A letter to Dr. Laura

[qb]

I received this in an e-mail & thought I'd pass it along:

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses
advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she
said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an
abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be
condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open
letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted
on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative: 

Dear Dr. Laura: 

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's
Law.! I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to
share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When
someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example,
I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to
be an abomination. End of debate. 

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the
other specific laws and how to follow them. 

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is
my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.
Should I smite them? 

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you
think would be a fair price for her? 

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she
is in her period of menstrual cleanliness - Lev.15:19-24. The
problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women
take offense. 

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both
male and Female, provided they are purchased from neighboring
nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to
Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own
Canadians? 

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I
morally obligated to kill him myself? 

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is
an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? 

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God
if I have a defect in my sight. I have t! o admit that I wear
reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there
some wiggle room  here? 

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including
the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly
forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? 

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead
pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear
gloves? 

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting
two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by
wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread
(cotton/polyester blend).  He also tends to curse and
blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the
trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private
family affair like we do with people who sleep with their
in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) 

I know you have studied these things extensiv! ely, so I am
confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that
God's word is eternal and unchanging. 

Your devoted fan, 

Jim 


{on edit - changed to plain text - some of the bible verses
turned into happy faces!}

[KCDem]

1. this is funny

I want a Canadian!!!! :evilgrin:

[TXlib]

6. We'd have to ask Jason first.

He might think that was a little kinky, though.

[ScreamingMeemie]

2. Someone sent this to me awhile ago...It's hysterical, and unfortunate

that she never would read this on air.

[radwriter0555]

3. I hope you didn't spend more than 28 seconds on this...

that hag is a waste of time and utterly irrelevent.

[Aristus]

4. This thing has been circling the internet field in a holding pattern

for well over three years now. Aaron Sorkin borrowed it for a killer scene during 'West Wing's' first season. It's a mystery flyer the point of origin of which is unknown.

[ikojo]

5. I read on DU that Dr Laura

is no longer as observant in her Judaism as she was before. Seems she is on the road to becoming a Christian again. Well they can have her. I didn't like claiming her anyway.

Dr Laura---out of the tribe now! :kick:

[AntiBushRepub]

7. When I hear Dr Laura on the radio...

In my head I'm cringing, thinking."jeeez.. I wish the callers gave out there phone number so I could call them and say 'Nooooo! dear god, don't listen to a word that woman said'..."

That stupid show is just to push her holy roller 'everything fun is evil' preachery. (is that word?)

I am a Christian and pretty conservative mostly.. and I can't STAND Dr. Laura... so I'm posting this so people don't think she speaks for everyone that's like me.

Who knows, maybe it's all an act.. maybe in real life she's a booty dancin' FREAK. :evilgrin:

-An

[FloridaJudy]

8. That's not so far-fetched...

Actually, there are some naked pics of her taken by her married lover floating around the 'net (I guess that was before she got religion). I think Leviticus said something rather harsh about that, involving sharp rocks...

Odd how all these creeps seem to quick to condemn others, but beg forgiveness for their own indiscetions.

[SyracuseDemocrat]

9. Ah,

that's the classic famous freeper mentality: Do as I say, not as I do. :puke: