out of his basement...they'd stolen a case of beer IIRC.

[hippywife]

25. These are usually, in my experience anyway,

acoustic performances, nice and mellow, sometime funny depending on the artist and always a wonderful evening. I don't go out to hear music anymore in any other type of setting.

They are not by artists you will hear much on commercial radio but at music fests.

At least maybe because that's what I go for mostly.

Here's an example. Kevin Welch is the next one I need to make plans to see live:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsHCyAPdBeA

Another fine example in a small venue:

Kevin Welch,Kieran Kane,Fats Kaplin

[hippywife]

30. For some reason the second link I posted

or thought I did isn't there.

Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWclzae2BOw&feature=related

[RandomThoughts]

14. Those are fun places, have heard of stuff like that.

Although that wont really help situation, and would take away from efforts of doing nothing.

Although I agree, small concerts in many places are fun.


Pleasantville Fiona Apple :: Across The Universe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gLWTtlMwo4


Resonance detected. Nothing will get what is needed completed.

Side note: notice the singer is not doing anything.

[Boojatta]

17. Pick a language that you want to learn, start taking part-time lessons, and then

organize after-class get-togethers with your fellow students.

For example, you could study Japanese, French or Arabic.

If that doesn't work, you could try a similar plan, but choose a computer language, such as Lisp, Prolog, Ada, or Java.

[marzipanni]

19. I googled "meet with non-drinkers"

Try it, but perhaps add your location.
This one is an example of what I found- sounds fun!-
http://www.meetup.com/San-Francisco-Fun-Non-drinkers/


on edit-
A little discussion on Yelp N.Y. on meeting non-drinking "dates", but has good ideas about where people meet (from 2007, but you could start one)
http://www.yelp.com/topic/new-york-a-little-help-with-meeting-people

[pitohui]

20. designated driver?

the DDs in my crowd are VERY popular for trips to the casino, concert, etc.

can you not enjoy the casino, concert, bar at all w/out drinking, if it threatens your sobriety to be in that atmosphere, obv. don't do it...but for example, some games don't really "go" with drinking, LOTS of folks don't drink while playing poker (because they want to retain their judgment of pot odds, etc) you wouldn't be weird there

i love it when my "doesn't drink while gambling" friend drives me to the casino or poker room, not that i go there to get wasted but it's nice for me to be able to have a drink w.out fear and it's nice for him because he's getting me to pay for his gas in return for the favor

[old mark]

23. Not to upset you, but most people who have stopped drinking don't like

to be around those who are drinking. Drinkers are usually not very interesting and unattractive.

mark

[hippywife]

31. Totally in agreement with you there.

I hate to be around people who are drunk.

[pitohui]

38. it doesn't upset me, of course AA members/dry drunks are VERY unattractive also so...?

what are you saying?

the guy is lonely, i am trying to say he can still be a part of the crowd

you are saying, no real people are ugly and unattractive to him...well, here's the thing

if your drinking problem/dry drunk problem is about control and about controlling others, you are the one who is extremely unattractive to the normal light hearted person just trying to have fun

obv. if he;s a total shithead who would be unwilling to be the designated driver after i've had 2 drinks (i used to drive only after one drink, i'm over 40 and no longer drive after having ANY drink) well if he's THAT hung up, i agree, he will never have friends, no one will please him

MY post was based on the assumption that he was actually a human being and could accept someone having two glasses of champagne and needing a drive, rather than having to drive, home...

sorry if that peeved you off, it actually puzzles me a little that it does though...i've known some dry drunks and AGREED they're controlling shitheads, you have one drink, they're hoping for you to get arrested, but why do you assume our OP is in that category????

[Lydia Leftcoast]

21. Dancing, singing, play billiards or pingpong, play cards, whatever appeals to you

Try different things, but give each new activity a month before you reject it.

Book clubs, film clubs, meetup groups, community athletic teams, art galleries, concert series, there's an infinite variety of things to do.

[old mark]

22. AA usually has local/area parties, dances, etc - and it is easy to get information on them.

They are usually in the phone book. We went to some great New Years Eve parties held by AA... hundreds of people, loud music, lots of food...and you won't be hung over in the morning, either...To me, this is one of the most valuable functions of AA-companionship of others in a similar situation. We recently went to a great wedding of two friends who are both AA people...about 150 people, lots of kids running all around, great food (again) and everybody very happy. Hard to find things that good in the "real world".

Try it out.

mark

[Systematic Chaos]

24. I don't know how old you are, but 25 years ago when I was in high school...

...I was a total D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) nerd.

The crowd I played with was the biggest bunch of geeks you could imagine, but they were all awesome people and -- at least during our marathon sessions -- stone sober.

All you need is a rule book, dice, pencils, paper and a vivid imagination. You would be amazed how funny things can get when a player tries to do something the Game Master isn't expecting.

If this seems like a completely silly suggestion, I'm very sorry. But if you've never done this before you should give it a whirl for a Saturday or two.

I'd still play now if I knew any people who did so regularly, but sadly I have lost contact with my old circle.

[HERVEPA]

26. This

http://www.fridaynightdance.org/

[HipChick]

27. Found a lot friends thru Meetups

Meetup.com - Had a lot of fun too..

[applegrove]

28. Congratulations on your quit. It isn't easy but you did it.

[elocs]

29. Having a social life is hugely overrated, but then I prefer my own company most often.

I have no need for any Fri./Sat. night social hobby and have not for years. The irony is that when I am social I do it very well and am in no way introverted, even talking with strangers while waiting in lines, but overall I would rather be alone.

[Chan790]

32. I'm the opposite.

I'm an introspective extrovert. I may not say a word all night but if there aren't other people around or I'm not doing something with other people, I'm getting cagey and depressed. When I'm alone I tend to have conversations with myself. I don't think I remember the last time I initiated a conversation with a stranger in a non-work capacity.

I'd rather live in a college dorm type setting forever. Why has nobody ever thought of that? Communal cooperative micro-apartments like college dorms with community bathrooms and kitchens and common areas, private studios. I'd so live there even at a higher rent than I pay for my current apartment.

[elocs]

33. Makes me think of the Taxi episode where Rev. Jim said he used to have a split personality,

that when he was out with people he would be the life of the party, but when he was home alone he just clammed up. At which point the rest of the cast just gave him a blank look.

[dembotoz]

34. be politically active

canvas
door knock
phone bank
lick envelopes

I don't care-we have a rather major election coming up in november and i would
think there must a few dem candidates who have headquarters nearby who would not mind
and extra set of hands.


be all the democrat that you can be.

[w8liftinglady]

35. if you lived in Texas,we could have a good,sober time...

it's easier with someone else...Also,find a workout partner,if that's your thing.It's a good stress reliever....and politics,of course.I also do some volunteer work with homeless vets...helps me stay sober(for the most part)

[Chan790]

36. Thank you all.

It's helped me to realize what I really need to do is simply leave my apartment and go do things.

[Lil Missy]

37. Go to an AA meeting.

[lunatica]

39. Become a movie goer

Invite new friends to movies and pig out on popcorn. Go to the small independent and foreign film places where you can get into some really good movies. If you had the movie for drinking on those nights you have the money for movies.

[Bennyboy]

40. MUSIC....Get out and see some

What I do. Go see some music and you will have enough friends soon enough. Go to a local show or a huge tour, now that you don't drink you got the money, surely.

Learn to play an instrument. Even if it means taking a drum to a drum circle and just banging around, play some music. You don;t have to be Eric Clapton, music is not a competition, it is pleasure, that is why it is "Play" music.