My niece is getting a divorce

[hyphenate]

After about 4 years of marriage, and living with this guy for about 5 years before that, she and he are calling it quits.

Problem is, she's 32, and this is her 2nd divorce.

She was pregnant at 16, and has a son (my great nephew!) who is now 16, so there are no small kids around to worry about.

They both hold good paying jobs--he's a firefighter, and she's in sales for a top company. Between them, their income is pretty close to $150K.

I guess they've been arguing for awhile, and he moved out yesterday.

So here's the thing: money obviously doesn't help with some things, like happiness. They are in a costly new home (probably about $400K), they have a boat, and a mountain cabin, not to mention 3 cars, designer dogs, and lord knows what else.

I guess I'm old fashioned--I never found what I was looking for, so I never married, but I always thought there needed to be more effort to keep a marriage together, because why waste the time and effort to get married, if you have doubts about the relationship to begin with?

Anyhow, just wanted to share.

[OKDem08]

1. I guess sometimes the obstacles outweigh the benefits

...maybe the 3rd will be a charm?

[raccoon]

2. "Why waste the time and effort to get married, if you have doubts about the relationship to begin

with?"

ITA--I never married either, but some people (1) can't stand to be alone, or not be in a relationship, (2) get married because that's what all their friends are doing.

[Gormy Cuss]

3. It's hard to watch family members go through relationship dramas.

I want my nieces and nephews to have good relationships with partners and no money worries, but alas it hasn't worked out that way for all of them.

As for wasting the effort on being married, there's a life lesson that I learned rather late: some people think marriage is a big deal, others not so much.

[Kat45]

4. I also haven't married because I never found what I was looking for,

though I haven't given up on the idea of finding it. Because I have not been able to find real love, I feel that it's even more special, perhaps rare, and I have a hard time understanding how people can give it up once they've found it. I realize that not every marriage, or relationship, is truly love but I think that some of them are. I also realize there are legitimate reasons for a relationship not working out. But for those who have found love, who I consider to be so lucky, I don't understand how they give it up so easily.

[dawg]

6. I like the way you think.

If someone is worth marrying in the first place, they should be worth fighting for. I think that true love should be a precious thing - to be nurtured and protected at almost any cost.

But it looks like I'm going to get divorced anyway. It takes two people who think the relationship is precious, not just one.

[Kat45]

8. Sorry to hear that you're going to get divorced.

But you're right, it does take two people to think the relationship is precious. I'm sorry that your spouse isn't one of those people. It's sad that things work out that way. I always find the type of man who doesn't value a relationship as much as he values himself (if that makes sense).

[Dora]

5. "Problem is"

What's the problem?

She's 32, and this is her second divorce. I don't see what the problem is.

:shrug:

[Shell Beau]

10. Divorce is not generally looked at as a positive thing.

It certainly can be, say if there is any kind of abuse. No one wants to be 32 and divorced twice. I am 32 myself, and I am thankfully on my only marriage. However, nothing is wrong with divorce if it is unavoidable. People need to fight for it. I get cheating and abuse and no love anymore, but divorce is too easy of an option these days. Maybe that is what was meant. 32 is a young age to have been divorced twice. Circumstances are different for every marriage obviously, but it shouldn't become a pattern, IMO. Otherwise, don't get married. What's the point.

[Dora]

11. I'm of the opinion that it's nobody's business but theirs.

I'm in the beginning stages of a divorce, and we've been together for eighteen years. I'll tell you without shame or regret that this is the best thing possible for all parties - me, my husband, our son.

I thought the tone of the OP was pretty judgmental. I think divorce is a wonderful antidote for those people whose marriages are broken, and for those who married foolishly to begin with. After all, what's the point of staying married if you're completely unhappy being married?

[NewJeffCT]

7. Maybe they didn't have doubts

when they got married? Maybe they thought they had found the perfect match? Maybe they thought getting married would solve some of their problems?

Who knows? People change.

Maybe they had other issues come up recently?

[applegrove]

9. That is sad. Who knows what happened there. At least it looks like neither one of them

will be impoverished by the divorce and that is good news.